


Three's A Charm

by rendragon



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Magic, My First Fanfic, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 159,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17704808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rendragon/pseuds/rendragon
Summary: Dipper, Mabel, and Mikey Pines have been sent to stay with their Great-Uncle Stan for the summer. They expect that their summer in the small town of Gravity Falls will be a boring one, but that all changes when they find a Journal in the woods.





	1. Tourist Trapped

Ah, Summer… a time of leisure, recreation, and takin’r easy… Unless you’re me.

A golf cart smashes through the “Welcome to Gravity Falls” sign, shattering what had appeared to be a normal summer day.

The young girl sitting in the passenger seat of the golf cart let loose a short shriek, swiftly followed by a worried shout to the driver, “Dipper, it’s going to catch us!” her brown hair and blue eyes left little doubt that she was related to the two boys she shared the cart with.

The trio rattled around the golf cart as the driver swerved around on the already bumpy road. The boy in the back appeared to be annoyed by the driver's lack of skills, but if one looked closely they could see he was as panicked as the others.

The boy yelled out as he almost lost his grip on the camera in his hand. “Hey, Dipstick, think you could turn down the ‘evasive maneuvers’?!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, just trying to keep us alive here!” the driver snapped, as he once more jerked the wheel in an attempt to keep the cart on the road. As the three recovered from the sudden swerve, they watched the giant that pursued grab a huge tree and pull it from the ground. The tree was hurled over their heads and crashed down directly in their path. The prepubescent siblings held on tightly as the wheel was jerked.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” their screams ripped through the air as they slid towards the tree …

The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. The boy in the back trying to take pictures is my brother Mikey, and I’m Dipper the one driving. We’re the Pines triplets. You may be wondering what we’re doing fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured there is a perfectly logical explanation.  
********************************************************************************************************  
It all started when our parents decided that we needed some fresh air. So they shipped us off to the sleepy little town of Gravity Falls, Oregon to stay with our great uncle Stan.

The three youngest members of the Pines family slowly got off the bus, in front of them was “The Mystery Shack” a tourist trap owned by their Great Uncle Stan. Just as they had gathered their belongings a cloud of smoke covered their vision. 

“Hello kids!” an older man stood in front of them, wearing a fez with a strange fish symbol on it, and a suit with a bolo tie. He had a cane with an eight ball top in one hand and was gesturing grandly at the Mystery Shack with the other.

“I’m your uh… Grunkle? Yeah your Grunkle Stan! You know cuz saying Great Uncle takes too long. Anyway, This is the Mystery Shack, your home for the summer.”

The three followed as Stan began walking to the Shack’s entrance, taking short looks at the various exhibits outside. Looking at the outside it was clear that it was someone’s house before it became a tourist trap. A small wooden porch was out front with a screen door leading inside. The first room was obviously a gift shop filled with overpriced knickknacks and souvenirs. A tall, redheaded girl manning the register gave them a nod as they walked in.

“Alright, why don’t you three go upstairs and get set up in the attic, when you’re done I'll introduce you to everybody. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some rubes to scam.” Stan cheerfully informed as he walked into the main body of the house.

The triplets gathered their belongings and trooped up the stairs. The attic was clearly not intended to be a bedroom with three twin sized beds pushed into opposite corners. Mabel began touching everything in her sight while Dipper and Mikey carried their bags to the beds they claimed as theirs.

Mabel, ever the optimist, began bragging about her splinters and attempted to make friends with a goat that had apparently lived in the attic before them. Mikey searched for something to lead the goat outside with, while Dipper simply sulked to his bed and put away his things.

My sister tended to look on the bright side of things, and Mikey tended to be just fine as long as he could profit off of something. I, on the other hand, was having a hard time adjusting to the constant tourists and our Grunkles rather rough sense of humor. I was beginning to think that it was going to be the same boring routine all summer, until one fateful day.

“He’s looking at it! He’s looking at it!” Mabel squealed while hiding behind a shelf of Stan bobbleheads. She was looking at a young boy across the store who held a folded sheet of paper. He unfolded the page and saw three check boxes before he began reading it aloud.

“‘Do you like me? Yes, Definitely, Absolutely?’” He glanced around the store with a confused look on his face.

“I rigged it!” Mabel whisper-shouted to her brothers.

“That’s the way to do it.” Mikey congratulated her as he carried a stack of “Mystery Boxes” to the checkout counter.

“Mabel, I know you’re in that boy-crazy phase, but I think you’re overdoing the ‘crazy’ part.” Dipper criticized as he polished a jar of fake eyes.

“What!? Pthhhhhh, Come on Dipper. This is our first summer away from home, this is my big chance at an epic summer romance!”

“Yeah okay, but do you have to flirt with every guy you meet?”

“He has a point, that thing with the Mattress Prince was kind of creepy.” Mikey commented as he walked towards them.

“You two mock all you want, but I have a good feeling about this summer. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now!” Mabel said, gesturing grandly towards the doorway that led from the exhibit hall into the gift shop.

As she was doing so, Grunkle Stan walked in through the door carrying several signs under his arm and a Pitt soda in his hand. The older man burped, before clutching his chest and complaining about some pain. The boys laughed as Mabel let out a frustrated groan.  
“Alright people, look alive. I need someone to hang these signs up in the spooky part of the woods.” Grunkle Stan informed his employees.

The triplets looked at each other briefly, before letting out a simultaneous “Not It!”

Soos, a twenty-something Latino who was employed as a handyman at the Mystery Shack, looked up from fixing a shelf on the wall “Uh… also not it.”

“No one was talking to you, Soos.” Stan replied.

“I know, and I’m comfortable with that.” Soos said before taking a large bite out of a chocolate bar and returning to his work.

Wendy, a fifteen-year-old redhead who worked as a cashier at the shack, didn’t even look up from her magazine as she replied with “I would but I can’t, huh, reach it.”

“I would fire all of you if I could. Alright, let’s make it eenie, meenie, miney, you.” Stan commanded as he pointed at Dipper, before handing him the signs, a hammer, and some nails.

“Aw, what? Come on Grunkle Stan, every time I go in those woods I feel like I’m being watched.” Dipper attempted to argue, shivering slightly at the idea of being out in the woods alone.

“C’mon Dip, It’s not like you’re gonna get attacked by zombies out there.” Mikey tried to reassure him “Besides, even if they did they’d let you go when they realized you didn’t have any brains to eat.” he finished, playfully shoving Dipper’s shoulder as he did so.

“Seriously kid, the whole ‘monsters in the forest’ thing is drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that.” Stan informed Dipper while pointing a finger towards a large tourist having a pleasant freak-out due to a Stan bobblehead. Dipper didn’t respond as he sulked out the door.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper walked deeper into the forest, hanging signs as he went. The forest was covered in a thin layer of mist, and the sun was beginning to set making it difficult to see further than a few feet into the thick woods.

A muttered “No one ever believes me.” could be heard as Dipper continued to hang signs, before a metallic clang was heard loudly echoing through the woods. Dipper stared at the tree he had just attempted to nail a sign to. He raised his hammer and struck the trunk once more, and again the bang of metal on metal filled the forest. Dipper ran his hand over the tree finding a seam in the trunk. Pulling it open he found a small compartment that contained what looked like it might be some kind of radio. Reaching in he flicked one of the two switched that sat on top of the strange box. Dipper looked around and listened carefully, but couldn’t tell if anything happened. Looking back to the hollow tree, he moved the other switch and heard a pneumatic hiss behind him. As he turned, he saw the goat, Gompers, standing next to a now open hatch in the ground. He rushed over eager to see what he had uncovered. Inside lay a book covered in dust and cobwebs. He brushed the book off, and saw that it had a golden six-fingered hand with a three written inside placed on the red cover. He opened it to the first page and began to read aloud.

“‘It’s hard to believe that it has been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.’ What is all this?” Dipper rapidly flipped through the pages of the Journal, before stopping at a page with “Trust No One” written prominently in the middle of the page. “‘Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this journal before he finds it. Remember in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust.’ No one you can trust... “

“HALLO!” Mabel yelled as she popped up from behind a fallen tree and Mikey walked into the glade from the direction of the Mystery Shack. “Watcha readin there, some kind of nerd thing?

“Uh.. Uh… I..it’s nothing!” Dipper stuttered as he tried to hide the newly discovered book behind his back. “Wait! where’d the Journal go?”

“Oh, do you mean this thing?” Mikey asked casually as he leafed through the journal, sitting down on the trunk Mabel had hidden behind.

“I hate it when you do that.” Dipper commented sullenly as he stalked toward Mikey.

“Hey, I have to keep my skills sharp Dipstick, and these tourists are way too easy. Speaking of, how would you like a new watch?” Before Dipper could respond to the question Mikey tossed the Journal back to him. “Are you gonna tell us what that creepy thing is or not?”

“Yeah Dipper, Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!” Mabel began to chant as Mikey joined in.

“Ok, ok. Let’s just get somewhere more private.” Dipper attempted to silence his siblings before walking towards the Mystery Shack.  
********************************************************************************************************  
In the living room of the Mystery Shack, Dipper Pines paced across the floor in front of the television. Mabel and Mikey both leaned against the recliner watching as Dipper gushed about the Journal.

“This is amazing! Grunkle Stan thought I was being paranoid, but according to this Gravity Falls has this secret dark side.” Dipper showed his siblings several pages filled with odd supernatural creatures and artifacts.

“Whoa. Shut. Up!” Mabel shared her brother's exuberance as she playfully pushed him.

“This is really cool Dipper, where did you find it?” Mikey was just as entranced by the strange writings as his brother, though for different reasons.

“It was in this metal compartment underground, and the way to open was hidden inside a tree. I think the author was trying to hide it from someone, and look the pages just stop right in the middle like he mysteriously disappeared!” Dipper quickly flipped to the last page that had anything written on it, showing that the Journal stopped in the middle of an entry.

Before anyone could make further comment the doorbell rang, and Mabel let out a small squeal of excitement

“Who’s that?” Dipper asked as he continued to flip through the Journal.

Mabel had one of the widest smiles the brothers had ever seen one her face as she tipped over an empty can of beans. “Well, I guess it’s time to spill the beans. Boop. This girl’s got a date!”

“You’re saying that in the half hour I was gone you already found a boyfriend?” Dipper asked incredulously.

“And how did I not know about it?” Mikey added.

“What can I say, I’m just IRRESISTIBLE!” Mabel stuck her arms in the sleeves of her sweater and waved them around in order to emphasize the obvious fact.

Mabel rushed over to the door and opened it, letting in a pale-faced, teenager wearing a black hoodie that covered everything but his face and his hands.

“‘Sup.” The teen that was apparently Mabel’s boyfriend greeted her brothers and Grunkle Stan, who had walked into the room while she answered the door. Mumbled greetings from the three followed, accompanied by a short but awkward silence.

“So, what’s your name?” Dipper questioned, not quite trusting this boy yet.

“Uh… Normal..man” The teen scratched out, sounding incredibly nervous about the simple question.

“He means Norman.” Mabel quickly covered for her boyfriend, pulling him closer in the limited space of the door frame.

Dipper wouldn’t let his suspicions go however and noticing something on Norman’s face continued his questions. “Is that blood on your face, Norman?”

Norman glanced around clearly made nervous by the questions. “It’s jam.” He quickly replied, too quickly for Dipper.

Mikey abruptly stood from his seat on the recliner's arm. “It was good to meet you Norman,” he said as he squeezed past the pair and down the hallway toward the kitchen. “but if you’ll excuse me I have some… stuff to do.”

Norman turned to look at Mabel “So, do you want to.. go hold hands or something?”

Mabel’s face flushed as she stuttered her response. “Oh.. oh my. Don’t wait up!” She quickly ran through the front door Norman stumbled after her smashing into the doorframe as he went.

“Something isn’t right about him.” Dipper muttered to himself watching Norman and Mabel leave. Just as he said so Mikey walked back into the living room from the same direction he had left.

“You’re telling me, that kid didn’t have a wallet, jewelry, anything! The only thing I found on him was this weird hat.” Mikey was quick to agree with Dipper holding a red, cone-shaped hat up for him to see.

“Come on, let’s see if the Journal has anything to say about weird teenagers.” Dipper began walking up the stairs heading to the attic, before turning back to Mikey. “Are you ever gonna show me how you do that?”

Mikey smirked slightly as he answered. “A magician never reveals his secrets, Dipper.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Fifteen minutes later found Dipper in the window sill mumbling as he read. Mikey was doing… something in his corner of the room. Dipper imagined that it had something to do with another scam when he pulled his eyes from the Journal.

“Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for… teenagers!? Beware Gravity Falls’ nefarious… ZOMBIE!” Dipper’s mumbling had gradually grown louder as he read the passage eventually pulling Mikey from his own work in the corner.

“You’re joking, right? There is no way that Norman is a zombie. He’s probably just a weird teen.” Mikey was completely unconvinced by Dipper’s reasoning. Though Norman stalking towards Mabel, as seen through the attic window, briefly caused him to consider before Norman placed a daisy chain around her neck.

“If it’s any consolation, I believe you, dude.” Soos, the handyman for the Mystery Shack, had apparently come in at some point during their conversation, and now stood on a ladder in the middle of the room. “But, no one’s going to believe you unless you see him eat brains or somethin’. You need proof.”

“Soos you are, of course, correct. Dipper you should listen to Soos more often.” Mikey said as he returned to his corner of the room.

“My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.” Soos said seriously before a call from Grunkle Stan alerted him to a clogged toilet. “I am needed elsewhere.” Soos slowly backed out of the room to go do his job.

“Alright, Mikey, let’s go get some evidence!” Dipper shouted as he turned to his brother.

“Are you suggesting that we follow our sister around and record her date?” Mikey asked incredulously.

Dipper was suddenly less sure of his plan as he looked at his brother's serious face. “Um… maybe, possibly?”

Mikey gave a wide grin before gathering the items he had been working on. “Good. Whether he’s a zombie or not I don’t trust him.

The brothers quickly gathered the camera they had brought to record “family memories”, and quickly stormed down the stairs and outside in order to stalk their sister and her boyfriend. The brothers watched as the couple played frisbee, Norman failed to catch the disk which hit him in the head and knocked him over. Norman took Mabel to a diner and opened the door by breaking the window and turning the doorknob from inside. The teen appeared to completely lack any motor control crashing into walls and even falling into an open grave. The two brothers had decided they had seen enough. 

“I’m telling you he’s a zombie!”

“And I’m telling you that a zombie wouldn’t have waited this long, or have taken Mabel to all those public places!”

“Are you kidding me, you saw exactly what I did! He must be a zombie!”

That didn’t mean they agreed though. The two had been arguing for the last ten minutes, trying to decide what exactly they were going to tell Mabel. That plan was going about as well as could be expected.

“We don’t have any evidence he’s a zombie. For all, we know he… uh” Mikey rapidly flipped through the pages of the Journal. “He could be under a puppet curse or something, that would explain why he has no idea how to walk.”

Dipper snatched the journal back from his grip. “Mikey, zombie is the only thing that makes sense! He can barely walk, he only speaks in those weird grunts, and he had that blood on his face earlier.”

The two brothers approached the top of the stairs and reached the door to their room. Mabel had been in there since she got home and they weren’t really sure what she had been doing. Dipper opened the door and immediately got to the point.

“Mabel, we need to talk about Norman.” Dipper had attempted to use his sternest voice, which wasn’t very good coming from the small twelve-year-old.

“Isn’t he the best, look at this giant smooch mark he gave me.” Mabel turned her head to the side, showing a massive hickey on her cheek. Both brothers flinched away staring in horror at the dark purple mark. “Hah, gullible. This is just a mark from kissing practice with the leafblower!”

“Why were you kissing the leafblower?” Mikey's look of pure horror had been replaced by one of complete confusion as he questioned his sister.

“That’s not important right now!” Dipper tried to steer the topic back. “Mabel, Norman isn’t what he seems!” he held up the book for her to see.

“Oh, do you think he could be a vampire? That would be so awesome!” Mabel began to fantasize about her, potentially a vampire, boyfriend.

“Guess again, sister. SHA-BAM!” Dipper opened the journal dramatically to the page on gnomes, and then quickly flips it to the correct page. “Oh wait, I’m sorry. Sha-bam!”

“A zombie? That’s not funny DIpper.” Mabel quickly changed from amused to frustrated as she saw the Undead page of the journal.

“Look, Mabel, I don’t think he’s a zombie, but something is definitely weird about him. The Journal says not to trust anybody here, and he’s not someone I would trust anyway!” Mikey tried to intervene and head off the argument, but Mabel was having none of it.

“Well, what about me? Why don’t you two trust me?”

“Mabel, he could be dangerous!” Mikey tried to convince Mabel of their stance, but she quickly cut him off.

“Listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date at five o’clock, and I’m going to be ADORABLE, and he’s going to be DREAMY, and I’m not going to let you two ruin it with some crazy CONSPIRACY!” Mabel had gone from matter-of-fact to screaming as she reached the end of her rant, and pushed her brothers out the door so she could finish getting ready.  
******************************************************************************************************************  
As the clock struck five a doorbell was heard throughout the Mystery Shack, calling Mabel to come down from her room. Pulling her sweater on, she ran down the stairs and opened the door revealing Norman.

“Hi, Norman! How do I look?” Mabel asked her boyfriend.

“Shiny…” Norman replied in a tone that was as dull as the look in his eyes.

“Oh, you always know what to say!” She replied excitedly grabbing his arm and walking outside with him.

“Man, you were right. Maybe she wouldn’t have left with him if I hadn’t tried to push the zombie bit so hard.” Dipper mumbled dejectedly as he sat next to his brother on the recliner, playing back some of the footage of Norman and Mabel.

Mikey was just as dejected as his brother. “I don’t know, maybe we’re just being overprot-- Wait what was that.” He was staring hard at the footage Dipper was still playing on the camera.

Dipper quickly rewound the video before stopping at a short clip of Mabel teaching Norman how to play hopscotch. The brothers watched as Norman tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground. Mabel helped him stand up, and once she had Norman’s hand… just fell off. He calmly reached down and reattached it to his wrist. The two brothers stared at each other.

“MABEL!” the simultaneous scream went through the house, unluckily for them, no one was inside.

“We need to find Grunkle Stan!” Mikey pulled Dipper behind him as the two raced outside.

Grunkle Stan was currently leading a tour around the outside exhibits, including one of his most famous pieces.

“And here, is Rock That Looks Like A Face Rock: the rock that looks like a face.” Stan gestured grandly to a large rock that had a vague face on it, and the tourists were enthralled.

“Does it look like a rock?” one of the tourists stuck their hand in the air and asked.

Stan was already becoming frustrated by this group “No, it looks like a face.”

“Is it a face?” a larger, sweatier tourist asked.

“It’s a rock that looks like a face.” Stan nearly shouted at the crowd. Meanwhile, Dipper and Mikey had been calling for Grunkle Stan to come and help them save Mabel. Giving it up as a lost cause they turned away from the crowd of tourists just in time to see Wendy arrive in the mystery cart. The brothers ran to her as quickly as they could.

“Wendy! Wendy! We need to borrow the golf cart to save Mabel from a ZOMBIE!” Dipper screamed as he approached. The brothers stopped in front of Wendy as she stared at them.

Wendy smiled and dangled the keys from her hand before dropping them into Dipper’s. “Try not to hit any pedestrians.” She called back as she walked away. The brothers’ faces broke into wide grins, as they climbed into the cart

Just as they pulled out Soos stopped them and handed Dipper a shovel “Yo, dudes this if for the zombies.” He then handed Mikey a bat. “And this is for any piñatas you happen to come across in the woods.”

“Uh… thanks, Soos.” The brothers weren’t quite sure what to make of the piñata comment but quickly shook it off. They had a sister to rescue.  
******************************************************************************************************************  
In one of the deeper areas of the woods, Mabel and Norman were having a romantic date. Norman was acting even stranger than normal, but Mabel didn’t mind. She just chalked it up to nerves.

Norman coughed awkwardly as he fiddled with the zipper of his hoodie. “Mabel, there’s… there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” the awkward fiddling only go worse as he began to speak.  
Mabel was overjoyed that her boyfriend was going to confess some secrets to her. “Oh Norman, you can tell me anything.” she really only wanted to hear one secret though. Please be a vampire. Please be a vampire! She bit her lip to contain her excitement, waiting for the big reveal.

“Alright just… don’t freak out, okay. Just… just keep on open mind. Be cool.” Norman grabbed his zipper and pulled it down. 

Norman’s hoodie had slipped to the ground, exposing him for the monster, or rather monsters, he was. Mabel saw the true Norman. Apparently, the true Norman was a group of small men stacked on each other's shoulders. 

The little man that had served as Norman’s head spoke up once more. “Is.. is this weird? Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?” The leader still seemed to have some concern for Mabel as he asked after her wellbeing. He was clearly the most intelligent of the five creatures that had been Norman, and also seemed more youthful. “R..right I’ll explain. So! We’re gnomes first off. I’m Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason, and… I’m sorry I always forget your name.” Jeff named the four gnomes, before stopping and staring expectantly at the gnome serving as the left leg. The gnome looked more wild than the others, and was missing the red, cone-shaped hats that the others possessed.

“Schmebulock.” The gnome deadpanned without any other reaction to Jeff’s question.

Jeff snapped his fingers and nodded as he heard the name. “Schmebulock! Yes! Anyway, we gnomes have been looking for a new queen! Right, guys?” He smiled at Mabel as the gnomes under him let out high-pitched growls of “Queen!”

“Heh. So what do you say?” Jeff asked as he tapped the gnomes with his foot, causing them to kneel and open a ring box. “Will you join us in holy matrignomey? Matri...matri-mo-ny! Blah! Can’t talk today!”

Mabel stared at the gnomes, her head spinning with the proposal from creatures that she hadn’t even known existed five minutes ago. “Look… I’m sorry guys. You’re all really sweet, but, I’m a girl, and you’re gnomes, and It’s like ‘What?’ Yikes…”  
Jeff looked down disheartened and the other gnomes lost their wide smiles. “We understand. We’ll never forget you, Mabel…” Jeff looked up suddenly even as Mabel smiled. “Because we’re going to kidnap you.” 

Mabel’s smile quickly changed to a look of horror as she watched Jeff and the other gnomes jump at her with savage yells. Dipper and Mikey, driving the golf cart through the thick woods, heard her scream, and attempted to push the golf cart even harder. The two quickly arrived at the small clearing to see several gnomes attacking Mabel with Jeff overseeing the fight.

“The more you struggle the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody. Just, ha ha, just get her arm there Steve.” Jeff was becoming more frustrated as Steve bit Mabel’s arm, and Mabel refused to surrender.

“What the heck is going on here?” Dipper yelled out as he and Mikey climbed out of the cart.

“Guys! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they’re total jerks!” Mabel yelled as a gnome jumped on her head and began pulling her hair.

“Gnomes? Really? Man, you were way off. Does the book have anything about how to beat them?” Mikey turned to Dipper the smallest smirk on his face as he was proven right.

Dipper flipped through the pages of the Journal, stopping at the gnomes page. “‘Gnomes: Little men of the Gravity Falls’ forest. Weaknesses: Unknown.’” Dipper looked up to see Mikey trading the hat he had taken off Norman for a small bag.

“Mikey, don't you think there are more important things to be doing? Like saving Mabel!” Dipper yelled gesturing towards their sister who was now tied to the ground.

“Look, this isn’t as bad as it looks. Your sister is just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity! Isn’t that right honey?” Jeff tried to calm the brothers down and looked at Mabel waiting for her to answer.

“You guys are all butt-faces!” Mabel was not having any of it, however.

Mikey poked Jeff in the chest with the bat Soos had given them. “You listen to me gnome, if you don’t let Mabel go right now there is going to be hell to pay.” Mikey’s face was contorted in anger as he threatened his sister’s kidnapper.

“You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the…” Jeff was interrupted as Mikey’s bat smashed into his face sending him flying into the woods.

Dipper ran to Mabel and cut her free with the shovel. The three siblings ran to the cart, climbing in and driving away as fast as they could.

“Dipper, you need to hurry before they come after us!” Mabel screamed as they drove at a more sedate pace on the main road.

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Did you see their little legs? Those suckers are tiny!” Dipper laughed before stopping the cart as the ground shook around them.

Behind them, coming from the same direction they had come from, was a giant. A giant made of gnomes.

“Dipper, I think you might want to drive a little faster!” Mikey yelled as he clutched the bars that connected the awning to the cart.

Dipper hit the gas and swerved as he shot down the road, the giant closing every second. The giant reared back and threw several gnomes, which landed on the cart and began attacking anything they could reach. Dipper slammed a gnome against the steering wheel before it let out a pained “Schmebulock” and he threw to the ground. One gnome latched onto Mikey’s face and was swiftly attacked by Mable, leaving Mikey bruised and slightly bloodied. A tree thrown by the giant landed in front of them, and the cart skidded before turning over in front of the mystery shack.

The trio were cornered by the gnomes, backed against the walls of the Mystery Shack. “It’s the end of the line kids! Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!”

“That wasn’t crazy?” Mikey muttered under his breath turning to look as Dipper tried to think of a way to get out of this.

“I gotta do it.” Mabel said as she stepped towards the gnomes.

“What?” 

“Mabel that’s crazy!” Her brother’s both grabbed her shoulders in an attempt to pull her back.

Mabel looked Dipper and then Mikey in the eyes. “Trust me guys. Please, trust me this time.”The brothers looked at each other, then nodded and allowed Mabel to step forward.

“All right Jeff, I’ll marry you.” Mabel yelled up to Jeff, controlling the giant from its head. Jeff let out an excited yell before climbing down the hundreds of gnomes. Upon reaching the ground Jeff presented Mabel with a ring set with a large gem. Mabel allowed Jeff to place the ring on her finger, but before he could turn around and take her to the forest, Mabel stopped him.

“You may now kiss the bride.” Mabel said as sweetly as she could manage.

Jeff turned around and strutted toward Mabel. “Well, don’t mind if I do!”

Just as Jeff leaned forward to kiss Mabel, she grabbed the leafblower, still set to suck, and turned it on. Jeff attempted to scramble away but was trapped by the machine's suction, to big to be sucked in. Mabel turned up the suction punctuating each with another comment.

“That’s for lying to me! That’s for breaking my heart! And, this is for messing with my brothers!” Mabel took aim at the giant with the leafblower before turning to her brothers. “Would you like to do the honors?”

“On three.” Dipper said as he and Mikey grabbed the leafblower.

“One! Two! Three!” The triplets yelled before reversing the suction on the leafblower, launching Jeff through the giant. The gnomes scattered like animals, many yelling for orders as they fled.

Mabel blew away any gnomes that remained, and turned to look at her brothers, a sheepish expression on her face “Guys, I.. I’m sorry for ignoring your advice. You were just looking out for me.”

“Mabel, come on. You just defeated an army of gnomes, all is forgiven.” Mikey said with a wide smile on his face.

“I guess I’m just sad my first boyfriend was an army of gnomes.” Mabel said looking down sadly.

“Look at it this way, maybe your next boyfriend will be a vampire.” Dipper comforted his sister with a smile on his face.

“You’re just saying that.” Mabel forced out through a giggle.

“Awkward sibling hug?” Dipper asked, opening his arms.

“Awkward sibling hug.” Mabel answered. Both turned to look at Mikey who stood with his arms crossed.

He rolled his eyes before opening his arms and walking to his siblings “Oh, alright.”

The three embraced before opening their eyes and patting each other on the back twice with a simultaneous “Pat, pat.”

The three walked into the Mystery Shack where Stan was counting the money in the register.

“Yeash, you three look like you’ve been hit by a bus. Hah!” Grunkle Stan told them as they walked in. He looked at the money in his hand and patted it awkwardly. “Uh hey. W.. wouldn’t you know it I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so uh… how’s about each of ya take one item from the gift shop? On the house y’know?”

Mabel and Mikey exchanged glances before running to box they had never seen Stan stock from to look through. Dipper wasn’t convinced.

“What’s the catch?”

Grunkle Stan gave an annoyed grunt “The catch is do it before I change my mind, now take something.”

Dipper quickly found a white hat with a blue pine tree on it, to replace the one he lost while fighting the gnomes. Mikey also soon stood from the box holding a walking stick much like Stan’s that came up to his chest.

Dipper looked at him confusedly. “Why did you pick that?”

Mikey offered a small shrug in response “I don’t know, I guess I liked the way it looked.”

Their short exchange was interrupted by Mabel’s shout of joy “I choose… this grappling hook!”

“Wouldn’t you rather have a doll or something.” Stan asked her, to which she responded by yelling again and hauling herself to the ceiling using said grappling hook. “Fair enough.”  
****************************************************************************************************  
That night Dipper sat making additions to the Journal including filling in the gnomes weakness.

This journal told me to trust no one, but when you battle hundreds of gnomes side-by-side with someone, you realize they’ve probably always got your back.

Putting the Journal away Dipper turned to Mabel. “Could you get the light?”

Mabel responded by pointing her new grappling hook at the lantern that it the attic “I’m on it!” she fired the gun shattering the lamp and the only window in the room. “It worked!”

While the three shared a laugh at the antics, underneath them their Grunkle Stan stopped in front of the vending machine. Stan entered a code, and the machine opened revealing a hidden passage. He stepped inside and glanced around before softly closing the door.

Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town. But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked.


	2. The Legend of the Gobblewonker

The Pines were gathered around the kitchen table, preparing for the most important event of the summer.

“Go Mountie Man!”

“Go Sir Syrup!”

The Syrup Race took place any and every time the triplets had pancakes, no matter where they were. Staying with Grunkle Stan, that meant every Saturday was a continuation of the great race. For the last three Dipper and Mabel had photo finishes and insisted that there be a rematch. Mikey had agreed with them, after all he wanted to know the winner to, and would be “officiating” on this grand occasion.

“Alright folks, this is what we’ve all been waiting for! On my left, weighing in at 70-pounds, Dipper ‘Noodle-Arms’ PIIIIIIIIIIINES!” He had also decided that he was going to have as much fun announcing as he could.

“Hey!”

“And on my right, your reigning champion, MAAAAAABEL!” 

“YEAH I AM!”

“Go, Go, Go, Go!” The chant was taken up by all three as they watched who would become the Syrup Race champion, at least until next week. As Dipper held his bottle above his head and Mikey continued to announce; Mabel began shaking and tapping her bottle, eventually forcing the syrup out and into her mouth winning the race.

“And we have a winner! Mabel Pines your undefeated Champion!” Mikey yelled out as he raised Mabel's hand into the air.

“Aw, come on Mikey! Mabel totally cheated.” DIpper complained, but still had a wide smile on his face.

“I’ll allow it.” Mikey said simply as he high-fived Mabel.

Dipper, still grinning, grabbed the newspaper that was sitting on the table. “Whoa, no way! Guys look at this.” He grabbed his siblings and showed them the page he was referring to.

Mabel was entranced by a full-page advertisement “Human-sized hamster balls? I’m human-sized!” For only five hundred dollars Mabel could be as free as a hamster, and she was already dedicated to becoming so.

“Mabel, I think Dipstick was actually talking about the photo contest.” Mikey interrupted, eager for the opportunity to earn more money. “It’s too bad I don't have anymore of those pictures of the gnomes.”

“What?! How did you lose them so quickly?” Dipper was disappointed, and a little shocked, that Mikey had lost something that could have made them more than three hundred dollars a piece.

“I didn't lose them, I sold them for twenty-five bucks a piece.” Mikey sounded rather proud at the amount he’d been able to get for the pictures.

As they were speaking Stan walked into the small dining room, shearing nothing but an undershirt and boxers. “Good morning, knuckleheads. You know what day it is?”

“Thursday.” Mikey said as flatly as he could, still reading the newspaper.

Dipper looked up at his Grunkle, he had no idea why this day would be special. “Uh… Happy Anniversary? But that didn't mean he couldn't be smart about it.

“Mazel Tov!” Mabel wasn't sure why today was special either, but whatever it was she was already excited.

Stan hit Dipper in the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper, and turned to open the refrigerator. “Today's family fun day, genius. We're gonna have one of those bonding type deals or whatever.”

“Is this gonna be anything like last time we had a ‘family bonding day’?” Dipper was right to be suspicious. They could all remember how well that night had gone.

Mabel shivered at the mention and pulled her sweater tighter. “The county jail was so cold.”

Mikey put a comforting hand on Mabel’s shoulder and turned to look at his Grunkle. “I still say if you didn't want Ben Franklin to ‘look like a woman’ you should have just bought a printer.”

Grunkle Stan met their accusations with a small shrug. “Alright, I might not have been the best summer caretaker, but I swear today we're gonna have some real family fun. Now, who wants to put on blindfolds, and get in my car?” 

“Yay!” The three let out a cheer, at least until Dipper actually processed their uncle’s words. “Wait, what?”  
****************************************************************************************************  
After a drive that hadn’t taken as long as it should have, and had taught the triplets that their uncle probably shouldn’t be driving, the family arrived at the Gravity Falls lake. Stan told them to take off the blindfolds and gestured grandly towards the sight before them.

“It’s fishing season!” Stan told them, the happiest they had seen him other than scamming a new tourist. The siblings were not quite as thrilled as he was however.

“Fishing?” Mabel had scrunched her face up, and said the word as if she had never heard it.

“What’re you playing at, old man?” Dipper accused Stan, still suspicious of his Uncle’s motives.

Mikey was just as mistrusting of Stan’s honesty, but was slightly more… admiring. “So, what kind of scam is this? Get other people to fish for us, and then take off?” He was rubbing his hands together eagerly, ready to get work.

Stan appeared shocked, for some reason, at his nephew’s accusations. “What? No! We’re just goin’ fishing. You’ll love it! Everyone’s out here!”

Looking around it was clear that Stan was right. What looked to be the entire population of Gravity Falls was out on the lake fishing, or at least attempting to fish. Lazy Susan, named for her lazy eye, was attempting to convince fish to jump into her frying pan, while the Corduroy boys were watching their dad, Manly Dan fish barehanded.

“This is gonna be some quality family bonding!” Stan proudly told them, attempting to get them as excited as he was.

“Are you saying you actually want to bond with us? Mikey asked even more confused now than when he thought this was another scam.

“Come on kids, this is gonna be great! I’ve never had fishing buddies before: the guys from the lodge don’t ‘like’ or ‘trust’ me enough to go.” Stan told them, while he began searching the pockets on his fishing vest.

Mabel turned to her brothers and pulled them close. “I think he really does just want us to go fishing with him.” The three turned to look at their Grunkle.

Stan had finally found what he was looking for. “I know what will cheer you sad sacks up!” Stan slammed three hats on the kids heads with their names sewn on. “That’s… that’s hand stitching you know.”

The three watched as the “L” on Mabel’s hat fell off. “We noticed.” Mikey grumbled quietly.

“It’s just gonna be the four of us out on that lake for the next ten hours! And don’t worry about getting bored I brought the joke book.” Stan told them holding up a book with the title “1001 Yuck’Em Ups.” This was more frightening than anything the siblings had seen in their short lives.

“NO! No!” Dipper couldn’t contain his fear, and Mikey and Mabel looked like they had been hit in the stomach.

“There has to be a way out of this.” Mabel whispered to her brothers, sounding far more scared than she was of the gnomes.

Luckily for the three, that was when fate decided to intervene.

“I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN!” An old man, hunched over and with bent knees wearing ratty clothes and a hat but lacking shoes, ran from the dock. He was yelling at the top of his lungs and knocking over and through the people and objects in his way. “The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it scrabdoodles away!” The man had stopped in the middle of the crowd that had gathered and began hopping around in his panic.

Mabel, the naive girl that she was, was enamored by the colorful character. “Aww, look he’s doing a happy jig!” 

The old man decided to correct her assumption. “NOOO! It’s a jig of grave danger!” He had jumped directly in front of Mabel, and screamed in her face.

As Mabel flinched away from the man, the owner of a small bait shop on the lake approached, clearly angry at the man. “Hey, hey! What did I say about scaring away my customers? This is your last warning Dad!” The son was spraying his dad with a water bottle, as if he was a pet that had misbehaved.

“But I got proof this time by gummity!” The man said, clearly distressed by his son’s treatment of him. He led the crowd to the end of the dock, and showed them a completely trashed boat. He pointed to the boat. “BEHOLD! It's the Gobblewonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a giraffe! And wrinkly skin like...like this gentleman right here!” The man pointed to Stan, and looked around at the gathered crowd, desperate for someone to believe him.

Unfortunately for him, no one did. Even the Sheriff had decided to mock him. “ Attention all units: We got ourselves a crazy old man!” The entire crowd aside from the Pines and the man’s son laughed at the remark and began to move back to what they had been doing.  
The man was clearly upset by the crowd's reaction and wandered off, muttering to himself. “Aww, banjo polish. Aww, donkey spittle.”

Stan simply shrugged at the events and turned to ready his boat for the day. Dipper, on the other hand, was as excited as he had been since arriving in Gravity Falls.

“Guys, did you hear what that old guy said?”

Mabel, who had paid more attention to the old man’s dance than his words, made her best attempt at copying his stance and accent. “Awww, donkey schpittle.”

Mikey’s had begun to grin as he realized Dipper was talking about. “No Mabel, Dipper is talking about the ‘gobblewonker’, that definitely sounds like something that could win the picture contest.”

“If we win we can split the money!” Dipper grabbed his siblings shoulders and shook them gently. “That’s over three hundred dollars!”

The two boys shared large grins at the thought of the prize money, but when they turned to Mabel she was staring into empty air.

Mabel was not with them at the lake. Instead, she found herself in the attic at the Mystery Shack. She was standing in a giant hamster ball and was staring down at a hamster in its own ball.

“Hah! Not so high and mighty anymore, are you?” She laughed at the hamster. The hamster whined back at Mabel and tried to sulk it its ball. Laughing again Mabel rolled away, crashing through a wall and out onto the street. Rolling down the sidewalk, Mabel saw the boys of her dreams stopped at a red light. Standing up and leaning against her ball i the smoothest move she could manage, she called out to the two young men. “Hey boys! You can look, but you can’t touch.” She readied herself for more flirting, but a loud snap interrupted her.

“Mabel!”

“Hey Mabel! Is anyone home?” 

She quickly came back to reality , and saw her brothers standing in front of her with slightly concerned looks. Instead of answering there unasked question, she smiled widely and gave her support to the plan. “Guys, I am one million percent on board with this!”

Mikey, glad to hear that all three of them were alright with the plan, turned to Grunkle Stan. “Grunkle Stan! There’s been a slight change of plans. Instead of going out to fish, how about we make some money?”

Stan’s head shot up from the boat so fast it looked like he should have gotten whiplash. “Money? Alright kid, I’m listening.”

Mikey smiled slyly and gestured towards the lake. “Well Grunkle Stan, what if I told you that we could win one thousand dollars just by winning a monster photo contest? And out there is what’s going to win us that contest!” as Mikey finished he turned to look directly at Grunkle Stan while Dipper and Mabel started up a chant.

“Monster hunt! Monster hunt!”

The siblings pumped their fists into the air with each repetition, until a slightly familiar voice joined in. “Monster hunt!” The hillbilly that had first brought the Gobblewonker to their attention tried to join their chant. “Monster… uhhh.” The stares he was receiving from the PInes family quickly convinced him to change his mind. “I… I’ll just go now.”

When he turned back to look at the kids Stan’s excited expression had already deflated. “Kid, are you talking about the Gobble-whatever? That’s just an urban legend invented by old coots like McGucket,” Stan pointed at the old man as he sulked away. “so that they can grab attention. Now quit your yapping and get ready for the best 10 hours of your life!”

The triplets sighed deeply as they stared at the ground, discouraged by their Grunkle’s refusal. That is until they heard a boat honking at them. “Yo, dudes, did you say somethin’ about a monster hunt?” Soos, the handyman at the hack, was driving a boat that had pulled into the dock right beside them.

“Soos!” Mabel yelled as she ran to the large man.

“Wassup, hambone!” Soos greeted Mabel with a fist bump and a smile that rivaled her own.

Mikey looked the boat up and down, before turning to Soos with a surprised look on his face. “You own a boat?”

Soos kept his wide grin up and nodded enthusiastically. “Yep. It’s got chairs, a steering wheel, normal boat stuff.” Soos’ face lit up with excitement, when one of the best ideas he ever had occurred to him. “Dudes, we could totally use it for your monster hunt!”

Stan cut the trio off before they could give Soos an answer. “Okay, let’s think about this. You could go off, wasting your time on some ‘magical adventure’. Or you could spend your time out on the lake with your Grunkle Stan!”

The three twelve-year-olds looked to between their crabby grunkle and the person that was the closest thing they had to a best friend so far this summer. While inside they had some slight want to spend time with their family, the answer was never in doubt.

Grunkle Stan had closed his eyes for just an instant while he was making his pitch. They shot open at the sound of a boat engine revving and happy cheer coming from his niece and nephews. Soos’ boat was speeding into the distance and from it he could hear Mabel’s voice calling back.

“We made the right choice!”  
Grunkle Stan stared after them, and felt a pang in his heart. That pang swiftly turned into an inferno of rage. “INGRATES! Get back here!” The boat showed no sign of turning around or even slowing down, considering how far away it was that wasn’t exactly surprising. Stan sat heavily in the small hunk of scrap he called a boat. “Feh, who needs ‘em? I have this box of creepy fishing lures to keep me company.” Stan looked into the bait box that sat in front of him. The lures stared back with cold, dead eyes. They were searching for something, something insi--

SNAP!

Stan closed the bait box with a slight shiver, and went to back to making the boat lake-worthy.  
****************************************************************************************************  
On board the S.S. Cool Dude Dipper had taken charge. “Hoist the anchor! Raise the flag!” At his words Soos and Mabel rushed into action. Soos pulled the old cinderblock he used as an anchor from the water, while Mabel attached a towel to the flag pole.

Mikey stood next to Dipper smiling at both the antics of some of the most important people in his life and the idea of the money they were all about to make. The smile faded slightly as he thought of a slight problem, and he turned to tell his siblings. They were still caught up in the excitement of going on a real monster hunt, so he decided to let them get it out of there systems.

“We’re gonna win that photo contest!”

“We’re gonna catch that Gobblewonker!”

Mikey gave a slight smirk as he placed a hand on his sibling's shoulders. “Well, before we do any of that, we should probably get some sun screen.”

Dipper and Mabel took the remark in stride, and Dipper’s announcement of “We’re gonna go get sunscreen!” was met with cheers by Mabel and Soos.

Fifteen minutes later the group was back on the lake completely protected from the sun’s damaging rays. Dipper was in full lead investigator mode, and was doing his best to tell the other’s his plan.

“Okay guys, If we’re gonna win this contest we have to be the best! What’s the number one problem with monster hunts?”

Soos had clearly put some serious thought into his answer. “If you’re a side character you die within the first five minutes. Dude, am I side character? Do you ever think about stuff like that?”

Dipper shook his head exasperatedly. “No no no. Camera trouble. Say Bigfoot show’s up. Soos be Bigfoot.”

While Soos followed his order Dipper prepared to illustrate his point. “Oh look, it’s Bigfoot!” patting at his vest in the most exaggerated fashion possible. “Aww, man, no camera. Oh wait, here’s one. Aww. no film. You see? You see what I’m doing here?”

“You make a good point Dipstick.” Mikey told him. “I'm guessing that's why you bought 18 cameras?

“Right!” Dipper quickly ran through the cameras, showing them to the others as he listed off their locations. “Two on my ankle, three in my vest, three for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one under my hat.” The preteen passed the cameras to the rest, still talking excitedly. “Seriously, guys, there is no way we’re gonna miss this. Everyone try out your cameras!” Dipper finished confidently. Unfortunately for him, this started things downhill fast.

Soos knew that the best way to test his cameras was to take a picture, and the best picture to take was of himself. The flash from the camera blinded him, and he fumbled the camera over the side of the boat and into the lake. “Aww, man, I’m sorry dudes.”

 

Dipper quickly reassured his friend. “It’s fine. This is why I bought extras. We still have 17 cameras.”

“Yeah, dude. Here you can take one of mine.” Mikey agreed with his brother as he gently tossed another camera to Soos. Soos completely missed the toss and the camera followed the previous one. “Whoops.” Mikey said sheepishly.

Dipper flinched when he saw the camera go overboard, but he still tried to reassure his brother. “That’s okay, we still have sixtee--”

“Ahhh! Bird!” Mabel yelled out throwing a camera in an attempt to ward off a low flying bird.

“Fifteen! Please, guys, try not to lose your cameras!” Dipper’s exclamation was heard by everyone on the boat.

Soos grabbed the bag of extras, and began doing exactly what Dipper said to do. He was almost finished how strange a request it had been. “Wait, lose the cameras?”

Dipper let out a frustrated yell as he answered Soos. “Don’t!”

Soos was obviously apologetic as he told Dipper what he had done. “Oh, dude, I just threw two overboard.”

Dipper was clearly beginning to get angry at the loss of so many cameras in the first five minutes of their adventure. “Thirteen! All right! We still have thirteen came-” Dipper had stopped pacing and slammed his fist down. Unfortunately for him his hand had come down directly on another camera. “Twelve. We still have twelve cameras.”

Mabel turned to Dipper, wondering why it was taking so long for them to get started. “So what’s the plan? Throw more cameras overboard or what?”

“NO!” Dipper yelled. “No. You and Mikey can be on lookout. Soos can man the steering wheel, and I’ll be the captain.” Dipper crossed his arms and nodded, satisfied with how he had split the work.

Mikey was clearly less pleased and stared at Dipper through narrowed eyes. “Why do you get to be captain?” 

Mabel joined Mikey in glaring at their brother. “Yeah! What about Mabel? Ma-bel, Ma-bel, Ma-bel!”

Mikey shot Mabel a sideways glance as she started up her chant. “And the other third?”

Mabel stopped and giggled while playfully punching Mikey in the shoulder. “Uh, duh. Of course, you too, Mikey Mike!”

Throughout the small exchange, Dipper stood resolutely, unwilling to relinquish his command. “Guys, I really don’t think it would be a good idea for you two to be in charge.”

Mikey raised his eyebrow in confusion, though it was hard to tell if it was sincere or mocking. “Why? It’s not like we get into too much trouble.”

Dipper pinched the bridge of his nose, as he tried to understand the words that had come out of his brother's mouth. “Mikey, you and Mabel stole thirteen pounds of candy from a convenience store once. What part of that sounds like ‘not too much trouble!’”

Mabel spoke up before her brother could respond. “That was a misunderstanding, Dipper. You were there, you know exactly what happened!

Mikey nodded at Mabel’s words and continued where she left. “Exactly! And on top of the fact that I totally didn't steal it on purpose, we didn’t even get caught.”

“Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I’m the captain and that’s final.” Dipper told them, completely unwilling to give in.

Mabel and Mikey glanced at each other, and a small smirk slowly grew across their faces as the same idea occurred to hem. Both grabbed a camera, and casually tossed it over their shoulder and into the lake. “Whoops.”

Dipper’s face contorted into a look of pure terror as he watched the cameras fly over the railing of the boat. “Okay, okay! Why don’t we all be co-captains or something?”

Mabel let out a loud cheer when Dipper caved in, and Mikey slung his arm around Dipper’s shoulders and smugly told him, “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Soos, having heard the entire exchange, asked a burning question. “Can I be associate co-captain?” The eager grin on his face made sure that Dipper couldn’t say no.

“Alright, fine. But as first co-captain, our number one order of business is to lure the monster out with this.” Dipper pointed to a massive tub of fish food.

Soos checked inside the barrel and turned to look at the triplets. “Permission to taste some?”

Dipper and Mikey glanced at each other, before shrugging and saying at the same time, “Granted.”

Mabel was still overjoyed at winning the argument with Dipper, and yelled out to Soos, “Permission co-granted!”

Soos grabbed a large flake from the barrel and licked it. As soon as he had he was doubled over trying to get the flavor out of his mouth no matter what. “Oh, dudes, I don’t know what I expected that to taste like.”

The triplets laughed as they watched Soos frantically try to get the flavor out. Only a short distance away their Grunkle Stan sat in his boat watching them through binoculars.

“Traitors!” Stan yelled out to the boat, shaking his fist in the air. He sat down heavily, glaring at the boat. “I’ll just find my own fishing buddies.” Looking just a short distance away Stan saw a young couple in a boat of their own, and knew he had found his new friends.  
****************************************************************************************************  
The young man in the boat was trying to build up his courage, because he was about to ask the most important question of his life. He held tightly to the small box that was inside his life jacket, and began to speak. Unfortunately for him Stanford Pines had decided that they would make great fishing buddies.

“Hey!” Stan had pulled the Stan O’ War next to the couple’s boat and gathered all of the charisma he possessed to win over some new friends. “Wanna hear a joke?” The couple stared back at Stan, confused and slightly frightened, but Stan didn’t give them any time to voice an objection. “Here goes. My ex-wife still misses me… But her aim is getting better!”

The young couple stared back, incredibly offended but still unsure what was happening. Stan was certain that the couple's lack of a reaction was because they hadn’t understood the joke the first time.

“Her aim is getting better! Do ya get it? It’s funny because marriage is terrible!”

The couple rowed their boat as fast as they could to get away from Stan, leaving him alone again.  
****************************************************************************************************  
On the S.S. Cool Dude Dipper was doing his best to make sure that Soos didn’t hit any of the sunken trunks that were hidden in the mist surrounding Scuttlebutt Island. Mikey and Mabel, on the other hand, were busy making new friends.

Mikey smiled cheerfully at the pelican and spoke to with a soothing tone that barely contained his excitement. “Well, hello there! How are you doing?”

The pelican’s beak opened and closed in a completely random manner as he heard a strange voice that seemed to come from it. “I’m doing awesome! Bow buh bow bow.” Mikey, hearing the jingle, looked on the other side of the pelican, and saw Mabel moving the pelican’s beak and making the strange voice. “Hiya Mikey!” Mabel greeted him in the same voice.

Mikey's smile grew even wider and he got a strange glint in his eye when he looked at Mabel moving the pelican like a puppet. “You know, we should make that an exhibit: The Pontificating Pelican!”

The pelican turned to look into Mikey’s face and leaned in close. “That’s a great idea! I have some awesome jokes to tell!”

Dipper had turned from the water to glare at his siblings. “No one is going to pay to watch Mabel use a pelican as a puppet.”

“You didn’t think anyone would pay fifteen bucks for a snowglobe either.” Mikey countered.

Dipper’s frown deepened when he heard Mikey, it still annoyed him that people were that gullible. “Maybe, but even if they would Grunkle Stan would just keep all of the money. There’s no point.”

“You might have a point Dipper, you might have a point.” Mikey’s voice trailed off and a look of intense concentration formed on his face. Unfortunately, whatever idea he was forming was interrupted by the Pelican taking off, flying just over the triplets heads.

After he had recovered from the shock of the bird almost hitting him, Dipper opened his mouth to remind his siblings that they were supposed to be on lookout. Before anything left his mouth though, he felt the S.S. Cool Dude crash into land. The irritation he felt as he heard his siblings cheer about their amazing lookout skills quickly disappeared. The island itself was just as foggy as the waters surrounding it, and Dipper was suddenly very glad of the lantern he was carrying. Even while Soos, Mikey, and Mabel laughed at the islands unfortunate name, he could hear things moving in the woods, and the low light and thick mist weren’t helping his nerves.

Mabel noticed her brother's serious expression and the slight shiver that would occasionally run through him and knew what her sisterly duty was. “Hey, Dipper why aren’t you laughing? Are you scared?” Mabel had run to her brother's side to begin the merciless teasing and Mikey quickly joined her.  
“C’mon Dipper, you can tell us. What are so scared of? The living dead? The cannibal hillbillies that live on the island?” Mikey’s teasing tone was further punctuated by pokes to Dipper’s side and face, which Mabel joined in on with gusto. The flurry of horseplay knocked the lantern from Dipper’s hands to the ground where a possum grabbed it and ran off into the woods.

“No! Guys, that was our only lantern, I can’t see anything!” Dipper squinted his eyes and tried to peer through the gloom to no avail.

Soos shifted his weight nervously and glanced around the small clearing the group found themselves in. “I don’t know if this is worth it guys.” His voice shook with the nerves he had kept bottled up since they stepped on the island.

Dipper was quick to stop Soos before his hesitation could spread. “We can’t stop now! Think about what could happen if we got that picture!” The three siblings stopped, and imagined the results of succeeding in their quest. Dipper was being interviewed apparently world famous after taking the photo. As the host was about to place an award around Dipper’s neck, a loud crash was heard, and Mabel, still in her hamster ball, rolled into the room with a crazed look in her eyes. While she chased after Dipper and the host, Mikey walked through the hole she created wearing and carrying several trinkets that were probably worthless. Hijacking the camera from the fleeing cameraman, Mikey began to promote and push the numerous items he carried, before he too was forced to run as Mabel continued to roll around the room.

The triplets snapped out of their fantasies at the same time and eagerly jumped back into the hunt for the Gobblewonker, forcing Soos to tag along. As the group walked through the thick woods without any sign of the monster Mabel and Soos lost interest in looking for any clues and decided to entertain themselves. What started as Soos humming a tune that only he knew quickly turned into Soos beatboxing as Mabel attempted to rap along with him.

“My name is Mabel, It rhymes with table, It also rhymes with… glable, It also rhymes with schmabel!” Mabel’s energy and excitement made up for the lack of… substance in her lyrics, and she was further encouraged by Soos.

“Dude, we should be writing this down.” 

Mikey spoke up from just ahead, waving a small tape recorder at the two. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it on here.” 

A loud growl was heard coming from directly ahead of the small group, and birds and small animals could be seen fleeing from whatever had made the sound. The triplets shared excited looks as they rushed in the direction of the sound. Soos took a deep breath and grabbed the nearest fallen branch to use as a weapon before he cautiously followed his young friends.

The group stopped and ducked behind a fallen tree when they saw a silhouette through the fog. They couldn’t make out any details, but the long neck and half submerged body convinced them that they had found the sea monster. 

“Okay everyone, get your cameras ready.” Dipper told the rest, barely able to contain his own excitement. When he saw the others had turned on their cameras he yelled for them to go and jumped over the tree. His siblings followed him, but Soos took the lead snapping pictures at random as he approached the lake monster. Unfortunately as they left the fog, they saw that the silhouette hadn’t been the monster, and instead was just a wrecked boat that a family of beavers had made home.

Dipper was distraught when he saw the wreck and looked to his siblings to confirm what he had heard. “But I heard a monster noise! Didn’t you guys hear it too?”

Before they could tell Dipper that he wasn’t going insane the growl was heard again, but this time they could see where it was coming from: a beaver chewing on a running chainsaw.

Soos grinned at the sight, taking a picture as he walked closer. “Sweet, Beaver with a chainsaw!”  
****************************************************************************************************  
On the lake Stan was sharing his best tips with his newest fishing buddy. “Look, when you're threadin' the line, a lot of people don't know this, but you wanna use a barrel knot. That's a secret from one fishing buddy to another! Heh heh.” Stan patted the child’s shoulders as he showed him how to tie the knot.

“Who… who are you?” Unfortunately, the kid wasn’t exactly excited about the complete stranger showing him how to fish.

Stan was completely oblivious to how nervous his new buddy was and slapped him on the back as he laughed. “Just call me your Grunkle Stan!”

“SIR! Why are you talking to our son?” A very angry voice interrupted Stan’s enjoyment. Looking past his new friend he saw a young woman glaring at him. “If you don’t leave right now I’m calling the police!”

Stan wisely decided to leave before he got into anymore trouble.  
****************************************************************************************************  
Dipper sat on a partially submerged rock, just off the shore of Scuttlebutt Island, as he moped. “What are we gonna tell Grunkle Stan? We ditched him over nothing.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it nothing. With Mable’s rap, Pontificating Pelican, and beaver with a chainsaw I’d say this trip has been a gold mine” Mikey countered only half-jokingly.

A sudden rumbling stopped any comment Dipper or Mabel would have made, and the rock Dipper had been sitting on disappeared into the lake. Mikey and Mabel helped him onto dry land while they watched a huge shadow glide just under the surface of the lake.

All of Dipper’s enthusiasm returned with force as he grabbed his camera and prepared to take a picture. “This is our chance guys!” The other three were slowly backing away from the edge of the island as the shadow approached. “What's wrong guys? It's not tha-” Dipper was cut short when Mikey grabbed his arm and pulled him further up the path. The angry roar encouraged the group to begin running. 

Even while they were running for their lives Dipper couldn't resist trying to take the picture. He turned around and managed to take one but at the same time tripped over a root. Mikey was quickly at his side, dragging him up and forward. By the time the brothers made it to the S.S. Cool Dude, Soos had started the engine and was ready to go. 

“Quick! Someone take a picture!” Dipper yelled pointing to the massive creature that was slipping into the water after them. He looked at his partners and saw that the only one with cameras out was Soos. However, Soos had decided that throwing the cameras at the monster would help keep it away. “Soos, what are you doing?!” Dipper yelled at the handyman.

“Oh, dude, I'm sorry. Here ya go.” Soos tossed his last camera to Dipper, but it struck the boat and shattered. “Whoops.”

By the time Soos tossed the camera, the Gobblewonker had fully entered the lake and was now chasing after the boat at full speed. Soos took the wheel and pushed the boat as hard as he could. They drove past and around the numerous townsfolk that had come out on the lake with the lake monster in close pursuit. The chase was leading them nowhere in the small lake, and eventually, the Gobblewonker cornered them between it and a waterfall with no room to maneuver.

Dipper was hurriedly looking through the journal for something that could save them “Go straight into the waterfall! I think there's a cave behind it!”

No one, even Dipper, really wanted to test that theory, but there wasn't much of a choice. The sudden crunch I of soil under the boat was a good sign, and everyone quickly ran to a tall ledge in the cave. The Gobblewonker crashed into the entrance and was trapped unable to get any farther in or back out, but before any celebration could take place a rock fell from the ceiling and crushed the head of the monster. Strangely though the crash resulted in a cloud of sparks and the slow whirring of a failing engine. 

The triplets looked at each other, but none of them had an explanation. They approached the monster cautiously losing most of their fear when it had no reaction. Stepping on a fin caused a metallic knocking to ring out, and the body of the creature was cold and hard without any of the give skin would have.

“What is this?” Dipper asked no one in particular gazing in awe at the massive creature.

“I don't know. Dipper, What is that on top?” Mikey was just as shocked as Dipper and couldn't quite get his head around the submarine style hatch on top of the beast.

A difficult climb up the slick body found all four of them standing around the hatch. Without a word Dipper reached down and twisted, opening the door in the same motion. It was safe to say that what they found was far more shocking than the gnomes had been.

“You?!” An incredulous Mikey shouted Old Man McGucket. The man was pulling levers and hitting buttons seemingly at random.

“Why did you do this?” Dipper asked the old man who had apparently built a life-size lake monster.

The old man nervously looked at the group, hesitantly speaking up after a short pause. “Well, ya see… I… I just wanted attention.” the ashamed answer and dejected look on his face did not help to clear any of the confusion the group felt.

“I still don’t understand.”

The old man’s head shot up and a grin stretched at the controls as he attempted to explain. “First I hootenannied up a biomechanical brainwave generator, and then I learned to operate a stick shift with my beard!”

If anything the attempted explanation caused more confusion amongst the group. Mabel attempted to get a real answer out of the man. “Okay, but why did you do it?”

McGucket gave a deep sigh before answering “Well, when you get to be an old fella like me, nobody pays any attention to you anymore. My own son hasn't visited me in months! So I figured maybe I'd catch his fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robot!” A maniacal laugh ripped itself from the old man’s throat before it was cut off with another sigh. “In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived. You just don't know the length us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family.”

Soos turned to the triplets with a slight chuckle. “Dude. I guess the real lake monster is you guys. Sorry, that just like popped into my head there.” 

Dipper and Mabel looked down dejectedly at Soos’ comment. Mikey huffed at the sad looks his siblings sported, and grabbed their arms to drag them to the boat. “Come on. You know what we need to do.”  
****************************************************************************************************  
Stan sat in his boat isolated from the others on the lake, wallowing in his loneliness. His pity party was interrupted when he heard a boat pull up next his. Turning he saw he his great-nephews and niece along with the employee they had abandoned him for. He turned back around angrily. “I thought you were off playing Spin the Bottle with Soos.”

The triplets looked down guiltily, but Mikey took the lead with their apology. “Grunkle Stan we’re really sorry we left you to go on some monster hunt.”

“Yeah, we just wanted to have some kind of adventure while we were staying here.” Dipper continued.

“But what good is an adventure if you don’t share it with family?” Mabel asked Grunkle Stan as sweetly as she could, while all three of the triplets put on the hats Stan had given them at the start of their day.

Stan’s expression softened as he looked at the earnest faces of his family. “Have you knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?”

Taking the question as the invitation it was, everyone left the S.S. Cool Dude for the Stan O'War. Mikey pulled out a small notepad as he climbed aboard, and jotted a few notes down in it. “I’m giving him four to one odds. Any takers?”

A flurry of playful bets and additional challenges followed his announcement, beginning the end to one of the triplets fondest days of the summer.


	3. Headhunters

The triplets were enjoying a lazy day watching their favorite shows, after the excitement on the lake the day before. Mabel sat on the floor knitting a new sweater, and Mikey sat next to her helping however he could. Dipper was sitting in Stan’s chair with a bowl of popcorn, completely focused on Duck-tective. The show about an independent duck detective doing the police forces job for them was highly entertaining, and contained enough mystery and plot to keep the trio, and Grunkle Stan, in suspense waiting eagerly for the next episode.

As the episode came to a close Mabel let out her excitement in a shout to the ceilings. “That duck is a genius!”

Mikey shared Mabel’s amazed tone, but for slightly different reasons.“This is amazing! I wonder if we could make our own duck detective exhibit?”

Dipper rolled his eyes at his siblings. “It isn’t that impressive, it’s easier to find clues when you’re that close to the ground.”

Mabel and Mikey shared a look of disbelief, and Mabel spoke up. “You can't be saying you’re better than Duck-tective!”

Dipper accepted Mabel’s challenge swiftly. “Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. For example just by smelling your breath I can tell that you’ve been eating… an entire tube of toothpaste?” Dipper’s confusion was obvious, and he and Mikey looked to Mabel for some explanation.

Mabel’s only response was to hide her face, along with a groaned, “It was so sparkly!”

The playful teasing was cut short when Soos ran into the room. “Dudes! You’ll never guess what I found!”

The siblings quickly stopped what they were doing. They may not know what Soos found, but they did know that it was bound to be as exciting as everything else in Gravity Falls.  
********************************************************************************************************“So I was cleaning up this hallway when a piece of wallpaper fell off, and BOOM I found this secret door. It’s crazy creepy in there.” Soos said as they walked down the hall, only a few feet away from the living room.

Looking around the dark room they saw that it was full of wax figures ranging from Sherlock Holmes to Larry King. Dipper turned on his flashlight to look closer at the statues. “It must be some sort of secret wax museum.”

Mabel ran her hands over one of the figures as she marveled at their quality. “They’re so lifelike! This must have been a really popular attraction.”

“It couldn’t have been very good or Grunkle Stan wouldn’t have shut it down. He would have stretched this for every penny it was worth and then some.” Mikey commented from a far corner of the room. “Eww! I think I found what shut the place down.”

He pointed to a figurine that was hidden in a corner, with huge, bulbous nose, ears too large for it’s head, and a hunched back. It was obvious that something had gone horribly wrong with this statue, or at least that’s what they thought before it opened it’s mouth to speak. “Hello!”

“AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!” the four friends ran as far from the thing as they could without actually leaving the room. Huddled in the corner, using each other for protection Dipper shined his flashlight over Mikey’s shoulder, and they watched as the monster slowly shuffled into the light.

Before they could make out any distinct features the creature spoke again. “Don’t worry kids! It’s just me, your Grunkle Stan!”

The figure reached over to the wall and flipped a switch, filling the room with light, and revealing that it was indeed their Grunkle Stan.

“Welcome to the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It used to be one of our most popular attractions before I forgot all about it. I got’em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, and my personal favorite Wax Abraham Lincoln right over here.” Stan gave the group a small tour of the figures, but when he pointed to wax Abraham Lincoln nothing could be seen but a puddle of wax underneath an open window. When Stan noticed that his favorite statue no longer existed his frustration was very apparent. “Oh, what! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth I blame you!” He kneeled down next the puddle and let out a deep sigh.

Mabel saw the state Stan and knew that it was her duty to cheer him up. “Come on Grunkle Stan. Where’s that smile?” The only response she was given was a short grunt. It was time to break out the big guns. Mabel booped Stan on the nose, cheek, and the eye giving appropriate sound effects each time.

Stan’s only response was a dull “ow.”

It was time for the even bigger guns. “Don’t worry Grunkle Stan, I’ll just make you another one of these wax dealies.”

Stan turned to her with wide eyes. “Do you really think you can make one of these?”

Mabel assumed an air of superiority as she responded. “Grunkle Stan I am an Arts & Crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun with me?’ Mabel raise her arm revealing the glue gun that was semi-permanently attached to the sleeve of her sweater.

Stan was apparently impressed by Mabel’s talk. “I like your gumption kid.”

Mabel continued to smile up at Stan. “I don’t know what that word means, but thank you.” She had never been one to let confusion get in the way of art.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel was working in her sketchbook when she saw her brothers walk by. “Dipper! Mikey! What do you think of my wax figure idea? She’s part fairy princess, part horse fairy princess.”

While Dipper was choking on the soda he had been drinking, Mikey took a close look at Mabel’s sketch. “I like it, but maybe you should add some mermaid princess for variety.”

Mabel’s eyes lit up at Mikey’s words and she hurriedly made a new sketch,by the time she finished Dipper had recovered. “Like this?” she asked Mikey as she held up the sketchbook for both to observe.

Mikey shot Mabel a thumbs up, but Dipper was less enthused with Mabel’s sketch. “Maybe you should make something from real life?”

Mabel made another sketch to show Dipper. “Like a waffle with big arms!”

Dipper scratched the back of his head abashedly. “Okay, or maybe you could make someone in your family…” Mikey tried and failed to contain a snort of laughter at Dippers transparency. 

Before any more discussion on the wax figure could take place, Stan wandered into the room wearing his fez, a nice suit, and completely pantsless. “Kids, have you seen my pants? I could’ve sworn I left them around here somewhere.”

Mabel watched Stan pose with one leg on a briefcase, and was immediately struck with inspiration. Turning her head up to the ceiling, she whispered to herself. “Oh, muse, you work in mysterious ways.”

Stan turned to his great-nephews with a look of confusion on his face. “Why is your sister talking to the ceiling?” His only answer was a pair of shrugs.  
********************************************************************************************************  
What followed was a day full of remelting, reforming, carving, and painting for Mabel, but when she was done she knew that she had created a masterpiece. She stood with Soos, Dipper, and Mikey looking at her work. There was just one thing missing. “I think it needs more glitter.”

“Agreed.” Soos said as he handed her a bucket full of the stuff.

Mabel dumped the entire bucket on top of the figure, and knew that it was perfect.

“Okay I found my pants, but now I’m missing…” Stan walked into the room looking for his shoes until he noticed Wax Stan just a few feet in front of him. “Aaah!” he back peddled so fast that he fell to the floor, and just looked up at the near identical replica.

Mabel ran to him and began helping him up. “What do you think?”

“I think… the Wax Museum is back in business!” Stan yelled out, you could almost see the dollar signs in his eyes.  
********************************************************************************************************  
In front of the Mystery Shack, Stan had set up a small stage to speak from and had somehow enticed a good portion of the town to come to this announcement. While Mabel was on the stage to present her work, Dipper and Wendy were in charge of admissions.

“I can’t believe this many people came.” Dipper said as they continued to collect the entrance fees.

“I know, your Uncle probably bribed them.” Wendy joked back.

Dipper smirked at how true that statement was. “He bribed me.” He showed off the twenty dollar bill Stan had given him in return for working admissions. Wendy did the same and they both shared a laugh.

Once they had calmed down Wendy looked around again, and asked Dipper a question that he had been wondering himself. “Where’s Mikey? He doesn’t seem like the type to turn down a bribe.”

Dipper shrugged in answer to her question. “To be honest I haven’t seen Mikey since Grunkle Stan announced there was gonna be a re-opening.”

Stan began speaking into the microphone onstage, putting a halt to Wendy and Dipper’s conversation. “You all know me, folks! Town darling Mr. Mystery! Please, ladies, control yourselves.” The ladies in the audience didn’t seem interested in Stan or what he was saying. “As you all know, I bring the people of this town novelties and befuddlements the likes of which the world has never seen! But that’s enough about me, behold… me!” Stan swung the tarp of off his double and opened the curtains wide revealing the rest of the wax figures. “And now a word from our very own Mabelangelo.”

“It’s Mabel.” Mabel corrected Stan as she took the microphone from him. “Thank you all for coming! I made this statue with my own two hands! It’s covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids.” The groans of disgust from the crowd were expected, and she paused so they could get it out of their system. “I will now take questions! You there!” She pointed to the same lonely old man that they had met on the lake.

“Old Man McGucket, local cook, are the wax figures alive, and, follow up question, will I be able to survive the wax man uprising?”

Mabel hadn’t prepared for this question so she decided to answer it like she normally would: with positivity! “Yes! Next question!”

A short awkward looking man in the front row stood up “Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper, do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?”

Before Mabel could answer Stan stepped in front of her a glowered at the reporter. “Your microphone’s a turkey baster Toby.”

The strange man looked at the turkey baster in his hand and slowly sat down. “It certainly is…”

Stan ignored his mumblings and looked back to the crowd. “Next question.” Stan pointed to a woman he recognized from the local news.

“Sandra Jimenez, a real reporter, Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?” Her question made the rest of the crowd start doubting the free pizza, the only reason they had come to the grand re-opening.

Stan stood up straight and gave a big smile to the crowd. “That was a typo. Good night, everybody!” A smoke bomb was thrown down and he disappeared along with the admissions profits.

The crowd began dispersing, some sad, and others very angry, but before they could leave the area a loud voice called out. “Oh, that’s such a shame! I can’t bear to such fine folks get scammed, so I’m cutting the prices on my fresh pizza in half! Only two dollars a slice and only one if you have a Mystery Triplets pin!”

The entire crowd turned to look at where the voice came from, and they saw Mikey Pines standing next to a table stacked high with pizza. The stampede of customers nearly brought a tear to his eye, and within the hour he was sold out. Dipper, Wendy, and Mabel all approached as he waved goodbye to Manly Dan, who carried four pizzas in each of his giant hands.

“So… You’ve been making pizzas all day?” Dipper asked. It was the only part of this that confused him, normally Mikey didn’t have anything to sell when he scammed people.

“Yep. I knew Grunkle Stan wouldn’t actually have any pizza, so this was just a perfect opportunity.” Mikey said as he continued to count his profits.

Wendy laughed as she gave Mikey a fist bump. “Nice.” She ruffled their hair then turned to leave. “I gotta run, dudes. I want to get some of that pizza before Dad eats it all.”

Dipper and Mabel didn’t notice Wendy leaving. They were staring in confusion at the other item that had been for sale.

“Mikey what are these?” Mabel asked as she picked one of the pins out of the small tin they were in. On the face of each was a picture that had been taken just after the triplets adventure with the gnomes. Dipper stood in the middle with his hat pulled low and proudly displaying the journal, Mabel on his right with her grappling hook held like she was some sort of spy in an action movie, and Mikey on the left gesturing with his cane to something just outside the frame.

Mikey switched into salesman mode without missing a beat. “Oh! Those are Mystery Triplet PinsTM. Free with an online membership, or they can be purchased at any Mystery Triplets VendorTM. Mystery Triplet Pins bring hefty discounts for all merchandise and membership does the same thing on our website!” He smiled widely at his only slightly less confused siblings.

“So, you’re saying that you’re using our adventures to sell stuff to strangers online? And your using our faces and real names?” Dipper definitely did not like what Mikey was implying.

“Well I’m not using any names right now.” Mikey said. “But other than that, yes! It started with the pictures of the gnomes and some beard hair and then the pictures of the Gobblewonker sold like crazy, so now I’m starting to sell merchandise and fake stuff I made up by looking through the Journal. I’ve already ‘found’ some stuff to make t-shirts!” Mikey finished excitedly.

Mabel was too excited that there was an actual website that apparently had fans to be even a little worried about anything that could go wrong. “Cool! Now I have a place to post my Mabel’s Guide videos!”

Dipper was less impressed. “Mikey, you can’t just make stuff up and sell it online! I’m not gonna be a part of this.”

Mikey was quick to reassure Dipper. “But that’s the best part! You don’t have to be involved with it at all! I’ll still give you your cut, but you don’t have to put your name anywhere, post any videos, I’ll even take your face off the button if you want.”

Dipper gave a hesitant nod at the earnest look on Mikey’s face. “You don’t have to take me off the button, but I don’t want to be involved in any other way.”

Mikey nodded eagerly, and Dipper walked back inside leaving him to clean up the stand alone. Mikey hummed to himself as he packed away the stand, He was fairly sure it wouldn’t be long until Dipper was much more involved.  
********************************************************************************************************  
The triplets were in the bathroom getting ready for bed when they heard the horrendous screaming from downstairs. Racing quickly down to the living room they found their Grunkle Stan standing over a headless wax replica of himself. Stan’s voice was shaky when he turned to tell them what he knew. “Wax Stan! He’s been murdered!”

It didn’t take long for the police to arrive, but they proved to be less than helpful.

“We would really like to help you folks, but this case is unsolvable!” Sheriff Blubs told the family after giving the room a once over. His deputy stood beside him and stared blankly into space.

Dipper couldn’t believe they were giving up without even attempting to investigate. “You’re joking, right? There’s got to be evidence here. You know, I could help if you want.”

“He’s really good! He discovered who was taking our tin cans!” Mabel jumped in to support her brother. It helped that she really believed he could find the killer.

Grunkle Stan quickly backed Mabel up, he would do anything to get revenge on the murderer. “Yeah, let the boy help. He’s got a little brain in his head.”

The sheriff and his deputy shared a look, before they both burst into laughter. “Well would you look at that. City boy thinks he’s gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone.” The sheriff told the deputy, barely containing his laughter long enough to get the derisive remark out.

“ City boy! City booooooy!” Deputy Durland screamed into the air, as if announcing to the entire world what he thought of Dipper, or maybe he was screaming because he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t seem very bright.

Blubs turned back to Dipper. “You are just adorable!”

Dipper’s face fell, it looked like that comment hit him harder than all the other ones combined. “Adorable?” If he was expecting an answer he didn’t get one, unless it was hidden in the most recent round of laughter.

Blubs addressed all three of them as he readied himself to leave. “Look, P.J.’s, how about you leave this investigating stuff to the grown-ups okay?”

Mikey had had enough, these cops were just going to leave without putting any effort into solving the case and insulting his family. He was going to make them pay. “Before you go, care to make a friendly wager?” Mikey stopped directly in front of the officers so that they would have to move him to leave the room.

The two shared another look, and Blubs looked down with a smile that would be used when humoring a small child. Which was appropriate since that is exactly what he was doing. “What kind of bet would you like to make, kid?”

Mikey’s smile got wider as deputy and sheriff both gave him their full attention. “Thirty bucks says that we’ll get Wax Stan’s head back within the next forty-eight hours. What do you say to that?”

Blubs looked shocked that some kid was challenging him, but that shock was quickly replaced with amusement. They burst out laughing once again until they managed to get themselves back under control. “Okay, city boy, you got yourself a deal.” Blubs and Mikey shook hands to seal the deal, and the sheriff and his deputy finally left. But not without one last parting shot. “We’ll be back for our cash in forty-eight hours. You kids might want to start breaking into your piggy banks.”

Mikey’s smile stretched across his face when he turned to his family. “This is fantastic!”

Dipper and Mabel looked as confused as they felt by Mikey’s outburst. Dipper was the one to speak up though. “What is fantastic, exactly?”

“Isn’t it obvious? The cops here are so incompetent that three twelve year olds have to do their jobs, and they're willing to take illegal side bets on ongoing investigations!” In hindsight the reason for Mikey’s enthusiasm should have been obvious. “We’re gonna have so much fun here!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
The next morning the siblings gathered in the living room to go over the evidence they had, and attempt to discover more. Dipper had a cork board to organize the suspects and other pieces of evidence, and it was this that the trio were focusing on. “There were a lot of angry customers at the unveiling, and the murderer could have been anyone.”

“Yeah! Even us!” Mabel agreed.

“In this town anything is possible. Zombies, ghosts, it could be months before we find our first clue.” Dipper told them. “So thanks for saying we’d get it done by tomorrow.” He shot the last remark at Mikey.

Mikey didn’t seem concerned by Dipper’s annoyance though. “No problem Dipstick. Besides I think our first clues are the footprints in the carpet, don’t you?”

Dipper looked at the carpet and saw that there were, in fact, footprints surrounding the body of Wax Stan. Dipper kneeled next to the footprints to see if they could tell him anything else about the killer. “That’s strange, one of the shoes has hole in it…” He stood up from his crouch and followed the path the footprints made. “And they lead to…”

“An axe!” Mabel jumped up from behind the chair holding said axe above her head.

Dipper was more excited than ever know, and Mikey was even more shocked at the incompetence of the Gravity Falls police department. “This must be the murder weapon!” Dipper said while he grabbed the axe from Mabel. 

Mikey shook Dipper out of his euphoria with a simple question. “So, what does the ax tell you?”

Dipper looked surprised by the question, and looked back and forth between his siblings. “Uh, do either of you know anything about axes?” Two shaking heads were his answer. “Then we’re going to need help.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
In the gift shop, the trio handed the axe to Soos.

“So, what do you think?” Dipper asked.

Soos carefully consider what was in his hand from every angle. “In my opinion, this is an axe.” He handed the weapon back to Mabel.

Luckily, Mabel remembered the one person that was likely to own an axe. “Wait a minute. The lumberjack!”

“Of course!” Dipper exclaimed. “He was furious when he didn’t get that free pizza.”

“Furious enough, for murder!” Mabel jumped in.  
Mikey didn’t appear as sure as his siblings though. “I don’t know guys. I mean, sure he was angry when Stan gypped him, but he really calmed down once he got his pizza.”

Before Dipper or Mabel could make any sort of counter argument Soos spoke up. “Are you guys talking about Manly Dan? He always hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown.”

Dipper looked back at his brother. “It can’t hurt to ask him some questions, can it?” 

Mikey nodded his agreement, and Soos spoke up once again. “Dudes, this is so cool. You really are the Mystery Triplets.”

Dipper called back as the three rushed outside eager to get to town. “Don’t call us that!”

Outside they saw their Grunkle Stan struggling to move a coffin out of his car. “Hey, kids! Come help me with this coffin, will’ya?” I’m doing a memorial service for Wax Stan. Something small, but classy.”

“Sorry, Grunkle Stan, but we’ve got a big break in the case!” Dipper told him as the three approached.

“Break in the case!” Mabel echoed Dipper, even more excited.

Dipper continued as if he hadn’t heard Mabel’s interruption. “We’re heading into town right now to interrogate the murderer.”

Mabel hefted the axe up for Stan to see. “We have an axe! REE! REE! REE!”

Grunkle Stan stared at the kids thoughtfully. “This seems like something a responsible parent wouldn’t want you doing…” He trailed off and the kids began to worry he wouldn’t let them complete the investigation. “Good thing I’m an Uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE MEEE!” Stan yelled into the air, and the trio continued to walk the road to town.  
********************************************************************************************************  
The triplets were hidden behind a dumpster in an alley next to the Fractured Skull, the biker joint Soos told them about. There was a mountain of a bouncer covering the door, and they knew they would have to be very clever to get past him.

While the trio stayed low behind the dumpster, Mikey wanted to make sure that the plan would work. “Mabel, let me see the fake IDs you made.”

Mabel smiled proudly, and produced three plastic cards from somewhere in her sweater. She handed them to Mikey whose face immediately deflated. The cards were little more than plastic cards with fake ages, a picture with googly eyes and a mustache glued on, and bad fake names, Lady Mabelton, Sir Dippingsauce, and Lord Michaelsmont. “They look great, don’t they?” Mabel asked, eager to hear what her brother had to say.

Mikey glanced between Mabel and her fake IDs. “ Mabel, have you ever really seen an ID? Like a driver’s licence or anything?”

Mabel’s smile didn’t waver when she answered Mikey’s question. “Nope!”

Mikey sighed deeply and looked the entrance to the Skull Fracture one last time. “Well it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?”

The trio slowly approached from the alley, as they walked a miner still with helmet and pickaxe walked by mumbling something about discrimination and unfairness. They put that out of their mind when they stood in front of the hulking tattooed man. They each held up their fake ID’s and let Dipper do the talking. “We’re here to interrogate Manly Dan for the murder of Wax Stan.”

All three waited tensely for the bouncer to see through their act, but eventually he just shrugged and opened the door.

Walking in they saw that the place was as rough as Soos made it out to be. The three stepped over the legs of someone who was either dead or unconscious when they spotted Manly Dan at an arm wrestling machine in the back. Dipper turned to his brother and sister to lay out the plan. “Okay, I’m going to go interrogate Manly Dan you two just stay here and try to blend in.” Mikey and Mabel both nodded, and Dipper turned towards the suspect. As he walked he heard Mabel jump onto the stool next to someone at the bar.

“Hello there my fellow restaurant patron! Bap!” The loud growl that followed boded well for her time here.

He also heard Mikey join a group at a pool table. “Hey there, mind if I join the game? You’ll have to remind me of some of the rules, it’s been a while since I played.” That was going to end very badly, Dipper could already tell.

Manly Dan was really getting into the arm wrestling game judging from the ever increasing volume of his yells. During one of the quieter moments Dipper made his move. “Manly Dan just the person I wanted to see. Where were you last night?”

Manly Dan’s speaking voice was as loud as the yells from before. “Punchin’ the clock!”

“You were at work?” Dipper confirmed.

“No! I was punchin’ that clock!” Dan screamed. Looking outside Dipper could see a visibly deformed clock, frozen at ten.

Dipper deflated slightly realizing what that meant, but he still wouldn’t give up. “Ten o’clock, the time of the murder. So, I guess you’ve never seen this before?” He pulled the axe out of his bag and showed it to Dan.

It was hard to tell if Dan was angry or if this was just how he always acted. “Listen, little girl!” Dipper tried to correct him but was cut off as Dan continued speaking. “I wouldn’t pick my teeth with that axe. It’s left-handed! I only use my right hand, the manly hand!” with the final shout Manly Dan ripped the arm of the machine and began beating it with the arm.

“Get’im! Get’im!” Terry Cutebiker, enthusiasm enthusiast and regular at the Mystery Shack, chanted. 

Dipper ran past Terry and grabbed Mikey from where he stood next to the pool table. “There’s a big break in the case!” they ran past Mabel who jumped down to follow them. The biker she was sitting with called after them.

“But will she love me!” Dipper and Mikey decided they didn’t want context. They stopped in front of the entrance and looked back. The only people who noticed or cared about their sudden rush were the people Mikey had been with, but they glared enough for everyone in the bar. Dipper turned to Mikey with annoyance clear on his face. “Why are they so angry?”

MIkey shrugged his shoulders, but a smirk slowly spread across his face. “Apparently most people don’t like being hustled. Who knew?”

Dipper let out a longsuffering sigh, and told the others what Manly Dan told him. “Guys, the axe is left-handed! All we have to do is go through the suspect list until we find someone who’s left-handed!” 

With this new information the trio swiftly confronted everyone who had been at the grand opening. Sometimes they just waved hello and others they faked delivery’s but in the end they discovered that every suspect was right-handed, every suspect except for one.  
********************************************************************************************************  
It just after nine at night and darkness covered everything, including the five that snuck up to the door of a nondescript house on a normal street.

“You kids better be sure about this, or you’ll never hear the end of it.” Sheriff Blubs warned, before he and Deputy Durland broke down the door. “Nobody move! This is a raid!”

Inside Toby Determined sat at a desk working on the mornings newspaper. When the door crashed in he fell to the ground in shock. “What is this, some kind of raid?” Toby might have been smarter than Durland but not by much.

Durland, perhaps in answer to toby’s question, smashed a lamp with his nightstick. “Derp!”

The triplets stepped in front of the sheriff and deputy so that they could address Toby directly. Mikey gave Toby a cocky half-smile and said, in a voice full of happiness on the surface but with a slight edge underneath, “You really should’ve picked on someone else Toby.”

If anything Toby looked even more confused by Mabel’s exclamation. “Wh… what are you talking about? Why are you in my house?”

Dipper took the lead in telling Toby what was happening. “You are under arrest for the murder of Wax Stan.” He said in as strong a voice as he could muster.

Mabel gloated over the now captured criminal. “You have the right to remain impressed with our amazing detective skills!”

The rush of words didn’t seem to clear up any of Toby’s confusion. “Goballing goose feathers! I just don’t understand.”

Dipper clearly took great pleasure in the opportunity to tell Toby how he had cleverly followed the clues back to him. “Then allow me to explain: You hoped that Grunkle Stan’s new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper, but when the show flopped you made your own headline.” Mabel waved the special edition that covered the wax murder as proof. “But you were sloppy and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoed reporter that was caught left-handed.” Dipper prepared for exclamations of awe at his amazing deductive skill, and effective presentation, but what he received was nothing like that.

Toby looked at the ground seemed at first like he didn’t know what to do, but that changed as he shot to his feet and gave a wide smile. “Boy, your little knees must be sore… from jumping to conclusions. I had nothing to do with that murder.”

The triplets stared at each other in shock when Toby declared his innocence, they had been so sure. While they were stunned Sheriff Blubs asked the all-important question. “Then where were you on the night of the murder?”

Toby nervously shuffled his feet at the question. Instead of answering he placed a tape in the VCR player of his TV. After a burst of static it revealed the room they currently stood in, and the time stamp confirmed that it was recorded the night before. Toby entered the view of the camera and called out into the empty room “Finally we can be alone!” he tore open the door of his closet and revealed something no one had been expecting. “Oh, my sweet cardboard cutout of news reporter Sandra Jimenez!” Toby began passionately kissing the cutout. Everyone watching th tape averted their eyes, and several gags could be heard.

After he recovered Blubs told Toby the good news. “The timestamp confirms it. Toby, you’re off the hook. You freak of nature.”

While Toby let out a half hearted cheer, Dipper and Mikey both began to panic. “But it has to be him! Check the axe for fingerprints.” Dipper’s last attempt to prove it was Toby went up in smoke when Blubs announced that the axe had no fingerprints at all. Mikey decided to try a different tactic.

“You’re joking right? Do you realize how easy it is to change a timestamp?” Mikey’s sudden outburst stopped Blubs and Durland in their tracks, They didn’t want to admit to a group of twelve year olds that they didn't know anything about timestamps, but they also didn’t know what they should do about it. While they pretended to think about the “appropriate” action Mikey continued speaking. “If I were you I’d take him into custody, just to be sure. I mean, can you imagine how much trouble you would be in if he did kill Wax Stan and you just let him go?”

Blubs and Durland had a whispered conversation, in the middle of the room, with everyone staring at them. When they Bubs stood straight and said in his most official voice “After much deliberation my deputy and I have decided to take Toby into custody until the timestamp can be confirmed.” Durland put cuffs on Toby and dragged him outside while he continued to protest. Blubs followed and all three drove off leaving the triplets alone in the middle of the night.

Dipper turned to Mikey as the three began to walk back to the Shack. “So was there a reason you did that or…”

Mikey smiled to himself when he answered Dipper. “Well, as long as they have him they won’t try to collect their winnings, because we might have solved the case. That gives us more time to find Wax Stan’s head.”

“So you threw Toby in jail to stall for time on a thirty dollar bet?” Mabel asked incredulously. Mikey’s self satisfied nod was her answer. Mabel mulled over that silently something was bothering her, and it wasn’t that her brother put an innocent man in a holding cell for thirty bucks. (She was used to things like that by now) Finally she realized what it was. “But the bet was that we would find it by tomorrow, stalling for time won’t help.”

Mikey was clearly amused by Mabel’s question. “Sure it will! We’ll just lie about when we found it.”

Dipper rolled his eyes in exasperation but decided not to say anything about morals or values or ethics, those arguments never went anywhere anyway. “We should hurry, the service is about to start.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
The room that Stan had chosen for the very late night funeral was surprisingly nice. In all honesty, it had probably cost him more to ready the room than to create anything in the Mystery Shack. Stan stood behind the open casket of Wax Stan, which was raised on a pair of wooden stands. The kids and Soos sat in the frontmost row of chairs with the rest filled with various wax statues. Once they had all sat down Stan began the ceremony.

“Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming.” The sound of Soos sobbing and blowing his nose interrupted Stan, but he continued as though nothing had happened. “Some might say that it’s wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself.”  
Soos was overcome with emotion and shot out of his seat. “They’re wrong!”

“Easy Soos.” Stan calmed his employee. “Anyway, Wax Stan, I hope you’re picking pockets in, wax heaven.” Stan became choked with emotion, and wiped tears from his eye. “I… I’m sorry, I got glitter in my eyes!” Stan ran out the door and Soos followed, intent on comforting the grieving man.

While the only adults in the building ran away crying, the triplets stayed in their seats. Dipper was still moping about being wrong, and the display of emotion had just enhanced that feeling. “Those cops were right about me.” He let out a deep sigh and stood up from his chair. His siblings followed him in silence, unsure of what to say, until they stood directly in front of Wax Stan. “Maybe we should just give up.”

That spurred his siblings into action. “Dipper we can’t !“ Mikey told him. “So you made a mistake, it happens! Now we need to get back up and get to work.”

Mabel backed Mikey up. “Think about how far we’ve come, we can’t give up now.”

The words of his siblings had little effect on Dipper, he was still convinced that he had failed miserably. “But I considered everything, the weapon, the motive, the clues.” He sighed again, but as he did he noticed something interesting. “Why does Wax Stan have a hole in his shoe?”

Mabel, as the creator of Wax Stan, answered the question. “All of the wax guys have that. It’s where their pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy.”

With that Dipper realized he had forgotten one of the most important aspect of the cime: It had taken place in Gravity Falls, where anything and everything could happen. “Wait, what has a hole in its shoe and no fingerprints? Guys, the murderer is…”

“Right behind you.” The trio whirled around to see the wax figures rising from their seats, and Wax Sherlock Holmes blocking their path out. “Bravo my amateur sleuths, you have unburied our secret, and now we will bury you.” Holmes spoke again as he stalked towards them. The other figures had surrounded them, and Wax Lizzie Borden reclaimed her axe from Mabel. “Applaud everyone, applaud sarcastically, these two have discovered us.” Wax Sherlock said as he opened his coat to reveal Wax Stan’s head. The figures began clapping enthusiastically, clearly irritating Holmes. “No, that sounds too sincere. Slow clap, please. Ah, yes, nice and condescending.”

The kids finally broke their shocked silence. “But… but how is this possible? You’re made out of wax!” Dipper asked, only more confused by the discovery of the murderer.

Mabel on the other hand was just naively curious. “Are you magic?”

That was the question that really set the figures off. Wax Sherlock holmes began laughing, almost hysterically and turned to the other wax figures. “Magic! She wants to know if we’re magic! How adorable is that?” the laughter cut off abruptly as he turned back to the kids. “We’re CURSED! Cursed to live whenever the moon is waxing. You see your uncle stole us from a haunted garage sale many years ago, creating the Mystery Shack Wax Collection. By day we were the playthings of man, but when your uncle went to sleep we ruled the night. That is, until we stopped bringing in money and your uncle locked us in that closet We have waited ten years to get our revenge, but we got the wrong guy.”

This revelation made Mikey’s blood boil. He knew he was in a position to stop them and he needed to take it. The only problem was he didn’t know how, and then he saw the coffee maker. The screams, and then gurgles, from the melting form of Wax Lizzie Borden shocked everyone into motionlessness, except for Mikey. He launched the glass pitcher at the nearest figure, and grabbed an electric candle of the table. “Guys, hurry! We can melt them with the candles!”

While Dipper and Mabel readied the candles to defend themselves, Mikey… didn’t. Instead he charged at the wax figure nearest to the fireplace, not so coincedently, also the one that was knocked to the floor by the coffee pitcher.

The sight of Mikey’s charge broke the wax figures trance, and Wax Sherlock Holmes shouted command of “Attack!” was obeyed with gusto. The figures charged and hot wax went everywhere. 

While Dipper dodged and ducked around the figures, only attacking from surprise, and Mabel successfully took on three or figures at a time, Mikey stayed near the fireplace manipulating the figures into attacking him and either tricking them into the fireplace, or cutting them apart with swift attacks that carried no real skill. His relative isolation and stillness meant he was the first one to see Wax Holmes sneak up on Dipper. “Look out!” Dipper spun around to see Wax Sherlock stalking directly towards him.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.” Sherlock said casually, placing the head on the horn of a rhino mounted on the wall retrieving a sword as he did so. He swung the sword at Dipper in a vicious strike. Dipper tried to block it, but his candle was knocked out of his hand, and shattered on the floor.

“Dipper! Catch!” He looked up to see Mikey throwing a red hot poker at him. He caught it, thankfully by the handle, and defend himself from the next series of attacks. Sherlock holmes was pushing him back, and Dipper found himself walking up the stair into the attic. He looked around, trying to find anyway to beat the wax figure when he saw the window. Now all he had to do was wait for the right moment. 

“Once your bloody family is out of the way we will rule the night once more!” Holmes told him. Dipper had been backed into a corner while he formulated his plan. Luckily at that moment Sherlock raised the sword high above his head, giving Dipper the perfect opportunity to slip between his legs and out the window.

Dipper slipped on the tiles of the roof but managed to keep his footing and his grip on the poker. He quickly climbed over the Mystery Shack sign, with the sounds of his pursuer following edging him on. Once he was there he turned just in time to block a strike from the sword. The clash continued with Dipper barely maintaining his balance, after just dodging a strike that would have knocked him off the roof he climbed down the sign and hid behind the chimney. He heard Sherlock knock the S off of the sign with his last strike and was immensely grateful he ran when he did. All he needed to do now was stall, but he could no longer hear Sherlock Holmes running on the roof or climbing the sign. As much as he didn't want to, he peeked from behind his hiding place. There was no sign of his enemy. He turned around, relief flooding his system, but that was put an end when he came face to face with Sherlock Holmes. A powerful kick sent Dipper flying and the wax man stood over him ready to gloat. “Any last words?”

Dipper was panicking, until he saw the sunrise behind Holmes and knew his plan had worked. “Uh… you got any sunscreen?” He was still to nervous for a good witty remark though.

“Got any… what?” Sherlock turned to see the sunrise, and refused to accept it. “No.” his deadpan tone said more than any amount of screaming or crying.

He was already beginning to melt, and that gave Dipper the courage needed for his own gloating. “You know, letting me lead you outside? Probably not your smartest decision.”

By this time Sherlock was little more than a puddle with a head. “Outsmarted by a child in short pants? No! Fiddlesticks! Humbugs! Titer, total kerfuffle, butter hullabalu.” Dipper wiped his hands together kicking up dust and causing him to give out an adorable sneeze. “Haha, you sneeze like a kitten! Those policemen were right, you’re adorable! Adorable!” the puddle with a face slid off the roof splashing near the falls S.

Dipper went back inside eager to see how his siblings were doing. When he entered the room he saw Mabel and Mikey laughing and joking, and maybe having a bit too much fun throwing wax body parts into the fire. They had just finished taunting Wax Shakespeare’s poetry, and melting his head, when they noticed Dipper. Both rushed towards him eager to congratulate him on solving the mystery. Mikey was the first to reach him, and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “See, Dipstick, you solved the mystery with a full day to spare!”

Dipper laughed, and pulled a chair next to the rhino so that he could retrieve Wax Stan’s head. “I couldn’t have done it without my sidekick.”

Mabel couldn’t help herself when Dipper set up an opportunity like this. “No offense Dipper, but you’re a sidekick.”

Dipper’s worry was clear on his face as he stepped off the chair. “What? Says who? Have you heard people saying that?”  
Before anymore ribbing could take place Stan walked in the room. “Hot belgian waffles! What happened to my parlor?” It did look very bad with wax sprayed everywhere, ripped curtains, and broken chairs, so Mabel decided it was best to answer honestly.

“Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death!” Her innocent smile did not match the words.

Luckily Grunkle Stan was willing to let this go. “Haha you kids and your crazy imaginations.”

Dipper couldn’t wait any longer and lifted the head up for Stan to see. “On the bright side, look what we found.”

Stan grabbed the head and his smile grew. “Hey, my head! I missed this guy! You done good, kids.” He grabbed the three of them up and applied some affectionate noogies. The family bonding was interrupted by the sound of a police siren.

Sheriff Blubs pulled up to a broken window “Bad news for you kids, we released Toby Determined earlier this morning. Y’all better get looking for that head. We’ll be back this afternoon for our winnings.” The sheriff took a long sip from his coffee and waited for the kids to say some hilarious one liner for the guys at the station. Unfortunately for him that's not what happened.

Dipper placed the head in the window sill. “Actually we have the head right here.”

Blubs choked on his coffee and sprayed it directly into the face of his partner who’s slack jawed expression meant that a good portion went into his mouth. The cycle that followed was not pretty, and the crash after they sped off even less so, but the Pines managed to find some humor in their enemies defeat especially Stan. “Hahahaha! They got scalded!”

Mikey was eager to collect and raced out of the shack. And so ended the Mystery Triplets first true mystery, but there were many more waiting to be discovered in Gravity Falls.


	4. The Hand That Rocks the Mabel

The Mystery Shack had just experienced one of it’s busiest days of the summer, and Stan was taking full advantage of it.

“For tonight’s final illusion we have the incredible Sack of Mystery! If you put your money in it, it magically disappears!” Stan stood in full Mr. Mystery garb and held the sack out to the crowd. The almost never-ending flow of cash was enough to put a spring his step and a smile on his face. After he waved the last of his customers off, he went back inside to join the kids by the TV.

Meanwhile, Soos and the kids sat in front of the TV, watching a rerun of Tiger Fist. The cheering when the titular Tiger Fist was saved, died down as the show went to commercial.

“Are you completely miserable?” The narrator asked. An actor came on screen crying his eyes out.

“Yes!”

The narrator continued, and the commercial shifted to a still shot of a large tent. “Then you need to meet… Gideon.”

Dipper and Mabel were now incredibly interested. “Gideon?”

Mabel asked her own question to no one in particular. “What makes him so special?”

She received two responses, one from an oddly sullen Mikey. “Absolutely nothing.”

And the other from the still playing commercial. “He’s a psychic!” The announcement drew attention away from Mikey and back toward the TV. “So don’t waste your time with other so-called ‘men of mystery.’” At this point, a picture of Stan with FRAUD stamped across it was shown. “So learn about tomorrow tonight at Gideon’s Tent of Telepathy. Voidwhereprohibited. noCOD’saccepted. CarlaI’vealwayslovedyoubutneverhadthegutstosayit.”

Mabel’s eyes had gone wide at the idea of attending the show. “Wow, I’m getting all curiousy inside” 

Before anyone else could comment, Stan walked in the room, apparently, he had heard everything. “Well don’t get too curiousy! Ever since that monster Gideon came into town I’ve had nothing but trouble. Ask your brother, he knows what I’m talking about.”

Everyone turned to Mikey, who simply shrugged his shoulders before elaborating “Gideon plays dirty, it’s vicious competition. ”

Dipper crossed his arms and eyed his brother critically “So you don’t like him because he’s competition?”

Mikey rolled his eyes at Dipper’s judgment “It’s not that I don't like him personally, in fact, I kind of respect him, he plays for keeps. On a strictly business level, I'm ninety percent sure he burned down a stall I was selling t-shirts out of, so no I don't really like him.”

Mabel was clearly disappointed by the talk. She had been hoping this was the real deal. “So he’s not psychic?”

No one was immune to Mabel’s puppy dog eyes, and Mikey immediately caved at her look. “I doubt it, but maybe we should check it out anyway. Knowing Gideon's act would make it easier to destroy his business.”

Grunkle Stan tried to shoot that idea down. “Never! You’re forbidden from patronizing the competition. No one that lives under my roof is allowed under that Gideon’s roof.” He said pointedly refusing to look at Mabel.

As Grunkle Stan marched out of the room, Dipper turned to his siblings. “Do tents have roofs?”

I smile slowly grew on Mikey’s face, and Mable let out a small cheer. “I think we just found our loophole.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
“So why aren’t you worried about patronizing Gideon?” Dipper questioned Mikey as they walked towards the tent. A large crowd had already gathered, and it looked like several people had come dressed completely in Gideon gear.

Mikey’s grin grew even wider at Dipper’s question. “Who said we were paying? It is a tent after all.” Mikey walked around the crowd toward a secluded corner and lifted the edge of the tent up. Mabel showed no hesitation as she charged through, but Dipper was much more hesitant and eventually had to be forced through by Mikey. Once they were inside the tent they saw that they were actually one of the first ones in. Most people were still at the entrance, where a large man, presumably Gideon's manager or another employee, stood speaking grandly to the crowd.

“Step right up here, folks. Put your money in Gideon’s psychic sack.” The sack he held was oddly familiar, and his spiel was almost exactly the same as Stan’s.

As they walked further Dipper noticed more and more similarities, from merchandise in the gift shop, to the employees. “This is like a bizarro version of the Mystery Shack. They even have their own Soos.” The worker he pointed at did look like Soos, he was even named Deuce, and judging by his heated glare, Soos wasn’t happy about his lookalike.

Mikey seemed entirely unsurprised by Dipper’s comment. “Yeah, that’s how Gideon operates, steal ideas and discredit their creators. It’s pretty effective actually.” His lighthearted tone seemed at odds with his words.

Mabel shushed her brothers as the lights went down and the curtains began to open. “Shhhhh, It’s starting.”

The curtains opened and a spotlight brightened the stage, revealing a boy that couldn’t be older than ten, white the biggest, whitest hair any of the Pines had ever seen. “Hello, America! My name is Li’l Gideon.”

Mabel’s eyes grew wide and Mikey slipped further down his seat. Dipper turned to his brother with a raised eyebrow. “That’s your enemy?”

Mabel was giggling to herself at the idea of the small boy onstage being anything but an angel. “But he’s so wittle!” Mikey didn’t respond to his siblings teasing and just continued to watch the show.

While the siblings were talking Gideon had continued to introduce the show. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight! ...Such a gift. I have a vision. I predict that you will soon all say, ‘aww.’” One he finished speaking Gideon looked away, and dramatically turned back revealing the most adorable face anyone had ever seen.

“Awww” The crowd, of course, obliged Gideon’s prediction.

Mabel stared in awe at Gideon following his successful prediction. “It came true.” She whispered to herself completely ignoring her surroundings. 

Dipper stared at his sister in shock. “What? I’m not impressed.” He couldn’t believe she was being dragged into this.

Mikey was still sulking, but he couldn’t resist giving a sharp remark. “You shouldn’t be.” 

“Hit it, dad!” Gideon turned and pointed to a man seated at a piano, the same man who had been working the entrance. As he started to play, Gideon began to sing.

“Oh, I can see, what others can't see  
It ain't some sideshow trick, it's innate ability  
Where others are blind, I am futurely inclined  
And you too could see, if you was widdle ol' me!  
Come on, everybody, rise up! I want y'all to keep it going!”

With those words, everyone stood, including the Mystery Shack group. No one was more confused then Dipper. “Wha--? How did he…”

Dipper’s questions were quieted as Gideon began to sing some more. “Keep it going!”

“You wish your son would call you more  
I sense that you’ve been here before.  
I’ll read your mind if I’m able,  
Something tells me your named Mabel.”

With each line Gideon pointed to a new audience member making shockingly accurate, and incredibly obvious, predictions. His most impressive feat was guessing Mabel’s name, but considering she was wearing a sweater with her name sewn on the Pines’ weren’t impressed.

“How did he do that?” The Pines’ minus Mabel that is. It was obvious that her awe was only growing as Gideon continued to perform.

“So welcome all ye… to the Tent of Telepathy  
And thanks for visiting… widdle ol’ me!”

Gideon finished his song a took a long drink from a water bottle kept in his jacket. “Thank you! You people are the real miracles!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
It was an hour later when they finally left the tent. Gideon's show was clearly on a higher budget than the Mystery Shack, but there had been nothing particularly special about it. It had been made abundantly clear, at least to Dipper and Mikey, that Gideon was a fraud, but that didn't stop Mikey from worrying about how he was going to beat this competition.

In fact, even as they stepped out of the tent, he was running through a list of Gideon’s advantages and skills. “Let’s see: he’s adorable, charismatic, got great showmanship…”

Dipper stepped in before his brother built up too much steam. “Mikey, you’ve got be kidding me. That kid’s just a massive fraud, like Grunkle Stan.”

Unfortunately, it looked like Mikey was too far gone for that to work. “Doesn’t really matter how big a fraud he is if everyone loves him.” He snapped at Dipper before he continued with the list. “Oh, and let’s not forget completely ruthless!”

Mabel couldn’t believe that Mikey thought Gideon was capable of arson. She decided to diffuse this situation in her own style. “Oh, come on, did you see his widdle dance? It was adorable! And his hair just goes like, whoosh!”

Mikey didn’t even glance up from his notepad, but Dipper did decide to comment. “You’re too easily impressed.”

That Mikey did respond to, just not in the way they hoped. “Well, if she is, so is everyone else in this town.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
The next morning Dipper and Mikey sat at the living room table. Dipper was mainly just watching Mikey create and give up on plans to discredit Gideon and destroy his business. Mabel was still in their shared room working on an art project. While Mikey crumpled up another sheet of paper, Dipper heard Mabel run down the stairs and saw her race into the living room. Judging from the rhinestones that covered her face, she had finished the project. “Check it out, guys! I successfully bezazzled my face!” Dipper was not sure how to respond to this, and Mikey was still focused on his schemes. “Blink! Oww.” Dipper had to ask the only question on his mind.

“Is that permanent?”

Mikey had finally looked at Mabel and smiled widely as he told her his honest opinion. “I think it looks great!” His eyes gained a calculating look as he continued to stare at her. “Do you think you could make some bezazzled face masks for me? You know, for the website.”

The thought of spreading her art excited Mabel to no end. “I would love to! I’ll get started immediately!” She rushed back up the stairs, leaving Mikey and Dipper alone again. Just as they heard the attic slam shut, someone knocked at the door.

“I’ll get it.”Mikey said, he really could use a break. He stood up from his chair and walked to the front door. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this. “Gideon?” The question held a slight edge to it, and Gideon became noticeably more nervous when he heard it.

“Oh, uh… hello, Michael, isn’t it? Is Mabel here by any chance?” Up close Gideon wasn’t all that different from other kids Mikey known, aside from his big, white hair. That didn’t mean Mikey trusted him anymore though.

He folded his arms and stepped into the doorway, blocking Gideon’s view inside. “Why do you want to see her?” His question came out as almost a growl, and Gideon deflated once more.

Gideon took a deep breath a drew himself to his full, and rather modest, height. “Well, when I saw her in the audience at my last performance I knew I had found a kindred spirit. Someone who enjoys the sparkly things in life.” The way Gideon spoke made Mikey wonder what his real goal was. He hoped it was what he thought it was, otherwise he would have to seriously harm Gideon.

“And that’s all? You just want someone to hang out with?” The piercing gaze Mikey fixed on Gideon caused him to shift nervously, and his sudden flush told Mikey everything he needed to know. “I knew it! This is great!”

Gideon looked at Mikey, at first afraid, but then confused by Mikey’s ecstatic exclamation. “It is?”

Mikey was no longer really paying attention to Gideon. “It’s so romantic! The performer falls in love with a one-time audience member and tracks her down,” He gestured at Gideon the wistfulness never leaving his voice or face, “she’s only here for the summer, so you have to make the most of the time, and you’re her family’s biggest business rival. It’s like a triumvirate of romance! This is exactly what Mabel needs.” It would surprise most to know, but Mikey was a true romantic at heart. Love was the only thing that beat cash in his book.

Gideon was pleasantly surprised by this turn of events. He didn’t think any member of the Pines family would want anything to do with him, and especially no Mikey. “So you’ll help?” He asked more hopeful than ever.

Mikey snapped out of his little daydream. “Of course! You wait here, and I’ll go get Mabel. If you need help don’t hesitate to ask.” He turned and shot into the house.

Grunkle Stan called out a question as he ran up the stairs. “Who’s at the door?”

But he didn’t stop for a second. “Just a friend of Mabel’s.” When he reached Mabel, he didn’t say a word, just grabbed her arm and dragged her after him. When they reached the door he yanked it open and pushed her outside, and then he disappeared to make sure they were alone

Mabel had been surprised when dragged her downstairs, and she was even more surprised to see why. “It’s widdle ol’ you!’ She was excited to meet Gideon, she just didn't understand why he was here.

Gideon laughed nervously. “Yeah, my song’s quite catchy. I know we haven’t formally met, but since I saw you in the crowd I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you.” He said earnestly.

Mabel laughed at his flattery, coughing up some rhinestones that peppered Gideon's collar. This only seemed to endear Gideon even more.

While Mabel recovered, Gideon took the opportunity to get her away from the Mystery Shack. “Would you like to step away and chat a bit more? Perhaps in my dressing room?”

Mabel was thrilled with the thought of doing something other than solving mysteries and play video games. “Oh! Makeovers! Yahoo!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel had just had one of the best days of her life. Gideon had just taken her back to the Mystery Shack after a whirlwind of makeovers and gossip. Mabel walked into the shack to see Dipper and Mikey lounging by the table reading the Journal. “Hey, guys, what’s goin’ on?” She waved her long, manicured fingernails in front of Dipper’s face hoping to provoke a reaction.

Dipper did not disappoint, he shot off the chair and attempted to swat her hands away. Then he actually caught sight of her. “Whoa, where have you been? And what’s going on with those fingernails, you look like a wolverine.”

“I know, right?” Mabel laughed and mimed clawing at something before she explained where she had been. “I was hanging out with my new pal Gideon, he is one dapper little man.”

Mikey looked up from the page and smiled at his sister. “So I’m guessing it went well?”

Mabel’s expression grew even happier as she remembered how her day had gone.“Yep! It was so nice to do some girly stuff for once. I’m meeting him again tomorrow!”

Dipper didn’t like that his sister was hanging out with a professional liar, and made his opinion known. “Mabel I don’t trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head.” He crossed his arms in an effort to look firm. That didn’t last long.

“Oh, leave him alone! You never want to do girly stuff with me, and you guys and Soos do boy stuff all the time.” Mabel’s sudden explosion made Dipper back off, at least for now.

Dipper didn’t understand where she was coming from though. “What do you mean?”

Before Mabel could answer Dipper’s question, Soos ran in with a package of hot dogs. “Hey dudes, you ready to blow these hot dogs up in the microwave one by one?”

Dipper had been waiting for this all afternoon. “Am I!” He and Soos ran into the kitchen, but Mikey hesitated just a second.

He turned to Mabel to make sure she knew she was welcome. “Are you sure you don’t want to watch?”

Mabel turned her head up and her back to him. “No thanks. I have a sweater to knit.” She began to walk towards the stairs, leaving Mikey behind.

MIkey shrugged. “Fair enough.”

Together in the kitchen, the boys celebrated the destruction of hot dogs.“One-at-a-time! One-at-a-time!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel and Gideon sat on the top of a decrepit warehouse that overlooked the town. It belonged to Gideon’s family and now served to store all the Tent of Telepathy merchandise. Mabel was awestruck as she looked down at the town. “Whoa! The view from your family's factory is nuts! Good thing we brought our…”

“Opera glasses!” Mabel and Gideon both finished. They took out their opera glasses and looked at each other through them.

When they finished laughing, Gideon let out a contented sigh and looked out over Gravity Falls. “Mabel, when I'm up here lookin' down on all those little ol' people, I feel like I'm king of all I survey. I guess that makes you my queen!” Gideon said, looking at Mabel hopefully

Mabel didn’t notice Gideons look and just laughed at his charming words. “What? You are being so nice to me right now, quit it!” She said and playfully pushed him away.

Gideon turned to her and spoke in his sincerest tone. “I can’t quit it. I’m speaking from the heart.”

Mabel began to realize that this might be more than she thought it was. “From the where-now?” She glanced from side to side as if she were looking for an escape.

“Mabel, I’ve never felt this close to anyone. So, so close.” Gideon told her, reaching out to stroke her hair. She slapped his arm away, but that did little to deter him. 

“Look, uh, Gideon, I…” She tried to find the right words, that wouldn’t hurt him. She stopped trying when he reached for her hair again. “I like you a lot, but let’s just be friends”

Gideon wasn’t going to take no for an answer though. “At least give me a chance. Mabel, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?” The puppy dog eyes were out in full force. 

Mabel tried to fight her way out of it. “A play date?” But Gideon refused to let her out easy. “A shopping date?”

Gideon shook his head and tried again to convince her. “It’ll just be one li’l ol’ date. I swear on my lucky bolo tie.” Mabel made the fatal mistake of looking into his eyes.

“Ummmm… okay, then… I guess…”

Mabel’s lack of willingness didn’t affect Gideon at all. “Oh, Mabel, you have made me the happiest boy in the world!” He knew he would win her over on the date.

The sudden hug from Gidon wasn’t entirely unexpected, but his other action was. “Are you sniffing my hair?” She really needed to go home.  
********************************************************************************************************  
At the Mystery Shack, the siblings were playing a video game on an old console Stan had found in a supply closet. Mabel had already told them how her afternoon with Gideon had gone. From the way she was talking, it sounded like she was looking for confirmation that she had done the right thing. “It’s not a date-date, it’s just, you know, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I figured I’d throw him a bone.”

Dipper derisively shook his head. “Mabel, guys don’t work that way, he’s gonna fall in love with you.” 

“Why aren’t you giving him a real chance?” The sudden comment from Mikey was unexpected. He hadn’t seemed to pay attention to Mabel’s story, and they definitely weren’t expecting him to be on Gideon’s side.

Mabel looked at Mikey quizzically, and Dipper stared with narrowed eyes from behind her. “What do you mean?” Mabel really wasn’t sure that Mikey was talking about. She agreed to go on this date, didn’t she?

Mikey shrugged his shoulders, using his sibling's shock to defeat them both in the video game. “I don’t know, It’s just that Gideon is trying so hard to win you over. He clearly thinks he loves you. I just think you should give him a chance, you might be surprised.”

Mabel carefully considered her brother’s words.“Maybe you’re right Mikey, I should at least go into this date with an open mind.” She stood proudly as she made her decision.

Mikey smiled at his sister. “That’s the spirit.” that had been easier than he thought it would be.

Dipper was about to tell his siblings how ridiculous they were being, but before he could the door burst open. In walked a horse carrying Gideon on his back. Gideon helped Mabel mount the horse and then they rode off leaving behind a completely shellshocked Dipper and a smug Mikey.

Dipper couldn’t help but notice the self-satisfied look on Mikey’s face and decided to confront him before whatever it was got out of hand. “What did you do?”

Mikey raised his hands in a show of compliance but continued to walk back into the gift shop. “I haven’t done anything.”

Dipper refused to let Mikey just walk out, and followed after him. “So what was all that about giving Gideon a chance?”

Mikey gave a great sigh and turned back toward his brother. “You know I’m a sucker for love, Dipstick. I feel bad for the kid. All I really want is Mabel to be happy and, you know, this could be, like, her chance, or somethin’.”

Dipper narrowed his eyes at Mikey, trying to determine if he was lying. “Fine, but I don’t trust Gideon. I’m keeping an eye on both of you.” Mikey rolled his eyes and walked out, leaving Dipper to contemplate this turn of events.  
********************************************************************************************************  
After the rocky start with the horse ride, Mabel and Gideon had been having a great time. Mabel was even starting to think Mikey had been right. “I can’t believe they let us bring a horse in here!” Now they had just been seated in one of Gravity Falls most luxurious restaurants, and Mabel was suitably impressed.

Gideon smiled arrogantly. “Well, people have a hard time saying ‘no’ to me.” He put his feet up on the table, and a waiter rushed to the pair.

To Mabel’s surprise, the waiter was not there to admonish Gideon. In fact, it was just the opposite. “Ah, Monsieur Gideon, ze feet on ze table! An excellent choice!” The waiter looked to Gideon as if expecting to be praised for his performance.

Gideon did not, however, and instead issued a sharp rebuke. “Jean-Luc, what did we discuss about eye contact?”

The waiter quickly straightened up and was careful to not look anywhere near their faces. “Yes, yes, very good.” The smile remained fixed on his face though, and he graciously left acting almost subservient to Gideon.

Mabel recovered from the odd exchange though and attempted to start a conversation. “I’ve never seen so many forks! And water with bubbles in it?” Ooh lala, oui, oui.” She laughed expecting Gideon join her.

Instead, Gideon leaned over and said something in what she assumed was French. “Oh! Parlez vous francais?”

She was forced to admit her lack of understanding. “I have no idea what you’re saying.” Mabel couldn’t help but feel like this date was getting out of hand.  
********************************************************************************************************  
At the Mystery Shack, Mikey and Dipper were hanging out with Soos and Wendy in the gift shop. It had been a slow day at the Shack so far, slow enough that Grunkle Stan had yet to get dressed. Walking into the gift shop in a white tank top and boxers, Stan was clearly distressed by something in the paper he was carrying. “Hey, hey! What the jackal is Mabel doing in the paper next to that crazy pickpocket Gideon?”

Wendy was quick to tell him just what was happening. “Oh, yeah, It’s like a big deal. Everyone’s talking about Mabel and Gideon’s big date tonight.” Wendy took out her phone, scrolling through texts about that very thing.

Stan was not happy to hear that. “What!? That little shyster is dating my great niece!?” He stormed out of the gift shop throwing down the paper as he went.

Soos was reading a magazine article about the new relationship and began speculating out loud. “I wonder what the name for the new power couple will be? Mabideon? Gideabel?” His face lit up when he realized the perfect name for the couple. “Magidbeleon!” 

He wasn’t the only one who liked the name. “Yes! Soos, I love it.” Mikey got up from his seat and left the room. “I’m going to start making shirts right now.”

Grunkle Stan marched back into the room, now in full Mr. Mystery attire. “This ends tonight! I’m going right down to that little skunk's house, this is gonna end now!” He stormed out of the gift shop.

Soos turned to Dipper. “Dude, wouldn’t it be funny if that was a closet and he had to come out again, and go out the real door?” He ran to the screen door and opened it, looking out for several seconds. “Nope, real door.”  
*************************************************************************************************************  
Stan’s car skid to halt in front of Gideon’s house. He marched up to the door and hit it furiously. “Gideon, you little punk! Open up!” Stopping for a moment Stan saw the sign on the door, which read “Please Pardon This Garden.”Stan struck the sign from the door. “I will pardon NOTHING!”

Buddy Gleeful, Gideon’s father, opened the door and looked Stan right in the eyes. “Why, Stanford Pines! What a delight!”

Stan attempted to force his way around the large man, but he refused to move. “Out of the way Bud, I’m looking for Gideon!”

Bud assumed a thoughtful expression before he put his arm around Stan and pulled him inside. “Well, I haven't seen the boy around, but since you're here, you simply must come in for coffee!”

Stan tried to object, but Bud’s strange niceness had thrown him for a loop. “But… but I came...”

Bud pushed Stan farther into the room and then left to fetch the coffee. “It's imported! All the way from Colombia!”

Hearing that he would be given something luxurious for free Stan calmed down. “Wow, I went to jail there once.” He looked around the room and offered Bud a surprisingly sincere compliment. “Some digs you got here. Oh, this? This is beautiful.” Stan stood in front of a clown painting that was hung behind the couch in the living room.

Bud returned with the coffee and settled in a large chair, while Stan lounged on the couch. “Now I hear that your niece and my Gideon are singin’ in harmony so to speak.”

Stan remembered why he had come there, to begin with, and sat up.“Uh, yeah, and I’m against it. Nyah.” He pushed a throw pillow off the couch to show his anger.

Bud quickly moved to reassure Stan. He guided Stan around the house, to show him what could be his. “No, no, no. I see it as the perfect business opportunity! The Mystery Shack and the Tent of Telepathy, for too long we’ve, let me get that,” Bud pulled a picture of Stan that had been placed on a dartboard down. “for far too long we’ve been at each other’s throats. This is our big chance to pool our collective profit!”

Stan was greatly interested by the idea of money. “I’m listening.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Back at Mabel and Gideon’s date things hadn’t been going so well. “... so I said, ‘sign your own headshot, lady!’” Gideon had just finished telling a story that was probably meant to be funny but just made Mabel feel out of place.

“That’s great…” Mabel poked at the lobster on her plate jerking back when it grabbed her fork. It had been like this all night, Gideon was acting completely different, arrogant and condescending, she just wanted her best friend/ little sister back.

She realized Gideon was talking again. “Mabel, this date was a complete success, and tomorrow's’ date promises to top this one in every way!” That was news to her.

She was trying, she really was, but she couldn’t do this again. She needed to talk to her best friend, not, this. “Wait! Another date so soon? Don’t you think we could, maybe, slow down a little?”

That’s when she heard something screech from above her. “Hark! What a surprise! A South American rainbow macaw!” Gideon said as the bird landed on his arm. Mabel slowly rose from where she had hidden from behind the table.

The bird opened its beak and spoke. “Mabel! Will you accompany Gideon to the ballroom dance this thurbday!” Gideon looked furious when the bird misspoke and shook his arm viciously. “Thursday!” The bird corrected itself, spit out a letter and flew off.

The diner’s had been listening in the entire time and quickly expressed their opinions.

“Oh so adorable!”

“Gideon’s got a girlfriend!”

Gideon passed Mable the envelope. “They’re expecting us, please say you’ll go.”

Mabel looked around at the people gathered around.“Oh, Gideon, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to say…”

Sheriff Blubs was the first one to speak. “I’m on the edge of my seat!”

Tyler Cutebiker was next. “This is gonna be adorable!”

An old woman looked down to the ground. “If she says no, I’ll die of sadness.”

A doctor quickly backed her up. “I can verify that that will indeed happen.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper looked up as Mabel walked in the room. “Hey, How’d it go?”

“I don’t know, I have a lobster now.” Mabel placed the lobster in the water tank next to the front door.

Mikey put an arm on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. “So what went wrong?”

Mabel sat down with a frustrated huff. “I tried, I really did, but he was just so pushy and arrogant! It felt like he was a completely different person! And now I have to go on another date with him tomorrow!”

“Mabel, you should just tell him no.” Dipper didn’t hesitate to make his already clear opinion known.

Mabel shook her head. “But I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I still like him as a friend slash little sister.” She sighed, she didn’t know what she was going to do.

Mikey offered her a way out though. “Do you want me to talk to him?” He asked looking to see if she thought it was a good idea. 

Mabel sat up, the last time Mikey had offered to “talk” to someone it hadn’t turned out well for anyone involved. “What?”

Mikey tried to gently reassure her and also wondered if it was a bad sign his sister thought he would do something like that to a ten-year-old. It was probably fine. “Yeah, I’ll just go tell him that you felt uncomfortable tonight, and explain that you would rather just be friends.”

“You would do that for me?” Mabel asked wide-eyed.

“Of course I would! In fact, why don’t I go right now?” Mikey stood up and walked out the door. Moments later he stuck his head back in. “Would you mind telling me where Gideon lives?”  
********************************************************************************************************  
At the gleeful residence, he was quickly ushered in by Bud, and directed to Gideon’s room. Inside he found Gideon seated at a table playing with that looked uncomfortably like people from Gravity Falls, along with a scale model of said town.

“Oh, Michael what a delight! Sit down, I insist.”

Mikey decided that the best way to deal with this was to just get it over with.“Okay, look Gideon. Mabel friend-zoned you. She felt really uncomfortable at the date tonight, and she doesn’t really want to go on the one tomorrow, but we can fix this, probably.” Mikey looked and saw that Gideon's eye was twitching and his fists were clenched in rage. He quickly controlled himself though.

Gideon’s main feeling right now was confusion. “But, I thought she enjoyed the date? And she said yes to going on the second one!”

Mikey tried to explain this the best way he could. “That’s because an old lady said she would die if Mabel said no, and a doctor confirmed it. Look, when she shows up tomorrow, apologize for coming on too strong, be romantic, sure, but don’t try to pressure her. Give her flowers, but say they’re for your best friend. Act as you did before the date.” Mikey continued to explain exactly how Gideon should act for several minutes, Gideon even started taking notes.

When Mikey was done Gideon still had one question. “That might keep me her friend, but how do I become her boyfriend?”

Mikey smirked to himself, this was where he shined. “Leave that to me, I have a plan. Speaking of which, do you know any large scary men that are willing to work for cheap?” Gideon didn’t know it, but this was also a test for him. If he passed dating Mabel was practically guaranteed, if he failed, Mikey didn’t want him dating Mabel anyway.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel arrived at the ballroom right on time, to find Gideon already waiting. Before she had the chance to say anything Gideon launched into his apology. “Mabel, I would like to apologize for my behavior last night. I understand that you don’t want to be here tonight, and I can’t blame you. But I would be the luckiest boy on the planet if you would agree to dance with me as my best friend.” He smiled up at Mabel, hoping Mikey’s instructions would work.

Mabel was cautious though. “Just as friends?” Gideon’s earnest nod convinced her. She didn’t know what Mikey said, but she was glad he did. “Alright then.”

Gideon decided to ignore Mikey’s next piece of advice, he just had to try. “I also rented a boat to take us out on the lake, would that still be out of the question?”

Mabel didn’t mean to speak as sharply as she did, but she wanted to make it clear that Gideon was just her friend. “Don’t push your luck, Gideon.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
When Mabel came home she was smiling, and clearly much more excited then last time. Mikey stated the obvious.“It went well then?”

Mabel rushed to her brother and gave him an enormous bear hug, lifting him off the ground. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I don’t know what you said, but Gideon was so much better this time. I have my friend back!” Mikey laughed as Mabel set him down. He was about to ask her about the next date when Stan walked in.

“Great news, Mabel! You have to marry Gideon!” He cheered clearly much happier about this arrangement then yesterday.

Mabel was shocked. She had just gotten her friend back, and now her Grunkle was telling her to marry him. “What!?

Stan explained. “It’s part of my long term deal with Buddy Gleeful. There’s a lot of money tied up in this thing. Plus I got this shirt. Ugh, I am fat.” He said pointing to the “Magidbeleon” shirt and the large potbelly it covered.

Mikey reassured Mabel, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Mabel. From what I saw in that house Gideon calls the shots.” You could tell when Mikey realized what his grunkle was wearing. He turned to Stan his eyes narrowed. “Did you buy that shirt?”

Stan laughed at the ridiculous question. “Are you joking? It was forty bucks! I don’t know who’s selling ‘em, but they’re making a mint off the rubes out there.”

Mikey decided he could put that off, for now, he had a, slightly, more important issue to deal with. “So when are you seeing Gideon again?”

Mabel excitedly told her brother what Gideon had planned. “Oh! He’s taking me to The Club tomorrow, It’s this super fancy restaurant on the edge of town.”

Mikey nodded, that was all he needed to know. “Well, I hope you have fun. If you’ll excuse me I need to talk an eight-year-old about keeping an eye out for thieves.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mikey walked into the restaurant, Mabel was right about it being fancy. It had taken almost a full twenty seconds to sneak past the wait staff. He found Gideon seated at the central table and made his presence known. “Hey, Gideon.”

Gideon placed the menu down in order to see him. “Michael, what a pleasant surprise!”

Mikey quickly got to the point, Mabel was right behind him, and he couldn’t let her see him. “I just wanted to let you know that the plan happens tonight.”

Gideon clapped his little hands together in excitement. “Oh, goody. What exactly is the plan?” He asked. He had never been given any details.

MIkey quickly shut him down. “I can’t tell you because for it to work, your reaction has to be natural. Just remember that no matter what happens you have to be brave, defend Mabel to your last breath!” He finished dramatically.

Gideon followed suit “Like a knight protecting his lady!” He stood up in his seat and raised a fist to the sky.

Mikey nodded, satisfied. “Exactly. Mabel should be here soon, so I’ll go out the back.” He rushed out, and Gideon sat down and readied himself as Mabel walked in the door.  
********************************************************************************************************  
The date had gone exceptionally well, and both Gideon and Mabel were walking through the darkened streets of Gravity Falls laughing, without a care in the world. Gideon was still waiting for Mikey’s plan and was beginning to wonder if there was one at all. They were walking next to an alley when it happened. A giant of a man covered in tattoos charged out of the alley. “Both of you! Empty your pockets!” Mabel recognized him as the bouncer at the fractured skull, but was too shocked and frightened to do anything.

Gideon, on the other hand, was not. “Please don’t hurt me! Take her instead!” He leapt behind Mabel and pushed her slightly forward, doing his best to remain unseen. On the other end of the alley, hidden behind the corner, Mikey facepalmed.

Tats was very confused, he had been told to pretend to mug these two, but to back off when Gideon stepped to protect his girlfriend. “Uhhh… Boss?” This turn of events was clearly above his pay grade.

Mikey was already walking down the alley. “Yeah, Tats I know. Gideon, I need you to sign this.” He said, holding up a large Li’l Gideon poster. After Gideon had fished out a pen a signed with shaky writing Mikey continued. “And now if you could please shake Tats’ hand.” Gideon slowly reached out, and Tats grabbed it in a powerful grip.

“I’m a huge fan Li’l Gideon.” He said enthusiastically.

“Al...always a pleasure to meet a fan.” Gideon did his best to sound his normal suave self.

Mikey shook Tats’ hand as well. “Thanks for the help.” Tats nodded and headed off, not bothering to look back. Mikey fixed his gaze on Gideon. “So much for ‘like a knight defending his lady.’” He was clearly not happy at the moment.

Gideon was still a mixture of rage, confusion, and fear. “That… That was the plan?!” He asked Mikey, still flustered. Until this point, Mabel had just stood there confused, but now she began to get an inkling of what had just happened. She was not pleased.

“Yeah, it was. You were supposed to defend Mabel, and become her hero, which just might have been enough for you to squeeze back into the romance zone.” Mikey was poking Gideon in the chest, backing him against a wall, but then he just let out a sigh. “But that’s kinda shot now, the only hope you have is begging and pleading.” That was when Mabel began crying and ran as quickly as she could back to the Mystery Shack. “Which, come to think of it, is my only chance too. So, uh, I have to go grovel. Bye.” Mikey took off after his sister. He hoped he could fix this.  
********************************************************************************************************  
“Mabel, I’m sorry!” Mikey was normally very good at gaining forgiveness, no matter what he had done. This time though he had really messed up. By the time Mikey got home, Mabel had retreated into their room, and he still hadn’t gotten her to open the door. Dipper wasn’t happy with him but had at least decided to wait until Mabel was better to have that argument. Mikey sighed, there was only one way to get through that door, he doubted it would help his case, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Moments later the lock was picked and he stepped into the room.

Mabel sat in a corner, with her knees tucked to her chest, completely withdrawn into her sweater. She left nothing exposed except her shoes and the top of her head. “Mabel isn’t here right now, she’s in Sweatertown.” This was very bad. Locking herself in her room was one thing, but if Mabel was in Sweatertown she must have been devastated.

Mikey swallowed heavily and sat down next to his sister. “Mabel, I was just trying to help.” She did not respond. Mikey sighed. “You should have heard him when he first showed up. He couldn’t take his mind off you. It was like something out of a TV show, and I just wanted you to have that, at least for the summer.” He slowly stood up and walked to the door. He looked back once, but Mabel hadn’t budged. He sighed again as he shut the door behind him.

Dipper had been waiting downstairs while Mikey tried to apologize to Mabel. The knocking at the door startled him from his reading of the journal. Slightly annoyed, he walked to the door and yanked it open, ready to tell whoever it was to leave. “Gideon? What do you want?” Gideon stood just outside the door with his most charming smile firmly in place.

“Dipper Pines, I was wondering if I might speak with Mabel?”

Dipper narrowed his eyes at the audacity of the child. “No.” He tried to slam the door, but Gideon’s foot in the door stopped that.

“Well, what about Michael then?” Gideon was still trying to charm Dipper, but it was obvious to him that it was having no effect.

Dipper was really starting to get angry now. “Neither of them want to see you, and neither do I. You should probably leave before someone really gets angry” He slammed the door in Gideon's face as hard as he could.

Outside Gideon could no longer control his rage. “Dipper Pines you have made a dangerous enemy today”

Mikey walked down the stairs just in time to see Dipper slam the door. “Who was it?” He asked, trying to keep his mind of Mabel for now.

Dipper rolled his eyes, still very upset with Mikey. “It was your pal, Gideon.”

That changed Mikey’s attitude completely. “Ugh, not anymore. Little creep throws my sister to the wolves so he can get away? It’s definitely not just a business rivalry anymore.” Mikey’s face had gained a hard edge while he spoke as if the very mention of Gideon had changed his features.

Dipper asked a question that had been on his mind since Mabel came home. “Do you think he’ll stop bothering us?”

Mikey shook his head decisively. “No. Did I tell you about his little scale model of the town? Everywhere in Gravity Falls plus some models of people, wouldn’t surprise me if he used it to fantasize revenge schemes.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Several hours later Dipper was once more alone. Mikey had gone out to clear his head, and Mabel was still in their room, though at least she had left Sweatertown. The ringing phone provided a welcome distraction from his own thoughts. He quickly answered. “Hello?”

On the other end a familiar voice spoke. “Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper.”

Dipper had no idea why the reporter would be calling the Shack.“Oh, hey man, sorry for accusing you of murder last week.” But it was probably best to make sure it had nothing to do with last week.

The strange man waved it off. “Water under the bridge! Say, we want to interview you about whether you’ve seen anything strange or unusual about this here town since you’ve arrived.” The reporter sounded very interested and Dipper new he needed to take this opportunity.

“Oh, finally! I thought nobody would ever ask! I have so many notes and theories!” Dipper’s excited ramblings were easily fielded by the reporter. “412 Gopher Road. Tonight? Got it.” Dipper knew he would have to start walking now to get there on time, so he didn’t hesitate in leaving.

At the offices of the Gravity Falls Gossiper, Toby hung up the phone and spoke to the young boy in front of him. “There, I did your dirty work. Now it’s time you pay your end of the bargain!” Gideon slipped a scrap of paper across the desk, and then stood up and left. “Ha! Sandra Jimenez's phone number! Bless you, Li’l Gideon!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper walked through the large metal doors of the warehouse. “Hello? Is anyone here?” He asked seeing a single revolving chair with a light focused on it.

“Hello friend.” The chair swiveled, revealing Gideon. He spoke to Dipper like an old friend. 

Dipper realized that he had been played. “Ugh, Gideon.” He supposed that it was better to learn what Gideon wanted from him.

Gideon continued to speak in a jovial manner. “Dipper Pines. How long you been livin’ in this town? A week, two? You like it here? Enjoy the scenery?” As he continued to ask questions though, his tone became darker, more threatening.

Dipper was already tired of Gideon’s games. “What do you want from me, man?”

Gideon’s face contorted in anger, at Dipper’s words. “Listen carefully boy, this town has secrets you can’t possibly begin to comprehend!”

Dipper shook his head, Gideon couldn’t fool him. “Is this about Mabel? She doesn’t want to see you anymore!”

That was the final straw for Gideon. “Liar! You won’t let her see me! Michael was bringing us together, but now you’ve ripped us apart!” He stood up from the chair, fists clenched and jaw tight.

As Gideon approached Dipper felt something, he didn’t know how, but he knew Gideon was dangerous. “Uh, are you okay, man?” He slowly backed away, but that stopped when Gideon grabbed the gem on his bolo tie.

Dipper was lifted into the air and then thrown into a pile of merchandise. “Readin’ minds ain’t all I can do.” Gideon said, a dangerous tone in his voice.

“But… but you’re a fake!” Dipper didn’t understand. Gideon was an obvious fraud, how could he do something like that?

Gideon laughed at Dipper’s confusion. “Oh really? Tell me Dipper, is this fake?” as merchandise levitated around him, Dipper knew this wasn’t going to turn out well for him.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mikey was sitting on the front step of the Mystery Shack. Mable was inside, finally having left the room, but she still wasn’t talking to him. He didn’t know what he could do. He turned when he heard the scuffing of a boot on the ground behind him. “You doin’ all right?” Wendy asked as she sat down next to him.

“I really messed up Wendy.” Mikey said as he laid back on the concrete step.

Wendy laughed at his understatement. “Yeah, looks that way.”

“What do you think I should do?” Mikey asked, hoping the older girl could give him even the littlest scrap of advice.

“I don’t know man. I mean, you really messed up, but at least you did it from a good place. She’ll see that, eventually.” Wendy shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe you could go with her to break things off with Gideon. That would at least show her that you’re on her side.” 

Mikey looked at her, unsure. “Do you really think that will work?”

Wendy smiled, and stood up, helping Mikey up as well. “It can’t hurt to try. Come on, I’ll even ask her for you.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mikey and Mabel had ridden in silence to Gideon’s house, where they were told that Gideon had gone to the family’s factory. They were now climbing the hill, and Mikey was beginning to feel the silence crush him. “Mabel I really am sorry. I didn’t know that Gideon was such a creep when I tried to set you up.” He didn’t look at her, he just kept his eyes on the path they followed. 

Mabel was conflicted. Mikey always did things like this, making their choices for them, to her and Dipper. She knew it came from a good place, but she had to let Mikey know it wasn’t acceptable to do things like that.“I know you didn’t, but that’s not the problem.” Mikey glanced up, hopeful that she was forgiving him. That hope dimmed as she continued, but it was still there. He knew he had a chance. “I feel like you don’t think I can make my own choices. You even have to pick who I date!” The silence continued for a few lasted for only a few moments, but it felt like an eternity to Mabel.

“That’s not what I think Mabel, I just want you to have the best time you can have.” Mikey tried to explain. “I know I shouldn’t have gone behind your back, but weren’t even trying to give him a chance. What if he had been the one or something? I just saw a chance to make you happy and I took it. I guess that kind of backfired though didn’t it?”

“Next time just tell me.” Mabel pushed ahead of Mikey on the path. He didn’t try to catch up. When they eventually reached the warehouse, the two looked in through the window and saw Dipper running as a floating Gideon launched merchandise at him. Mikey saw that Gideon seemed to be holding his tie as he attacked and that the Gideon dolls had almost exact replicas. He wondered how well that idea would work.

“Grunkle Stan was right about you! You are a monster!” Dipper yelled at the psychic as he continued to run. He jumped to avoid Gideon’s projectiles but hit his head on the wall.

Gideon crowed at the fallen boy. “Your Sister will be mine!” While Gideon was laughing DIpper ripped the packaging of an official Li’l Gideon Bat and charged.

Gideon casually lifted Dipper into the air, But Dipper refused to back down. “She’s never gonna date you man!” This was not Dipper’s wisest moment.

Gideon wasn’t impressed by Dipper’s persistence. “LIAR! I’m gonna make sure you never lie to me again.” a pair of sheep shear opened and approached Dipper slowly. That was when Mikey and Mabel intervened.

Mabel was the first to speak. “Gideon, we have to talk!”

Gideon was obviously shocked to see them here.“Mabel, my marshmallow, what are you doing here?” he lowered himself, and the shears, down.

Mabel shook her head firmly. “I’m sorry Gideon, I can’t be your marshmallow, not after you’ve lied to me.”

Gideon was shocked. What had he done to upset his darlin’ so? “Michael?” He looked to his partner hoping for a kind word that could put him back in Mabel’s favor.

Mikey looked at Gideon incredulously. “You sacrificed my Sister so that you wouldn’t get hurt, so no, I’m not gonna’ help.”

Gideon held his tie tightly, choking Dipper in the process. “Maybe now isn’t the time to confront him, guys?” He complained from his place high in the air.

Mabel tried to take on a comforting tone. “But hey we can still be makeover buddies, right? Wouldn’t you like that?” She stepped closer, slowly, cautiously.

Gideon’s face brightened immediately “Really?”

That was Mabel snatched the tie off of the chubby boy. “No, not really! You were attacking my brother! What the heck!” She tossed the gem to Mikey, who caught it and held it close to his body.

Dipper fell to the ground but managed to land on his feet and felt confident enough to taunt Gideon as he did so. “Not so powerful without your amulet are you?” Gideon’s scream of rage stunned Dipper, as Gideon charged at him. The sound of crashing glass brought him to, but he didn’t understand how he could still be standing there. That’s when he registered Mabel’s scream. 

“MIKEY!” Mabel was standing next to a shattered window, looking down. Before he knew what was happening Mabel had snatched something off the ground, grabbed his arm, and pulled him after her out the window. A few seconds later he realized they were floating, not falling, and Gideon and Mikey had also stopped falling.

They slowly drifted to the ground, and when they touched down, Mabel dropped the other two. Gideon looked much worse for wear, with the hint of a black eye beginning to show, while Mikey just looked angry. “Listen, Gideon, It’s over. I will never, ever date you.” While Mabel spoke, Mikey pulled himself up using both of them as leverage.

Dipper couldn’t help but cheer at Mabel’s announcement, and his smirk grew even more pronounced as she threw Gideon’s tie against a rock. The stone shattered, Dipper was a little disappointed by the lack of special effects, and the pieces fell into the small stream they had landed next to.

“My Powers!” Gideon was enraged by the loss of the gem but seemed to realize he had no chance right now. “This isn’t over. This isn’t the last you’ll see of widdle… ol’… me.” He slowly walked back, disappearing into the dark forest.

Mikey’s words summed up everyone’s feelings. “Man, what a psycho.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Stan sat in the Gleeful’s living room, signing the last of the papers that made his and Bud’s agreement official. “This is livin’, brother.” Once he finished Stan lounged back and admired the clown painting, he couldn’t wait to own one like it.

Bud agreed as he too relaxed into the sofa. “From now on it’s all name brand foods and clown paintings.”

The door crashed open revealing a furious Gideon. He marched on top of the table and looked Stan right in his eyes. “Stanford Pines I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!”

Stan looked at the boy in a combination of confusion and amusement. “Rebuke? Is that a word?”

Gideon didn’t hear Stan’s words as he continued his rant. “The entire Pines’ family have invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!”

Stan stared in pure confusion now. “What, you got a word a day calendar or something?”

Bud tried to reason with Gideon. “But… but sunshine, what about our arrangement with Mabel…”

“SILENCE!” Gideon’s shout was very effective.

Bud looked to Stan apologetically. “Well, uh, I see he’s taken to one of his rages again. I’m sorry Stan I have to side with Gideon on this one.” He picked the signed contract up and ripped it to pieces.

Stan stood up calmly from his seat. “Okay, okay, I know when I’m not wanted.” He gently removed the painting from the wall and carried it out the door.

“Stan I’m… I’m sorry but I’m gonna need that painting back! Stan? Stan!” Bud ran after him, but Stan was already speeding off into the night.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Stan walked into his living room and hung his new painting on the far wall. “I coulda had it all.” He looked down at his niece and nephews, to see a group of scratched and exhausted kids. “What happened to you three?”

The three all shared one answer.“Gideon.”

“Gideon, yeah that little mutant ‘swore vengeance’ on the whole family. I guess he’s gonna nibble my ankles.” Stan laughed at the idea of Gideon actually doing anything to him.

Dipper laughed along. “Oh, yeah. How’s he gonna destroy us now? Try to guess what number we’re thinking of?” 

Mabel quickly assured everyone there was no danger of that. “He’ll never guess my number. NEGATIVE EIGHT! Nobody would ever guess a negative number.”

“Uh oh. He’s planning our destruction right now!” With Stan’s parting comment they went off to bed.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Later that night Mikey slowly sat up. Looking around carefully he saw that Dipper and Mabel were fast asleep. He looked down at the stone in his hand, glowing a gentle, green light. He was careful to cover it as he made his way downstairs. He knew he should tell them, but, before he did, he wanted to know what this thing could do. What was the worst thing that could happen?


	5. The Inconveniencing

The Mystery Shack employees all stood in the gift shop. Of them, Soos was the only one doing any actual work, Wendy and Mikey were watching Mabel spin on a globe, and Dipper was reading the journal. 

“Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?” Dipper’s question made it obvious what section of the journal he had been reading, and the haunted expression on his face made it clear that it was one of the sections that were more terrifying than interesting.

Mabel laughed at Dipper’s question. “I believe that you’re a big dork!” Dipper used his pencil to stop the globe and send Mabel flying.

Stan opened the door and called out to his employees. “Wendy! Soos!”

Wendy turned her head, but that was as far as she moved. Soos, on the other hand, sprinted from the other side of the room to stand in front of Stan. “What’s up, Mr. Pines?”

“I’m headin out. You two are gonna wash the bathrooms, right?” Stan asked.

Soos gave a sharp salute. “Yes, sir!”

Wendy’s was a little bit laxer. “Absolutely not!”

“Ha ha! You stay out of trouble!” Stan glared pointedly at Wendy as he closed the door.

The moment Stan left Wendy walked to the corner of the shop that was hidden by a curtain. “Hey, Guys! What’s this?” Wendy pulled back the curtain. “A secret ladder to the roof?”

Soos hesitantly objected. “Uh, I don’t think Mr. Pines would like that.”

Completely ignoring their co-worker, the triplets followed Wendy to the ladder. “Can we actually go up there?” Dipper asked.

Wendy started climbing the ladder. “Sure we can! Roof time! Roof time!” Her chant was quickly taken up by the others as they followed her up the ladder.

“Roof time! Roof time!”

The four walked across the roof before Wendy stopped in a small area complete with lawn chair, umbrella, and cooler. “Alright! Check it out!” She said.

The siblings looked around, in awe of Wendy’s hiding place. “Did you put all this up here?” Dipper asked her.

“I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time, every day.” Wendy said reaching down to grab a pine cone out of a bucket. She straightened up and threw it as hard as she could toward a target taped to the totem pole. “Yes!” she exclaimed when the pinecone hit dead center.

The kids rushed the bucket, all shouting some variation of. “Me first!” None of their pinecones came anywhere close to the target, but Dipper’s did set off a car alarm.

Wendy whooped when she heard the alarm go off. “Jackpot! High five!” Wendy raised her hand, but Dipper just stood there, completely stunned by the girl in front of him. Wendy broke through his daze. “Don’t leave me hanging.” Dipper quickly returned her high five. They had been hanging out on the roof for several minutes when a car came racing into the parking lot. “Oh, hey, it’s my friends!” Wendy said.

The driver of the car stuck his arm out of the window and waved. “Wendy!”

Wendy moved to the edge of the roof, and turned around to address the Pines’. “Hey, you guy’s aren’t going to tell Stan about this are you?” Dipper zipped his lips and threw away the key. Wendy returned his gesture with a smile. “Later dorks!” She said as she jumped on a tree and rode it to the ground.

“Let’s get out of here!” Someone from the car yelled as they peeled out of the parking lot.

Dipper called out after her. “Later Wendy! Heh heh heh! Good times!”

Mabel poked Dipper in the chest. “Uh oh!”

“What?” Dipper asked.

Mabel continued to poke and tease.“Somebody’s in love!”

Mikey slung his arm around his brother’s shoulder. “That’s adorable, Dipper’s first crush!” he said.

Dipper shoved Mikey away. “Guy’s knock it off. I just think Wendy’s really cool, okay? It’s not like a lay awake at night thinking about her!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Late that night Dipper lie in bed, awake. He had been laying there for several hours now, and he was just realizing why he was awake. “Uh oh.”

On the other side of the room, Mikey stood up from his desk. “Go to sleep, Dipstick.” he said and walked out the door. Dipper didn’t think anything of it and settled into sleep.  
********************************************************************************************************  
The next day had been another slow one at the Mystery Shack, and the younger employees had been doing anything and everything to stave off boredom. While Mikey, Mabel, and Wendy had been goofing off and having fun, Dipper had been noticeably separate. He was there, but he very rarely got involved in what they were doing, and mostly just stood there watching passively. Now Dipper was pretending to write something on a clipboard, while Mabel launched her newest plan to have fun. 

“Random dance party for no reason!” Mabel shouted, and began dancing.

Wendy and Mikey joined in, chanting. “Go! Go! Go!” Wendy noticed that Dipper was just staring, again, and called out to him. “Dipper!”

“Uh what?”Dipper almost dropped the clipboard he wasn’t using as he answered Wendy.

“Aren’t you going to get in on this?” She asked.

Dipper shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really dance.”

Mabel giggled at his answer. “Yeah, you do! Mom used to dress him and Mikey up in a…” She was silenced as Mikey brought a hand down over her mouth.

“Now is not the time to talk about… that.” Mikey kept his hand in place until he was sure Mabel got the message. After he removed his hand Mabel grumbled but didn’t say anything.

Wendy looked over to Dipper. “Well, now I really want to know.” She said with a smirk.

“No, you don’t! I mean, it’s nothing that special!” Dipper frantically assured her. 

She laughed and ruffled his hair. “Alright, dork.” The clock chimed, and Wendy’s smile grew wider. “Hey, quittin’ time! The gang’s waiting for me.” She waved goodbye and headed for the door.

Dipper followed her to the door. “Wait! Why don’t I… or we come with you?” He asked.

“I don’t know. My friends are pretty intense. How old did you guys say you were?” Wendy asked

Dipper nervously looked to Mabel and Mikey. “Thirteen! So, technically a teen.” He smiled widely in an attempt to mask his nerves.

Wendy smiled at the trio and gestured for them to follow her. “All right. I like your moxie, kid!”

Wendy continued outside, but Mabel jumped in before they could follow her. “Since when are we thirteen? Is this a leap year?”

Mikey shook his head at his sister’s confusion. “No, Mabel, Dipstick just lied so he could spend time with Wendy.” He said teasingly.

“That’s not true! This is just our chance to hang out with, you know, the cool kids.” Dipper objected to his brother’s teasing.

“I knew you loved her! Love! Love! Love! Love!” Mabel jumped around Dipper, poking him as she chanted. He quickly grew tired of that and flipped her hair over her head and into her face. Dipper stalked outside, still angry, while Mikey and Mabel followed.

Outside, a group of teenagers entertained themselves in the oddest way that the Pines had ever seen. Two of the boys held the largest, shirtless one upside down while a fourth in black hoodie threw jellybeans at them and a girl with dyed hair recorded it all. The goal was obvious from the teenagers’ chant

“In the belly! In the belly!”

“Come on! Hurry up!” The upside down one complained. Hoodie reared back, but before he could throw, a jelly bean had already landed in the belly button.

Everyone turned to see Wendy standing there. “Wendy!” They cheered.

“Hey, guys! These are my pals from work, Mabel, Dipper, and Mikey.” Wendy walked to her friends and introduced the triplets.

“I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain!’ Mabel said and stuck her tongue out to show them.

Dipper rolled his eyes. “She’s not much for first impressions. Unlike this guy!” He said, and pointed to himself with both thumbs. “… This guy…” he trailed off as no one responded, and quickly put his arms down.

“It was a nice try, Dipper” Mikey pat his brother on the back, but said nothing to Wendy’s friends.

“So are you, like, babysitting or…” Hoodie gestured to the kids.

Wendy shoved him playfully. “Come on Robbie. Guys, this is Lee and Nate.” She pointed to the two that held up the larger boy. “Tambry.” The girl that had been recording. “Thompson, who once at a run over waffle for fifty cents.” The shirtless boy immediately complained about his introduction.

“Don’t tell them that!”

“And Robbie, you can probably figure him out.” Wendy pointed to Hoodie, who was now strumming a guitar.

“Yeah, I’m the guy who spray painted the water tower.” Robbie tossed his hair out of his face arrogantly.

“Oh! You mean the big muffin!” Dipper smiled at Robbie, but judging from the death glare he had said something wrong.

“Um, It’s a giant explosion.” Robbie corrected him. Everyone looked at the water tower, which had been spray painted with what was undoubtedly a giant muffin.

“It kinda does look like a muffin.” Nate and Lee laughed. Robbie’s death glare intensity shot up several degrees, and Dipper felt like he had made a dangerous enemy.

“Let’s hurry it up, guys. I got big plans for tonight!” Wendy said. Everyone quickly followed her into the van. Dipper opened the door to the shotgun seat, but the door slammed shut before he could climb in.

“Sorry kid, I ride shotgun.” Robbie said from the seat. Dipper backed off and joined Mikey and Mabel in the very back.

Once everyone as in the van, Thompson started the car. He looked at everyone through the rearview mirror and began nervously speaking. “Okay, just before we go, my mom said you guys aren’t allowed to punch the roof anymore so…”

As Thompson trailed off, the other teenagers began punching the roof and chanting. “Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!”

In the back Dipper bit the end of a marker anxiously, while he stared into space trying to figure the perfect way to get into Wendy’s friends’ good graces. The marker was snatched from his hand, and Mabel scribbled something on the wall of the van. “Ha! This is gonna blow someone’s mind!’ She said.

Mikey was almost standing in the middle seat, so that could reach the ceiling. “Pass me that, would ya?” He asked Mabel, reaching out for the marker.

“Guys, please!” Dipper whispered. He took the marker back from Mikey and tried to glare his siblings into submission.

Completely ignoring his glare, Mabel decided to tease Dipper further. “What, are we embarrassing you in front of your new, GIRLFR…” She yelled, before Dipper’s hand covered her mouth.

Before even a second had passed, Dipper felt something wet on his hand and jerked it back. “Did you just lick my hand?” He asked.  
********************************************************************************************************  
In the living room of the Mystery Shack, Stan was sitting in his chair watching T.V. He hadn’t really been paying attention to what was playing until a new channel came on. “You're watching the black and white period piece old lady boring movie channel!”

Stan began frantically searching for the remote without ever leaving his chair. Not finding it buried in the cushions he began calling. “Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!” There was no sound of acknowledgment.

The commercial continued to speak. “Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, ‘The Duchess Approves’, starring Sturly Stembleburgiss as ‘The Duchess’ and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain ‘Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire!’”

“KIDS! NO! NOOOO!”Grunkle Stan screamed into the night, as he continued to sit almost completely still in his chair.  
********************************************************************************************************  
The van had finally stopped in front of a tall fence on the edge of town. Climbing out, everyone surrounded Wendy as she gripped the chain link. “There it is fellas! The condemned Dusk 2 Dawn!” She said. The teens all joined in with awed exclamations, as they stared at the building.

Dipper was confused though, why would they be all excited about a closed convenience store? “Why’d they shut it down? Was it, like, a health code violation, or…”

“Try MURDER!” Nate’s yell cut him off.

“Some folks died in there, the place has been haunted ever since.” Lee explained.

“A haunted convenience store?” Mikey looked at the building critically, before a wide smile split his face. “Jackpot!”

“Are you guys serious?” Dipper asked, doing his best not to show his fear.

Wendy turned to him with mock fear in her eyes. “Yeah! We’re all gonna die!” She laughed and playfully slugged him on the shoulder. “Chill out man. It’s not as bad as it looks.” She said.

Wendy climbed up the fence like it was the easiest thing in the world, and the other teens followed her with only a little more difficulty. Mabel launched herself up with a burst of energy that could only be attributed to Mabel Juice, and Mikey made his way up and back down without any trouble. The only one that seemed to be having a hard time was Dipper. He had made his way up the fence but was now sitting at the top unwilling to begin climbing down. 

“Come on Dipper!” Wendy yelled.

“Okay okay! Just gotta get a foothold…” Dipper’s timid response wasn’t very convincing, and the others were beginning to get annoyed.

“Dude, your sister did it!” Robbie said, pointing to Mabel running in circles on the ground. He looked back to see Mikey doing something to the locked door. “and your brothers already trying to break in.”

Lee climbed up the fence and sat next to Dipper. “Hey, you know what. Just… There you go.” He said as he picked Dipper up and threw him off the fence. “Ha! Sorry, dude!” 

“Nice job throwing the kid off a fence, genius!” Nate told Lee. Dipper picked himself up off the ground and tried to ignore just how badly he was blowing this. 

The teens crowded around the dark windows of the convenience store. “Wow! This place is amazing! Did you get the door unlocked?” Wendy asked Mikey, who was now standing back from the door.

“No, the locks stuck, there's nothing I can do from this side.” Mikey said apologetically.

“We’ll see about that!” Robbie walked with what was probably supposed to be a confident swagger and began to pull on the door. “I think it’s stuck!” He said when he had finally given up

“That’s what I said.” Mikey muttered darkly.

“Let me take a crack at it!” Dipper said as he approached the others.

“Oh, yeah, I can’t get in, but I’m sure junior here is gonna break it down like Hercules!” Robbie said.

Wendy stepped in to defend Dipper, but not quite how he would have liked her to. “Come on, leave him alone. He’s just a little kid.”

Dipper glared at both of the teens until he felt Mikey’s elbow in his ribs. With a tilt of his head Mikey indicated the exposed air shaft on the roof, and then the dumpster at the side of the building. Dipper realized what his brother was telling him and raced to the dumpster. 

“Kid, what are you doing?” Tambry yelled when she saw that Dipper was already pulling himself onto the roof. The grate leading inside wasn’t very strong, so when DIpper found that he couldn’t pry it off he began smashing it in instead.

“Go Dipper! Punch that metal thing!” Mabel called from the ground.

“Whoa, Dipper, take it easy!” Wendy said, clearly worried he would be hurt.

Robbie just looked amused by Dipper’s attempt. “Who wants to bet he doesn’t make it?” He asked.

“I’ll take that bet! Fifty bucks sound fair to you?” Mikey said, his arm outstretched to shake

Robbie hadn’t actually expected anyone to make a bet, but he couldn’t back down in front of his friends. Besides, what were the chances the kid would actually make it? “You’re on, kid!”

Mikey’s smirk grew at the sound of the door opening. Dipper stood there holding the door open for everyone as they filed in.

Nate and Lee seemed especially impressed. “Good call inviting this little maniac!”

“Your new name is Dr. Funtimes!”

“Good work.” Wendy told them as she walked by.

The last ones in were Mikey and Robbie. Once inside Robbie stood there, staring into space, while Mikey smugly smiled at him.

Mikey’s voice knocked Robbie out of his trance. “I accept checks, but cash is preferable.”

“What? No way! I’m not actually gon…” Robbie objected but was cut off by Wendy.

“Oh no, Robbie! He won, and now you need to pay up.” She said.

Robbie muttered angrily to himself, but took out his wallet and shoved a few bills into Mikey’s hands.

Nate and Lee were trying to hide their laughter behind their hands. “Ha! He got played by a kid!”

Thompson looked around, clearly the most nervous of the group, besides Dipper. “Do you guys think it’s really haunted?”

“Na! Thompson, are you kidding me?” Nate laughed.

Wendy was the first to begin exploring. “Whoa man, it’s even creepier than I imagined.” The isles were dark, too dark to make anything out, so priority one was finding light.

Lee turned to Nate with a huge smile on his face. “Hey dude, where do you think they keep the dead bodies.”

“Shut up man!” Nate shoved Lee away

Far in the back, Wendy had found light switches. “Guys, check it out! You think these still work?” She asked. Without waiting for an answer she flicked them on, and the convenience store came to life.

Dipper turned to the other teens. “So, what are we going to do now?”

It was Wendy that answered. “Anything we want!” Water balloons filled with slurpies, food fights, mintos into Diet Pitt Cola, and Mikey taking the surprising amount of cash in the register filled the night for the next couple of hours.

Mabel even found her favorite thing in the world. “Oh, my gosh! Smile Dip! I thought they banned this stuff in America!”

Mikey followed and began piling the stuff into the bag. “Jackpot!”

“Maybe they had a good reason?” Dipper was much more sedate as he joined his siblings. He never did anything to stop them though, because another food fight broke out right then. As he left to join the battle Mikey hid the sack where Mabel couldn’t reach it, and Mabel began pouring entire packages into her mouth.

Later that night, Dipper was sitting next to Wendy on one of the shelves. The view from on top was great, which was why Wendy picked it out in the first place, and Dipper followed, for obvious reasons.

From one corner of the store the boys could be heard yelling. “Hey! We got it ready!”

Thompson charged from across the store. “Whatever it is I’ll do it!” he yelled.

“Thompson!” Wendy cheered. Then she turned back to Dipper. “Dipper, this night is, like, legendary.” She told him.

“Really?” Dipper asked.

“Just look around. The guys are bonding.” Wendy pointed to where the boy’s, including Mikey, were shoving ice down Thompson’s pants. “I’ve never even seen Tambry look up from her phone this long.” In a corner, Tambry sat texting someone, but she was glancing up with surprising regularity. “And your sister seems to be going nuts with that Smile Dip.” Wendy finished. Dipper looked and saw Mabel laying against the stand, seemingly talking to herself.

“Maybe I’ve had too much. What do you think?” Mabel asked the giant dog sitting next to her. She didn’t know when she left the store but wherever she was now, had much better colors.

“Would you like to eat my candy paw?” The dog asked, and presented its paw to her.

“Of course you little angel.” Mabel grabbed the paw and began chewing. 

Dipper was worried when Mabel seemed to grab the air and began chewing on nothing, but was distracted as Wendy continued to talk.

“You know Dipper, I wasn’t sure if you could hang with our crew at first, but you’re surprisingly mature for your age.” She told him.

“Yes, yes I am.” Dipper said seriously. The ice cream he accidentally smeared over his face did not help that image.

“Hey guys, we need more ice!” Lee called.

“I’m on it!” Dipper jumped down and marched to the freezer. He opened the door and grabbed a bag of ice. That’s when he noticed what looked like a floating human nervous system. Dipper’s terrified scream was entirely understandable.

“What was that? I thought I heard some lady screaming back here.” Lee said as the entire group walked around the corner.

“You freaking out, kid?” Nate teased.

“Uh, no, I’m cool. Everything's cool.” Dipper tried to convince them. His normal anxious behavior wasn’t doing much to convince them though.

Robbie pointed to the bag of ice that was spilled on the floor “Then what’s all this about?” he asked.

That’s, uh… um…” Dipper stammered while he tried to figure out some excuse.

Fortunately, he was saved by Mikey yelling from across the store. “Hey, guys! Look, It’s Dancy Pants Revolution! The game that tricks people into exercising!” As the teens all walked over to the game Mikey flashed Dipper a thumbs up. Dipper weakly returned the gesture, and checked the freezer one last time, before he caught up with the others.

The teens all stood around the game, watching Thompson as he tried and failed to get the high score. “Wow. He’s really terrible at this.” Wendy told Dipper as the game insulted Thompson’s progress again.

“Heh, yeah, that’s great.” Dipper wasn’t paying attention though. He was still trying to figure out what he had seen in the freezer. He looked out the windows of the store, but all he could see was their reflection. Or at least, a reflection of what they would like if they were dead. Dipper swallowed hard. “I’ll be right back.” He told Wendy. Dipper ran to the old telephone in the back of the store and dialed the Mystery Shack number. No one picked up. “Come on Grunkle Stan, pick up! What is he doing?” Dipper hung the phone up. This night was just going from bad to worse.  
********************************************************************************************************  
At the Mystery Shack, Grunkle Stan was still sitting in his chair. It seemed he had embraced the show he had been forced to watch though. 

“Yes! Yes! In your face Elizabeth!” Grunkle Stan laughed as the titular Duchess stood up to her mother. “It’s just like my life! ... In a way.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper was pacing back and forth in front of the nearly comatose Mabel “Mabel I need your advice. We’re in a haunted convenience store, I can’t get a hold of Grunkle Stan, and I can’t tell any of these guys because they’ll think I’m just a scared little kid!” He turned dramatically toward her, but she hadn’t moved from her slumped position “Mabel?” He asked more gently.

Mabel was not listening to Dipper. She didn’t even know Dipper was there, she was flying on a multi-armed, multi-faced dolphin through a neon and pastel landscape. That candy paw had turned out to be more trouble than it was worth.

Dipper’s attempts to wake Mabel were interrupted by Mikey’s voice. “Hey, Dipstick. Whatcha doin’ all the way over here?” He asked.

Dipper was now faced with a difficult decision. Mikey was clearly the only potential ally here, but there was a very good chance that he would just laugh and then tell the others. In the end, though, he knew the only way he was going to have any hope of dealing with a ghost was with Mikey’s help. “I think this place is haunted.” He said.

Mikey's eyebrows shot up at Dipper's words.“Like, actually haunted? For real?” Dipper’s firm nod was all the answer he needed. “We’re not going to tell the others and try to convince them to leave, are we?” He asked. He understood why Dipper was doing this, but if this really was a haunting then maybe it was best to abandon ship.

Dipper crossed his arms. “No, we’re not.” He answered without hesitation.

Mikey nodded his agreement. “So, we just play it cool, and try to keep them from doing anything too disrespectful. Right?” 

Dipper wasn't sure about Mikey's very elaborate plan but, before he could voice any objections, a voice called from the front of the store.

“Whoa, guys you might wanna see this.”

Everyone gathered around Robbie, packing into the small space behind the counter. The tape outlines on the ground made the convenience store suddenly seem more sinister, but the teens quickly pushed that to the back of their minds.

“Dude, I dare you to lie down in it.” Robbie told Lee.

“Good idea!” Lee said and then pushed Nate forward. “Go lie down in it.”

Nate played along eagerly and prepared to lower himself into the tape outline. “I’m a dead body, look!”

“Wait! Maybe let’s not do that.” Dipper couldn’t hold it in anymore and rushed forward to try to stop them. Mikey facepalmed, what happened to play it cool?

“This guy’s scared!” The teens teased.

Dipper tried to save face, but his lack of confidence doomed him. “All I’m saying is why tempt the fates? I mean, what if this place really is… haunted?” The fear in his voice ended any chance of the teens listening to him.

“Take it down a notch Captain Buzzkill!” Robbie said, glaring at Dipper with a surprising amount of hate.

“I thought I was Dr. Funtimes.” Dipper tried to object but was cut off before he could say anything more.

“Well, you’re acting like Captain Buzzkill! Right?” Robbie turned to his friends for backup.

Even Wendy sheepishly agreed. “Yeah, little bit.”

“Status update, trapped in store with insane nine-year-old.” Tambry said to herself as she typed on her phone.

Dipper was fed up with these people treating like he was just a little kid. He marched over to the outlines. “I’m not a nine-year-old! I’m thirteen, technically a teen!” He yelled as he laid himself down.

Mikey tried to get past the teens, but there was no room to squeeze by. “Uh, Dipper?” He tried to ask his brother what he was doing, but the sight of Tambry disappearing into thin air kind of distracted him. “Oh boy.”

Dipper stood up and grabbed Tambry’s phone from the ground. “Status update, AAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!” He read off the screen. The teens heard a scream from above them. Looking up, they saw Tambry trapped inside the security monitor.

Wendy tried to talk to her friend but received no response besides more screaming. “Tambry! Tambry!”

The other teens stood in shock, staring at the monitor. Their panicked ramblings continued until Robbie grabbed them and ran for the door.

“Let’s just get out of here!” Robbie yelled.

“Thompson!” Wendy tried to pull Thompson away from the game, but he refused to move.

“Wait I’ve almost got the high score!” He said as he continued to flail around. Then Thompson disappeared just like Tambry and reappeared inside the game. The motivational phrases didn’t stop, even as Thompson was pinned to the floor by falling arrows.

“Forget them! Let’s go!” Robbie urged the rest of them on.

Wendy strained to open the doors, but they wouldn’t budge. “What the… Guys, it’s locked!”

“Outta my way!” Robbie said as he attempted to throw the cash register through the glass doors. The register disappeared, and green light struck Robbie.

“Dipper, what does the book say?!” Mikey grabbed his brother's shoulders, in a full panic now.

Dipper stuttered as he tried to find the right page. “Uh.. whatever’s doing this has to have a reason to be here! Maybe if we can figure it out, it will let us go!” He said looking to the others hopefully.

Robbie shot his suggestion down mercilessly. “Yeah, they’ll let us go! That makes a lot of sense!” 

Wendy tried to reason with her friends. “I don’t know guys, maybe he has a point!” but they refused to listen.

“Yeah, I’m sure the ghost just wants to talk about his feelings!” Lee said sarcastically before he disappeared.

“I’m bonkers for eating you alive!” The cereal mascot that Lee was trapped with said.

Nate called out to his friend. “Lee! Okay, okay… I’m with you kid! one hundred percent man!” He turned to Dipper, waiting for instructions.

Dipper didn’t have the chance to say anything before Mabel floated into the air. “Welcome!” The voice that came from Mabel was not her own, it was too deep, too gravelly. “Welcome to your graves, young trespassers!”

“We’re super sorry for hanging out in your store!” Wendy said as she tried to back away.

“Yeah! Can we just go now and leave forever?” Dipper asked the ghost.

Mabel’s body seemed to think about the offer. “Well, okay you can go. But before you leave, hot dogs are now half off. I know it’s crazy, but you’ve gotta try these dogs!” she floated over the hot dogs, and opened the doors with a wave of her hand. Nate and Robbie ran for the entrance, but the doors slammed in their faces. “Just kidding about the hot dog sale!” The ghost laughed maniacally.

“Just let us out already, man!” Nate yelled, his adrenaline causing him to forget to be scared.

“I don’t like your tone!” The ghost said and snapped his fingers.

Nate disappeared just like the others and found himself rotating with the other hot dogs. “NO!”

“It begins. Welcome to your home for all eternity!” The ghost laughed and caused everything in the store to float to the ceiling. 

Wendy hit the ceiling hard and looked to Dipper for guidance. “Dipper, what do we do!?”

It wasn’t Dipper that answered her though. “Get in here! Now!” Mikey told them, holding a cabinet open.

Wendy and Dipper crawled in and realized that it was barely big enough for just the two of them. “But we can’t all fit…” Dipper tried to object but was cut off by Mikey.

“I’ll be fine! Just stay in here!” Mikey said and closed the door on his brother.

The two of them listened closely, but couldn’t hear anything from outside. “What do they want from us?” Wendy asked Dipper.

“Revenge, maybe.” Dipper gave Wendy the most obvious reason he could think of.

“But what did we do?” Wendy asked. Nothing they had done deserved this.

Dipper tried to think, he wasn’t seeing the connection either. “Okay, let’s try to figure out the pattern here. Tambry was texting, Thompson was playing a videogame, Lee was being sarcastic. It doesn’t make any sense!” Dipper said.

“Yeah, those are just normal teenage things.” Wendy agreed, there was no reason for the ghost to punish them.

Something clicked in Dipper’s mind. “Wendy, say that again.”

“Normal teenage things?”

Dipper realized why the ghost was attacking them. “Of course! Stay here until I get back!” He told her before he crawled out of the cabinet.

Out in the open, he saw the Mabel floating in the middle of the store, and Mikey hiding behind one of the shelves. Mikey shot him a look clearly asking him what he thought he was doing, but Dipper ignored it and marched straight for the ghost. “Hey, ghost! I’ve got something to tell you!” Mabel turned in the air and stared Dipper down. “I’m not a teenager!”

The howling wind died down, and Mabel fell out of the air. Two ghosts revealed themselves, an older man and woman. “Oh, well why didn’t you say so?” The ghost said cheerily, smiling down at Dipper. “How old did you say you were?”

Dipper hesitated, and let out a deep sigh. “I’m… I’m twelve. Technically not a teenager.”

The ghosts smiled and launched into an explanation for their actions. “When we were alive, teenagers were the scourge of our store!” The female ghost said.

The man picked up where his wife left off. “Always sassafrassin the customers with their boomy boxes and short pants! So we decided to up and ban them! But they retaliated with this new fangled rap music.” 

“The lyrics, they were so hateful! It was so shocking we were stricken down by double heart attacks. That’s why we hate teenagers so much, don’t we honey?” The ghosts snuggled into each other lovingly.

“But their my friends. Isn’t there anything I can do to help them?” Dipper asked the ghosts.

The man scratched his chin. “There is one thing. Do you know any funny little dances?” he asked Dipper

Dipper was desperate, but not that desperate. “Is there anything else I can do?”

“NO!” The ghost yelled while flames surrounded him.

Dipper quickly backed down. “Okay! Okay! I do know… huh… the Lamby Lamby Dance, but it’s kind of a duo thing so…” He tried to get out of it, but the ghost snapped his fingers and Mikey appeared next to him.

Mikey looked around in confusion. “Wha… Gee thanks, Dipstick.” He said, glaring at his brother. He could feel the ghosts’ anger at his sarcastic tone, so he quickly changed his tone. “Uh, thank you so much for saving my life. The life of your identical brother that is also twelve.” He grinned widely at the ghosts. They didn’t seem convinced, but they also didn’t attack him so he counted that as a win. “But you know, we can’t really do the song without our costumes.” He told the ghosts. The apologetic smile on his face disappeared when he felt his clothes change. He didn’t need to look to realize he was wearing the lamb costume, complete with ears and a tail. “I guess we’re doing this.”

The brothers shared a firm nod and then began the most adorable dance the ghosts had ever seen. “Who wants a Lamby Lamby Lamby? I do! I do! So go up and greet your mammy mammy mammy! Hi there! Hi there! So march march march around the daisies…”

The ghosts were enthralled. “Yes! Yes! More! MORE!” They said to themselves.

“Don’t don’t don’t you forget about the babies!” The boys finished their dance and looked hopefully at the ghosts

“That was some fine girly dancing boys!” The ghosts congratulated them. “Your friends are free to go.” With a wave of his, the teens were released, and everything in the store returned to normal. Unfortunately, that meant that everything on the ceiling fell back to the ground. 

Dipper and Mikey rushed over to help their sister up. She clutched her head and moaned as they moved her. “I’m never going to eat or do anything ever again.”

Mikey smiled at her, glad that she was okay. “Good, that means you won’t get into my Smile Dip.” he said playfully. Mabel was in too much pain to laugh, but she did crack a small smile.

The teens meanwhile had crowded around Wendy, eager to hear an explanation. “What… What happened after everything went crazy?” Lee stuttered out.

Wendy could barely keep her laughter inside, she still could hardly believe what she had seen. “You are not going to believe it! The ghosts appeared, and Dipper and Mikey had to…” She trailed off as she saw Dipper and Mikey across the store. Mikey was doing his best to ignore her and her friends, but Dipper met her gaze with the saddest, most adorable puppy dog eyes she had ever seen. She quickly changed her story. “Uh, and uh, Dipper just grabbed a bat, and he and Mikey just started beating ghosts down, left and right, and the ghosts got all scared, and ran away like a couple of little girls, it was insane!” She said. The teens cheered the boy's victory.

“Alright! Dr. Funtimes!” Nate slapped Dipper on the back.

“Woo! Go, Mikey!” Lee hoisted Mikey on his shoulders and paraded him around the store. While the rest of the teens followed Lee out the door, Wendy turned to Dipper and zipped her lips. Dipper did the same and knew he had found someone he could trust as much as his siblings.

Everyone else had already loaded into the van and fallen asleep by the time Wendy and Dipper got there. “Well, I’m probably scarred for life.” Wendy said as she pulled herself into the van. Dipper laughed nervously and agreed with her. “Hey, next time we hang out, let's stay at the Mystery Shack. Okay?” Wendy asked with a smile.

Dipper was shocked, he had been ninety percent sure he blew his chance already. “Next time? Yeah! Let’s hang out at the Shack! Next time.” He rambled. Wendy laughed and moved to her seat. Dipper crawled into his seat in the very back and sat down with a happy sigh.

Mabel was leaning against the inside of the van, and read the same message she had written earlier, “You look nice today,” The compliment made her head and stomach feel even worse. “What kind of sick joke is this?”

Stan was finally finishing The Duchess Approves, and couldn’t wait for the climactic ending, a reward for the many, many hours he spent watching this show. “Ah, the wedding. I’ve waited so long for this. Oh, look at her in that dress!” Tears began to fall as the Duchess began her walk down the aisle. His joyful tears dried and his face contorted in anger as the doors to the massive cathedral slammed open. “Count Lionel? What’s he doing here!?”

Count Lionel, the man that Duchess had been arranged to marry, marched down the aisle after her. “I’ve come to reclaim my bride!”

Stan’s anger was boiling over now. “You had your chance at the cotillion, you!” He yelled at the screen.

The Duchess’ fiance met Lionel halfway to the altar. “You had your chance at the cotillion, you!” He said, the tension at the wedding thick enough to cut with a knife. 

“That’s what I’m saying!” Stan agreed, then, with a roar of rage, he picked the TV up a threw it out the window. Stan looked out of the hole he had made and met the eyes of the kids. They stood just before where the TV landed and looked to him with questions obvious in their eyes. “Uh, couldn’t find the remote.” Stan said and then ducked back inside to avoid any more questions. The triplets shrugged and accepted it as just another odd thing about their grunkle. They made their way upstairs and fell asleep the second their heads hit the pillows.


	6. Dipper vs Manliness

Stan was waiting for his last customer still in the shop to leave. Tyler Cutebiker was a regular at the Mystery Shack, despite being a local, and always fell hard for Stan’s cons. Still, it was way too early for Stan to deal with Tyler’s inane chattering.

“I like to get my Christmas shopping done early. Do you have anything in the spirit of the season?” Tyler asked Stan.

In the middle of June, Stan only had one thing he could pass off as Christmas themed. He pushed a bowl of broken glass towards Tyler. “What about these crystals?” 

Tyler giggled as he inspected the shards. “They look like broken glass.”

“What are you, a cop?” Stan set the glass back on the counter and waited for Tyler to pick something else.

“Ooh! What is that new thing?” He didn’t have to wait long as Tyler shot into the back of the gift shop.

The triplets walked into the gift shop and made a beeline for their grunkle. “Grunkle Stan, can we go to the diner?” Dipper asked, clutching his stomach for effect.

“We’re huuungry.” Mabel joined in, moaning out the last word.

“Huuuungry.”The three moaned as Stan just stared at them from behind the counter.

When they eventually stopped Stan shrugged. “Yeah sure. Soon as this yahoo makes up his mind.” He pointed to where Tyler stood, standing under the furred trout.

“Do you have this in another animal?”

Stan looked at the kids with a giant grin on his face. “I’m fine with locking him in if you are.” The trio nodded eagerly, and they all ran outside, where Stan wedged the door shut with a long board. Tyler didn’t notice, he was entirely focused on deciding between a purple puma shirt, and a green panther shirt.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Greasy’s Diner was a landmark in Gravity Falls, and on a Saturday morning, almost everyone in town could be found there. Old Man McGucket was drinking more coffee than everyone else in the building together, Sheriff Blubs was speed eating a stack of pancakes, and Manly Dan and Wendy were spending some quality Father-Daughter time together. The Pines watched all this from their booth while Stan talked to their waitress. “Lazy Susan! There’s my little ray of sunshine! Where were you yesterday?”

“I got hit by a bus!” The cheerful tone Susan used made it seem like a joke, but in Gravity Falls it was always hard to tell.

Stan seemed to think it was very funny as he pounded the table.“Hilarious!”

“Thank you.” Lazy Susan said as she began to laugh along with Stan.

When they finished, Stan began to order. “You do split plates right?”

“Maybe…”Lazy Susan said before she picked up her closed eyelid and manually opened and closed it. “Wink!”

The grin on Stan's face was larger than they had ever seen.“Great! We’ll all split a one-fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the lady, and two small plates of ketchup for the boys.” Lazy Susan wrote down the order and waved as she left.

Mabel was, for some reason, not satisfied with her free salad dressing. “But Grunkle Stan, I want pancakes!”

Stan shook his head before she had finished speaking. “With the fancy flour, they use these days? What am I, made of money?” As he gestured violently, a dollar bill poked out of his sleeve. Without moving anything but his hand Stan slowly tapped the bill back into his sleeve. Mabel huffed and pouted in her seat.

While this was happening, Dipper was looking for a way that they could all get some real food. Then he saw the old game in the back, with a sign promising free pancaked to the winner. “Don’t worry guys, pancakes are on me. I’m gonna win some by beating that manliness tester.”

The other three stared at him before they all shared a glance. “Manliness tester?” Stan questioned.

“Beating?” Mabel followed up, sounding even more confused than her grunkle. With that none of them could hold their laughter in anymore, and collapsed onto the table. While they tried to get themselves under control, Dipper tried to understand what was so funny about him beating the manliness tester. He didn’t figure it out.

Mikey finally stopped and playfully grabbed Dipper’s arm. “Yeah, I’m sure these noodle arms are just packed with muscle.” Dipper jerked his arm back and glared at his brother.

Mabel tried to explain their outburst. “Sorry Dipper, but you're not exactly Manly Mannington.” She probably could have done it a little more tactfully.

Dipper switched his glare from Mikey to Mabel. “I am too Manly Manny, or whatever it is you just said.” He protested, but all he got was more laughter.

Stan tried to explain that Dipper wasn’t manly, and he shouldn’t even try the game. “Face the music kid, you got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let’s not forget last week’s incident.” The incident Stan was talking about, was when he had caught Dipper singing a girly pop song to himself in the bathroom.

Dipper tried to protest again. “Come on guys, I’m plenty masculine. Just look at this chest hair.” He pulled down his shirt to expose his chest.

“So smooth!” Stan stared mesmerized.

“I’m blind!” Mikey tried to shield his eyes from the bright glare.

Mabel shouted at Dipper. “Put it away! Put it away!”

Dipper quickly covered his chest back up and watched as his family collapsed back into laughter. He glared at them and slid out of the booth. “Fine, family of little faith, get ready to eat your words” Before he had left completely he amended his statement. “and a delicious plate of pancakes.” As he walked towards the machine, many of the diner’s customers turned to watch him. Dipper did his best to ignore the stares. “Alright Dipper, time to manhandle this, man… handle.” He should have found a better way to phrase that, but it was too late now.

“Quit stalling!” Stan yelled from the booth.

Dipper grabbed the handle and strained with all his might, as the lights continued to climb. Just as they were about to reach “Manly Man” the lights dropped all the way back to the bottom which flashed as a card was printed off. The pink slip of paper read, “You are a cutie-patootie,” and Dipper immediately began running damage control. “This thing must be broken. It’s totally broken guys. It’s like a million years old, probably ran out of steam power…”

Dipper was interrupted from his nervous rambling as Manly Dan pushed him out of the way. The massive lumberjack pushed the handle with his pinky. The lights shot to the top, and the machine overloaded and exploded. “Yes! Pancakes for everyone!”

As Dipper watched everyone in the diner cheer he tried to leave smoothly but tripped on the floor. He picked himself up and ran out the door without looking back.

Stan shook his head as he watched Dipper run out of the building. “Yeesh, how am I related to that?”

Mabel poked her grunkle’s side. “Oh come on Grunkle Stan, I’m sure you have a soft side too.”

Mikey looked out the window as he saw Dipper run by, and rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go get Dipper.” He said as he moved out of the booth. Mabel waved goodbye, while Stan didn’t seem to notice.

Lazy Susan returned with their orders and set the plates down on the table. Stan began to stutter his way through a thank you. “Thanks their sugar pot! I mean, uh, honey wasp, kitten baby, b… baby cow.”

Susan laughed as she went back to the kitchen. “Silly! Silly man.”

Mabel stared at her uncle. “What was that about?” She asked him suspiciously.

Stan’s nerves returned full force. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it. Talk about what? Why is this table wet?”

Mabel realized what was happening here. “Wait just a second, I think I have an idea happening here. You…”

“No!” Stan tried to protest.

“And her…” Mabel continued.

“Stop it!” Stan was practically begging at this point but was cut off when Mabel let out the shrillest scream he had ever heard. “Oh boy.”

Mabel shook her uncle in her excitement. “You have a thing for Lazy Susan! You do have a soft side!”

Stan pushed her off and tried to quiet her. “Keep it down, will ya!? Alright, I admit it. It would be nice if she liked me, but I’ve been out of the game for so long I wouldn’t know where to start. I mean, look at her, she’s so classy.” Stan stared at Lazy Susan as she tried to fix one of the many broken appliances in the diner.

“Spin ya dumb pies! Spin!”

Mabel placed her hand on her grunkle’s shoulder. “Grunkle Stan, you are a cranky, gross, weird old man. But we will get Lazy Susan to like you because nothing is stronger than the power of…”

“Love?”Stan interrupted.

Mabel shook her head. “Mabel. To victory!” She raised her salad dressing into the air and downed it.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Meanwhile, Dipper was walking the streets of Gravity Falls, trying to figure out how to become a man. He walked past a fire hydrant that had been broken and was currently spraying water into the street. “Another hydrant destroyed, It’s a gosh dang mystery.” Sheriff Blubs told Durland.

Durland seemed to think for a few moments before he turned back to the Sheriff. “Wanna take our uniforms off, and run around in circles?”

Blubbs was already out of his uniform. “Quit reading my mind.”

Dipper backed away from the two grown men running around in the water with their shirts off. Since he was walking backward, he didn’t notice the woman until he had already run into her. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was looking for the mailman.” She apologized.

Dipper was still very emotional, and couldn’t handle her words. “Oh what? Are you saying I'm not a male man? Is that what you're trying to say? I'm not male? I'm not a man? Is that… that what you're getting at?”

She stared at him in confusion. “Are you crying?” Dipper closed his eyes tightly against the tears, and ran away from the woman, directly into the forest.

A few minutes later Mikey calmly approached the woman. “Did a boy come through here? Looks exactly like me, might have been crying?” She wordlessly pointed into the woods that Dipper had run into. Mikey thanked her as he continued to walk. About fifteen minutes into the forest he realized that there was no way for him to know what direction Dipper had gone after he entered the forest. Mikey wasn’t very worried about this, he knew that the woods were practically surrounded by the town. Dipper would make his way out eventually. Mikey moved an oddly thick set of branches out of his way and realized he might have more to worry about than finding Dipper.

In the clearing ahead sat a small village, small in that no house rose even to Mikey’s knees. There were buildings in the trees, as well as on the ground, and tiny people flew between them. Mikey’s first thought was that he had found a village of fairies, that changed when a group of five charged at him through the air. When they stopped in front of his face he realized that while they were shaped like fairies, and had wings, that’s where the similarities ended. Their wings resembled dragonfly’s more than anything, and they looked to have an exoskeleton or at least very rigid scales instead of skin. They waved their spears threateningly, and Mikey realized that now would be a good time to talk his way out of this.

He gave his most convincing smile and allowed a healthy amount of confusion to show in his expression, not very difficult in this case. “Uh, Hello. I didn’t mean to disturb you, so I’ll just be heading back now.” He gave a slight wave and began to slowly back away. The things didn’t follow him, and he believed that he was actually going to get out of there. That’s when he felt something very sharp at the back of his neck.

Mikey slowly turned his head and saw that it was a lone soldier hovering in the air behind him, baring his teeth in a fierce grin. This close Mikey could see the needle-like teeth that filled its mouth. “No, you won’t.” The creature said as he prodded Mikey forward. Mikey did so without a fight and didn’t fight as the others swarmed around him. He saw some powder being released into the air and felt his eyes grow heavy. He was unconscious by the time his head hit the ground.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper had found his own clearing, where he was trying to become a man. He threw aside the branch he had been using to exercise and checked his chest again. “No chest hair yet. Is it physical, is it mental? What’s the secret?” He sighed and sat against a fallen tree. He opened a package of jerky, but before he could eat any of it the ground began to shake, and animals came streaming out of the forest.

Manly Dan ran past, looking just as terrified as the forest animals. “For the love of all that’s holy run!”

Dipper didn’t run, instead, he stared as the tree fell toward him. At the last second Dipper grabbed his hat and rolled out of the way. The giant beast walked out of the woods, and Dipper began to beg for his life. “Please don’t eat me! I haven’t showered! In like a week! And I’m all elbows! Elbows, and gristle!”

The giant creature grabbed a deer out of a nearby bush and used the antlers to scratch his back. When he finished he threw the deer out of Dipper sight. Dipper sat there staring at the giant humanoids hoofed feet and horns. The creature pointed at Dipper’s face and screamed. “YOU!” Dipper flinched away and hoped he wasn’t about to be eaten. “Gonna finish that?” The beast finished, pointing to the opened bag of jerky.

Dipper tossed the bag towards him. “No.” Dipper watched as the beast stuffed his mouth with the jerky. “I can’t believe it, part animal, part human. Are you some kind of minotaur?” He asked the creature, not sure if expected an answer.

The creature pounded the ground. “I’m a manotaur! Half man! Half… uh… half taur!” He finished with another pound.

Dipper looked at him with confusion. “So, did I like summon you or…”

The manotaur cut him off. “The smell of jerky summoned me! JERKY!” He emphasized every sentence by punching through a tree and pulverizing a rock. When he finished he smelled the air deeply and then sniffed Dipper. “I smell… emotional issues.”

Dipper looked down at the ground. “I have problems, Manotaur. Man related problems.” The manotaur crossed his legs and sat down heavily on the ground. He patted his knee, and Dipper leaned against while he told the manotaur what had happened. “Well, my own uncle called me a wimp, and I flunked this manliness video game thing.” As Dipper explained the manotaur nodded in understanding. Heartened just by his listening Dipper looked into the manotaur's eyes. “Hey, you seem pretty manly. Maybe you could give me some pointers?”

The manotaur thought on it for a few seconds, before it stood up and gestured to it’s back. “Very well. Climb atop my back hair, child.”

Dipper blanched at the idea but decided that any chance of becoming a man was worth it. “Uh… okay.”

He gripped tightly to the thick mat of hair and tried hard not to think about as the manotaur began to run. They flew through the forest and onto a craggy mountain, Dipper had been thrashed by branched throughout the run and was glad that there were no more branches to hit him. That changed when his ride leaped off the cliff directly for a flat wall of rock. When he opened his eyes again, Dipper realized they had smashed through the wall and into a cave filled with other manotaurs, wrestling, and playing foosball.

“This place is amazing!” Dipper couldn’t stop looking at his surroundings.

The manotaur that had brought him here began to speak. “The gnomes live in the trees, the merpeople live in the water, ‘Cause they’re losers! But we Manotaurs, crash in the MAN CAVE!” He grabbed a mallet a swung it hard against a gong in one corner of the cave. “Beasts! I have brought you, a hairless child!” He announced.

Dipper swallowed hard as the massive manotaurs surrounded him “... S’up.” He said with a slight wave.

His manotaur pointed to each of the manotaurs in the cave. “This is, uh, Pubetor, Testosteror, Pituitor, and I'm Chutzpar. And you are?” He asked.

Dipper started at the unexpected question. “Oh, my name’s Dipper” The other manotaurs shook their heads in disgust and began to jeer. “The, uh, Destructor?” They seemed much more satisfied with this name, but still not impressed.

Chutzpar nodded and turned back to his brethren. “Dipper The Destructor wants us to teach him the secrets of our manliness.”

Dipper stepped forward and began his plea by exposing his chest. “I need help! Look at this! Look at this!”

One of the manotaurs, Pubetor, nodded gravely. “I must confer with the High Council.” All of them gathered in a tight huddle.

Dipper didn’t hear anything until a loud shout came from the middle of the huddle. “I DON’T LIKE YOUR FACE!” Their conference quickly devolved into a fistfight.

Dipper smiled as he watched them attack each other. “I like these guys.”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel, Wendy, and Soos were preparing to help Stan get a date. Mabel grabbed her camera and readied Stan with a positive pep talk. “Okay Grunkle Stan, Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life!” First, a before picture.” Stan screamed as the flash blinded him. Mabel didn’t even notice. “I never miss a scrapbookertunity.” After she placed the picture into her scrapbook, She turned back to Stan. “Let’s start with some roleplaying. Soos will be Lazy Susan.”

Soos was already dressed in full Lazy Susan get-up, and ready to help. “I’m soft, like a woman.”

Mabel gave Soos a thumbs-up and turned back to Stan. “Grunkle Stan, show me how you approach a woman. Remember, this is a safe, non-judgemental environment. I’ll just be right off to the side judging you on a scale from one to ten.” She readied her clipboard and glitter pen.

Stan approached Soos and spat in between them. “Can I borrow some money?” He asked with his hand out.

Mabel blew her whistle to stop the scene. “This is gonna be harder than I thought.” She said. Wendy patted her comfortingly but knew that this wasn’t going to work.  
********************************************************************************************************  
The Manotaur Council had finished debating, and Dipper was eagerly awaiting their verdict. “After a lot of punching, we have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets,” Pubetor told him.

Dipper was devastated. “Denied?” But not enough to quit trying. “Ok. Fine. That’s okay with me. Obviously, you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Maybe, you're not man enough to try.” He said arrogantly, waiting for one of them to take the bait.

He didn’t have to wait long. “Not man enough!?” Pubetor screamed as he approached.

“Destructor…”Chutzpar tried to warn Dipper, but he wasn’t listening.

“Not man enough!?” Pubetor repeated, waiting for Dipper to take it back.

“He didn’t mean it.” Chutzpar again tried to cool the meeting down, but no one was listening to him now.

Pubetor continued to scream. “I have three Y chromosomes, six Adam's apples, pecs on my abs, and fists for nipples!”

Dipper continued to taunt the manotaurs. “Seems to me you’re too scared to teach me how to be a man. Hey, do you guys hear that? It sounds like… bock-bock. Bock. Oh, that’s weird… Bocock, bocAW! Is that? BACAWK! That sounds like… BACAW! Yeah, a bunch of chickens!” He said.

The manotaurs gasped and huddled together again. Dipper still couldn’t understand what they were saying, but he did notice their constant glances towards him.

Pubetor Stepped forward from the group. “After a second round of deliberation, we have decided to help you become a man!”

“Man! Man! Man!” The others chanted.

Dipper smiled widely at his new tutors. “Great! Thanks, guys, whatever it is, I will not let you down.”

“Being a man is about conquering your fears,” Pubetor explained as they led Dipper down the mountainside. Dipper found himself walking toward a hole in the ground, surrounded by the other manotaurs.

Pubetor gestured toward the hole. “For your first man test, you must plunge your fist into… the Pain Hole!”

“The what?” Dipper asked, starting to regret this decision.

Pubetor walked confidently toward the hole and stuck his hand inside. “Pain Hole, shcmainhole…” He began, but his words were quickly swallowed by his screams of pain. He pulled his hand out and ran away, holding it close to his chest.

Dipper was definitely terrified now. “Are you sure this is really necessary?” He asked Chutzpar.

Chutzpar stared down at him. “You want to be a man, don’t you?”

Dipper nodded and approached the hole slowly. He placed his hand inside the whole, and the manotaurs began chanting. “Man! Man! Man!”  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mikey woke up to the sound of someone screaming in pain. He looked around and found himself still in the clearing, surrounded by fairies. The only difference was, one of his arms was attached to a tree with what looked like iron cuffs. “What was that?” He asked what appeared to be the leader.

“SILENCE!” The small person screamed into his face. Mikey decided against asking any more questions.

He did at first anyway. After what felt like several hours, but was probably ten minutes, of staring at his captors, he decided to get some answers. “So, is there a reason I’m cuffed to a tree? And where do fairies get cuffs anyway?”

The leader seemed infuriated by his nonchalant questions. “We took those restraints during a raid on the human village! And you are imprisoned here because you are a menace! A danger to everything around you!” The leader was now directly in Mikey’s face, and very nearly cutting him with the spear he was gesturing with.

Mikey wondered if he could use the knowledge that they had attacked Gravity Falls to his advantage, but right now he wanted more information. “You're going to have to be more specific.” He said. The leader was practically foaming at the mouth now, apparently, these things really hated impoliteness.

He gestured wildly with the spear, and Mikey had to lean back to avoid being hit. “You are a liar and a thief! You are not even honest to your closest loved ones! Such a person must be destroyed at all costs!” He screamed into Mikey’s face. 

It took Mikey a second to process what the thing had just said, and when he did he felt rage consume him. “I don’t lie to my family!” He yelled and brought up his free hand to try to swat the thing.

He missed as the thing zipped around his hand and jabbed it with his spear. He seemed much cockier now that he had gotten a reaction from Mikey. “Oh, so you tell them everything then?” Mikey didn’t answer but shifted awkwardly as he touched the stone in his pocket. “That’s what I thought. Do not try to hide your wickedness from us! We can sense it in you just like in all of humanity.” The sound of a horn came from the center of the village, only a few yards away, and the guards turned and flew toward it. Well, that was ominous. Mikey turned towards the guard they had left behind. He didn’t look as uptight as the others, maybe Mikey could get some information out of him.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel was beginning her next stage to fix Grunkle Stan up. Now it was time to practice Stan’s smile. “Alright, Let’s try to get that inner beauty on the outside.” She looked at the frown Stan wore and shook her head. “Smile harder.” Stan tried his best, but it was not going well. “Harder!” At this point, Stan was just stretching his lips as wide as he could, completely giving up actually smiling. “Perfect! Soos!” Mabel seemed satisfied, though.

“Sup, hambone.” Soos asked while standing behind Stan.

Mabel turned Stan’s chair so Soos could see the smile. “Wha’d’you think?” Soos screamed and ran out of the Shack without giving her an answer. “This is gonna take some really great training music.” Mabel said as she went to go search.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper was relaxing with the manotaur in a natural hot spring in their cave. “Guys, I just want to say that these last few hours have been… I feel like there's really been some growth.” He told them, really trying to get across how much their help meant to him. “It’s just you guys took me under your wing, and have just been so supportive.” He said.

“Oh stop.” Chutzpar said bashfully.

Dipper refused. “No, you know what? You really have been. I think I feel like I’m finally becoming a man here.” He said proudly.

Chutzpar warned him not to get too cocky. “Not yet Destructor. One final test remains. The deadliest trial of all.”

Dipper stood up from the hot spring and raised his fist above his head. “I’ve survived forty-nine other trials. Whatever it is, bring it on!”

Chutzpar and the other manotaurs prepared Dipper with temporary tattoos, while others lit the hall. “Behold our leader, Leaderaur!” Chutzpar announced. A wizened old manotaur walked down the path towards Dipper.

“Is he like the oldest, or wisest, or…” Dipper asked Chutzpar.

“Greetings, young…” The old manotaur was interrupted, as a giant mouth closed on his body, and dragged him into the air.

“Naw, he’s just the offering. That is Leaderaur.” Chutzpar explained, and pointed to the giant manotaur, at least three times the size of the others, that was eating the offering.

Leaderaur glared at Dipper. “You… You wish to be a man? Then you must heroic act, go to highest mountain…” He reached inside of his chest, screaming as he pulled out a short spear for Dipper to use. “and bring back head of Multi-Bear!”

Dipper stared at Leaderaur with confusion. “The Multi-Bear? Is that some kind of bear?”

“He’s our sworn enemy! Conquer him and your mansformation will be complete!” Leaderaur roared.

Dipper wasn’t sure if he could kill something, just to be a man. “Conquer? I don't know, man…”

“Destructor, is this yours?” Chutzpar spoke up, holding Dipper’s BABBA CD.

Dipper quickly snatched it away from him. “No! Don't know who’s that is, just borrowing it, friends, not mine.” He looked to the manotaurs that were now muttering amongst themselves and picked up the spear. “I shall conquer the Multi-Bear!”

The Manotaurs cheered as Dipper hefted the spear, but Dipper could only hope he didn’t regret this.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Stan’s training was finally over. Mabel had done everything she could think him desirable, and it was finally time to see the payoff. Stan was standing in the same pose he had earlier so that Mabel, Wendy, and Soos could see the improvements more clearly. Mabel held her before picture in front of Stan and slowly lowered it. “Okay, Grunkle Stan. you started like this, but you became…” Stan did look different, his shirt had several new stains, he was missing one slipper, and he just, in general, looked much worse.

Stan’s hands twitched while he waited for Mabel to say something. “Can I scratch myself now?”

“No! No, no, no! Is that throw up on your shirt?” Mabel pointed to one of the many new stains on his shirt. She looked absolutely devastated by Stan’s stubborn refusal to change.

Stan looked down at his shirt and then back to Mabel. “I don't know how to answer that.” He said with a shrug.

“Face it Mabel, your uncle’s unfixable. Like that spinning pie thing in the diner.” Wendy pat Mabel on the shoulder sympathetically.

Something that Wendy said lit a light bulb in Mabel's mind. “Grunkle Stan come with me!” She ran out the door, before she turned around, and gave Stan the best news he had all day. “And leave your pants at home!”

“With pleasure!” Stan smiled widely and walked confidently out the door in boxers and a tank top.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper approached the cave of the Multi-Bear slowly, hoping to have the element of surprise when he attacked. The cave was near the peak of the mountain, well above where the manotaurs made their home. “What is a Multi-Bear anyway?” He asked himself, as he observed the bones scattered outside the cave. As he stepped inside, he became aware of just how many branching paths there were and wondered how he was going to find the Multi-Bear. He shouldn’t have worried, only a few steps into the cave he heard a loud growling to one side. Turning he saw a bear that stood at least as tall as one of the manotaurs and had multiple heads, some in a circle surrounding the larger one.

Only one of the heads was roaring now, and one of the paws swatted it as the central head spoke.“Bear heads, silence!” It took several more swats before the head fell silent, once it did the Multi-Bear faced dipper. “Child why have you come here?”

“Multi-Bear! I seek your head!” Dipper raised the spear above his head before he stopped to consider what he had said. “…or one of them anyway, there’s, like, what six heads?”

Multi-Bear roared at Dipper. “This is foolish! Leave now or die!” Dipper’s only response was to ready his spear. “So be it!” Multi-Bear roared and charged. Dipper ran against one of the walls and jumped to the side in order to dodge. He didn’t stop running and hid behind a rock just as his enemy smacked bones towards him with enough force to embed them into the rock. Multi-Bear charged Dipper’s hiding place, but at the last second Dipper leapt up onto the nearest head and ran to the base of the central one. He used the spear to choke the central head and held on until the Multi-Bear had collapsed. Now he stood on top of Multi-Bear’s chest and pointed the spear at his neck.

“A real man shows no mercy!” Dipper yelled as he pulled back to make the killing blow.

Multi-Bear sighed and looked away from his impending death. “Very well, warrior. But will you grant a magical beast one last request?”

Dipper hesitated, and slowly lowered the spear. “Uh… okay.”

The Multi-Bears smiled gratefully at Dipper. “I wish to die listening to my favorite song.” He nodded to a tape player in one corner of the cave. “The tape is already in there, you can just hit any…” He told Dipper but stopped once Dipper had pressed the right button. Dipper was shocked when he realized that the song was Disco Girl, one of his favorite songs.

He turned back to the Multi-Bear, who was nodding his head along to the beat. “You listen to Icelandic pop group BABBA? I… I love BABBA.”

Multi-Bear nodded. “I thought I was the only one. The Manotaurs all made fun of me because I knew all the words to the song Disco Girl.” He sighed again and looked to the ground.

Dipper couldn’t stand to see the magical creature so sad, and he decided to help. “Oh, you mean: Disco Girl…” He started to sing and hoped the bear would pick it up.

He didn’t have to wait since Multi-Bear picked up where he left off without hesitation. “Coming through…”

“That girl is you! Oo-oo-oo-oo.” They finished the chorus in unison, and Dipper laughed as he realized he had met someone that understood.

“This is crazy! Finally, someone that understands…” His laughter died off as he remembered what he had come here to do. “Oh, I guess I’m supposed to kill you? Or I’ll never be a man?”

“I accept my fate.” The Multi-Bear said with a raised chin, presenting Dipper with an easy target.

“No! Really?” Dipper protested as he looked into his calm face.

“It’s for the best.” The Multi-Bear nodded in confirmation.

Dipper frowned and readied himself for what he was about to do. He picked the spear up from where he had dropped it and ran out of the cave. The trip to the Man Cave seemed much shorter now, and before he knew it he stood before Leaderaur and the other manotaurs. “I’m not going to do it.” He said as he drove the spear into the ground.

Leaderaur smashed the spear and leaned into Dipper’s face. “You were told! The price of man is the Multi-Bear’s head!”

Dipper turned from Leaderaur and addressed the crowd. “Listen, Leaderaur, alright! You too, Tesosteraur, Pubertaur, and… I don't know, whatever you're name is. Beardy.” He pointed to one of the Manotaurs that he hadn’t ever spoken to.

“It’s Beardy.” The manotaur nodded, but Dipper was already continuing the speech.

“You keep telling me that being a man means doing all these tasks and being aggro all the time, but I’m starting to think that that stuff is malarkey!” The manotaurs all gasped at Dipper’s words. “You heard me, malarkey! So, maybe I don’t have muscles, or hair in certain places, and sure, when a girly pop song comes on the radio, sometimes, I leave it on! Cause, dang it, top forty hits are in the top forty for a reason! They’re catchy!” He shouted into the crowd.

“Destructor, what are you saying?” Chutzpar asked him. He didn’t understand why he would throw away his manhood like this.

“I’m saying that the Multi-Bear is a really nice guy. And you’re a bunch of jerks if you want me to cut off his head!” Dipper said strongly, turning to glare at Leaderaur.

“Kill the Multi-Bear, or never be a man!” The giant manotaur roared.

“Then I guess I’ll never be a man.” Dipper said softly, not backing down an inch.

The boos from the manotaurs were almost deafening before Chutzpar ran on top of the podium. “Hey, guys! Who wants to build something, and then knock it down!” The manotaurs cheered as they ran from the cave, leaving Dipper alone. He kicked a rock and slowly began the walk home.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mikey was still cuffed to the tree, but he had managed to strike up a conversation with the guard, Rick, they had left behind. He had managed to get some information out of the guard, for example, they only cuffed one hand, because they weren’t scared of him, they just didn’t want him running off. Now they were playing with a deck of cards Mikey kept in his pocket. “Hey, Rick, what’s up with all the commotion going on over there?” Mikey asked as he noticed fairies from all over the village swarming to the center.

Rick shrugged as he looked at the swarm. “Oh, the Council is deciding whether or not to invade the town. We haven't done anything like that in decades, but with a human finding our village, especially one with your attitude, they might just decide to do it.” He turned back to the game with a look of intense concentration.

Mikey swallowed hard. From what he could see Gravity Falls wouldn’t be able to handle that very well. “What exactly would happen if they did, you know, attack?” He asked, doing his best to sound nonchalant.

Rick shrugged again, completely uninterested in the conversation. “We would kill all the adults we could, and then bring the children back here to be used as slave labor.”

Now Mikey felt queasy, he couldn’t let that happen, especially when it would be his fault. “Oh…” He grabbed again for the stone he had stolen from Gideon, it was time for some more practice. “Sorry about this.” He apologized. Before Rick could say anything, several cards had wrapped themselves around him tight enough that he couldn’t move or speak. Mikey grabbed the bobby pins that never left his side and set to work on the cuff. Within moments he was free, but he still needed to stop them attacking Gravity Falls. It was time to do what he did best: Bluff.

Mikey stood up and approached the swarm with as much confidence as he could muster. Several of the beings broke off and approached with their spears ready. They were relaxed, confident. Hopefully, he could change that. “How did you break free from your iron bonds?” The same one that had attacked him earlier questioned.

Mikey took a deep breath to steel his nerves and then snorted. He hoped his amused disdain was up to snuff. “Did you really think iron would hold me back?” He laughed. The soldiers were uncomfortable now, but not threatened, they were still confident. Mikey grabbed the stone tightly, and pushed, sending the soldiers into the swarm, and causing those fairies to scatter. Before they could recover, Mikey ripped two of the buildings nearest him into pieces and held them in the air around him. There was no way he could actually fight with those, but it looked threatening. That was all he needed.

Now they were scared. They were all huddled together, the warriors surrounding the civilians. They were seeking safety in numbers, which meant that Mikey could actually use his debris effectively. The soldiers were hesitating, not willing to leave the safety of the group, which gave Mikey plenty of time to bring the debris down on the group, pinning as many as he could. He approached slowly, taking calming breaths. There were still so many ways this could go wrong, but that was the first step in selling a bluff: mastering your fear, pretending there was nothing for you to be afraid of. There was no trace of fear when Mikey spoke. “Do you really think you can attack us and win? I’m just a kid and I wiped the floor with you.” Mikey stalked closer to the leader. He was terrified now, shaking underneath the branch that pinned him. “I’m willing to let this assault slide, but if any of you ever approach our town, I’ll bring back more humans and we will destroy everything.”

“We won’t! We swear! Please, let us go!” Their leader nodded frantically in an attempt t convince Mikey. Mikey simply nodded and backed slowly into the forest. Once he could no longer see the village he released his magical grip on the debris. That had been exhausting. But he didn’t have time to rest. It was time to begin the second stage of a successful bluff: getting the hell out before they realized you were bluffing. He took off at a jog and hoped he was heading in the right direction.

The forest moved by in a blur, but since Mikey was mainly focused on whether the fairies were following him he didn’t notice the obstacle until he met it head first. “Oww!” He stumbled to halt.

Laying on the ground was Dipper, who was, for some reason, shirtless. Mikey offered his hand while Dipper clutched his head. “Hey, Dipstick. What’s up with the tattoos?” He asked.

“It’s a long story, I’ll tell you and Mabel about it later.” Dipper shrugged and turned away to continue his walk.

Mikey knew that pushing Dipper wouldn’t get him anywhere, so he just shrugged and joined him.  
********************************************************************************************************  
Mabel led Stan into the diner by his hand. Lazy Susan was hitting the top of the dessert display, trying in vain to get it to do what she wanted. Mabel smiled, she knew this plan would work.

“Lazy Susan, listen: I know he’s not much to look at, but you’re always fixing stuff at the diner and if you like fixing things, nothing could use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan!” Mabel looked at Lazy Susan with hopeful eyes. Then she went in for the kill. “Also women live longer than men so your dating pool is smaller and you should really lower your standards.”

Lazy Susan stepped down from her ladder, and Stan stepped forward to meet her. “So, Lazy Susan, what do you say?” Susan looked Stan up and down, then turned away with a blank expression on her face. Stan deflated, and Mabel pat his arm comfortingly. They turned to leave, but Lazy Susan called them back.

“Hey! Here’s my number. Why don’t you give me a call sometime?

Stan took the slip of paper she offered, too shocked to realize what had happened. “Really!?”

“Really! And here’s some pie. On the house. For you!” Lazy Susan sat the pie down on the nearest table.

Mabel slid into the booth first, and Stan followed her. She couldn’t contain her excitement any longer. “We did it! When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone. Let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card.”

Stan gently pushed her back into the seat she had stood up in. “Mabel! Let a man enjoy his pie, huh?”

Mabel sat down and looked out her window, just in time to see her brothers walking down the sidewalk. “HEY! GUYS! It’s me, Mabel!” She pressed her face against the glass and waved to get their attention. “I’m looking at you through this glass! Right here! This is my voice! I’m talking to you from inside!” Dipper motioned for her to be quiet and the brothers entered the diner to join their family.

“Did you guys see me…”

Dipper cut Mabel off curtly. “Yes.”

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Dipper said as he slid into the booth.

“Good.” Stan said with his mouth full of pie.

Dipper didn’t listen to his grunkle. “It’s just these half-man, half-bull, humanoids were hanging out with me…”

Stan rolled his eyes. “Here we go.”

“But they wanted me to do this really awful thing, but it wasn’t right. So I said no.”

“You were your own man and stood up for yourself.” Stan said as he took another bite of pie. He saw the confused look Dipper was giving him and defended his statement. “Yeah, you did what was right even though no one agreed with ya. Sounds pretty manly to me.”

At that moment leaned across the table to stare at Dipper’s chest. “Wait a minute! Do my eyes deceive me? You have a chest hair!”

Dipper pulled his shirt down to see that he did now have one chest hair. “You’re right! Take that man tester! Take that Pituitor!”

“Congratulations Dipstick, but I don’t think it’s gonna last long.” Mikey said with a laugh

“What is that supposed to mea…” Dipper asked, but was cut off, as Mabel pulled the hair out using a pair of tweezers.

“Scrapbookertunity!”

Stan tried to comfort his nephew. “Don’t worry kid. If you’re anything like me, there’s more where that came from!” He ripped the top of his shirt to show off his thick chest hair. 

While the others laughed, Dipper looked away from his uncle. “That’s disgusting.”


	7. Double Dipper

Party supplies of all kinds were scattered around the museum floor, Soos and Wendy were putting up streamers, lights, and anything else Stan told them to, The triplets sat on the couch in the back of the room, and the recent discovery of Silly String in one of the boxes meant they had a whole new way to entertain themselves. 

Dipper held his stomach and bent over in his seat. “Oh, Mabel, I don’t feel so good. I… I… BLAAAAAAA!” He sat up and sprayed Mabel with his Silly String.

“Ohhhh, Grunkle Stan, What did you feed us? BLAAAAAAA!” Mabel played along and sprayed Mikey.

“I think I’m gonna… gonna… BLAAAAAAA!” Mikey said as he sprayed both of his siblings. The three collapsed in fits of laughter as they continued to spray each other.

Wendy suddenly raced in front of the couch. “Guys! Guys! Something terrible just happened!” The seriousness in her voice caused the triplets to freeze and stare at her expectantly. “BLAAAAAAAA!” Wendy pulled the Silly String from behind her back and sprayed, causing the whole group to begin laughing again.

“Comedy Gold!” Mabel yelled as she threw golden confetti into the air.

Stan quickly grabbed the cans out of their hands. “Alright, party supplies are now off limits.” He said, and then turned back to where Soos was setting up for the party.

“Mr. Pines, whose birthday is it again?” Soos asked from the top of his ladder.

“Nobody’s. Thought this party would be a good way to get kids to spend money at the shack.” Stan explained.

Mikey nodded as he looked around the room. “Well, it does look surprisingly cool.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stan asked as he stared his nephew down.

“Nothing, forget I said anything.” Mikey said with a smirk still firmly in place.

Stan turned away with a huff and continued his speech. “If those kids want fun, I’ll smother them in fun.”

Dipper frowned at Stan’s aggressive statement. “Maybe comments like that are why kids don’t come to the Mystery Shack.”

Stan turned and glared at his nephews. “Alright that’s enough, why don’t you kids make yourselves useful and copy these flyers?” he said, handing them a single sheet of paper that advertised the party.

“Oh, boy! A trip to the copier store.” Mabel cheered.

Soos sang a jingle when he heard Mabel. “Calendars, mugs t-shirts, and more! They’ve got it all at the copier store! That’s not their slogan, I just really feel that way about the copier store.”

“Save the trouble. You know that old copier in my office? I finally fixed the old girl up! Good as new!” Stan told them.  
**************************************************************************************************************************  
Stan’s office was normally off limits, but the kids had all been there before. The copier Stan was talking hadn’t worked all summer, and from the looks of it now it still wouldn’t.

Mabel pulled the sheet off of the copier and cheered when she saw the moths flutter away. “Butterflies!”

“If this is fixed up, I wonder what it looked like before.” Mikey said as he examined the machine. The copier door still didn’t close, some of the paneling was hanging on by just a few scraps of plastic, and one of the trays was stuck permanently open.

“It probably won’t even work.” Dipper said as he placed his arm on the copier, and started it up.

After several seconds of grinding sounds, the paper came out the end of the copier. “Success!” Mabel exclaimed as she held up the picture of Dipper's arm. The paper began to shake and twitch in her hand, and she dropped it in surprise. “Whoa!”

The paper continued to shake on the ground, and the triplets watched as the arm seemed to peel itself off the paper, becoming a real arm that appeared to move on its own. Mikey was the first one to speak. “Cool.”

“Stay back!” Dipper yelled as he began to panic. He grabbed the soda out of Mabel’s hands and threw it at the arm. As the liquid hit it the arm began to dissolve into a puddle of wet paper. “I think this copier can copy human beings!” Dipper told his siblings.

Mabel assumed a serious expression and yelled back at Dipper. “Do you realize what this means?! BLAAAAAAA!” She sprayed him with a can of Silly String she had managed to hide, ignoring his irritated expression.  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Stan gathered his employees together to give them their jobs. “Alright, party people… and Dipper. Let’s talk business. Soos, since you’ll work for free and you begged, I’m lettin you be DJ.”

“You won’t regret it, Mr. Pines. I got this book to show me how to DJ R-R-Right!” Soos assured him, holding up the book to show it off.

Stan shook his head and turned to the others. “Not encouraging. Mikey, see if you can make us a little extra money on the floor, yeah? Wendy, you and Mabel will work the ticket stand.”

Mabel began protesting the second she heard she would be working. “What? But Grunkle Stan, this party is my chance to make new friends!”

Dipper saw an opportunity and knew he had to take it. “I could work with Wendy.” He said hesitantly.

Stan stared at dipper suspiciously. “You realize that if you do, you gotta commit to stay at the ticket stand with Wendy. No getting out of it, just the two of you, alone, all night.”

Dipper smiled and nodded.“I promise.”  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
The triplets were in their room getting ready for the party. Mabel had thrown on her ‘party sweater,’ while Mikey had put on a nicer shirt and slacks. Dipper was staring at himself in the mirror while adjusting his bowtie, the only change to his outfit. In the mirror, Dipper could see both of his siblings snickering as they watched him get ready. “What?” He asked them as he turned away from the mirror.

Mabel stood up from her bed and answered him with impersonation. “Uh, uh I could work the counter with you, Wendy! Let’s kiss!” She and Mikey both fell into another fit of laughter.

“Laugh all you want, but I devised a foolproof plan to make sure my night with Wendy goes perfectly.” Dipper said proudly as he stared at his siblings.

Mabel stopped laughing and stared at Dipper with sudden seriousness. “Plan? You’re not talking about one of those overcomplicated listy things, are you?” She questioned.

“It's not overcomplicated. Look see.” Dipper protested. He pulled the plan out of his pocket, and began unfolding, and unfolding, and unfolding. Eventually, he stood with a list about as long as he was tall. “Step one: getting to know each other with playful banter. Banter is like talking, but smarter.” He explained.

Mikey, now recovered, shook his head at Dipper. “This isn’t going to work, absolutely nothing on that list is even remotely romantic.”

“Who needs romance? I have a plan.” Dipper said smugly.

“That sounds like a dumb idea for poop heads.” Mabel said.

“See, this isn't banter. This is what I want to avoid with Wendy.” Dipper said, at the same time completely dismissing their arguments. “The final step is asking Wendy to dance.” He said. He knew that Wendy was going to be so impressed by his organizational skills she would fall for him right away. “If I follow steps one through eleven, nothing can get in my way!” He said triumphantly.

Mabel was just shaking her head. “You're getting in your own way, Dipper. Why can't you just walk up and talk to her like a normal person?” She asked.

“Step nine, sister!” Dipper said as he pointed to the list.

“Dipper, just throw away the list and talk to her.” Mikey tried to convince his brother.

“No way. Too many things could go wrong. I just need to follow the plan.” Dipper said confidently. Mabel and Mikey sighed as they walked out of the room.  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Mabel stood on one of the balconies overlooking the party, just watching everyone enjoy themselves, even Nate and Lee, who were slamming on the windows like they were trying to escape. It looked like a lot of fun. Stan walked onto the balcony with her and placed his hands on the railing. “Can your uncle throw a party or what?” He asked as he stared at the party below them.

Soos tried to hype up the crowd. “The energy, it's electric! Uhh, lightning,” He began pushing the buttons on his keyboard trying to find the right sound effect. “lightning, lightning, lightning…”

Stan ignored Soos’ mistakes while he continued to brag about his party. “And if anyone wants to leave, I'm charging an exit fee of fifteen bucks!”

Mabel nodded. She didn’t really agree with her uncle’s business practices, but it was a pretty great party.

Outside, Dipper and Wendy were busy with the surprisingly large number of people that had come to the party. Dipper pulled out his list to check his first move. “Step one: casual banter.” He read under his breath. He turned back to Wendy. “So, here's a casual question, what's your favorite snack food?” He asked her, internally cursing how his voice cracked.

“Oh man, I can't just pick one!” Wendy said.

Dipper smiled and blurted out what he thought was the correct response. “No way! Mine too!” Only afterward did he realize what he had said.

“Wait, what?” Wendy asked, looking at Dipper strangely.

“Uh…” Dipper panicked and stuffed his face with popcorn to give himself time to think. Wendy shrugged and turned back to the customers.  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Inside, Mikey was having a lot of fun doing what he did best. In this case, that meant selling Nate and Lee fake exit passes. After several minutes of begging they had just managed to “convince” him. “Ok, ok. How much do you have?” He asked. Mikey glanced from side to side in an anxious manner, just to make sure they knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing this.

“Thirteen.” Nate said as he practically shoved the money into Mikey’s hand.

Mikey nodded as he counted out the bills. “Good enough. Just hand these to the guy at the door and he’ll let you out.” He said as he handed them two scraps of paper. They thanked him and ran to the door, and Mikey disappeared into the crowd before they learned the passes were fake. He hoped Mabel was having as much fun as he was. It’d be nice if she had some girlfriends her own age.  
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Mabel was definitely enjoying the party, she had been dancing since the music started playing. Finally deciding to take a break, Mabel sat down next a girl almost twice her size. Noticing the lizard that sat on her shoulder, Mabel couldn’t help but introduce herself. “Wow, you've got an animal on your body! I’m Mabel.”

The girl turned and spoke to Mabel in an incredibly deep and mannish voice. “I'm Grenda.” A much smaller Asian girl leaned out from behind Grenda and waved a hand that had plastic forks taped to each finger. “This is Candy.” Grenda introduced the girl.

Mabel looked at Candy’s hand curiously. “Why do you have forks taped to your fingers?” She asked.

In answer, Candy stuck her hand into a bucket of popcorn and came out with popcorn on each fork. “Improvement of human being.” She explained with a wide smile.

“I've found my people.” Mabel said as she grinned at her new found friends.

While Mabel and her friends continued talking, Soos announced the party’s main event. “Remember dudes, whoever, uh,” Soos flipped through his book rapidly, trying to find the right page. When he found the right page it was obvious he still had no idea what he was saying. “party hardies, what? Uh, gets the party crown! Most applause at the end of the night wins!” The announcement, despite Soos’ own confusion, was met with several cheers.

A blond girl Mabel’s age approached the stage and snapped her fingers in Soos’ face. “Party crown? I'll take that, thank you very much!” She said. 

Mabel turned to her new friends. “Who's that?”

“The most popular girl in school, Pacifica Northwest.” Candy answered her, an envious tone in her voice.

“I always feel bad about myself around her.” Grenda added.

Soos stared down at Pacifica, now even more confused.“I can't just give you the crown. It's sort of a competition thing.” He tried to explain.

Pacifica just laughed. “Honestly, who's gonna compete with me? Fork girl? Lizard lady?” she pointed at Grenda and Candy.

“Hold me, Candy!”

“Our kind isn't welcome here!”

Mabel, seeing how her friends were being treated, knew she had to step up. “Hey! I'll compete!” She said as she walked toward Soos. She turned toward Pacifica and lifted her arm to shake hands. “I'm Mabel.”

Pacifica looked at the offered hand and then back to Mabel’s face. “That sounds like a fat old lady's name.” She said.

“I'll take that as a compliment.” Mabel said as she tried to remain positive. Pacifica was already getting on her nerves.

Pacifica glared at Mabel, as if annoyed that she hadn’t reacted to her insult. “May the better partier win.” She said as she walked away.

“Nice meeting you!”Mabel called after her. When she turned back to her friends, her tone had changed dramatically. “She’s going down.”

A few feet away, Mikey echoed his sister’s words as he watched Pacifica move around the party. If there was anything that made him angrier than people picking on him, it was people picking on his family. A plan began to form as he watched PAcifica move around the party.  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Outside, the crowd had thinned out a bit, and Wendy and Dipper were watching the party through the nearby window. ”Woah, sounds like the party's getting nuts!” Wendy said.

“Let the battle for the party crown begin! Mabel comes out strong! Watch out, Pacifica!” Soos announced as the girls competed on the dance floor.

Wendy turned to Dipper with an excited look on her face. “I gotta get in there! Cover for me?” Wendy asked Dipper, who was still sitting at their table.

“Oh… well, I…” Dipper didn’t know how to answer her, but that didn’t really matter. She was gone before he could complete a syllable.

“Thanks man!”

Dipper stared after her and then looked at the one again growing line waiting for entrance.“I’ll be back shortly!” He said as he flipped the open sign to closed. “I’m sure Stan won’t mind if I’m gone for a few minutes.”

Dipper took a few steps towards the door, but Stan grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him back. Dipper had no idea how he hadn’t noticed him. “What are you doing, kid? These suckers aren’t going to rip themselves off.” Stan asked, pointing at he still growing line. “You promised, remember?”

“I did?” Dipper tried to pretend he didn’t know what Stan was talking about, but when Stan pulled out the tape recorder and played Dipper’s promise back he relented.

Dipper began collecting the entrance fee as Stan walked back inside. “If only I could be in two places at once.” He mused. Once the words left his mouth Dipper knew what he had to do.

He put the closed sign back up and ran for the office before Stan could notice. Once there, he laid down on the copier. He stood up and waited eagerly for his copy to come to life

“Whoa! I have a really big head.” Dipper said. His duplicate was perfect except for some faded colors and the lack of a pine tree on his hat.

“So, uh…” Dipper tried to say but was interrupted by the clone saying the exact same thing. “sorry you first. Stop copying me!” The two laughed, the synchronization only broken when the clone hit his elbow on a box behind him.

Dipper approached the clone and wrote a large 2 where the pine tree should have been. “I will call you Number Two.”

“Definitely not. There is one name I’ve always wanted though…” The clone looked at Dipper knowingly and both of them finished the sentence.

“Tyrone.”

Dipper nodded happily at the clone’s name. “All right Tyrone, let’s get down to business. I’m thinking you cover me at the ticket stand, while I go dance with Wendy.” Dipper pulled out his plan and unfolded it, so he could tell Tyrone exactly what his role was.

“I know the plan, buddy.” Tyrone said before Dipper could continue, showing of his own copy of the plan.

Dipper watched Tyrone and had the eerie feeling that he had made a mistake. “Hey, we're not gonna get jealous and turn on each other like the clones in the movies, are we?”

Tyrone shook his head and reassured Dipper. “Dipper, please, this is you you’re talking about. Besides, you can always just disintegrate me with water.” 

Dipper nodded. “Yeah, you're right.” It was a good thing he could trust his clone to be absolutely honest.

Tyrone left to run the ticket stand and a few minutes later Dipper entered the party. He weaved between the people on the dance floor until he caught sight of Wendy, and made a beeline for her.

“Great news, Wendy! I got someone to cover the concessions for me.” Dipper said. His smile became slightly strained when he recognized who was next to Wendy.

Wendy returned his smile obliviously. “That’s awesome! You can hang out with me and Robbie. Robbie, you remember Dipper from the convenience store?” She asked the skinny boy standing next to her.

Robbie didn't so much as glance in Dipper’s direction. “Uh, no. Hey, Wendy, check out my new guitar.” He held the guitar up for Wendy to see.

“Whoa, cool!”

Wendy turned her back on Dipper and he was instantly consumed by jealousy. This was it. Wendy was going to dance with him. They were going to get married, probably tonight! They were planning how best to humiliate him right now, he could already see it…

The sound of his phone ringing woke Dipper from his thoughts. “Hey buddy, it’s me, you. I just had the same jealousy fantasy.” Tyrone said.

“We have got to get rid of Robbie if I ever want to dance with Wendy!” Dipper told the clone.

Wendy called for Dipper’s attention. “Hey, Dipper! We’re gonna go sit on the couch! Meet us when you’re done.”

This new piece of terrible news nearly drove Dipper to a full panic. “Oh no! They’re sitting on the couch! We gotta think of something quick!” Dipper glanced around frantically, hoping that something would give him the idea that would save his night. Then his eyes fell on Robbie’s dirt bike. “I got an idea!”

“I got the same one, but we’re gonna need some help.” Tyrone said, closing the entrance again and quickly making for the copier. Dipper followed from a short distance.  
***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Pacifica’s friends, if you could really call them that, had gone somewhere on Pacifica’s orders, and Mikey knew that this was his best chance. Moving to stand beside Pacifica, he began the first, most important, and only actually planned out part of his plan. “I can’t believe this is the old man’s idea of a party.” Mikey commented casually.

Pacifica shook her head as she glared disdainfully at partygoers and decorations alike. “I know, so… tacky and cheap. And they let everyone in.”

Mikey’s smile grew slightly. So far, so good. “Exactly. Of course, what can you expect from someone without a single servant.” The tiniest sound of amusement escaped Pacifica’s lips, it couldn't even really be called a laugh, but it was enough. Pacifica turned slightly, looking at Mikey for the first time. Mikey answered her unasked question. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Michael, Mikey to my friends.”

“Pacifica.” She replied and offered her hand. Mikey gladly accepted the handshake.

A short conversation, in which Mikey firmly secured a place as one of Pacifica’s few friends, later, Mikey was approaching the punch to get drinks for Pacifica and himself.

Mabel hadn't see Mikey begin talking to Pacifica, but she had seen them together. This worried her after all Pacifica wasn't someone Mikey would normally try to befriend and if he had seen how Pacifica treated her, well… Mikey was known to be very protective of both of his siblings. She pulled Mikey in front of her as he passed by. “What are you doing?”

Mikey tried to fake ignorance but gave up when Mabel's glare intensified and she pointed to Pacifica. “I’m just making friends. Isn’t that what this party is all about?” He said, giving his best innocent smile at the same time.

“Mikey…” Mabel warned.

Seeing the determined look on Mabel's face, Mikey knew that she wouldn't let him go until he told her. “What? Friends help each other right? Well, I’m helping Pacifica learn to not be a spoiled brat.” Reaching into his pocket Mikey pulled out a pair of earrings, the same earrings Pacifica had been wearing moments ago. “Speaking of which, do you want these? I'm just gonna sell them if you don't.”

Mabel stared at Mikey and the earrings in a mixture of disbelief, anger, and exasperation, but eventually took the jewelry with a grumbled, “Fine, But only so I can give them back later.” As Mikey walked away he gave her wink, like he knew what she was really gonna do with the jewelry, further infuriating her.  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
In Stan’s office, the third Dipper clone had just come to life and was having its role explained. “So, you’re going to steal Robbie’s bike so that he has to leave the party.” Dipper finished his explanation and waited for any comments the clone might have.

As it happened, the clone had a very pressing concern. “But what if Robbie catches me? I’ll be all alone!” Number Three protested.

“He makes a good point.” Tyrone agreed.

Dipper nodded and hopped on top of the copier again. “Okay, one more. This is a four Dipper plan.”

The Dippers waited for the next clone, but suddenly the copier grinder to a halt and refused to spit out the paper. “Uh oh, paper jam.” Tyrone said as he pulled out the paper. The clone did come to life but was just as creased and distorted as its paper. It tried to speak, but no words came out only horrible screeching noises.

“You’re not going to make me team up him, are you?” Number Three protested again.

Tyrone held Paper Jam close. “Don’t be rude! It’s okay, buddy.” He chastised Number Three before he returned to comforting Paper Jam.

Dipper looked at the distorted clone and had to agree with Number Three. “Okay, just one more.” He said as he jumped back on the copier.  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
Pacifica stood on the stage in front of the party, finishing the song she had chosen to sing in the battle for the party crown. “Always means forever. ALWAAAAYS! Forever.”

Mabel, Candy, and Grenda stood next to the stage waiting for Mabel's turn. Grenda sighed at the sound of Pacifica’s singing. “I used to sing like that before my voice changed.” She told her friends.

“Pacifica pulls ahead.” Solos announced to a healthy amount of applause.

“Try to top that!” Pacifica said as she pushed the microphone into Mabel's chest. “Oh, and Grenda, by the way, you sound like a professional wrestler.” Pacifica said as she walked away.

Grenda was consumed with rage at Pacifica's words and yelled for the whole crowd to hear. “I WANT TO PUT HER IN A HEADLOCK AND MAKE HER FEEL PAIN!” Unfortunately, she also proved Pacifica right.

Mabel was quick to offer her friends encouragement. “It’s not over till it’s over, sisters! Watch this.” She ran onto the stage and shouted her request. “Soos! Give me the 80s-ist, crowd pleasing-ist, rock ballady-ist song you’ve got!” As the song began playing, Mabel jumped in, singing enthusiastically. “Don’t start un-believing, never don’t feel your feelings!” The crowd went wild for Mabel's performance, easily blowing Pacifica out of the water.

One of the Dipper clones handed Soos a scrap of paper, interrupting his own enthusiastic cheering. “Dudes, would the owner of a silver and red dirt bike report outside, it’s being stolen right now.” Soos announced over the speakers.

Dippers Three and Four began to peddle away once they heard the signal. They went just slowly enough that Robbie could watch his bike disappear even as he ran after it.

Dipper moved in to complete the final step of the plan. “Oh, tough break. I wonder who those guys are who aren’t me because I’m right here.” He rambled as he spoke to Wendy. She just nodded in agreement.

Soos’ voice on the speakers interrupted Dipper’s next words. “Now we’re going to bring it down for a minute. Ladies, dudes, now’s the time.” The dance floor slowly filled with couples as the romantic song played.

“Oh, snap. I love this song.” Wendy said as she swayed her body to the rhythm.

Dipper swallowed nervously as he tried to build up the courage to ask Wendy to dance. Mabel's voice scared him from his near panic. “Hey, Goofus Now’s your chance to ask Wend…” Dipper slapped his hand over Mabel’s mouth and dragged both her and Mikey off to the side. “Now’s your chance to ask Wendy to dance! Go, go, go!” Mabel continued her encouragement without missing a beat.

“C’mon Dipper, just go ask her.” Mikey said, grabbing Dipper’s shoulders and gently pushing him toward Wendy.

Dipper stumbled to a stop just in front of his siblings. Their smiles and thumbs up did little to settle his nerves. “Ok, ok. I.. uh… I’ll be right back!” Dipper said. He ran back to the office where Tyrone was waiting and quickly explained the situation.

“Oh, I agree. You can’t just go and dance with her.” Tyrone said as he paced, and tried to think of a solution.

“The dance floor is a minefield, a minefield Tyrone!” Dipper said as he paced his own side of the room.

“What if there’s a glitch in the sound system?” Tyrone asked.

Tyrone’s question set off a round of similar concerns. “Stan could get in the way.”

“Robbie could come back.”

Dipper shook his head. “There are too many variables. We need help.” Tyrone nodded his agreement, and a few minutes later the room was filled with a dozen Dippers listening to the new plan.

“Alright, Dippers! Gather round! Now’s the time! You all clear on what to do?” The clones nodded and set off to prepare the dance floor, leaving Dipper and Tyrone behind.

Dippers Ten and Six approached the stage make sure nothing interrupted the music. Dipper Ten pulled out a laser light and shined it on the wall. “Hey, Soos, look! A glowing dot!”

Soos turned around and stared transfixed. “Oh, man, I am so glad I turned around. That dot does not disappoint.” While he was turned around Dipper Six put on a CD with all of Wendy's favorite songs.

Dipper Seven stood on the beams of the ceiling and lowered a twenty dollar bill on fishing pole directly in front of Stan’s face. Stan rolled his eyes at the floating bill. “Right, like I’m gonna fall for that.” He looked back at the snack table and suddenly launched himself over the table at the bill. Seven barely dodged the wild leap and quickly led Stan away. “Give me that!” Stan shouted as he chased.

Dipper Twelve stood next to rope that led to a bell in Stan’s office. Once everything had been accomplished he pulled the rope.

Tyrone smiled. “That’s your cue. It’s the perfect time to ask Wendy to dance. Good luck, me!”

“I don’t need luck, I have a plan.” Dipper said confidently. That confidence disappeared when he saw Wendy standing in the hall.

“Oh, hey man. What’s up?” She asked.

Dipper tried to figure out what had gone wrong. “What are you doing here? Wouldn’t you rather be on the dance floor, in uh, exactly 42 seconds?”

Wendy looked at him strangely and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m just waiting for the bathroom.”

Dipper nodded shakily. “Uh, okay.” Dipper stood awkwardly next to Wendy, desperately trying to think of something to continue the conversation.

Luckily, Wendy spoke up before the silence became awkward. “So, say everyone at this party gets stuck on a desert island. Who would be the leader?”

Dipper hesitated, unsure of the best answer and not wanting to get on Wendy’s bad side.

Again, Wendy spoke before Dipper could. “I think I’d go for this lunatic.” She pointed to a middle-aged man dancing violently in the middle of the dance floor.

The two of them shared a laugh, and Dipper pointed to a man twice as tall as the people around him. “I’d probably go for Stretch over there, because… tall people can get coconuts?”

They laughed again until Wendy reached into her pocket. “Speaking of tall, you want to see something? These are my brothers, and I’m…” She moved her thumb which had carefully placed to hide the brace filled face of a very tall, very skinny girl.

Dipper said the first thing that came to his mind. “Ha, you were a freak!” He quickly covered his mouth and looked at Wendy fearfully.

Instead of acting offended Wendy just chuckled and nodded. “Yep.”

Dipper smiled and told the only relatable story he had. “You know, people used to make fun of my birthmark before I started hiding it all the time.”

“Birthmark?” Wendy asked.

Dipper started frantically denying what he had just said. “Uh… no! It’s nothing! I was… I… why did I say that?” He pulled his hat down lower and tried to hide his blushing face.

“No way, dude! Now you have to show me! Show me, show me!” Wendy edged him on. Dipper took a deep breath and prepared to be humiliated. He took off his hat and moved his hair off his forehead, revealing… “The Big Dipper! That’s how you got your nickname! I thought your parents just hated you or something. Hey, I guess we’re both freaks.” Wendy said. Dipper smiled, he couldn't believe how well this was going.

The restroom door opened and Pacifica walked out. Wendy went in, leaving Dipper to wait in the hallway. Tyrone, along with most of the other clones, stood at the other end of the hallway and they did not look happy. “Hey! What are you doing up here? Number Ten has been distracting Soos for fifteen minutes; he’s gonna get tired of that dot eventually!”

“Never!” Soos yelled. Dipper wondered whether everyone at the party could hear them, but decided he had more important issues when he looked at the faces of the clones.

“You won’t believe it guys! I bumped into Wendy on accident and things are actually going great!” He said enthusiastically, thinking they would share his excitement.

Tyrone shook his head. “That's nice, but not the plan. Do we have to remind you?” All of the clones pulled out their copies of the plan began reading the various steps.

Dipper stared at the clones in shock, he didn't sound like that, did he? “Oh, man, you guys sound crazy. Look, maybe we don't need the plan anymore, you know? Maybe I could just talk to her like a normal person.”

The clones gasped in horror. “You bite your tongue!” Tyrone warned.

“If you’re not gonna stick to the plan, maybe you shouldn’t be the Dipper to dance with Wendy.” Dipper Five said. The other clones nodded in agreement.

Dipper backed away cautiously. “Guys c’mon, we said we weren’t gonna turn on each other.”

“I think we all knew we were lying.” Tyrone said as the clones dragged Dipper into the closet.

“No, no!” Dipper cried as they carried him. In the closet, he tried his best to convince them to let him out. “I can’t breath in here!”

“Yes, you can! Plus there’s snacks and a coloring book in there for you!” Tyrone called back. Looking around Dipper found the snacks and sat down to eat.

The clones gathered in the office to decide who was going to dance with Wendy now. Tyrone was the first to speak up. “Okay, now that Original Dipper, or Dipper Classic, is no longer fit, I nominate myself to dance with Wendy. I’ve been around the longest, so it should be me. Right? I mean logically, logically guys.” The clones all nodded, except for one.

“Fair point, fair point. Counterpoint, maybe I should be the one to dance with Wendy because I’ve been around her the least.” Dipper Twelve argued.

“That makes like, zero sense.” Dipper Five said derisively.

“You make zero sense!” Twelve said as he shoved Five.

“Watch it!” Seven said when Five ran into him, shoving Five away.

“Don’t shove people!” Five said and pushed Seven back. Paper Jam moved between them and started making more indecipherable noises.

Tyrone held him to comfort Paper Jam. “Hey, you want some cheese and crackers, buddy?” He winced when discovered there wasn't an opening for the mouth. The other clones had calmed down and looked to Tyrone for guidance. “Hey, guys, what would you do if you were trapped in a closet?” Tyrone asked.

“Break out.” The clones shrugged like the answer was obvious. They turned to look at the open closet and quickly ran after Dipper.

“Wend…!” Dipper tried to yell, but the clones were already on top of him and holding him down.

“Give it up, man. You’re overpowered.” Tyrone said.

Dipper desperately grasped for an argument that would work on him. “Hold on guys, think about it. We’re exact equals mentally and physically. If we start fighting each other, it will just go on for infinity.” The clones nodded, he had a good point. Dipper took this opportunity to punch Tyrone in the face. He dived between the clones and suddenly it was a free for all as the clones attacked each other. Dipper slipped away and right into Mikey.

He opened his mouth to explain but Mikey cut him off. “I don't want to know, just get in the office.” Dipper nodded gratefully and Mikey walked past the clones as casually as he could.

One of the clones that was pinned to the ground pointed after Mikey. “Hey! Classic Dipper is getting away!” He yelled to the others.

They all stopped where they were and stared. Mikey turned around with a raised eyebrow. “Actually I’m Mikey.” He told them.

“Oh, uh, sorry. False alarm guys.” The clone that raised the alarm said sheepishly.

Mikey turned to leave but was stopped by one of the clones calling out. “Wait! What if he’s hiding Classic Dipper?” The clone was staring into his face with a surprising amount of confidence, considering it was a clone of Dipper.

Mikey raised his hands up innocently. “That’s ridiculous, why would I do that?” The clone opened his mouth to say something, but Mikey used the brief distraction to shove him back into the pile of clones. Before any of them could get up, he set off his party poppers, which in turn set off the sprinklers above the clones.

“Oh, C'mon! Boo!” The clones protested but didn't make any effort to stop their demise.

Dipper cautiously opened the door and stepped out. “Thanks, Mikey.” He said.

Mikey just shrugged his shoulders. “Don't mention it. Now, I gotta go make sure Mabel wins the party crown.” He said and headed downstairs.

Dipper made to follow him but was stopped by the sight in front of him. “You!” Tyrone said from the hallway, glaring at Dipper.  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
The party was finally beginning to wind down, and Soos told the partiers that the main event was coming up. “One more song, dudes. Then it’s time for the bestowing of the party crown. It’s gonna be the…” Soos pushed a button on his keyboard and the sound of a bomb came over the speakers. “Nailed it.” Soos said this was the first sound effect he had gotten right all night.

Mabel approached Pacifica and Mikey and extended her arm. “Pacifica, I just wanna say that, whoever wins, it’s been a super fun party.” She said. 

Pacifica stepped forward into Mabel's face. “Awww. It thinks it’s gonna win. Did you hear that? People cheering for the weird girls? Yeah, me neither.” She taunted Mabel and then walked away. Mikey followed but shot Mabel a thumbs up and a smirk behind Pacifica's back.  
**********************************************************************************************************  
Tyrone pinned Dipper to the ground and began punching. “Say it! Say I can dance with Wendy!”

“Never!” Dipper said and threw Tyrone off of him. Before either of them could attack again, they heard the sound of Wendy's laughter and ran to the balcony.

They both stared at Wendy and Robbie talking over the last song of the night. “We blew it, man.” Tyrone said as he slumped down.

Dipper sighed. “I don’t know, you wanna grab a couple of sodas or something?” Tyrone nodded and they both helped each other stand.  
***********************************************************************************************************************************************  
Mabel and Pacifica stood on the stage for the final vote for the party crown. “Let the party crown voting commence!” Soos announced.

“Good luck, Mabel.”

Soos gave the crowd their simple instructions. “Applaud to vote for Mabel!” The crowd burst into excited applause, clearly supporting Mabel. “Let’s check the applause meter. Oh, oh very good.” Soos said as he held his arm up nearly vertically. “And the next contestant: Pacifica!” The crowd was silent until Pacifica began glaring, gradually vowing the entire audience into applauding. “oh, It’s close, but it looks like Mabel is winning!” Soos said as he compared the applause.

Pacifica would not allow Mabel to win. She quickly spotted Old Man Mcgucket, the only person that had clapped for Mabel but not for her. She jumped off the stage and waved a twenty in front of Mcgucket’s face. “Clap for me.” She said when he appeared not to notice.

“No thanks!” He yelled, doing a happy little jig.

“What?!” Pacifica cried.

“Ladies, and gentlemen we have a winner! Mabel Pines!” Soos announced to the approval of the crowd.

Pacifica was already back onstage. “You may have won this time, but it won’t last.” She warned Mabel then she turned to the crowd. “Everyone that voted for me is invited to the after party on my parent’s boat!” 

“Pacifica! Pacifica! Pacifica!” The crowd cheered as they quickly left.

Pacifica stopped when Mikey started walking back to the stage. “Aren’t you coming Mikey?” She asked.

“No thanks. I’m just gonna stay with my family, but, hey, we’ll see each other later right?” Mikey said with only a slight smirk.

Pacifica blinked and looked at the stage where Mabel, Stan, and Soos stood. “Uh, yeah, right.” She said, shocked as if she had just realized who his family was. Mikey waved goodbye, and once Pacifica turned around he handed McGucket the agreed upon fifty dollars.

“I can’t believe you won!” Grenda told Mabel as she and Candy ran into the stage.

“We can celebrate at our sleepover!” Candy said excitedly.

Mabel looked at them confused. “Sleepover?”

“We want to call our moms and see if we can sleepover here with you. You’re like, a total rockstar!” Grenda told her.

“I have magazine boys.” Candy said holding up a stack of magazines.

Mabel grabbed them in a hug. “You guys!”

“Maybe we don’t have as many friends as Pacifica, but we have each other, and that is pretty good I think.” Candy said, receiving nods of agreement from Mabel and Grenda.

“Soos! Play another song! This thing is going all night!” Mabel yelled as she and her friends started to dance.

“Way ahead of you, hambone!” Soos said as the song began to play.  
************************************************************************************************************************  
Dipper and Tyrone sat on the roof drinking their sodas and staring into the night. “Some night, huh?” Tyrone said.

Dipper sighed. “Do you think we even have a chance with Wendy? I mean we’re twelve, she’s fifteen.” He asked.

Tyrone shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know man, I hope so, but we're making zero progress the way we're doin' it. The only good conversation you had with her is when you didn't do anything in that list-stuff.”

Dipper nodded. “I know. Mabel and Mikey were right, I do get in my own way.”

“Literally!” The two finished together.

They laughed and then sat in silence. It was only broken by Tyrone as he felt a strange emptiness in his gut. “Oh boy, don’t look now.” He warned. Dipper, of course, looked and saw the giant hole the sofa had eaten out of Tyrone.

“Tyrone!” He said shocked.

“It’s okay, dude. I had a good run. Remember what we talked about.” Tyrone said calmly as he finished the soda.

“Of course.” Dipper nodded.

“Hey, and quit being such a wimp around Wendy, okay? For my sake…” Tyrone said as he slid off the roof, hitting the ground as a mess of wet paper.

Dipper watched as Tyrone hit the ground. “Tyrone! You were the only one that understood.” He said pouring the rest of his soda onto the ground.

He took a deep breath and made his way back inside, to the excitement of his sister. “Dipper! Where have you been? Meet my girlfriends!” He was quickly introduced to the girls and then walked over to Wendy. The night went a lot more smoothly without his plan.


	8. Irrational Treasure

The Pines clan was heading into town on the fortnightly shopping trip. Stan honking and yelling at the surprising amount of traffic for about ten minutes now and the triplets were doing there best to entertain themselves in the backseat. Mabel amazingly found two intact, perfectly triangular nacho chips and hung them off her ears. “Nacho earrings. I’m hilarious!” Her brothers smiled, but otherwise just continued to stare out the windows.

Grunkle Stan commented from the front seat. “That’s debatable.” Before he honked his horn again. “Come on, what’s with all this traffic? And why is it all… covered wagons? Oh no. No! No!” Stan slammed on the brakes and put the car in reverse.

Dipper and Mikey bath stared at their uncle when they were jolted from their thoughts. “Uh, Grunkle Stan?”

“What’s going on?”

Stan didn't answer as he tried to get the car unstuck from the mud. “We gotta get out of here before it’s too late! They’ve circled the wagons! We’re trapped! Nooooo!”

Mabel looked out the window and smiled at the cow she saw. “I’ve got a good feeling about today.”

The Pines got out of the car and stared at the changed town. All of them except Stan, who just glared and muttered angrily. “Man. Look at this place.” Dipper said.

Stan began to explain what was happening. “It’s Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded.” He said with crossed arms. He really did not like this holiday.

Toby Determined ran up to the family and happily exclaimed, “Welcome to 1863!”

Stan grabbed him by the shirt collar and pushed him away. “I will break you, little man!” He said as Determined began running.

Meanwhile, the triplets were looking in awe at all the stands that had been set up. Candle dipping, gold panning, and what looked like a marriage ceremony, albeit one being held between a man and a woodpecker.

Mabel stared at the ceremony in shock and confusion. “What chu talking ‘bout?”

Dipper began to flip through the Journal. “Oh, yeah. I remember this. In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers.” He said showing them the page documenting the law.

The man heard what Dipper said as he walked past with his wife on his shoulder. “Oh, it’s still legal, very legal.” He said before he walked away. 

MIkey stared after the man. “Weird. Are there any other laws like that?” He said as he turned back to Dipper.

“Uh, yeah.” Dipper said as he began turning pages. “Oh, you’ll like this one. The Finders Keepers law: If someone is in possession of an item, that item is considered legally theirs no matter how the item was acquired, though the actual acts of robbery and theft are illegal. This law applies to everything from livestock, to currency, to deeds of land.”

“You’re joking!” Mikey said in complete disbelief.

“Nope.” Dipper said, showing his brother the page.

Mikey looked at the town with a new sense of awe. “This is truly a beautiful place.”

A loudspeaker squealed to life and announced to the crowd. “Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!”

“Grunkle Stan, you coming?”

“No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you’re dead to me.”

The kids did what was to be expected, and immediately launched into whatever made up phrases came to mind. “There’s a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!” Dipper said in his best accent.

“Well hornswabber my haversack!” Mabel said as they ran off.

“Dead to me!” Stan yelled his warning, but the kids paid no attention.

They continued to run and chase each other until they came to a massive crowd that surrounded a stage. They managed to gently force their way to the front and saw Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland speaking to the crowd.

Sheriff Blubs continued his announcements. “Here-ye, here-ye. Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence.”

Durland began to ring a bell and hooted and hollered. “Woo! I got a bell!”

While the police waited for whoever was opening the ceremony to arrive, someone grabbed an old woman’s purse. She began screaming for help. “Oh no! Police, my purse!”

Ring ring! Ring ring! Woo!” Durland continued to ring the bell as loudly as he could, while Blubbs looked on affectionately.

“He sure does love that bell.”

The crowd began to quiet as the Northwest family walked onto the stage, and Pacifica walked directly to the microphone. “Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great-granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I’m also very rich. Now if you’ve got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come up and introduce yourself.”

Mabel let out a happy gasp. “Audience participation!” she was already moving for the stage when Dipper’s voice stopped her.

“I don’t know, Mabel. Isn’t that girl kinda like your arch-enemy?”He asked, clearly very convinced this was a bad idea.

Mabel tried to reassure him. “That’s water under the bridge.”

Mikey joined Dipper before she could walk away. “Maybe for you, but I don’t know about her.” Mikey tried to warn his sister.

“It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Mabel brushed him off.

Mabel climbed the stage’s stairs and walked to the microphone. Pacifica continued to speak to the crowd. “Our first newcomer is…” She turned to see who had come on stage. The moment she saw Mabel’s face, her own twisted in anger “Mabel.” she spit out.

Mabel, of course, completely ignored her and began speaking to the crowd. “Yeah! Let’s get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!”

“USA! USA!” The crowd joined the chant with enthusiasm.

Mabel turned to look at Pacifica as she began speaking. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous.” Pacifica stared Mabel’s sweater. “I mean a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?” Pacifica asked.

Mabel didn’t usually mind when someone said she was silly, but this time it felt different. This time she wanted to prove Pacifica wrong. “Hey, I can be serious!” She protested.

“You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon.” Pacifica laughed. Mabel tried to cover the earrings with her hands. “Wow, I’m embarrassed for you. Give her a hand everybody!” Mabel ran off the stage, she could feel everyone staring at her, she just needed to get away.

MIkey and Dipper were waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, ready to comfort her. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t look up. “I need some old-timey butterscotch.”  
***********************************************  
Stan was still trying to get the car out of the mud. Luckily, the local mechanic was just walking by. “Hey there, uh, donkey boy. Give me a hand with my car, will ya?” Stan asked him.

The mechanic looked at Stan and then the car in complete confusion. “Here in 1863, I have never heard tell of this ‘car.’ Pray-tell what is this magic wheel box?” He asked.

“Come on Steve, you’re a mechanic for Pete’s sake! Cut me some slack!” Stan yelled.

Steve stared in confusion again. “‘Slack?’ I am unfamiliar with this bold, new expression.” It was hard to tell whether Steve was very dedicated to pioneer day, or just didn’t like Stan.

Whichever it was, that comment was Stan’s last straw. “I can’t take this anymore!” He grabbed Steve by the collar and pulled him against the car. “I’m getting dumber every second I’m here!”

Blubbs and Durland were quickly on the scene. “Are we gonna have to intervene here?” Blubbs asked Stan.

Stan dropped Steve and looked at the cops with complete disdain. “Oh, look. The ‘Constable.’ What are you gonna do throw me in ‘ye stocks?’” He laughed at their serious expressions.

Stan wasn’t really sure how it happened, but suddenly he had been wrestled from the car and into the stocks. Stan looked around for anyone to make fun of, he had to do something to pass the time and was very happy to see Gideon, dressed as a nobleman, complete with tall wig and too many ribbons to count, carrying a basket of tomatoes. “Hey, nice outfit, Gideon. You actually look less girly than usual.” Stan told him.

Gideon responded softly. “Why, Stanford, I’m just a humble tomato farmer, selling his wares.” He picked a tomato out of the basket and threw it in Stan’s eye. “Whoops, I dropped one.” Gideon giggled as he left, and Stan screamed out his frustration.  
**********************************************  
The triplets sat down underneath a statue of Nathaniel Northwest. Mabel was eating her butterscotch, and the boys were waiting for her to talk. The silence was only broken by the crinkling of Mabel’s wrappers until she stopped eating with a heavy sigh. “Can I ask you guys something? Do you think I’m silly?” She asked them, looking at the ground.

“Uh, no?” Dipper said hesitantly.

Mikey put his hand on Mabel’s shoulder. “Mabel, being silly isn’t a bad thing, Pacifica’s just being a jerk.”

This was clearly not the answer Mabel had been hoping for. “But if people don’t take me seriously, then I don’t want to act that way! The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people just see me as a big joke.” She said, taking off the nachos and tying her sweater around her waist.

“Come on Mabel. You love that sweater.” Dipper said.

Mabel shook her head. “I did before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!”

Dipper stood up and glared at the statue of Nathaniel Northwest. “Pacifica! Why does she think being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage. Someone needs to take her down a peg. I feel like I’ve read something about Pacifica’s great-great-granddaughter before.” Dipper pulled out the Journal and began looking through the pages. “Of course! Oh, this is perfect: In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is buried somewhere in the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code. Oh man, If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica’s whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!” Dipper said. He pulled the encoded page, old parchment covered in strange symbols and a large triangle in the middle, out of the book.

“Really?” Mabel asked.

“I have to investigate this!” Dipper began walking away, staring intently at the page.

Mabel hurried after him. “Wait! I’m coming with you. Conspiracies are serious right?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Dipper agreed.

“Well, if I help you crack this code, no one could call me silly again!” Mabel said, smiling for the first time since she had gone on stage.

Dipper returned her smile. “Yeah! Mikey, are you coming?”

Mikey shook his head. “You two go work on the code. I’ll see if I can find anything out from Pacifica. Come get me if you crack the code though.” He said, smiling at his siblings.

“Alright! Mystery Triplets?” Dipper asked holding his fist out.

Mikey smirked at his brother. “I thought you hated that?”

Dipper shrugged. “It’s growing on me.” The triplets fist bumped and went their separate ways, Dipper and Mabel to the library, and Mikey to find Pacifica.

Standing behind a light post Blubs and Durland watched the triplets walk away. Blubs pulled out a radio and spoke into it urgently. “This is Sheriff Blubs. We’ve got a code sepia.”

Whoever was on the other end of the radio was clearly not happy. “What! What are you doing about it?”

“I’m following them right now.” Blubs said.

“Find them and stop them. There’s no room for error.”

“I understand. Blubs out.” He nodded and turned off the radio. “Deputy Durland, maintaining this cover-up is the mission we’ve been training for our entire careers. Are you ready?” He asked his deputy seriously.

Durland let out a loud, “Woo!” and rang his bell.

“If being delightful was a crime, you’d be breaking the law.” Blubs said affectionately  
**************************  
Dipper and Mabel sat at a table in the library with several books and a projector. “Alright, Mabel. If we can prove that Nathaniel Northwest wasn’t the real founder of Gravity Falls, we can finally put Pacifica in her place.” Dipper said as he started to put slides in the projector.

Mabel nodded. “And solving this mystery will prove I’m not silly. I’m serious. Seeeerioussss.” She said, and lapped one of her butterscotch candies into her mouth and threw the wrapper on the ground.

Dipper agreed and studied the page. “We just need to crack this code. It’s not Egyptian, it’s not numerology.” He said flipping through the slides over each set of symbols. “It’s not… Wait, of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the message!” He said excitedly.

“It’s so obvious!” Mabel said.

Dipper grabbed a candle and held his hand out for the map. “Alright, let’s just light this sucker up and… Mabel!” He said glaring at Mabel, who was wearing the folded up code.

Mabel laughed. “I made a hat!” She groaned as she realized what she had done. “Oh, I did something silly again.” She handed Dipper the paper.

Dipper grabbed the paper and looked at it closely. “Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map!” He said shocked and excited. His gaze passed over the candle, and he suddenly much less excited. “And I was gonna burn it…”

Dipper was interrupted by the sound of the library door crashing open. “We’re on the lookout for two kids that might be reading.” Blubs told the librarian.

“We’re hunting them down for secret reasons! WOO!” Durland added, ringing his bell.

Dipper and Mabel hid under the table. “Maybe we should take this elsewhere,” Dipper said. The two kids snuck out of the library and followed the map to the Gravity Falls Museum of History.

The two stood outside and studied the map. It quickly became clear that the map lead inside the building. Dipper turned to Mabel.“You know what this means, Mabel. We’re gonna have to break. In.” He said seriously.  
*************************************************************************  
Mikey had quickly found Pacifica just a few feet away from the center stage. Her parents weren’t anywhere in sight, which was almost definitely for the best. He made his way toward her and fixed his best smile on his face. “Mikey! I wasn’t sure if we were going to get to talk.” Pacifica said once she saw him. She walked toward him and, Mikey was happy to note, her smile was definitely real.

“Did you really think I would just ignore you?” Mikey said with a smile. They walked together for a few minutes in silence, during which Mikey grabbed a ring, a bracelet, and some cash out of Pacifica’s purse.

Pacifica was the first one to break the silence. “So, did you like the commencement ceremony?” She asked hopefully.

Mikey nodded. “Yeah, it was nice. And Mabel did great onstage, don’t you think?”

Pacifica rolled her eyes. “That silly girl? She…” Pacifica’s words stopped as she looked at Mikey’s face. There was something different about his smile, something Pacifica couldn’t place. And made Pacifica think that maybe she shouldn’t insult Mikey’s sister to his face. “Uh, She did fine, I guess. Where is she, anyway?” From the admittedly little Pacifica knew about Mikey, he didn’t seem the type to leave his sister behind, even if it was to spend time with someone as amazing as herself.

Mikey shrugged his shoulders. “She’s helping Dipper with some research thing. It seemed pretty interesting actually.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Pacifica said, not quite able to hide the sarcasm.

“You know, now that I think about it, they were actually researching something about your family.”

Pacifica raised an eyebrow. “Hmph, well they won’t find any of the interesting stuff in the library or the museum.” She said dismissively.

Mikey nodded. “Oh really? Do you think you could tell me some of that interesting stuff?” He asked innocently.

Pacifica looked at Mikey quizzically, but couldn’t resist the chance to brag more about herself and her family. “Sure.”  
****************************************  
Dipper and Mabel had completed the grueling climb up the stairs of the museum and now stood in the doorway talking to the woman at the entrance. “... And here are your free pioneer day passes, and your balloons, blue and pink.” She finished her spiel and waved the kids inside.

“We’re in.” Dipper said dramatically.

“What’re we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's ribcage?” Mabel asked as they followed the map.

Dipper shook his head with a look of disgust. “Eww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right… here!” The two of them stopped in front of an abstract painting.

Dipper began studying the artwork. “We’ve got to figure this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren’t in the library to check out books.”

Mabel agreed. “I don’t think the one with the bell can read.”

They stared at the painting for less than a minute before Mabel became too bored to focus. She sat down on the bench in front of the painting. “Hey, painting! Be less stupid!” She said while she flipped upside down on the bench, and suddenly she could see what it was. “It worked!” She told Dipper.

Dipper ran to lay next to her on the bench. He suddenly was able to see the subject, a statue of an angel. “It’s not abstract, it’s upside down!”

“I think I’ve seen that statue at the cemetery.” Mabel said.

“Let’s go! Quick!” Dipper said. They jumped up from the bench and began making their way to the exit.

When they got there they saw Blubs and Durland standing in the doorway. “I’m sorry but we’re all out of pink balloons.” The woman was apologizing to the officers.

“Why did we even come.” Durland said with a sigh. Blubs patted his back comfortingly.

Blubs’ radio suddenly crackled to life. “Officer Blubs.”

“Blubs here.” He quickly responded.

“Have the targets been apprehended?” The voice asked.

Blubs shook his head but spoke confidently. “Negative, but we’re close. Those kids will never get past us.” That was when the kids ran between Blubs and Durland, who were stuck in the doorway as they tried to follow.  
********************************************************************  
Stan was trying to pick the lock on the stocks with a bobby pin. That was held in his mouth. It wasn’t going very well. “C’mon! C’mon!” Stan said as he strained before he dropped the pin into the mud underneath him.

Pacifica and Mikey walked by just in time to see him drop the pin. “Well, if it isn’t Mikey’s uncle, Mr. Pines. Looking for this?” Pacifica said and held out the dropped pin.

Stan rolled his eyes at the girl. “Yeah, yeah, just a second. Mikey, what are doing hanging out with a…” Mikey cut him off by holding up the necklace Pacifica had been wearing and motioning him to be quiet. Stan nodded slightly and continued talking. “A, uh, nice girl like this. Can I have my pin back?” He asked Pacifica directly.

“First, I want you to say that the Northwest family is the best family in Gravity Falls.” Pacifica told him gloatingly.

Stan nodded his agreement. “Oh, sure. You want that in writing?” Pacifica handed him a pen and paper, and Stan began writing using his mouth. Pacifica threw the pin back on the ground when she saw that the note read “You Stink!” Stan began laughing loudly. “I did that with my mouth!” He crowed.

Pacifica walked away in a huff, and Mikey quickly handed his uncle the pin.“I’d hurry if I were you.” He warned.

He quickly caught back up with Pacifica, and they continued to talk, mainly about Pacifica, but always with just a few subtle remarks from Mikey about how nice Mabel is or how smart Dipper is, or any number of similar things. Mikey didn’t actually expect to change any of Pacifica’s opinions, it had never worked before, but it didn’t hurt anything so he kept it up, just in case.

The sound of feet pounding the pavement behind them caused Mikey to turn around. He saw his siblings racing down the street, occasionally looking behind them, and coming right for him and Pacifica. “Mikey! Mikey! We cracked the code!” Dipper yelled as they skid to a stop in front of them.

“And the police are chasing us!” Mabel chimed in.

Mikey smiled at his siblings, and quickly joined them as they ran. Before they had gone too far, he turned back to Pacifica. “I’ll see you later, alright?” He asked.

Pacifica turned away from him. “Fine.” She responded curtly. Mikey followed his siblings, and Pacifica walked back down the street.  
************************************************  
In the graveyard, the triplets had found the statue and were trying to figure out what it meant. Well, really Dipper and Mickey were arguing over what it meant. “The statue must be pointing to the next clue!” Dipper said, for the fourth time.

“Listen, Dipstick, it can’t just be pointing in the general direction of the next clue, no one would ever find it! There must be something here.” Mikey retorted.

The boy’s were interrupted by Mabel’s laughter. “Oh, gross! She’s picking my nose!” Mabel said, hanging, by her nose, from the statue’s extended finger. Suddenly, the finger shifted, and grinding sound could be heard from the ground.

“Guys, look!” Dipper said, pointing to the opening entrance underneath the statue.

Mabel laughed triumphantly. “Who’s silly now Pacifica!” Mabel tried to jump down but found herself hooked by the statue. “Ow! Ow!”

Mikey was by her side in a second. “Okay, okay just hold still.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up just enough that Mabel could pull herself off.

Mabel picked herself, and Mikey, off the ground, and prepared to go into the tunnel. “Now we’re getting into real conspiracy mode. I feel serious.” She said, eating another candy and throwing the wrapper on the ground.

Mikey watched Mabel, and a terrible thought occurred to him. “Mabel, what have you been doing with those candy wrappers?” He asked cautiously.

“Throwing them on the ground, why?” Mabel shrugged. Grabbed her arm and turned around to see the trail of candy wrappers. Some were scattered, but for the most part, it was a straight line to them. “Silly.” Mabel said, shaking her head.

“We need to hurry.” Dipper said and led them into the tunnel. “Look out for booby traps.” He said as walked the path cautiously.

“Ha! Booby traps.” Mabel laughed. A few steps later she felt the ground shift under her feet, and suddenly her brothers were pushing and pulling her forward.

“Tranquilizer darts!” Dipper yelled as they tried to maneuver through the wave of darts.

MIraculously, they made it to the end without getting hit. Looking around, they saw files and pictures, a projector, numerous artifacts from American history. “It’s a treasure trove of historic-y, secret-y things.” Mabel said. They all searched through the items, looking at anything that interested them. “Oh, man. Ben Franklin secretly was a woman!” Mabel said as she looked through one of the files.

Dipper, looking through another set of files, held one up in triumph. “Hey, jackpot! Now we’ll find out who the real town founder was.” The trio gathered around and listened as Dipper read from the file. “Let it here be recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud, as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot.” Dipper laughed at the thought of Pacifica’s reaction. “Oh, bad news for Pacifica. Wait’ll the papers hear about this.”

Mabel was just as happy, if for a different reason. “Once people learn that I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they can never call me silly!”

Dipper continued to read from the file. “The true founder of Gravity Falls is Sir Quentin Trembley, III, Esquire.”

“Who’s Quentin Trembly?” Mabel asked. It definitely wasn’t a name she was familiar with, but she didn’t pay much attention in history so that wasn’t surprising. 

Dipper looked through the file for any other information on Trembley, but a voice from the entrance to the room stopped him. “That’s none of your business.” Blubs warned them. 

Durland rang his bell at the children. “Whoo! We gotcha! Whoo.” He slowly slumped down, eventually revealing a back completely covered in tranquilizer darts.

Blubs looked at his partner, and then turned back to the kids. “He got hit by quite a few of those darts. Anyway, Quentin Trembley is a matter of national security.”

Durland picked his head up. “Yeah, woo. I think I might be colorblind now.” He said as Blubs helped him up.

“What do you mean national security?” Dipper questioned.

“And who is Quentin Trembley, anyway?” Mabel asked, even more, confused now.

Blubs took his hat off and removed a reel of film. “See for yourselves.”

He placed the reel in a movie projector and pointed it at the wall. Soon a recording of a man in a suit began playing. “If you’re watching this then you are one of the eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as filming is complete. What? No?” The man looked off camera and nodded at something that was said. “Well, that’s a relief. Of all of America’s secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley, the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States.”

“President?”

“Eighth-and-a-half?” 

“After winning the 1836 election in a literal landslide, Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America’s silliest president. He waged war against pancakes, appointed six babies to the supreme court, and issued the de-pants-ipation proclamation. His state of the union address was even worse.” The footage was replaced with an audio clip of Trembley speaking.

“The only thing we have to fear, is giant, man-eating spiders.”

The man continued speaking. “He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley that he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed. Trembley’s shameful term was officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as town founder. The whereabouts of President Trembley’s body are unknown.” The film ended and Blubs put the reel back in his hat.

“Until today.” Bubs said as he pointed to a man encased entirely on some bronze colored solid.

Dipper stared in awe. “Whoa, is that, like, amber, or something?” He questioned the officers.

Blubs began laughing at Dipper’s question. “The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle. Smooth move, Mr. President! Finding Trembley’s body was our special mission, and now, thanks to you, it’s complete.”

“Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl’s candy wrappers?” Durland said, holding up one of the wrappers.

Mabel looked at the ground, feeling worse than ever, she was the one that got them caught. Mikey stepped forward with a strained smile. “Great! So we can all go our separate ways. You can go to your superiors, and we can stay here and dig through this treasure.” He said hopefully.

“Actually, we can’t just let you go after you learned the truth.” Blubs said as he shook his head.

“Are you gonna kill us?!” Dipper asked, beginning to panic.

Durland’s reaction was much more violent than any of the kids’. “OH NO!” He screamed, clutching at Blubs.

Blubs held him comfortingly. “No, no. Calm down buddy, calm down. We’re just gonna escort you back to Washington. You ain’t comin’ back, by the way.” He told the kids.  
*********************************************  
Durland and Blubs were having the time of their lives on the train taking them to Washington. “Whoo-hoo! We got fold-out beds.”

“Good thing a brought my book of spooky ghost stories.” Blubs held up the book for Durland to see.

Durland held up his own sleepover activity. “I brought rope for friendship bracelets!”

One car over, a large crate contained the Pines triplets and Quentin Trembley. Mabel and Dipper were pounding on the walls to try and find help. “Is anyone there?! Help! Help! Help!”

“Let us out!”

Mikey sat in a corner, he wasn’t worried about escaping, he knew he had a way to get them out. The problem was that this wasn’t how he wanted to tell his siblings, he knew they would be angry. He just had to wait for the right time. So he sat in a corner and tried to think of an alternative.

Mabel gave up on finding help and slid down the wall to sit next to the peanut brittle-encased president. “I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure, like that embarrassing president what's-his-name.” She pulled a chunk of the brittle off and began eating it.

Her brothers both made to reassure her, but the sound of crackling coming from the president stopped them. The peanut brittle slowly fell apart, leaving the still standing president. “It is I, Quentin Trembley!” The man said, to the complete shock of everyone else.

“You’re alive! But how?” Dipper asked, ready to learn what mysteries of science had allowed him to live this long.

Mabel immediately realized what this meant. “Peanut brittle really does have life-sustaining properties! You’re not silly, you’re brilliant.” She said, in awe of the man before her.

Trembley kneeled to Mabel’s height and placed a hand on her shoulder. “And so are you, dear girl, for solving my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb.”

Dipper quickly agreed. “He’s right, Mabel! Making hats, hanging upside-down; your silliness solved a mystery that serious cops couldn’t solve in a hundred years!”

“ I told you being silly was a good thing.” Mikey said, only a little smugly.

“Oh stop it.” Mabel said, blushing under the praise.

Trembley stood up and surveyed his surroundings. “By Jefferson! We seem to be trapped in some sort of crate-shaped box.”

“It’s a crate, Mr. President.” Mabel told him.

“Good thing I have the President’s key, which can open any lock in America.” He said confidently. Trembley took out a key and began shoving it at the wood.

“I don’t think that’s going to work.” Dipper said weakly.

Trembley glared at the wall. “Wood! My age-old enemy! In order to get out of here, this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived.” He said gazing around for an idea.

Mable joined him and noticed a small knothole in the corner of the crate. “How ‘bout… that hole?” She asked the former president.

“We will leap through it!” He said enthusiastically. He and Mabel both jumped at the hole and tried to force their hand through. “Almost! Almost there! Keep pushing!” He encouraged.

“I’m not sure this is working.” Dipper protested again.

“Trust the silliness!” Mabel retorted.

The sound of knocking could suddenly be heard from outside the box, much more rapid than by a human. Trembley looked around for the source of the sound. “Is that my third wife? Sandy?” He asked. Before anyone knew what was happening the crate fell apart completely, and a woodpecker could be seen flying away. “Well, we didn’t fit through the hole. Let’s rebuild the box and try again!” Trembley said and reached for one of the walls.

“We gotta get out of here!” Dipper said as he started running.

“Also good!” Trembley agreed.

tHey left their car, only to run straight into Blubs and Durland. They quickly reversed and climbed on top of the train. They were getting farther and farther ahead of Blubs and Durland, but they quickly realized they were running out of train to run on. They turned around to confront their pursuers.

“There… is… no… escape. I got to take a knee.” Blubs said as tried to catch his breath.

Durland was quickly by his side. “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

“Edwin, darlin’, you are a diamond in the rough.” Blubs placed his hand on top of Durland’s.

Mikey stepped forward, trying again to convince the officers to let them go. “Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock the three of us innocent children up in a government facility? Would you be able to live with yourself?”

“I’ve got no choice! Our orders come from the very top!” Blubs said, his voice almost pleading.

“Wait! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?” Dipper asked.

Trembley shook his head. “No, sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window.”

“Then… technically you’re still the President of the United States, right?” Dipper asked. He didn’t wait for an answer and turned back to the cops. “You’ve gotta answer to this guy now!” Blubs and Durland shared a sideways glance, but looked back as Trembley began speaking.

“As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And… and go on a delightful vacation!” Trembley said hesitantly. A sign hitting him in the face quickly made him confirm his order. “Yes!”

“Vacation? What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two...” Blubs looked Durland in the eyes as he counted down.

“Silly Water Fun Slides in Grand Lakes, Michigan!”. They said together. They had the train stopped in moments and waved their four former captives off as they left on vacation.

Trembley kneeled in front of Mabel and presented her with a large top hat. “You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official U.S. congressman.” He said, placing the top hat almost reverently on her head.

“I’m legalizing everything!”

He turned to Mikey and began fishing in his suit. “And Michael, to further your great ambitions, I am granting you this official, lifelong tax exemption.” He handed a not quite teary-eyed Mikey the signed piece of paper.

“Today is a great day.” Mikey said as he clutched the document to his chest.

Finally Trembley turned to Dipper. “And you, Roderick…”

“Uh, actually…” Dipper protested but was cut off as the fractional president continued to speak.

“You dear boy are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land. So I'd like you to have my President's Key!” He said passing Dipper the key.  
************************************************  
They had finally finished the long walk back into town, just in time to see Pioneer day wind down. Trembley was finishing telling the trio about some of his Founding Father friends. “And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk.”

“Agreed!” Mabel said enthusiastically. She ran off once she found Pacifica in the crowd. “Hey, Pacifica! I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States! Who's silly now?” Mabel said proudly.

Pacifica wasn’t watching Mabel though. She was watching Quentin Trembley attempt to box an eagle. “What? Who is that idiot?”

Mabel was happy to answer the question. “The eighth-and-a-half President of America. How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in peanut brittle and it…”

She was interrupted by Pacifica’s laughter. “Wow! You really are a sad, dumb, little girl. Nice top hat, by the way.”

Her parents joined in with their own laughter. “Good one, daughter.”

“I see your car is stuck in the mud. Enjoy walking home!” Pacifica said as the family got in their limo.

Dipper looked at Mabel questioningly. “Aren’t you gonna tell her about her ate-gray ampa-gray?”

“You know what Dipper? I’ve got nothing to prove. I’ve learned to see silly as awesome!” She said.

Dipper looked at the sheets in his hand and back at the Northwest limo. “Well, I haven’t learned anything. Hey Pacifica!” He yelled and chased after them. The car skid to a stop and Pacifica rolled down her window. “Nathaniel Northwest didn’t found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham! Deal with it!” Dipper said, throwing the papers through the window. He walked back to his siblings with a wide smile on his face. “Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!”

Mikey laughed. “Welcome to the dark side! You probably should have kept the evidence though.” He said casually, causing Dipper to facepalm at his mistake.

Trembley interrupted the triplets talk. “Children I am needed elsewhere. Just know I’ll always be here, on the back of the negative twelve dollar bill.” He said, handing Dipper said bill.

“Whoah, this is worthless!” Dipper said in a strange sort of awe.

Trembley winked. “It’s less than worthless my boy! Trembley away!” He said as he jumped, landing on a horse, and riding away, all completely backward/  
**********************************************************  
The Pines quickly found their uncle in the stocks and worked to free him. He had been complaining about his day the whole time. “And then Soos came by and talked to me for like an hour!” He finished.

“You’ve been through so much.” Mabel pat his arm sympathetically. Dipper opened the lock with the President’s Key, almost surprised when it actually worked.

Stan stood up and looked hard at Mabel. “So what’s with the top hat?” 

“I’m a congressman.” Mabel said as a completely unsatisfactory explanation.

“Pardon me?” Stan asked.

“You are officially pardoned.” Mabel said, to laughter from her brothers.

“You are never gonna make any sense, are ya kid?” Stan asked her.

Mabel shook her head firmly. “No, Grunkle Stan, I’m not. Mabel away!” She jumped backward, unlike Trembley, she only landed in a bunch of trash cans. “I’m okay!” She told her family.


	9. The Time Traveler's Pig

The Mystery Shack’s most profitable event of the year had finally arrived . The triplets had been looking forward to the Mystery Fair all summer, and the final touches had just been completed. Mabel and Mikey were walking with Stan while Dipper was riding the sky tram down to make sure it was safe. “There it is kids, the cheapest fair money can rent! I spared every expense.” Stan said proudly as he looked at the old, very rundown, and extremely dangerous attractions.

Any comment the kids might have made was interrupted by a shrill scream. A cart from the sky tram landed in front of them with a horrible crash. Dipper looked at his family with a completely blank expression. “I think the sky tram is broken. Also, most of my bones.” His voice was as blank as his expression while he slowly climbed out of the surprisingly intact cart.

Stan laughed like this was the funniest thing he had ever seen. “This guy!” Once he had calmed down he hand Dipper a stack of papers. “Alright, I got a job for you. I printed off a bunch of these fake safety inspection stickers. Go slap them on anything that looks like a lawsuit.”

Mabel frowned at her uncle. “Grunkle Stan, is that legal?”

Stan smiled widely. “When there’s no cops around, everything is legal!” He ruffled Mabel's hair and walked away. “Soos! how’s that dunk tank coming along?”

Soos looked up from where he was welding the target. “Almost ready, Mr. Pines.”

Stan nodded and tried to move the target without success. “You’ve got it rigged from here to Timbuktu! Nothing on Earth could knock me down.”

Soos nodded sagely “Yeah, except for like a futuristic laser arm cannon.”

Stan, ignoring Soos, began searching through the toolbox. “Hey, you haven’t seen my red screwdriver, have ya? Darn thing went missing.” He asked.

“Maybe some magical creature or paranormal thing-um took it.” Soos answered.

Stan shook his exasperatedly. “Oi! You’ve been spending too much time with those kids.” Stan and Soos continued to search, but eventually gave up. Stan climbed into the dunk tank, grabbed his megaphone, and started his announcements. “It’s twelve o’ clock! The dunk tank is now open! Step right up and dunk me folks! I’m talking to you, cut-offs!” The man Stan called out glared at him. “That’s right! Muffin Top! High Pants! Who wants a piece of me?” The visitors bought their throws, and most hit the target. None of them knocked Stan down though. “Come back anytime folks!” Stan taunted as the crowd walked away disappointed.  
**********************************  
Dipper and Wendy walked through the fair together, talking and joking. They stopped at one of the gimmicky food stands to get some lunch, in this case a pair of corndogs in the shape of a question mark. Dipper stared at his food in joking confusion. “How do they get them into this shape? It’s unnatural.” he asked Wendy.

“But Dipper, they’re so…delicious?” Wendy said, holding up her corndog to make the stands “delicious” sign a question. They laughed until some of the mustard on Wendy’s corndog dripped onto her shirt. “Aw, boo! I’ll be right back.” Wendy said as she walked away.

“I’ll be right here!” Dipper called after her. Under his breath he added, “I love you.”

Mabel and Mikey approached with cotton candy for all three of them. “Look at you two! Getting all romantic at the fair!” Mabel said as she nudged her brother playfully.

Dipper shrugged. “It’s no big deal.” He said casually.

Mikey chuckled at his brother and threw his arm over his shoulders. “I think it is, Dip.”

Dipper’s face broke out in a wide smile. “Okay, you're right, it is! Isn’t this amazing? I just dove in! I said, ‘Hey, you wanna hang out at the fair?’ and you know what she said?” He asked giddily. He continued before they could answer. “‘Yeah, I guess so!’ It totally worked! All your advice about just going for it, it’s finally paying off!”

Mabel shook her head, pretending to be disappointed. “When are you gonna learn, Dipper? I’m always right about everything!”

Mikey laughed, but stopped suddenly and looked around confused. “Do you guys smell a gallon of body spray?”

The strange smell was quickly explained as Robbie walked up to the kids. “Hey, have any of you dorks seen Wendy around?”

Dipper glared at the much taller teen. “Who wants to know?”

Robbie ignored Dipper’s question and grabbed a handful of Mabel’s candy. “Yeah I just got some new super tight skinny jeans. I thought she might want to check them out.” He said, thrusting his hips to show off the jeans.

“Yeah, you know I think I saw her in the Bottomless Pit. You should really go jump in there.” Dipper said.

Robbie, for the first time listening to what Dipper said, glared at him. “Maybe I will, smart guy.” Robbie said and walked away.

“He is such a jerk.” Mabel said as she glared after him.

Mikey nodded in agreement. “I can’t believe Wendy’s friends with him.”

“Well, he is a jerk with tight pants and a guitar. I need to keep him away from Wendy at all costs.” Dipper said determinedly. 

Mabel nodded in agreement. “I’ll be there with you brother. Whatever happens I’ll be right here, supporting you every step of the…” She trailed off as she saw a pen of pigs. She ran towards them screaming at the top of her lungs. “OH MY GOSH! A PIG!”

Dipper frowned as Mabel ran off, and turned to his brother. Mikey shrugged with a small smile on his face. “Yeah, I got to go to. I want to know how it goes with Wendy though.” He walked away with a wave.

Mabel ran up to the pen and stared at the small pigs. The man standing in the pen told her how she could take a pig home. “If’n you guess the critters weight, you can take the critter home!”

One of the pigs sat down, stared at Mabel and oinked. Mabel knew that this had to be her pig. “He said Mabel! Either that or doorbell. Did you say Mabel or doorbell?” She asked the pig. It oinked again and Mabel squealed with glee.

Pacifica walked past Mabel with two of her “friends” and started to laugh. “Oh, look! Mabel found her sister.” The hangers-on laughed with her, pointing at Mabel and the pig. 

“Pacifica!” Mikey’s voice came from just a little bit further down, and caused Pacifica to stop laughing and shoo the toadies away.

Mabel turned back to the farmer. “Sir, I must have that pig!” She said confidently.

He nodded and picked the pig up. “Ah, old Fifteen Poundy! So, how much you guessin he weighs?”

Mabel stared at him in confusion, wondering if this was some kind of trick. “Fifteen pounds?”

The farmer was completely shocked, he had no idea how she had gotten the right weight. “Are you some kind of witch? Well, here’s your pig.” He said, handing Mable Fifteen Poundy. “And you’ll be needing these.” He tried to hand her a knife and fork. Mabel glared at him and walked away. “No? Suit yourself.” The farmer shrugged and went back to work, still thinking about the young witch that was about to eat a pig with her bare hands.

Mabel practically danced away, eager to play with her new friend. “Everything is different now.”  
********************************  
Wendy and Dipper were walking through the fair again, Dipper doing his best to look out for Robbie, but after going this long without any sight of him Dipper was beginning to relax. Wendy brought Dipper’s attention to the game in front of them, especially its prizes. “Check it out! I don’t know if it’s a duck or a panda, but I want one.”

Dipper walked up to the stand and joked with Wendy. “My uncle taught me the secret to these games. You aim for the carnies head and take the prize while he’s unconscious.”

Wendy laughed then looked at Dipper with a raised eyebrow. “Mikey doesn’t have a special strategy?”

Dipper shook his head. “He thinks the game’s a waste of time. Just wait until the carnies on break and rob the stand.” That one wasn’t a joke, but Wendy laughed all the same.

Dipper turned back to the carnie. “One ball please.” He said, handing him the money.

“You only have one chance.” The carnie said as he handed Dipper a ball.

A look of intense focus came over Dipper. He took a deep breath and threw the ball. It looked good until it started to fall. The ball struck the very edge of the table just before the bottles and bounced back. It happened so suddenly that Wendy and Dipper didn’t react until the ball had already hit her. “MY EYE!” Wendy screamed as she held her face in her hands.

Dipper was in full panic mode, frantically trying to make sure Wendy was okay. “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Wendy, are you okay?”

Wendy slowly picked her head up and moved her hand, revealing a massive black eye. “Does it look swollen?” She asked.

Dipper didn’t answer, he just tried to reassure her. “Everything’s gonna be fine! Don’t worry! I’ll… I’ll go get some ice!” He ran for the shack and the freezer he knew had a bag of ice in it. He grabbed the huge bag of ice and began running back to Wendy. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see around the bag and ran into one of the visitors, a bald guy wearing strange goggles and what looked like a gray tracksuit . “Watch where you’re going, man!” Dipper yelled after the fleeing man as he tried to scoop up the ice. He continued to run for Wendy, but stopped as he heard the one voice he hoped he wouldn’t hear again today.

“Just ease your eyeball into that freezy cone.” Robbie said as he held the snowcone to Wendy’s eye.

“Robbie, thanks. That’s really sweet, the gesture and the flavored syrup.” Wendy said gratefully.

Robbie began twisting the strings of his hoodie nervously. “Yeah, I was just here at the right place at the right time. Y’know I’ve been meaning to ask you… we've been spending a lot of time together and I was wondering if, maybe, you want to go out with me?” He said, looking both hopeful and terrified.

Wendy seemed to think for a few seconds before she smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Sweet!” Robbie said.

The bag of ice slipped out of Dipper’s arms as he stared at the two teens in shock and disappointment. He didn’t even notice as Mabel ran to him with her new pet. “Look, Dipper! I won my pet pig! His name is Waddles. I call 'im that because he waddles!’ She said, squeezing the small pig to her chest.

Dipper continued to stare, and said in a blank tone, “Everything is different now.”

Mabel looked at him strangely. “What are you looking at?” She asked slightly concerned. Dipper pointed his arm stiffly at the new couple. Mabel deflated slightly as she saw the teens. “Oh.”  
*************************************  
Mikey and Pacifica walked through the fair in a mutual silence, only occasionally interrupted by some joke or comment. It was while they were walking around that Mikey began to realize that he was actually enjoying the time with Pacifica, and that made him nervous. He didn’t want to be friends with Pacifica, at least not the way she was before. Even if this attempt to guilt her into change worked, and it never had before, the entire friendship was built on lies. While he tried to figure out the best way to deal with the situation, he almost missed Pacifica talking to him. “So, we’ve talked a lot about me, but I don’t know anything about you except that you’re a Pines and you stay… here” Pacifica couldn’t quiet keep the disgust out of her voice when she nodded to the Shack, but other than that her question seemed to just be a friends curiosity.

Mikey went blank at the unexpected question. “Oh… uh,” He stammered. This was exactly the kind of question that would lead to trouble. Specifics were always hard to sell, but with a question like his staying general might just make her suspicious. Best to ask a question of his own. “What do you want to know?” Mikey asked.

Pacifica gave a small shrug. “I don’t know.” Mikey almost let out a sigh of relief when it seemed like she might let it go. He stopped when she looked at him again. “What do you do for fun?” She asked.

This was a question that had no right answer. She wouldn’t believe him if he said he did the exact same things as her, and at the same time, he couldn’t tell her what he really did because that would let her know he had been lying about everything else. He decided to keep it generic. “Uh, you know, I just sort of… hang out with Dipper and Mabel?” Mikey said hesitantly, hoping the slightly nervous tone would mistaken for confusion.

“Right.” Pacifica said tonelessly. Mikey didn’t get a good look at her when she turned away, but the glance he did see made her look almost… disappointed.

The strange exchange was quickly forgotten by Mikey as they continued to walk through the fair. The atmosphere returned to it’s playful state, and even Pacifica started to laugh and joke around. Every time it happened Mikey was more conflicted. Pacifica was definitely less of a brat then she was originally, which meant he was helping her, kind of. But if he kept this up, did that make him the bad guy? Maybe he should tell her before it got to that point. He really needed to figure this out soon.

The sun began to sink below the mountains around Gravity Falls, signalling the end to their day at the fair. Mikey walked Pacifica to where her parents said they would pick her up. On the walk Pacifica became noticeably nervous, twisting her jacket in her hands and glancing at Mikey. Once they had arrived and found that the Northwests were not there yet, Pacifica turned to Mikey and took a deep breath. “Mikey, I… I want to apologize.” She said, forcing the words out like they physically hurt.

Mikey was for the second time today, completely shocked by Pacifica. “What? Why?”

“You’ve acted like a really good friend to me, and I haven’t been one to you. All I’ve done is insult your family, so I’ll try to keep those thoughts to myself, and I may, at some point, give them a chance.” Pacifica said, recovering her haughty attitude slightly.

Mikey swallowed hard. He couldn’t think of the right response, everything was going from bad to worse. “Uh, okay?” Was all he could manage. All he could hope is that she ended it there.

A look of irritation flashed across Pacifica’s face. “Is there anything you want to apologize for?” She asked pointedly.

She knew. That was very not good. Mikey wasn’t found out very often, and this time was even worse because of the guilt he had started to feel. He resorted to the traditional method of getting out of trouble: Denial. “No?” He said wincing at the brief flash of anger on Pacifica’s face.

That look was quickly overcome by one of disappointment and sadness. “Of course not.” She turned away from him.

Unnoticed by the kids, the limo had finally arrived to pick up Pacifica. Her father rolled down his window and called out. “Come along, daughter!”

“I have to go Mikey.” Pacifica said softly as she walked away.

Mikey stared after her. He wasn't quite sure how this had happened. He was just trying to look out for his sister! But then Pacifica had kind of apologized and know he felt like the jerk. He slowly started the walk back to the fair. “Everything is different now.” He muttered under his breath. 

The walk back wasn't enough time for him to work anything out. He felt just as confused and even more guilty. The sound of a pig squealing made him look up. He saw Dipper laying on the skeeball set and Mabel holding a pig dressed like a doctor. “Paging Dr. Waddles, we got a boy here with a broken heart.” He could hear Mabel say to Dipper. He made his way over to them. “Come on, man. These are the jokes.” Mabel told the mopey Dipper as Mikey sat down on the ground next to them.

Dipper sighed deeply. “Guys, do you ever wish you could go back and fix just one mistake?” He asked while he continued to stare at the sky.

“Nope! I do everything right, all the time!” Mabel said cheerfully.

“Oh yeah. What did you mess up?” Mikey asked.

“I hit Wendy in the eye with a baseball, and now she’s dating Robbie because he had ice for her black eye. What about you?”

“Pacifica sort of apologized about the way she’s treated you guys, and then she got really upset because I didn’t confess that it was all just to get back at her, so now I feel like I’m the bad guy.” Mikey answered.

“That’s probably because you were the bad guy the whole time.”

Mikey's only response was a groan as he buried his face in his hands.

Dipper stood up and started to pace. “I was so close, I was almost there with the ice. If it wasn’t for…” Dipper trailed off as he saw the man that had knocked the ice out of his hand. “That guy! Hey you! Toolbelt! You ruined my life!” He ran after him and Mikey and Mabel followed.

The bald guy looked at the kids in front of him in complete confusion. “Huh?”

Dipper wasn't going to let him just let him go though, he wanted answers. “Don’t huh me! I’ve seen you before! What’s your deal? Are you following us around?”

“And why are you bald? What’s that all about?” Mabel asked accusingly.

The man seemed to become more nervous every time a question was asked, and then he was suddenly screaming into the air. “My position has been COMPROMISED! Assuming stealth mode!” He pushed a button on his watch and his plain gray tracksuit began switching between different environments. “Color match! Initiating color match! C’mon, dang it!” He said, eventually pulling out a red screwdriver to try and fix the watch.

The kids stared in awe. “That’s amazing! Are you from the future or something?” Dipper asked.

“Who told you that!? MEMORY WIPE!” The man was clearly panicked and threw a white fabric into Mabel's face.

Mabel slowly peeled it off her face. “This is a baby wipe.”

The man’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “All right, you’ve cornered me. I’m a… time traveler.”

“Wait a minute, If you’re a time traveler, does that mean you have some kind of time machine?” Dipper asked.

“That’s kind of how it works, yeah.”

Dipper watched Wendy and Robbie walk by holding hands. “Can I borrow it?” He asked with his best puppy dog eyes.

The man looked offended by the very idea. “No! Out of the question! You know, this is sensitive, extremely complicated, time equipment.” He said pulling the highly advanced piece of technology out of his tool belt.

“It looks like a tape measure.”

“You shut your time mouth!” He yelled.

Mikey grabbed his siblings’ arms and pulled them in closer. “Are we sure this guy isn’t just crazy?”

“Oh you don’t believe me?” The man spoke up and pulled the tape out before he let it go. He disappeared in a flash of blue light, and seconds later he was back, wearing what looked like clothes from the medieval era. The trio gasped. “Guess where I was! That’s right, fifteen years ago there was a costume shop right here! One second.” He disappeared and came back in his original suit, but some parts of him seemed to have caught fire. “Pat, pat down.” He said, moving urgently. From the way he reacted this was a common occurrence.

“So, who are you again?” Mabel asked, realizing they had never gotten his name.

The straightened his back and told them proudly, “Blendin Blandin, Time Anomaly Removal Crew year twenty sñeventy-twelve. My mission is to stop a series of time anomalies that are suppose to happen at this very location! But… but I don't see any anomalies! I don't know if it's some kind of paradox, or I'm just really tired…”

Mikey pat his shoulder comfortingly. “You know, you’re clearly overworked. You should take some time off, just a short break. And there’s no place better for a break than the Mystery Fair!” He held out two tickets for Blendin to take.

“What the heck, I’m worth it! But I’ve got my eye on you!” Blendin said, snatching the tickets out of Mikey’s hand, and always making sure that he could see the kids. Mabel and Dipper watched as he gave Soos his tickets and took off his belt to get on the ride. Dipper moved to grab the time machine, but was stopped by his brother. Mikey held up the strange tape measure and gestured for them to follow him into the house.

Mikey put the machine on the kitchen table and waited for his siblings so they could talk about what they were going to do. Dipper was the first one to speak as he looked almost reverently at the time machine. “Here it is, our ticket to any moment in history.”

Mabel couldn’t contain her excitement anymore. “Let’s go get two dodos and force them to make out!”

“Or we could go to the past and buy up gold for cheap!” Mikey said, equally excited.

Dipper shook his head firmly. “No! We gotta be smart about this. All that paradox talk kinda freaked me out. All I'm gonna do is go back and fix my one mistake. If I don't miss that baseball throw, I won't hit Wendy in the eye, and Robbie won't comfort her, and they won't start going out.” He looked at his siblings, waiting for any objections. 

“We’re all going back, you shouldn’t be the only time traveler in the family.” Mikey said as he grabbed the time machine. Dipper nodded and waited for Mabel to grab on before he pulled the tape out and let go. The three siblings didn’t feel any different when the light faded, except for Dipper, whose hat was on fire, but looking outside they saw that it was noon again and the fair was in full swing. The three siblings quickly went their own way.

Mabel ran to Waddles’ pen and picked him up. “If’n you can gue…” The farmer started to say but was interrupted by Mabel.

“Fifteen pounds.” She ran away with her pig but came back just a few seconds later. “And yes I am a witch.” She said.

The farmer nodded slowly to himself. “Well, time to round up the mob.” He said as he lit his torch.  
******************  
Dipper ran to catch up with Wendy, and at the same time thought about how the time travel worked. Did he replace the original version of himself, or would he have another Dipper clone problem on his hands? He stopped thinking about that and focused on his real mission when he saw Wendy without another Dipper in sight. “Hey, Wendy!”

Wendy turned around and smiled at him. “There you are. What happened to your hat?” She asked him, staring at the burn mark.

Dipper put a hand up to cover it and tried to think of a distraction. “Uh, nothing. Look! What’s that?” He pointed to the stuffed animal that had started all of this.

“Woah, I don’t know if it’s a duck or a panda, but I want one.”

Dipper smiled and nodded, everything was going exactly as planned. “One ball please.” He told the carnie.

“You only get one chance.”

“That’s what you think.” Dipper laughed a little at the inside joke. “Alright, one Panda-duck comin’ right up.” He threw the ball and knocked down all the bottles. Before he had time to celebrate though, it bounced off the backboard, and hit Wendy, again.

“MY EYE!”

“What!?” Dipper said, shocked and confused. How could it have happened twice.

“Does it look swollen?” Wendy asked him, but he ignored the question while he tried to figure this out.

“That’s so weird…”

While Dipper worked over what had happened, Robbie walked by with his snow cone. “Hey, Robbie.” Wendy said as Robbie eased her eye into the shaved ice.

“So anyway, we've been hanging out a lot and I've been wondering if, maybe, you would want to go out with me?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Wendy said with a smile. Dipper walked away to think this through.  
*******************************************************  
Mikey’s main goal this time around was to avoid Pacifica. He didn’t want to talk to her until he figured out what he was going to say. If he was lucky he might even be able to fix the conversation they had had that day.

Avoiding Pacifica was proving to be easier said than done. He had promised he would hang out with her at the fair, and after an hour without him showing up, she had apparently sent her lackeys to look for him. He successfully lost most of them, but being on the lookout constantly meant he didn’t have time to think about the Pacifica problem. About fifteen minutes before they siblings had agreed to meet he was finally caught.

“Mikey!’ He winced as he heard Pacifica’s voice calling his name.

He knew he couldn’t run anymore. “Uh, hi Pacifica.” He said as he turned around.

“Have you been avoiding me?” Pacifica asked pointedly.

“What? No. Why would I do that?” He tried to deny, but from the look on her face, she didn’t buy it. Luckily, over Pacifica’s shoulder, he saw Dipper and Mabel waving for him to hurry up. “I’m sorry, I really have to go.” Mikey said as he rushed around Pacifica without looking back.

He joined his siblings as they walked to a secluded area of the fair, and listened while Dipper explained what had happened with Wendy. “The exact same thing happened twice. It was spooky.” Dipper said

“Maybe it’s a time curse!”

Dipper ignored Mabel’s comment as he began to pace. “Is it possible that the forces of time naturally conspire to undo any new outcomes? No, I just need to try again. Third time's the charm!” The three grabbed onto the tape measure again and returned to the past. It was hard to keep track of how many times they did this, but every time the result was the same. Mabel got Waddles, Mikey did his best to avoid Pacifica, and Dipper hit Wendy in the eye. Dipper was going so far as to work out the exact wind speed temperature, and forces involved in that one throw. He was doing this on a discarded popcorn maker with a marker. He had been working on these equations for at least five trips, and he had been doing nothing but crunching numbers for at least an hour now. Needless to say, Mabel and Mikey were getting bored.

Mabel tried to get her brother to accept his fate. “Face it Dipper. You’re obviously fated to have a bad day at the fair, just like I’m fated to be with Waddles.”

“At this point, I think it’s okay to accept a loss.” Mikey agreed. 

Dipper ignored his siblings and focused on the equations in front of him. There was a way, but he couldn’t do it. He would have to be in two places at once. He looked at the other two triplets and smiled widely. “That’s it! I’ve figured out how to win the toss, not hit Wendy, and keep her and Robbie from going out!”

“Great! I’m gonna go win my pig again.” Mabel said as she walked away.

“Wait! I need you for my plan!”

Mabel turned around, concerned. “But what about Waddles?”

“This will only take a few minutes.” Dipper assured her before he grabbed her arm and dragged her away.

He walked with Wendy to the game and waited for her and the carnie to say what they needed to. Once he had bought his toss, he threw it high into the air above the stand. “Ah, dude you missed.” Wendy said, disappointed.

“Did I?” Dipper asked as he watched the ball roll down the awning and then fly off to the other side of the fair, he lost sight of it then but was confident that if Mabel did her job it would work. He was proven right a few seconds later as the ball came flying through the air directly at him and Wendy. They both dived to the ground, but the sound of bottles hitting the ground told Dipper everything he needed to know.

“Your stuffed creature of indeterminate species, miss.” The carnie said as he handed Wendy the prize.

“There you are Wendy!” Robbie said as he walked up.

Wendy smiled widely at him. “Hey, Robbie. Look what Dipper got for me!” She said holding up the massive stuffed animal.

Robbie visibly deflated at her words. “Whatever. Can’t even tell what species it is. Stupid.” He said as he pulled his hoodie up and tightened so he couldn’t even see out. He walked away muttering to himself angrily.

“What’s his deal? Looks like I came to the fair with the right guy.”

Mabel walked towards the pair and stopped when Dipper gave her a thumbs up. “Anytime, broseph. Now to win my pig.” Mabel said proudly as she walked to the pen. When she saw the pen she immediately realized something was wrong. Waddle’s wasn’t in the pen, he was in the arms of Pacifica! Mabel started screaming and ran to find Dipper.

Dipper and Wendy had just come out of the Tunnel of Love and Corndogs, laughing and having a good time. “That was even more fun the third time around!” Wendy said. Looking around, she saw a stand selling one of her favorite parts of the fair. “Funnel cake! Let’s go get some Dipper!” She ran off before he could respond.

Dipper started to follow her but stopped at the sound of screaming that kept getting louder. Soon he saw Mabel running straight for him, screaming her head off. “Mabel, what’s wrong?” He tried to ask over the screaming.

Mabel eventually controlled herself to tell the story. “Pacifica saw the flier and won Waddles before I could! She took Waddles!

“Mabel, I’m sorry.” Dipper said sincerely.

Mabel reached for the time machine. “It’s okay. We just need to go back and do things differently.”

Dipper jumped away from her hand. “Mabel, wait! I did the math. In any other timeline, Wendy ends up dating Robbie! I can’t mess up this day again.” Dipper protested. Mabel tried to grab the machine again, knocking Dipper down in the process. Just a little too late they realized that it had gotten hooked to one of the Tunnel of Love’s carts. The tape snapped back and a bright flash of light obscured their surroundings.

“When are we?” Dipper asked as he picked himself up.

“The real question is when are we?” Mabel said before she realized what Dipper had said. “Oh, did you already…”

“Yeah, I did.” Dipper nodded.

The ground began to shake, distracting them from getting or keeping the time machine. “Did you hear that?” Mabel asked. They didn't’ have to wait long to see what was causing the shake. A herd of buffaloe were charging straight for them. Dipper and Mabel ran as fast they could to get away from the stampeding animals. This led them to run straight off a cliff.

Luckily, they landed on a covered wagon, which likely saved their lives. One of the people walking beside it looked in a saw the. “Be on the lookout for mountain lions, travelers!” He said, apparently thinking nothing of people falling from the sky.

“Where are we? The 70s?” Mabel asked.

“You sent us back a hundred-fifty years, genius! We’re in pioneer times.” Dipper said, more frustrated than angry at this point.

The wagon they had landed on was filled with a mother and her eight kids. One of the children approached them cautiously and pointed in awe at Mabel. “Her mouth is filled with silver, mother!”

Dipper tried to keep her from answering but was too slow. “These are called braces.”

“Mabel, we can’t start messing with the past.” Dipper scolded her.

Mabel glared at Dipper. “Said the boy who messed with the past all day, and cost me my pig? I’ll mess with the past all I want!” She shouted. She handed one of the kids a calculator. “Look! A magic button machine! Shoes that light up!” She stomped over in front of the mother. “Hey, sister! Guess who gets to vote in the future! Ladies!! Up top! That's called a high five! Teach it to your friends!” 

Dipper rushed her for the time machine. “Gimme that! I’m going to set the timeline right!” Dipper pulled out the tape measure, and they found themselves facing a massive dinosaur. It roared and the Pines screamed. Mabel pulled the tape just before the creature would have eaten them, and they found themselves in a wreck of some city. In the distance, they could see what looked like soldiers being chased by a giant floating baby with an hourglass on its forehead.

“This future seems neat!” Mabel said. Dipper reached for the time machine again, and he was suddenly chasing Mabel next to the Gravity Falls Lake, and then in front of the Grand Reopening of the Wax Museum. He reached Mabel and pulled the tape a final time and found himself in front of a much newer Mystery Shack in the middle of winter.

“This thing is getting hotter!” Mabel screamed as she passed the small device from hand to hand.

“What did you do!?” Dipper screamed as it grew brighter and brighter.

“I don’t know!”

There was a blinding flash of light and Dipper and Mabel found themselves in complete darkness. “Where are we?” Mabel asked.

Dipper could think of only one reason there was nothing but darkness. “There’s nothing but inky blackness for miles! Mabel, don’t you see? We’ve transported to the end of time!” He started screaming and Mabel joined him, until she realized there was something weird about the end of time.

“Why does it smell so bad in here?” She reached out and quickly found a handle, opening the door to reveal that they were back at the Mystery Fair, and that they had just been inside a Port-A-Potty. “We’re back in the present!” She said happily.

“But which present?” Dipper asked. His question was answered when he saw Wendy walk by with the stuffed animal,, and Pacifica try to drag Waddles around the fair. He snatched the time machine out of Mabel’s hand and started to run.

“Gimme that thing! Dipper give it back!” Mabel said as she chased him around the outhouse.

Dipper climbed on top and looked down at her. “Look, it’s over! Okay? I’ve worked too hard to lose this!”

“But what about Waddles? He was my soulmate!”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “You said that about a ball of yarn once! Do you really want Wendy to date Robbie?”

“I don’t know…” Mabel said. She walked to the totem pole and slowly, steadily hit her head against it.

“You’re not guilt tripping me Mabel. Not this time.” Dipper said. He climbed down to stand next to her. “Come on, Mabel. I know you. You’ll forget about this in a day. I’ll prove it!” He pulled the time machine out, and quickly transported himself. Looking around he saw the fair being taken down, and Mabel in the exact same place hitting her head on the totem pole. “Okay, maybe you’ll forget about it in a week.” He said much more nervously. There was no evidence the fair had ever been there at all, and Mabel still stood there, hitting her head. “A month, she’ll be better in a month.” Dipper said, now beginning to panic. He saw Mabel, vines growing on her legs, clearly not moving at all except to hit her head on the totem pole.

He heard several voices talking, and turned to see a group of tourists being led by Mikey. “If you’ll look to your left you’ll see MIserable Mabel: My sister, she went crazy after our other brother crushed her dreams.” He told the tourists.

Dipper ran to him, getting the most hate-filled glare he had ever seen in return. “Mikey, this is crazy!” He said, getting no response. Dipper looked back at Mabel. “How can she still…Mikey?” He turned around to see that Mikey had disappeared. He realized a few moments later that he didn't have the time machine anymore either.

Mikey appeared just before Dipper’s successful toss, and knew exactly what to do, he had a month to think about after all. “Pacifica!” He yelled just like he had done a month ago.

“Hi Mikey.” Pacifica said as she joined him.

Mikey smiled at her and started walking to the pig pen. “Give me just a second. I need to get something for Mabel.” 

Pacifica watched with a raised eyebrow as Mikey successfully guessed the weight and picked Waddles up out of the pen. “A pig?” 

“Yeah, Mabel's had her heart set on this guy since she saw him. He’s kinda cute, isn’t he?” Mikey said. Pacifica shrugged, but the small smile on her face said she agreed with him. Mikey smiled, everything was going right so far, and judging from Robbie’s disappointed face as he walked by, it was time for the next step. “Pacifica, do you you think you could hold the pig for a second, I need to go grab something.” 

Pacifica didn’t have time to answer him before he had hefted Waddles into her arms. She watched as he walked into the crowd, disappearing in seconds. Mikey quickly grabbed the leash he had hidden before he met Pacifica, and waited until Mabel started screaming to walk back. A few moments later he and Pacifica were walking the same path he remembered, with the addition of a pig at their feet. They told the same jokes, saw the same people, it was truly surreal. This time though, it felt more real, less like he had to fake it, and this time, he didn’t panic when Pacifica asked her question. 

“So, what do you do for fun when I’m not around?”

“Well, I make these videos that I post on a website I made. I sell things on there too.” Mikey said.

Pacifica looked at Mikey strangely. “Really? That’s all you do?”

Mikey shook his head with a smile. “No, but most of the other things are a little harder to explain. Maybe I’ll show you some time.” Pacifica seemed to accept that answer. They continued to walk through the fair, eventually ending up where Pacifica was going to be picked up. For the first time since coming back, Mikey was nervous. 

Pacifica took a deep breath and let it out. “Mikey, I… I want to apologize.”

“For what?” Mikey asked.

“You’ve been, like, my only real friend, and all I’ve done is treat your family like their trash. I...I’m sorry.” Pacifica said, tearing up and turning away from Mikey.

Mikey placed a hand on Pacifica’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ve definitely gotten better about that.” And now it was Mikey’s turn for a confession. “I want to apologize too.” Pacifica stared at him with a question in her eyes, but didn’t say anything. “I think you might have already figured that I became your friend to get back at you for the way you treated Mabel at that party. Y’know it’s a lot easier to guilt trip someone when your best friends. But I… I think that changed at some point. I’d really like it if we could be actual friends, maybe we could start over.” Mikey said, hesitantly. The sudden hug from Pacifica took him by surprise, but he recovered quickly and wrapped his arms around her in return.

This was,of course, when they noticed that Pacifica’s parents had arrived. “Pacifica Northwest!” Her father, Preston, said angrily. He held a small brass bell in one hand and rang it as he spoke. “Come here this instant!”

Pacifica quickly removed herself from Mikey and hurried to her father without saying anything. Mikey saw that every time the bell was rung Pacifica flinched. Not much, but still, that probably wasn’t good. He walked away as the Northwests left.

He nearly ran to make it back to the fair on time, and he had just barely made it as it was. Dipper and Mabel had just come out of the outhouse, and were looking at their surroundings.

“But which present?” He heard Dipper ask. Mikey took Waddles off the leash, and the pig ran straight for Mabel.

Mabel quickly saw the pig, and picked him up in a crushing hug. “Waddles! How did you get him?” She asked Mikey as he walked to them.

“It’s a long story.” Mikey said with a shrug.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Mabel yelled as she grabbed her brother in a bone-crushing hug.

The happy reunion was cut short as a certain time traveller grabbed the time machine out of Dipper’s hands. “YOU THREE!” Blandin screamed at the kids. “Do you have any idea how many rules you just broke? I’m asking, I wasn’t there, it was probably a lot right?” He suddenly seemed much more scared than angry.

The reason for that was quickly made clear as two clearly futuristic soldiers stepped out of nowhere. “Blendin Blandin…” One of them said slowly.

“The Time Paradox Avoidment Enforcement Squadron!” Blandin said terrified.

“That's right, and our phones have been ringing off the hook! There are settlers high-fiving in the 1800's and calculators littered through eight centuries!” One of them said, clearly angry.

“You’re under arrest for violating the Time Traveler’s Code of Conduct.” The other finished much more calmly.

“It was those kids! And their leader, Waddles!” Blendin protested as he was dragged away in chains.

“That’s a pig, Blandin.”

Blendin began to rant at the triplets. “I’ll get you for this! I’ll go back in time and make sure your parents never meet!”

The three waited for a few seconds and looked around. “We’re still here.” Dipper said.

“I guess he forgot to go back.”

Dipper nodded. “I can’t believe we just lost a time machine.”

Mikey smirked and held up the one he had used. “You might have lost yours, but I still have mine.”

“How did you get another time machine?” Dipper asked.

“It’s a long story, I’ll tell you tonight.” Mikey said.

Mabel interrupted her brothers and pointed at the other side of the fair. “Wait a second, what’s going on over there?”

All three stared in horror as they watched Robbie work up his courage. “So anyway, we've been hanging out a lot and I've been wondering if, maybe, you would want to go out with me?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Wendy shrugged and nodded like she had every other time.

“Oh come on!” Dipper said angrily.

“Don’t worry Dipper. I’m on it.” Mabel said as she set Waddles down and pointed him in the direction of Robbie, and the caramel apple he was holding. The pig charged the teen and knocked him into a bucket of water in it’s attempt to get the apple. Waddles trotted back to Mabel once it had the treat.

Robbie was panicking. “My pants! They’re shrinking!” It wasn’t an exaggeration, you could actually see where the pants were shrinking. Even Wendy started to laugh at Robbie’s reaction.

“That’ll do pig, that’ll do.” Dipper said as he pat Waddles on the head.


	10. Fight Fighters

Today was one of the few days that the Shack was closed, and, to the triplets horror, without the work or any mystery to investigate they were bored out of their minds. What made it clear that this was one of the slowest days in Mystery Shack history, was that Stan was willing to listen to Soos’ idea. That was why he, along with Dipper, Mabel, Mikey and Wendy, was walking down Gravity Falls’ main street towards an arcade. Once inside, Dipper and Wendy headed straight the back of the arcade, while the others followed Soos. “This is it dudes, my favorite place in Gravity Falls. Everything I know, I learned right here. A frog taught me how to cross a street. When my house was haunted, I learned how to eat ghosts. And this thing taught me how to dance.” Soos said as he showed off each of the arcade games.

The arcade was one of the more popular spots for the residents of Gravity Falls to hang out, even Old Man McGucket was having a great time dancing on a shutdown dance machine. “I’ve been jigging here for seven days straight!” He yelled as they passed him.

Mabel picked up the disconnected power cord and showed Soos. “Uh, should we...?” She asked concerned.

“Let him have this.” Soos said with a shake of his head.

Dipper and Wendy were playing Dipper’s favorite arcade game. They chose their characters and a cutscene began. “DR. KARATE! YOU KILLED MY FATHER AGAIN!”

“HNNNGGHHH!”

“YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!” These cutscenes were what really made the game great.

“Fight!” The game announced. Wendy and Dipper button-mashed for a few minutes, messing with each other the whole time until Dipper won. “Winner: Rumble McSkirmish!” The game announced.

“WINNERS DON'T LOSE!”

“What? You cheated.” Wendy said playfully.

“YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!” Dipper said, imitating his character.

“Round Two!”

“I'm gonna punch the ref.” Wendy said.

Dipper nodded. “Let's gang up on him.” The kids began unleashing their combo moves on the background sprite of the ref.

Their good time was interrupted as Robbie put up a flyer for his band and stepped between Dipper and Wendy. “Wendy! What's up, babe? Yeah, just putting up some flyers for my band. I'm playing lead guitar. No biggie.”

Dipper pulled the flyer down and stared at it skeptically. “Are you wearing mascara?”

“Uh, it's eye-paint for men.” Robbie scoffed.

Wendy cut off the argument. “Hey Robbie, Dipper was just showing me this great game.”

“Ha, yeah, sweet, sweet. Hey, how about you sit this one out, okay champ?”

Dipper protested as Robbie pushed him away from the controls. “But we just started this round.”

“Whoa, whoa, hey! Relax man, I'm just trying to spend a little time with my girlfriend, alright?” Robbie said. The look on his face made it clear he was gloating.

“It'll just be one round.” Wendy reassured Dipper. Wendy started talking to Robbie as the match began. “So hey, I'm gonna go camping tomorrow with my dad, so I won't be around.”

“Oh, cool, cool, watch out!” Robbie said as he slipped his arm over her shoulder.  
*****************  
The next day, Stan, Soos, Dipper, and Mabel were playing poker in the kitchen at the Shack/ Surprisingly, Mikey had refused to play and was now sitting on the couch reading. The reason for his refusal was soon clear to everyone else. “King me!” Mabel said as she threw her cards on the table, taking the pot for the fifth time in a row.

“Aww! Come on!”

Stan let out a frustrated groan. “It's not fair, she doesn't even know what we're playing!”

“Go Fish?” Mabel asked with a shrug.

“I tried to warn you. You never, ever, gamble against Mabel.” Mikey said without looking up from his book.

Loud music, loud enough to shake the chandelier, interrupted anything else they might have said. Soos looked around nervously. “Dude, I think I'm picking up a radio station inside my head.”

“Try blinking to see if you can change the channel.” Mabel said excitedly.

“Weeendy!”

Dipper rolled his eyes at the sound of the voice. “Ugh, sounds like Robbie.”

“Robbie? Is he that jerky twerp I see making goo-goo eyes at Wendy all the time?” Stan asked.

Soos nodded. “He called me ‘Big Dude’ once. I mean, I know I'm a big dude, but it kinda hurt.”

“Should I sic Waddles on him again?”

Dipper shook his head. “I'll handle it.” He said as he stood up and marched out the door.

Robbie stood in the front lawn, playing his guitar and singing off-key. “Wendy! Wendy, Wendy! Wendy! C'mon out, girl! C'mon down!”

Dipper marched in front of him and glared. “You realize she's not here, right?”

Robbie scoffed. “Yes! ...What?”

“She's out camping with her family today.” Dipper said, before muttering under his breath. “And if you listened to her for once you'd know that.”

Apparently he didn’t mutter quietly enough, because suddenly Robbie was in his face and glaring. “What was that?!”

“I- just said she's not here.” Dipper stuttered out.

Robbie wasn’t going to let it go though. ”No, no, no! You want to get into it, huh? Let's get into it, kid! You think I don't know what's been going on, huh? It's obvious you've got a thing for my girlfriend, don't you? Don't you?!” Robbie said, stepping forward and forcing Dipper back.

“What? No! C'mon, man!” Dipper tried to deny it, but the flush on his cheeks was proof enough for Robbie.

“Yeah, I'm sure she's just DYING to ask out a 12-year old kid who wears the exact same shorts every day. Hey, here's an idea: why don't I call her right now and see if she wants to go out on a date with you?” Robbie taunted as he pulled out his cell phone.

“Hey! Look-! Don't! You don't have to-!”

“Oh! Don't! Please, man! What're you gonna do, huh? What, huh?” Robbie pressed the call button, and Wendy’s voice could be heard.

“Hello?”

Dipper, in a moment of panic, jumped up and knocked the phone out of Robbie’s hands and onto the ground, where it shattered. “My phone!”

“I-I'll buy you a new one!” Dipper said as he backed away from the even angrier Robbie.

“Oh no, you're not getting off that easy!” 

Stan poked his head out of the kitchen window right next to the boys. “Hey! I know a fight when I see one! Stay right there!”

Robbie pushed Dipper to the ground and stared him in the eyes. “You. Me. Circle Park. 3 o'clock. We finish this.” He turned away, and left as quickly as he could.

Stan walked out carrying a bucket of popcorn. “Aw, he's gone! I was just gonna call the boys over to place a few bets! The smart money's on Skinny Jeans.” Dipper stood up and Stan followed him inside.

Dipper was pacing in front of the rest of the family, in complete terror. “What was I thinking?! I can't fight! I've never been in a fight before! Look at these noodle arms!”

Stan shrugged his shoulders, not really seeing why Dipper was so worried. “Just bonk him over the head! It's nature's snooze button!”

“Dipper, calm down. It’s not like you need to win the fight. Lose it, and then use that to get Robbie in trouble with Wendy! That’s two problems solved.” Mikey said with a wide smile

Mabel rolled her eyes at the others’ suggestions. “Boys! Why can't you learn to hate each other in secret? Like girls do!”

Stan started to laugh. “Sure, listen to your sister! Maybe you can share dresses too!”

“Maybe he'll just forget about it. Maybe it'll all blow over.” Dipper said to himself, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down.

Soos shook his head. “I don't know, Dipper. Teenagers are dangerous. Those hormones turn them into like, killing machines!”

“R-Really?”

“Oh yeah, dude. My cousin Reggie got in a fight with a teen once. The guy broke like, all his arms, all his legs, and I think, killed him or something, I don't know. Me and Reggie were just talking about it.” He said with a shrug.

Dipper slowly backed into a corner of the room. “I can't stay here! What if Robbie comes back!? I gotta hide!”

“Look, kid. You got yourself a choice here. You can either go face him like a man, or you can hide indoors like a wimp. What'll it be?” Stan said.  
***********************************************  
At the arcade, Soos was playing a game of pinball while Mikey watched, and Dipper was hiding under the game of pinball. “Wimp it is.” Soos said as he watched Dipper curl into a ball.

“C'mon Soos, Robbie's twice my size. I mean, what will getting myself killed accomplish? I just need to hide here until 3 o'clock passes.” Dipper said as he crawled out from under the machine. He glanced at his watch, to see that it read 11:29. “Uggggh, this day will never end!”

“Relax, Dipper. Just try not to think about Robbie.” Soos said. Dipper nodded and turned to look at a wall, that Robbie had, of course, plastered with posters. Dipper screamed and jumped back landing hard on the floor.

“Okay, this is ridiculous.” Mikey said as he helped Dipper up. Mikey grabbed Dipper’s hat and placed it on his own head.

“What are you doing?” Dipper asked.

“Relax Dipper. This isn’t the first time I’ve taken a punch for you.” Mikey said with a slight smirk.  
That didn’t seem to comfort Dipper any. “But Robbie’s twice our size! You could get hurt!”

Mikey shrugged. “It won’t be that bad. Besides,” He said, holding up a video camera. “It’ll be worth it.”  
*********************************************  
Mabel sat on the chair watching her favorite talk show, but she just couldn’t get into it while she was worrying about Dipper. “Ugh, poor Dipper. Hiding from Robbie, unable to face his fears.” She said to herself.

“Fears are for chumps. That's why I don't have any.” Stan said as he walked into the den. He began to strain for something on a high shelf as Mabel watched.

“You want me to go get a ladder?” She asked

“We don't have one.”

Mabel stared at her Grunkle in confusion. “What?”

“You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.” Stan explained, clearly passionate about the issue.

“Grunkle Stan, why you ackin' so cray-cray?” Mabel asked suspiciously.

“YOU'RE the one who's ‘ackin' cray-cray!’ I gotta go now.” Stan said as he walked out of the room.

Mabel stared after Stan, now thoroughly intrigued. “Why would Grunkle Stan be so weirded out by ladders?” She asked Waddles. “Of course! I think he has a secret fear of heights! We'll have to test him to be sure! Or we could leave well enough alone... Nah!”  
*****************************************************  
While Mikey had gone to the Mystery Shack a few hours ago, Dipper and Soos were still at the arcade, waiting for three o’clock to come and go. Soos finished his current level and stared at the game cabinet wistfully. “Man, I wonder what it would be like to go inside a videogame for real!” Suddenly he was struck with his most brilliant idea yet. “I should have thought of this years ago!” He said as he began to unscrew the back of the game.

“Stupid Robbie. Such a jerk!” Dipper muttered to himself as he played Fight Fighters.

“A WINNER NEVER RUNS AWAY FROM A FIGHT!!” Rumble said in his winning cutscene.

Dipper sighed. “That's easy for you to say, you have more than one life. Ugh, I wish one of these guys would fight Robbie for me.” He moved to put another token in the machine but dropped it. He crawled next to the machine to grab it and saw something scratched on its surface. "To unleash ultimate power? I do like things that are ultimate.” He said as he read the cheat code. Standing up and putting the coin in, he performed the moves. The cabinet shut down. “I guess it didn't work.”

Suddenly the screen flared back to life, showing nothing but a white screen. “SELECT YOUR CHARACTER!!” The game announcer said.

Dipper hesitated and looked around for anyone else. He stepped forward, but couldn’t see controls through the blinding light. “Uhhh... Rumble McSkirmish?” He said as he shielded his eyes.

THe screen flared brighter for a moment, then a man came flying out of the screen, screaming. “KickkickkickkickKICK!” Once he landed, Dipper recognized him as Rumble McSkirmish, still pixelated, and looking exactly like in the game.

“Whoa! You're real?”

“HIGH FIVE!” Rumble said.

Dipper jumped up and returned the high five. “Ow! Your pixels are really sharp!” He said, holding the injured hand.

Rumble began to speak in the same dramatic, over-acted, slightly stilted voice from the game. “GREETINGS, CHILD-BOY! I AM RUMBLE MCSKIRMISH, FROM THE U.S.A! PUNCH! KICK! PUNCH! KICK!!” He said, demonstrating the moves as he did them.

“Ow! Cooool!”

Rumble walked to the arcade’s change machine and began smashing it with his fists. “CHANGE MACHINE! CHANGE ME INTO A POWERFUL WOLF!! HWAAAAH!!!”

“With Rumble around, Robbie will be so scared, I won't even need to fight him. I've got the world's greatest fighter to be my bodyguard!” Dipper said to himself.

Rumble flashed red and turned to Dipper. “I NEED POWER-UPS!”

“This is so amazing! I gotta show Soos! Soos?” Dipper called out for his friend but didn’t hear a response, he quickly decided Soos had left and began to walk back to the Shack with Rumble.

Soos meanwhile, was trying to work his way out of the very tight game cabinet. A guest put a token into the machine and the screen brightened, revealing Soos’ face pressed against. “Help, I'm trapped in the game! It was cool in theory but in practice it was really boring.” He pleaded with the man. The man began to scream and ran from the arcade as quickly as he could. “It's not just a game anymore!” Soos yelled after him.  
*********************************************  
Mabel was preparing to enact one of her greatest plans ever. “Alright, Waddles. It's time to begin. Operation Get Stan Over His Fear of Heights! I came up with that name.” She told the pig. She grabbed a shoe box and ran into the den screaming. “HAPPY GREAT UNCLE'S DAY!”

Stan, who had been sitting in the chair quietly, looked at his niece in shock. “Huh? Is it Great Uncle's Day?”

“Ha ha, yeah, of course, it's not a day I made up.” Mabel said, laughing nervously and handing her grunkle the box.

Stan happily took the box and opened it. The excitement quickly drained from his face as he looked at his gift. “High heels? You shouldn't have. Seriously, wha... what? What is this?”

“What's wrong? Are you saying these heels are too high? Do they make you uncomfortable? Hmm?” Mabel said, getting into Stan’s face.

“Maybe.” He said challengingly.

Mabel gave up playing dumb and screamed at Grunkle Stan. “Admit it! Admit you have a fear of heights!”

“What? That's why you bought me these? You should be ashamed of yourself! And on Great Uncle's Day no less. But no, I don't have a "fear of heights." Stan said smugly.

He turned back to the TV which had just come back from commercial. “We now return to "World's Most Terrifying Skydiving!" The TV announced, showing a clip of a man in mid-fall.

Stan screamed and hurriedly backed away from the TV, tripping over the dinosaur skull nightstand in the process. “Turn it off!” He yelled. Mabel did, and then stared at Stan as he sat on the ground. “So I have a fear of heights. Is that really so cray-cray?” Stan said sadly as he looked away from his niece's face.  
****************************************  
Dipper entered the Shack through the kitchen door, and began searching for powerups in the fridge. “Well, we don't have any traditional power-ups: turkey legs, pizza boxes, or gold rings. How about... half a taco?” He asked the sentient video game character.

Rumble nodded his head. “Place it, on the floor.” Once Dipper did so, Rumble stood over it and the taco disappeared. An inventory bar appeared in front of Rumble and the taco was selected and eaten in seconds.

“I wish I could do that!” Dipper said.

Rumble ignored Dipper. “Now I must defeat the world's greatest fight-fighters. Take me to the Soviet Union!” Rumble ordered.

Dipper thought about that for a few seconds. “That's gonna be tough... for a number of reasons. But I do know a fighter here in Gravity Falls.”

“Maximum Power?” Rumble asked, completely confused.

Dipper nodded excitedly. “His name is Robbie V. and he's kinda like my arch enemy.”

“Did he kill your father?” Rumble asked in shock.

Dipper looked down and answered nervously. “Well, he's dating the girl I like and he posts a really annoying amount of status updates.”

“And then he killed your father!” Rumble said, now furious.

Dipper decided to just go with it. “Uh, sure. Anyway, I was hoping you could, y'know, scare him off for me so I don't have to fight the guy.”

Rumble’s shoulders began to shake. “Hahaha! Your question makes my shoulders bounce! Fireball! Uppercut! Downer-cut! Bowl of PUNCH!” He yelled performing the moves before smashing the punch bowl on the ground.

“So you'll protect me from Robbie?” Dipper asked.

“Challenge accepted! Press start!” A start button appeared in front of Dipper, and he quickly pushed it.

His excitement was tamped down when he heard someone approach the kitchen. “Uh oh, I think I hear my uncle. Stay perfectly still!” He told Rumble as he waited to see what Stan would do. Dipper glanced back and so Rumble swaying a bobbing in place. “I said stay still.”

“This is as still as I can stay!” The video game character said loudly.  
***************************************************************************  
Mabel sat on her bed in the attic pondering her situation. How could she get Stan over his fear of heights? Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud sound of Dipper walking in with Rumble.

“Hey Mabel. Have you met Rumble yet? He's my new bodyguard.” Dipper said proudly as he walked in.

“The child gave me a taco!” Rumble informed her.

Mabel was now completely forgotten about her previous situation. “Wow! He's got a crazy voice! Here, say these words.” She said, handing Rumble a scrap of paper she had written on.

Rumble took the paper and began reading out loud. “Effer...vescent! Apple..fritter! RIBOFLAVIN!!”

Dipper rolled his eyes at his sister's antics. “Mabel, he's not a toy, he's a fighting machine. I'm gonna get him to defend me from Robbie, which means Mikey doesn’t have to. Where is he, anyway?” He asked as he looked around the room.

Mabel shrugged. “He already left. He said something about getting set up.”

“Oh, well, I can still catch up and get him out of this.” Dipper said as he quickly left the room, and then the shack. The boy and his video game character walked the streets of Gravity Falls, slowly approaching Circle Park.

The relative silence was broken by Rumble. “Tell me my opponent's special moves.”

Dipper almost laughed at the question. “Don't worry. As soon as he sees you, he's gonna wet his pants.”

Rumble nodded seriously. “His wet pants will be no match FOR THIS!” He said as he lifted his pipe into the air.

Dipper jumped back in shock. “Whoa! Where'd that come from?”

“I punched an oil drum!” Rumble said as if it was obvious. 

Dipper gently took the pipe away. “Trust me, you won't need that. Just give him a good scare.”

Rumble nodded again. “Yes… WITH THIS!!!” He yelled as he picked a Katana up off the street.

‘This street has really dangerous litter.”  
***********************************************  
Mabel slowly crept behind Stan in his chair, before she jumped up with a loud yell. “HEY GRUNKLE STAN!!” Stan spit his drink out in shock. Mabel continued to speak. “How would you like to go take a walk nowhere in particular while wearing a blindfold?” She asked as innocently as she could.

Stan shrugged. “Eh, beats just sittin' around here being old.” He started to stand up but then locked eyes with Mabel. “Wait a minute... you're not planning on taking me someplace super high up, are you?”

Mabel took on a horribly offended tone. “Grunkle Stan! I would never!” She pulled on a sweater that featured the scout’s salute. “Scout's honor!” She said seriously.

“Okay, let's go.” Stan relented as he walked out the door. He never noticed the crossed fingers on the back of the sweater.  
************************************  
Mikey had quickly found a crook in one of the tree’s that would give the camera a good view and would be hard to spot. He had the camera recording in minutes and sat waiting for Robbie to show up. He didn’t have to wait long. “Well, well, well! Look who decided to show up! I thought you chickened out. You ready to settle this like men?” Robbie asked as he approached threateningly. 

Mikey retreated slowly, doing his tried and true Dipper impersonation. “Robbie, I don’t want to fight you. There isn’t any reason this has to go any further.”

Robbie clearly fell for the slight quiver in Mikey’s voice, because he quickly became cockier than he already was. “You scared, huh? Is that it?”

Mikey took a deep breath and stood up straight to look Robbie in the eye. “If you’re going to do something Robbie, just do it. Otherwise, I’m just going to walk away.”

Robbie was infuriated. “What?! Alright, twerp, you asked for it!” Robbie stepped forward and pulled his fist back, ready to teach the little kid in front of him a lesson.

Dipper saw all of this happen as he approached with Rumble. “Robbie stop!” He yelled as he rushed towards them.

Mikey glanced at his brother and hissed from the corner of his mouth. “Dipper, what are you doing?”

Dipper ignored his brother and confronted Robbie fearlessly. “Listen, Robbie, this is your last chance to back down.”

Robbie scoffed at Dipper’s tone. “Right, because two twelve-year-olds are so terrifying.”

“Okay, you asked for it.” Dipper said as he gestured Robbie forward.

Robbie stared at the massive character in confusion. “Who's your friend? And why is he... blurry?”

“This happens to be the greatest warrior that ever lived!” Dipper announced.

Robbie snorted in laughter at that outburst. “Yeah, right! Hey Eye Patch, what did the kid promise you? More tape for your forearms?”

Rumble was filled with fury at the sound of Robbie’s laughter. “HOW CAN YOU LAUGH, WHEN YOU KILLED THIS BOY'S FATHER?!?!!”

Robbie stopped laughing, now even more confused. “Wait, what?”

Dipper stepped forward again. “I'm giving you one last chance, back down, or this guy's gonna go nuts.”

Robbie wouldn’t stand for it though. “How 'bout YOU back down, kid?”

“You asked for it. Rumble? Go!” Dipper said as he nodded Rumble forward.

Robbie rolled his eyes as Rumble rushed him, but changed his tune after narrowly dodging a punch that would have taken his head off. “What the-? Whoa! Hey! What's happening?”

Mikey watched the scene unfolding with worry. “Dipper, I think this might have been a bad idea.”

Dipper ignored his brother again.“I didn't wanna have to do this, man, but you gave me no choice. Maybe now, if you-” Dipper spoke as Robbie was being picked up by Rumble, but Robbie being suddenly slammed into the ground silenced him for a few seconds. “Whoa! Rumble! You can stop! I think Robbie's had enough-” Dipper tried to stop Rumble, but the character didn’t listen.

“RUMBLE... THROW!” HE screamed as he launched Robbie into the air.

“STOP! I SAID STOP!” DIpper screamed.

RObbie landed hard on a jungle gym. “Hey! What the-? THAT GUY'S CRAZY!” Robbie screamed as he tried to untangle himself.

“FIREBALL!” Rumble through the projectile at the jungle gym, just barely missing Robbie.

Dipper ran in front of Rumble before he could chase after Robbie. “What the heck was that?! You were only supposed to scare him; you almost killed him!”

Rumble began to run after Robbie. “I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THE MAN WHO DISHONORED YOU IS DESTROYED!!!”

Mikey followed closely behind, grabbing Dipper’s hand and dragging him behind. “We need to go, now!”

They followed Rumble as best they could, but the fictional character was much faster than either of them. They had just seen the two of them enter a barrel warehouse. They could Robbie screaming as he tried to escape from the maniac chasing him. “Something told me this would be his first stop.” Dipper said as he watched Rumble throw Barrels after Robbie.

Robbie said as he continued to run. “Chill out man! Just chill out!”

“Please, Rumble! You gotta stop!” Dipper protested again as the brothers resumed their chase. “Rumble, wait!”

“Punch punch punch!”

Dipper began to slow as he felt the cramp in his side grow worse. “You don't have to do this! At least pace yourself... You might get a cramp...”

Mikey continued to sprint and tried to pull Dipper along with him. “C’mon Dipper, we can’t stop now!” Dipper waved him off as he stopped to catch his breath.

Mikey continued to chase the pair past a newly destroyed car and through the park, occasionally glancing back to look for Dipper.

Dipper tried to keep running, but just couldn’t anymore. A pickup pulled up next to him as he tried to catch his breath. Dipper looked up to see Soos in the driver’s seat. “Soos! Where you been?” Dipper asked.

Soos shrugged uncomfortably and pointed the video game frame around his neck. “Uh, long story, man. Dude, you see that video game guy tearing up everything in sight? That's crazy!”

“Yeah, I kinda sorta brought him to life to be my bodyguard. But now I have to stop him before he kills Robbie!”

Soos smiled down at the twelve-year-old. “You need an amiable sidekick with a pickup truck?”

“You know I do.” Dipper said as he jumped in.  
***********************************************************  
Mabel gently guided her great uncle forward and turned him so that he was facing out. “Take off your blindfolds... now!” she said.

Stan did so and was not surprised to be on top f the water tower, looking down on Gravity Falls. “Yeah, that's pretty much what I was expecting.”

Mabel smiled even wider at his calm response. “You're doing better than I thought! Now let go of the handrail…”

“Nope.” Grunkle Stan said in a strained squeaky voice. HIs knuckles were white from the force of his grip.

Mabel was about to begin her prepared pep-talk when something on the wind distracted her. “Hey, do you smell anger and hormones?”

The reason for the smell became obvious as she watched Robbie climb onto the tower. “Finally! I'm safe!” He yelled as he flattened himself against the side of the tower.

“Hey, Robbie! Get your own water tower!” Mabel said as she glared at the teenam.

Robbie stared at her, panicked. “SSSHHHHH! Keep it down! He'll find us!”

From down below a fierce yell was heard. “CHALLENGER SIGHTED!” Robbie screamed and held tightly onto the handrail. Mikey heard his sister's voice coming from the water tower and watched as Rumble began to attack its base. He didn’t notice Soos’ truck pulling up behind him, he just knew had to do something.

“YOU CAN HIDE, BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE!” Rumble yelled as he kicked the water tower. He reared back for another but stopped when he felt something hit the back of his head. Turning he saw Mikey glaring at him, clenching something in his right hand. “YOUR STONES ARE NO MATCH FOR MY FISTS!” Rumble screamed as he launched himself t the child. Rumble’s anger changed to confusion as he suddenly stopped moving through the air.

MIkey strained to hold Rumble in place. This was never easy, but right now it was especially hard. Maybe it was because Rumble was magic, or heavy, or because he was already moving when Mikey stopped him. With a great mental heave, he launched the warrior into one of the trees in the park, and bent over to try to catch his breath. When he looked back up, he saw the same tree flying through the air, directly at him. He screamed and stumbled backwards, falling down. HE looked and held his hands up in a vain attempt to protect himself. After several heartbeats had passed without becoming paste, Mikey opened his eyes. The tree sat in the air just in front of him, surrounded in that same blue-green glow, and suddenly he could feel the effort of keeping it suspended, dropping it in exhaustion and relief. That relief passed quickly as he watched Rumble flying through the air. The punch sent him skidding across the ground, where he continued to lay.

Dipper ran forward to check on his brother and was relieved to hear him moan in pain when he touched him. “Rumble! This has to stop! Please! Listen to me!” He yelled as he kneeled next to his brother.

Meanwhile on the water tower, Mabel was in a panic as she held tightly onto the handrail. “What's happening!?” She asked her uncle.

He looked out with a completely blank expression on his face. “Oh boy…”

“We're safe, right?” Mabel asked again. 

A short hysteric burst of laughter came from Stan’s mouth. “Of course not! This thing is on stilts! High, high up!” He told his niece. Mabel truly began to panic as she watched Robbie fall off the edge.

Rumble caught the teen and raised him above his head. “FINISH HIM!” The game announcer said.

Robbie began to beg. “No no no, don't! Don't finish me!”

Rumble did not notice and raised a fireball high in his hand, preparing to kill Robbie. The fireball was extinguished when a coin flew through the air and hit Rumble in the head. “HWUUUUAAAAAAAAA??!!??”

Rumble turned and stared at Dipper. “RUMBLE! Rumble! I have something to tell you! Robbie... Robbie didn't kill my father.” Dipper said sadly. 

Rumble didn’t understand what he was hearing. “HUUUUUUHH? THEN WHO DID???”

“What? No one. I-I lied to you.” Dipper explained.

“HWUUUHH??? WELL, THEN YOU'RE ACTUALLY A... BAD GUY!”

Dipper looked down uncomfortably. “I guess I kinda am…”

Rumble’s voice began to come from thin air, even as his mouth stayed closed. “My entire journey, a lie! My honor has been disgraced! Sensei warned me not to join the path of evil... the boy has led me astray! If Robbie V. is not the last stage, then it must be…” The internal monologue stopped as Rumble pointed his finger at Dipper and screamed. “YYYYYOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!”

A new start button appeared in front of Dipper, he took a deep breath. “Don't fight him, man! That guy's got like a black belt wrapped around his black belt. You could get killed!” Soos said.

Dipper shook his head. “I have to. I started all this and I've got to at least try to stop it.”

“You sure you wouldn't rather hide like a wimp?” Dipper turned away from Soos and hit the start button. “Fight like a man it is.”

“READY? FIGHT!”

Dipper stood still, he didn’t have to wait long for Rumble to start fighting. He narrowly dodged Rumble’s first attacks while the video game character taunted him. “FIREBALLTHROWLIGHTNINGBALLTHROW!! FIRE!!!! YOU FIGHT LIKE A GIRL! WHO IS ALSO A BABY!” Rumble said as he kicked Dipper, causing his new health bar to suffer a massive drop. 

Dipper picked himself up off the ground and launched himself at Rumble, delivering a massive uppercut which knocked Rumble to the ground. “DUUUUUUUUDE!” Soos said from the sidelines.

Dipper was ecstatic. “Yes! Oh no.” that changed as he watched RUmble’s health drop down by less than a percent. 

Soos climbed a tree and began waving his arms through Rumble’s health bar. “Eh. Eh. Well, it was worth a shot.” Dipper joined Soos in the tree and they watched Rumble wander underneath it.

“NO! I HAVE NO LOOKING UP! ANIMATION!” He strained to lean back, eventually ending up flat on his two dimensional back.

Soos and Dipper jumped down from the tree and looked at the defeated Rumble. “So, what should I do, roll him up and put him on my wall?” Dipper asked.

“Dude, we should rock paper scissors for him!”

Rumble began to scream into the air. “FIST! PUNCH! RAAAAAIIIIINNNN!!!!!! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THAT I HAVE PUNCHES!!” Flaming fists began to fall from the sky, knocking Dipper down, and forcing Soos to run. Rumble used his ultimate move as Dipper lay motionless. “SUPER POWER NINJA TURBO NEO ULTRA HYPER MEGA MULTI ALPHA META EXTRA UBER PREFIX... COMBO!!!”

The fist sent Dipper flying, and Rumble landed over his battered body. “You, sir, truly are the greatest fighter ever.” Dipper told him.

“RUMBLE WINS!” The game announcer said.

“WINNERS DON'T LOSE!”

Dipper picked himself up and smirked at Rumble. “I wouldn't be too sure about that, man.”

“GAME OVER!”

Rumble looked around and tried desperately to grab onto something as he began to disappear into pixels. “HEH?! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!”

“Game over, old friend.” Dipper said.

“Heh! Nice one, dude!” Soos said with a high five.

On the water tower, the shaking had finally stopped, and Mabel was apologizing. “I'm sorry, Grunkle Stan! I thought this would help, but I was wrong! So wrong!!”

Stan ignored Mabel and looked at his hands as though surprised to see them. “I-I survived! I survived and I feel great! Wait, let me do a cocky dance just to be sure Alala-loo-doodly-doo-doodly-doo! HAHA! DEAL WITH IT WORLD! STAN PINES HAS CURED HIS FEAR OF HEIGHTS!” He said with a laugh. He walked to the ladder and began to climb down. “You comin', kid?” He asked when Mabel refused to move.

“Uh-uh.”

“What's the matter, YOU got a fear of heights, now?” Stan said with a laugh. It quickly died when he saw the fear in her eyes.

Mikey slowly picked himself up off the ground, exhausted both from the magic and the short fight. He looked around and saw Dipper joking with Soos, but no sign of Mabel. He ran to the tilted water tower. “Grunkle Stan, is Mabel okay?” He yelled up as he began to climb the tower.

Stan leaned his head over the edge. “Physically, yes. But she won’t budge!”

Mikey climbed up the tower and onto the platform where Mabel stood. “Mabel are you okay?’ He asked gently.

Mabel shook her head and stared deliberately forward. “No! Too high up, way too high up!”

He turned to Stan. “Do you have a blindfold or anything?”

Stan nodded and searched his pockets for the one Mabel led him up here with. He found it and handed it back to Mikey.

He spoke softly to Mabel as he worked. “Okay, I’m just going to put this blindfold on, okay? Then your gonna take my hand, and me and Grunkle Stan are gonna get you down.” Mabel nodded. Mikey gently passed her to Stan, who held her tightly in one arm and began to carry her down while Mikey followed.  
****************************************  
Robbie glared accusingly at Dipper. “What? Who… who… who was that guy?! Why is it that whenever you're around, there's always ghosts or monsters, or whatever?!”

Dipper shrugged. “I don't know, man.”

“That guy almost broke my neck! You know how mad I am right now?!!” Robbie said as he got into Dipper’s face.

“So I guess you and I have to fight now, huh? Go ahead, man. Do your worse. I just want to get this over with.” Dipper stood in front of Robbie and waited for the blows.

Robbie smiled and pulled his fist back. “Oh, man! I am so gonna enjoy this! Aren't you gonna run?” He asked when Dipper didn’t move.

“Nope.”

“...Are you sure?” Dipper just shook his head. Robbie looked between Dipper and his fist before scoffing and turning to walk away. “It's not even worth it! I play lead guitar so I gotta save my hands.”

“Hey guys! I heard some crazy screaming back here.” A familiar voice came from behind the boys, causing them to turn around in shock.

“Wendy?” Robbie asked.

“You're back!” Dipper said excitedly.

Wendy smiled and nodded. “Yeah, man. Whoa! What the heck happened here? Freak tornado or something?” She asked as she looked at the wrecked park. 

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

She narrowed her eyes at the pair of them. “And why are your faces all jacked up? You guys weren't fighting each other, were you? I hate it when guys fight.”

“No! Fighting?” Dipper said in his most convincing voice.

“Why would we be fighting? Never!” Robbie quickly agreed.

“Yeah, we actually fell over trying to stop two other guys from fighting each other.” Dipper said slowly, looking at Robbie to make sure he went along with it. Robbie nodded eagerly.

“Cool! It really makes me happy to see my two boys hanging out. I got some unpacking to do. I'll text you guys later.”

Dipper was smiling wider than he had all day. “Did you hear that? She called me one of her two boys!”

“She was looking at me, though.” Robbie said.

Dipper sighed deeply. “Look, Robbie, if we stay at each other's throats, we're both gonna lose Wendy. We need to make a cold war pact.”

Robbie nodded. “Okay. What's that?”

“We need to learn to hate each other, in silence.”

“You mean like, what girls do?” Robbie asked, confused.

“Yeah, exactly! What girls do.”

Robbie nodded and walked away, which prompted Mikey, who along with Mabel had walked into the middle of the conversation, to speak. “You know, in the actual cold war there was a lot of fighting by proxy.”

“Okay?” Dipper said slowly.

Mikey smirked. “So, do you want me to steal his bike or something?” Dipper looked offended at the idea, but nodded eagerly after making sure Wendy and Robbie were really gone.  
**************************************  
Robbie and Dipper were listening to Wendy tell a story at the Mystery Shack, while she brushed out her hair. They did their best to ignore each other as they eagerly agreed with whatever Wendy said. “...So, then I told Thompson, ‘Hey, save some for the rest of us!’” Both boys laughed and nodded along with her. Wendy’s brush hit a snag, causing her to roll her and bend down to pick it up. “Aw, man. Just a sec.” During the brief moment she couldn’t see them, Dibber and Robbie made several non-verbal threats, and were again smiling and nodding by the time Wendy straightened up. “So as I was saying…”

Wendy was cut off as Robbie glanced out the window, and began to freak out. “Wait, Where’d my bike go?!” He ran outside to check and quickly discovered that it was nowhere to be found. “Aw, C’mon man! Not again!” He screamed to no one. Wendy and Dipper laughed a bit to themselves before she went outside to check on her boyfriend.

Mikey casually entered from the back of the house and High-fived Dipper. Dipper laughed some more as he watched Robbie freak out through the window, but the laughter died down as he looked back at Mikey. “Hey, Mikey… what did you do when you were fighting Rumble?” He asked. It had been bothering him since it had happened, it seemed just like what Gideon had been doing, but how could that be possible?

Mikey’s eyes widened at the question. “You, uh, you saw that?” Dipper answered with a nod and an even more confused expression. Mikey nodded slightly. “Could we talk about this upstairs? I should probably tell Mabel too.” He began to walk away and Dipper followed closely behind.


	11. Little Dipper

Dipper and Mabel sat silently as Mikey showed them the stone, and explained how he still had it. Mabel took the information in stride and seemed ready to burst with questions. Dipper, on the other hand, looked almost… offended. “So, you’ve had this since we fought Gideon, and you didn’t tell us‽” He asked sharply.

Mikey was taken back by Dipper’s sudden anger and tried to calm his brother down. “Dipper, it’s not like a lied to you or anything. I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I had no idea what this thing could do. I mean, I didn’t even know if we could use it.” He finished, exasperated by Dipper’s lack of attention.

Mabel spoke before Dipper could in an attempt to defuse the brewing argument. “Could you use it?”

“Yeah, it’s not easy though, and tires me out like nothing else.” Mikey said with a slight nod. “Gideon must have had a lot of practice.”

“Maybe he’s just better at it than you.” Mabel offered sincerely.

Mikey scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I refuse to believe that Gideon is better than me at anything except, maybe, being adorable.”

Dipper stood up suddenly. “Could we get back to what’s important here‽” He snapped at his siblings. “Why didn’t you tell us? Don’t you think that I… we could have helped?”

The sudden verbal assault from Dipper ignited Mikey’s own temper. He stood up to yell at his brother. “That’s not it, I was just looking out for you, Dipper! I was trying to protect you!”

Dipper shook his head and turned away. “Whatever.” He muttered as he walked out of the attic room.  
*********************  
Gideon Gleeful sat in the darkness of his room leafing through an oddly familiar book on his desk. “Zombie attack? Never works, they don't take orders. Blood rain? Ew, mess up my suit, no thank you. Demon Caterpillars?” He read from the book, dismissing each idea as he came to it. After the last one, he slammed the book closed in frustration, revealing the golden, six-fingered hand labeled with a two on its cover. “DRAT! There must be a perfect way to exact vengeance on the Pines family. It's not enough to harm 'em, I need to take something from them. Something that'll give me ultimate power.” With a sudden gasp, he realized what he needed to do. “Of course! It's perfect…” He said with an evil chuckle as he picked up his model of the Mystery Shack.  
*************************************************************  
Dipper had been doing his best to ignore Mikey’s existence since the night before, and so far it had been working out well. Stan hadn’t noticed anything wrong and Mabel had decided to let them work it out for now. Even while they were watching their favorite show, Dipper made sure to sit so that Stan and his chair were between them. 

A knock could be heard on the front door, and Stan stood up to see who it was. “Welcome to a world of mystery!” He said with a wide grin as he opened the door.

A man in a suit stared back at him with a grim expression. “Stan Pines?”

Stan screamed and slammed the door in his face. “The tax collector! You found me!” He ran back inside, grabbed a bag containing his most valuable possessions and began pressing on the stones of the back wall. “Aah... uh... which one of these is the trap door?”

The man walked inside without hesitation and began to speak. “Mister Pines. I'm from the Winninghouse Coupon Savers contest, and YOU ARE OUR BIIIIIIG WINNER!” With that, a camera crew came in, as well two others carrying a large novelty check for ten million dollars.

Stan stared in shock at the check. “Heh? My one and only dream, which was to possess money, has come true!”

“We're rich!” Mikey said excitedly.

Dipper jumped up from the floor just as excited. “I'm gonna get a butler!”

“I'm gonna buy a talking horse!” Mabel chimed in.

“Just sign here for the money.” The man said as he presented a contract and pn to Stan.

“You bet!” He said as he signed.

Laughter could be heard once Stan had finished signing, and its source became apparent as Gideon revealed himself by tearing the giant check in half. “Stanford, you fool! You just signed over the Mystery Shack to lil' ol' me!” 

Stan smirked and crossed his arms, completely unimpressed. “Uh, might wanna take another look there!”

Gideon grabbed the contract and began to read out loud. “The shack is hereby signed over to... SUCK A LEMON LITTLE MAN‽” He screamed in rage. “How dare you! I am not a threat to be taken lightly! Come here hon', I need your arms.” He said to the lawyer. The man picked him up with a completely straight face as they slowly backed out of the house. “I'll get you, Stanford Pines! I'LL GET YOU ALL!”

“Yeesh, what a freak show.” Mikey said as he watched the pair leave.

Stan nodded and sat back down. “Wanna see what else is on TV?” He asked to sounds of agreement.  
*********************************************  
Dipper and Mabel were playing chess in the gift shop while Mikey watched, and Soos manned the register. “Little guy to black space nine!” Mabel said confidently as she moved a piece.

Dipper rolled his eyes. “It's a pawn, that's not your color, and stop stealing the tiny horses!” He snapped at his sister.

Mabel shook her head and looked down at her sweater full of knights. “They like it better in here. Don't you babies?”

Mikey let out a small laugh. “Just let her do what she wants, you’re gonna win anyway.”

Dipper gritted his teeth and tried to ignore Mikey as he finished the game. “And... checkmate!”

“What? Boo!”

Dipper pulled out his notepad and made another mark under his name. “O-oh! Dipper wins again!” He gloated.

Soos spoke up from behind the counter. “Yo, Mabel? Can you pass me that brain in the jar? The lady one?” He said, pointing to the high shelf.

“I got it.” Dipper said as he stood up. 

Soos shook his head. “Thanks, but Mabel's taller.”

“What? No, she's not. We're the same height. We've always been.” Dipper protested.

Mikey stared at Mabel intently. “I don’t know Dipper, I think she might have grown while we weren’t looking.” He didn’t miss the way Dipper’s fists clenched when he spoke, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for Dipper to ignore him.

Soos on the other hand completely missed Dipper’s reaction. “Better check again, dude.” He said. Moments later he had a measuring stick ready. Dipper and Mabel stood back to back and waited for Soos’ verdict. “Yep, she's got exactly one millimeter on you!”

“What‽” Dipper said in complete shock.

“Woah, don't you see what's happening? This millimeter is just the beginning. I'm evolving into the superior sibling! Bigger! Stronger!” Mabel said dramatically.

“Like some kinda alpha-triplet!” Soos agreed.

“Alpha! Alpha!” Mabel chanted as she strutted around the room.

“C'mon, guys, nobody even uses millimeters. It only makes you taller than me in Canada.”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Oh, lay off it Dipstick. It’s not like it matters.”

Mabel decided she was going to have some fun while she could. “Y'know Dipper, I've always wanted a little brother. Who knew I already had one?” She said with a laugh.

Stan wandered into the room rubbing his hands in anticipation. “I was awoken by the sound of mockery. Where is it? Show me the object of ridicule!” He said eagerly.

“I'm taller than Dipper!”

Dipper again tried to protest. “By ONE millimeter.”

Stan wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers though. “Hey, hey, don't get... short with your sister.”

Mabel laughed and pretended to scold Stan. “Now Grunkle Stan, I hope you don't think little of him.” She said to more laughter from Stan and Mikey.

“Ya! And, and uh... he's short!” Stan said, to even more laughter.

Soos looked concerned at Dipper and turned to the others. “Dude, maybe you should lay off a tiny bit.” He said thoughtfully.

Stan started to laugh even harder. “Tiny! Soos is in on it now!” Dipper turned and marched out of the room.

Soos tried to tell him, but Dipper was already gone. “N… no, I didn't mean that.”

“Dipper will forget. He's got a three... two... one…” MAbel counted down with Stan.

“SHORT-TERM MEMORY!” They finished together.

“POW! We are on FIRE!” Mabel said as she high-fived her uncle.

Stan grabbed his hand and tried to shake the feeling back into. “Ow, ooh, that's, aah.” 

Mabel nodded sympathetically. “I high-five hard.”  
*******************************  
Dipper stormed into the attic and made a beeline for the shelf he kept the Journal on. “Ugh! Stupid Mabel! Stupid MIkey! Do they think I’m useless?” He muttered as he strained to reach the Journal. He gave the shelf a frustrated kick when he realized he wasn’t tall enough to reach it. Luckily, that was enough to knock it down. He looked through the pages for something he could use to get back at them. Stopping at a drawing of a massive crystal he began to read. "Legends of miniature buffalo and giant squirrels have led me to believe there are height altering properties hidden deep within the forest." This was perfect, it would let him prove Mabel wrong and get back at Mikey. He immediately left, following the map in the journal.

The crystals were found far deeper into the forest than he had ever been, and the map wasn’t the most well made. He was starting to wonder if it might be best to turn back when the ground dropped out from underneath him. He skid along the slope before he crashed to a stop. Looking up he realized that he saw the same massive crystal that was pictured in the Journal. He watched an eagle no bigger than a butterfly flew by his face in awe. Looking directly in front of he could see a small mountain lion. He watched it warily. “Is that mountain lion tiny or just far away in perspective?” The answer became abundantly clear as the creature pounced and grew in his vision. “PERSPECTIVE! PERSPECTIVE! AAAAAAH!” He screamed. Moments later he felt a small weight latch onto his wrist. Looking down he saw the now tiny animal chewing on his thumb. “It still hurts, but less!” With a laugh. He looked at the crystals wondering exactly how they worked. He watched as a butterfly flew through one of the blue beams of light produced by the crystal and grew so small he could barely see it. Moments later the butterfly entered the pink stream of light and grew so large that it snapped tree branches as it flew through them. Dipper smirked and broke of a small prism of the crystal, he knew just what to do with it.  
****************************  
Back at the Shack, Dipper had attached the prism to a flashlight and rigged so that it could be flipped by focusing the light. He experimented on a pawn he had set in one corner of the room. First, he shrunk the pawn, then switched the crystal, and grew it. “Smaller. Bigger,” he said cheerfully before he heard the sound of wood cracking. “TOO BIG!” he screamed as he looked at the new hole in the roof. Still, he thought he had the hang of it now, and used the flashlight to grow himself for just a fraction of a second. 

Mabel was talking to Soos and Mikey as they waited for customers to start arriving. “I've been buying big clothes; I'll grow into them.”

Dipper walked into the room and strutted to the center. “Hey guys, notice anything different about me?”

Soos immediately realized what was happening and looked at Dipper in awe. “Holy hotsauce! You've grown an extra millimeter!”

“Wh… wh… what?” Mabel asked, shocked.

“What can I say, sis? Growth spurt.” Dipper said cockily.

Mabel glared at Dipper. “Yeah, mine happened first. I'm gonna be taller in the end. It's science, Dipper.” She said. 

“What? But we're the same height now.” Dipper said, not sure how this hadn’t worked like he thought it would.

“Alpha! Alpha!” Mabel chanted as she walked away, ignoring Dipper.

Dipper glared and walked away. “Oh yeah? Something tells me I've got another growth spurt comin' on right now.” He said pointedly to both of his siblings.

Dipper walked into the room and used the flashlight on himself again, stopping when he heard the door slam open behind him. “Give it up, Dipper! What happened?” Mabel asked, staring up into Dipper’s face for the first time in her life. Mikey followed her in quietly.

“Y'know, puberty and stuff.” Dipper said as he hid the flashlight behind his back.

Mabel looked around the room, confused. “It doesn't make any sense. Just a second ago you were... WAIT A MINUTE! This is some kinda magicky thing. Isn't it? Was it a wizard or something? There's a wizard in this closet, isn't there? ISN'T THERE?” She said as she stared into Dipper’s eyes.

Dipper was now honestly confused. “What? No!”

Mabel scoffed at his denial. “You're telling me that there is not a wizard in this closet. You're telling me that if I open this door right now…”

“Fine! Open it!”

Mabel threw open the door to reveal an empty closet. She did not see that, however.“An invisible wizard! REALLY, Dipper?”

Mikey sighed exasperatedly. “Dipper, what did you do?”

Dipper smirked at his brother and crossed his arms smugly. “Not so nice being kept in the dark, is it?”

“Dipper, what are you talking about?” Mikey asked, equal parts annoyed and confused.

Mabel was still searching the closet. “Does it only respond to incantations?” She asked Dipper. She continued talking before he could answer. “Expecto wizarium! Wizle! Wizar…”

“It's not a wizard! I grew myself using this magic flashlight!” Dipper snapped, revealing the flashlight.

Mikey was about to ask a question but was interrupted as Mabel jumped at Dipper. “Lemme see that thing!” She yelled. Dipper dodged her and pushed Mikey too the side before running out of the room chased by his siblings. Mabel stopped by the open closet to warn it off. “I'll be back for you later.”  
************************************************  
Meanwhile, Stan’s TV time was interrupted by a knock at the door. Shuffling to the door he opened it, to see Gideon standing in the doorway holding a jar full of bugs. “Oy, you.” Stan said exasperatedly.

Gideon smiled widely. “Oh, howdy Stanford! Listen closely.” He said as he caressed the jar. “Inside this jar, I have 1000 Cursed Egyptian super termites. Hand over the deed to your property or I'll smash this jar with a bat, and they'll devour this shack with you inside!”

Stan looked unimpressed. “Hey, what's that?” He asked and pointed outside.

Gideon turned for a split second, but that was enough time for Stan to open the jar and kick the kid off the porch. “Oh, no! Aaaah! Get it off!” Gideon screamed as he rolled on the ground.

Stan laughed at the scene. “Hey, Soos, get in here! I wanna take pictures of this!”

Gideon stood up and shook his fist at the Shack.“Y'all may have won this battle, but mark my words, Stanford! Your family has a weak spot, and I'm gonna find it!”

The trio of kids raced pst Stan and out the front door, where they continued to fight for the flashlight. In all the punching and kicking the flashlight was knocked out of Dipper’s hands. The light shone on a caterpillar, which grew rapidly, and crushed a car as it went. Mikey and Mabel stared in awe while Dipper grabbed the flashlight. Mabel reached out to stop him, but he turned the light on her hand, growing it to the point that she couldn't pick it up. She stared in horror. “It's okay. It can shrink things too.” he said as he switched the light and shrunk her hand back to normal size.

“Normal hand karate chop!” Mabel attacked while Dipper stood there waiting for a thank you.

“Hey!” Dipper screamed as he tried to snatch it back. Mikey moved to help, just so no one got hurt while they were messing with the flashlight. As they tried to grab it the flashlight switched hands several times, resulting in swollen and shrunken heads and other body parts all around. Finally, all their parts were back to normal, and they each grabbed for the flashlight, causing it to fly into the air, and in front of Gideon.

He was still ranting to himself as he stormed across the parking lot. “Curse the Pines family! Curse Stan! Curse Dipper! Curse…” He stopped as the light clattered to the ground in front of him. He picked it up with interest. “My, my, what delightful manner of a doohickey is this?”

The triplets stared, trying to think of a way to get it back. “Maybe he didn't see us use it and doesn't know it's a magic flashlight that can grow and shrink things.” Mabel stage whispered to her brothers. Mikey face-palmed.

“Really?” Dipper asked, as he gestured to Gideon, who was literally two feet in front of them.

“Flick, boop, woo hoo hoo.” Gideon said as he tested the flashlight, getting an evil smirk as he did so.

The three screamed as he turned the flashlight on them. “No no no!” Gideon picked the trio up and placed them in the now empty jar.

The trio waited for several minutes in the swaying jar. Eventually, they heard from outside the jar a crowd gathering. “Friends, I wish I was a highway so I could have the honor of being rode upon by automobiles as fine as these ones right here. Engine possum at no extra charge.” Bud gleeful said to the group of people at his car lot.

“I want that there car!” One man screamed, prompting a flurry of offers.

Bud called out to his son as he passed. “Ay there son, what's in your jar?”

Gideon turned around and assumed his stage persona. “That's my widdle secret!” He told the crowd, which devolved into coos about his sweetness.

GIdeon turned back around and muttered to himself.“Mouth-breathin' fools... “ He greeted his mother, a gray-haired woman that spent most of her life vacuuming. Gideon slammed the door to his room closed and poured the shrunken children onto his desk. “You three!” He said threateningly as he looked down on them.

“What are you going to do with us?” Mabel asked nervously.

Gideon smiled at her sweetly. “Why Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair on your itty-bitty head... if you agree to be my queen!”

That thought strengthened Mabel’s resolve. “We live in a democracy! And never!”

“Maybe you'll change your mind after THIS!” Gideon said as he reached down to pick her up.

“No! I will fight you until the day I…” Mabel protested, stopping as she was placed into a bag of gummy koalas. She began to dig in.

Mikey stepped forward and tried to pick a fight with Gideon. “Hey, leave her alone!” He said, daring Gideon to do something with his glare.

Gideon barely noticed as he brushed him to the side. “Oh, poor, foolish Michael. I’ll deal with you later.” He turned to Dipper. “As for you, boy... Tell me. How exactly did you come upon this magic item? Hmm? Did somebody tell you about it? Did you... READ about it somewhere?” He asked pointedly.

Dipper nervously glanced at the Journal that was still in his jacket. In the same glance, he saw the air horn that was on its side next to him. He had an idea. “Lean closer and I'll tell you!”

“Well don't mind if I…” Gideon did so gladly and then reared back in pain as Dipper set the air horn off directly in his ear. At the same time, Mikey had launched onto Gideon’s hand and had managed to pry the flashlight out of his hands and onto the table. Unfortunately, Mikey was flicked back onto the table before Dipper could make his way to the light. “I COULD SQUASH YOU RIGHT NOW!” Gideon screamed at the boys. He took a deep breath and looked into his mirror. “Steel yourself, Gideon. You can use them. You can use them…”  
********************************************************  
At the Shack, Stan was busy setting up his newest attraction. “Soos! This maze of mirrors is your best idea that I'm taken credit for yet. We're gonna make a fortune!” He took off his fez and looked into one of the mirrors. “Have my ears always been this big?” He asked himself as he looked into the mirror. I phone ringing interrupted his self-inspection. “I'm comin'!”

Soos carefully approached the table Stan had placed the fez and reverently put it on his own head. He looked into the mirror and admired the view. “One day!”

Stan picked the phone up and didn't have time to speak before the other side started. “Stanford Pines, listen to me very closely. I have your niece and nephews. Hand over the deed to the Mystery Shack right now, or great harm will befall them! This is Gideon, by the way.” The voice on the other end said threateningly.

Stan chuckled at how badly planned this attempt was. “Oh yeah, this has gotta be your worst plot yet. They're fine. I saw them playing in the yard minutes ago.”

Gideon was taken aback by Stan’s nonchalance. “I have them in my possession! You don't believe me? I will text you a photo!” He said angrily.

"Text me a photo? Now you're not even speakin' English!” Stan said before he hung up the phone and walked back into the maze.

“Hello? Hello?” Gideon slammed the phone down when he realized Stan had hung up. “Wait. What am I doing? I don't need ransom! I have THIS! I'll shrink Stan and take the Shack for myself!” He turned to the triplets. “You'll be helpless to stop me. And if you step out of line, SMASH!” He said as he crushed his models of the family.

“Gideon! The ice cream truck is here!” Bud called from the living room.

“Oh! Coming!” Gideon said excitedly. Before he left he placed a guinea pig on the table with the kids. “Guard them, Cheekums.” He said seriously before he ran out of the room.

“We've gotta get out of here and save Stan!” Dipper said urgently.

Mabel nodded her agreement. “I know!” She placed the remainder of her gummy koala into the front pouch of her sweater. “I will see you later.”

Mabel claimed out of the bag and Dipper began to plan. “Okay, how are we going to do this. Gideon's got magic and, like, a zillion inches on us. On the bright side, at least we're finally the same height again.” He told Mabel.

“I don't know…” Mikey said as he looked at them critically.

Within moments a ruler had been stood on end for the siblings to measure against. “You're still taller? Arrgh! How did this happen?” Dipper asked frustrated.

“I guess it's another mystery.” Mabel said with another shrug

“Just another reason we've gotta get that flashlight back.” Dipper said determinedly. 

Mabel claimed on top of the guinea pig and tried to spur into action. “Cheekums, to freedom! To freedom! Oh, you're just a big old dummy-dumb!” She said as she lay on top of the animal's back.

Dipper looked around at the items on the desk. His eye rested on a comb that had hairs the size of rope stuck in it.“Hmm… maybe we could…” He started to say but was interrupted by Mikey.

“Mabel, do you have your grappling hook?” He asked his sister as he looked at the ground below them.

“Always!” Mabel said as she pulled the tool out of her sweater. Dipper glared at the two of them as they fixed the hook to the table. He grudgingly joined them as they began to slowly lower themselves to the ground. Crossing the floor was like a massive undertaking, they were just glad it wasn’t carpet. Several minutes later they had arrived at the door to the living room.

Gideon sat in his father’s lap as he was spoon fed ice cream. “Clean me!” He snapped at his father, who wiped his mouth clean with a napkin. He then spoke to his father in a much softer tone. “Father, could you give widdle old me a ride to the Mystery Shack?”

“Oh, I'd love to, sugar pot, but I have a heck of a lot of cars to sell, I do! I do!” Bud said as he began to tickle Gideon.

Gideon fell into uncontrollable gales of laughter, and then he began to panic and slapped his father’s hands away. “No, no, NO, DON'T TICKLE MEEEE! NO! NEVER! Never tickle me! What have I told you? What have I told, look at me, what have I told you‽” He asked his dad, clearly furious.

“Ticklin' is no laughing matter.” Bud said with a remorseful tone.

“There we go.” Gideon said with a stern nod.

Bud turned to his son hopefully. “Do you still need a ride?”

Gideon stood up and walked away. “I'll just take the BUS!” He screamed as he slammed the door closed.

“Precious memories.” Bud said wistfully.

Gideon’s mom continued to vacuum behind the couch, muttering the whole time. “Just keep vacuuming. Just keep vacuuming…”

Dipper began to run across the room.“Come on! We need to get higher.” He said.

Mabel nodded “Yeah, especially you, 'cause you're short.” she said with a slight chuckle.

Mikey shook his head as they squeezed underneath the door. “Mabel!” He warned, now was not the time. A quick glance around told him there was only one way to go. “Up there.” He said, pointing to the dollar sign balloon that floated above the lot. The three quickly located a rope that was attached low enough that they could reach it and began to climb. As small as they were, the ropes were no harder to climb than a normal ramp.

The three looked out and saw Gideon sitting next to Lazy Susan at the bus stop. A bus approached and Gideon climbed aboard while they watched. “He's heading to shrink Stan!” Dipper said worriedly.

Mabel sat down sadly and patted the balloon. “Oh flying discount dollar, if only you could fly us back to the Mystery Shack.” she said wistfully.

“Maybe it can.” Dipper said thoughtfully as he pulled out a multi-tool and began to cut away the ropes. Mikey joined him with his own knife and within moments the balloon was loose and flying over the road.

The trio rapidly got the hang of using their weight to steer the balloon and began to look for the bus. “Down there!” Mabel said, causing her brothers to push the balloon over the bus.

They fell farther and farther behind, but still managed to land the balloon on top of the totem pole by the time the bus pulled away. “We're just in time, but how are we going to stop him?” Dipper asked his siblings, hoping they had an idea.

“Leave that to Mabel.” She said as she saw a wire that lead to the Mystery Shack. As Gideon began his approach, Mabel used her sweater to zipline above him

“I'm comin' for ya, Stanford!” Gideon called out gleefully.

Mabel dropped the half a gummy koala she still had into his hair. “I'm sorry, gummy friend.”

Dipper and Mikey, who had already moved across to the Shack, comforted her. “It's for the greater good.” 

Gideon began pulling at his hair in disgust. “Ugh! One of those infernal Gummy Koalas has gotten into my perfect hair. I can't defeat Stan looking like this.” He dropped the flashlight onto the ground and began to groom himself in a mirror that had been left outside. The triplets slid down a post and rushed to the light.

Mabel said as she climbed on top. “Quick, get in front and I'll re-grow you.”

Dipper nodded and switched the crystal to face the right way. “Okay. Wait, you're gonna grow us back to the same height, right?”

“Now is not the time for this!” Mikey yelled at his brother.

“Oh right, cause I just don’t matter at all, do I?”

Mikey stared at Dipper, shocked by the sudden anger. “What is your problem? You've been acting weird all day!”

“Oh, I'm acting weird? You two have been picking on me all day!” Dipper said angrily.

Mabel couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Oh, what? You mean like calling you little…”

Dipper stopped her. “Don't say it!”

Mabel was about to finish, but someone beat her to it. “Little Dipper.” Gideon said as he picked the siblings up. “I dare say you would have defeated me if it wasn't for your sibling bickering!” He picked up the flashlight and kicked the door in. “The Shack is mine, Stanford Pines!” He said, laughing maniacally as he shrunk the man in the fez down.

“Noooo!”

“Well, well, Stanford it appears I finally got the best of…”Gideon said as he approached. He picked the fez up off the ground and prepared to savor the expression on Stan’s face. “What‽” He asked as he stared at the shrunken Soos.”

“Alright, something's definitely different here…” Soos said as he looked around in confusion.

Gideon snatched the four of them up and dropped them into the jar, shaking it around before he confronted them. “Tell me where Stan is!”

Soos stood up bravely“Never! you'll never find Stan: on the second door to the left down the hall.” He kept his serious expression for a few seconds before he processed what he had said. “Wait, why did I say that?” he asked, clearly deeply confused.

“Oh Stanford, I'm coming for ya!” Gideon said giddily.

“I guess I kinda Soosed that one up, didn't I?” Soos said as he sat down next to the kids.

Dipper sighed. “It's not your fault, Soos, I'm the guy who put together that shrinking device.” He turned to his siblings, remorsefully. “I’m sorry guys, It’s just. You didn’t tell me about that amulet until I forced you too…” He trailed off.

Mikey was quick to reassure him. “Hey, Dipper, you know I didn’t mean it like that right? I was just trying to look out for you.”

“I know, but then Mabel started making fun of me for being short, and I just felt kind of useless. Like you guys didn’t need me anymore.”

Mabel looked down guiltily. “I’m sorry about making fun of you. I guess it's that, you're better than me at like everything, and you always rub it in my face... Chess, checkers, ping pong. I guess I finally felt like I was winning at something for once.”

Dipper looked at Mabel in surprise, he hadn’t meant to rub it in her face, but now that he thought about keeping a tally didn't seem very nice. “Oh man, now I feel like a big jerk.”

“Don't you mean a little jerk?” Mabel said with a small smile.

Dipper laughed along with her. “Alright, I walked into that one. Are we cool?”

“We're cool.” Mabel and Mikey said together.

“Am I cool?” Soos asked the siblings.

“You're cool, Soos.” Mabel assured him.

“Way cool.” Mikey agreed/

“Yes!” Soos said as he pumped his fist.

The three stopped talking as they heard Gideon begin to speak. “Stanford!” He called out as he stepped into the room that contained the mirror maze.

A reflection of Stan faced Gideon directly. “Oh hi, Gideon, I've been looking for someone to try out my new mirror maze, then again, you're an idiot. That's the end of the sentence.” Stan said before he laughed and ran deeper into the maze.

“You come back here!” Gideon yelled.

“Try and find me, twerp!”

The ones trapped in the jar were stacked on top of each other and strained to get the lid off. With one last mighty push the lid popped off and they climbed out. “Let's get back that flashlight before Gideon gets Stan.” Dipper said.

“There it is!” Mikey said as they climbed out of the pocket.

Mabel was entranced as she saw his snow-white hair. “Woah! His hair's so shiny!” 

“No! Don't look directly at it!” Dipper said as he pulled her away.

Soos climbed onto Gideon’s neck and laid down in the fat. “His neck is really squishy! Hey look, I'm making fat angels.” He said as he waved his arms and legs.

“Ew! Termites!” Gideon yelled and swatted at his neck, knocking Soos off.

“Tell my storyyyyy!” Soos yelled as he fell. Luckily, he landed in a shag carpet which slowed him enough that he wasn’t hurt. Even better for him, he landed next to a chip he had dropped earlier. “Hey, there you are! Thought you could get away from me, eh corn chip?” He said as he took a bite.

Gideon was becoming increasingly frustrated as he chased reflections of Stan. “NO!” He yelled as he brought the light down against one of the mirrors, smashing it.

Stan yelled. “Hey! Watch the merchandise!” Gideon ignored him and smashed every mirror he could reach. Stan stepped out and confronted Gideon angrily. “You little troll! Those mirrors cost me ten, I mean twenty-five, five-hundred. Five-hundred dollars each, and you're paying for all of 'em!”

Gideon giggled at Stan. “Oh, contraire. It will be you who pays!”

“Grunkle Stan is doomed!” Mabel said.

“Not completely doomed! To his armpit!” Dipper said as he dived underneath Gideon’s shirt.

Mabel shook her head and set her feet, but was dragged along by Mikey. “Come on, do it for Stan!”

Gideon held the light up and threatened Stan with it. “Woah! What is that thing‽” Stan asked as he backed away from the glowing crystal warily.

Gideon began to rant. “Finally after all these years, after every humiliation! Your business, your family, everything will finally be mine! You have no one to protect you now! Prepare for the wrath of Gideon Glee... Gideon Glee…” He finally couldn’t continue as the laughter overtook him, almost bringing him to his knees.

“Eh. I don't even know how to respond to this.” Stan said as he looked uncomfortably at the collapsed Gideon.

“No! No! stop it!” Gideon screamed at whatever was tickling him.

Stan began to carefully push Gideon out of the room with his foot. “Look um, kid. I think this rivalry thing is getting to you. Ha, I understand. I mean, I'm a formidable foe, what can I say.” He took Gideon’s silence to mean he had accepted defeat. “Hey now, come on, you'll get me one of these days. Maybe, you know, run your evil plan by some friends next time. Workshop it, but first get your issues in order there.” He stopped talking as they reached the gift shop. “Up over the carpet, there we go, around the end table, and out the door.” He kicked the plump boy and he rolled off the porch and onto the ground. The kids ran on top of him and jumped off just as they reached the shop, which also happened to be where Gideon lost his grip on the light.

“My light!” Gideon screamed as he realized he no longer had it.

“You're the light of my life too, pal. Whoa, freak show.” Stan said as he slammed the door. He walked back into the mirror maze to take stock of the damage.

“After you.” Dipper told his siblings.

Mabel waved him off. “It's okay, you can go first if you want to. Woah!” SHe said as she shot up in height. Mikey and Dipper soon followed her. “Hey, you let me keep my extra millimeter!” She said as she looked, very slightly, down at her brother.

“You earned it.” Dipper said with a shrug.

“Awww! Thanks! Little brother!”

“Stop it.” He said seriously.

Mabel picked the flashlight up and considered it carefully. “Well, I guess we should destroy this thing. You know, so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands and junk.”

Mikey spoke up before she could take off the crystal. “Are you sure you don’t want to hold on to it? It could be really useful, besides don’t you want to know how it works?”

“Well…” Dipper said slowly.

A yell from below them interrupted him. “There you dudes are! I've been trying to get your attention.” Soos said, pointing to glass that had been arranged to spell “HELP SOOS.”

Mikey nodded, pleased. “It’s a sign.”

“Fine.” Dipper said as he grew Soos back up to normal size.  
************************  
At the Gleeful residence, Bud was trying to comfort Gideon. “Ah, son; don't you mind that Stanford Pines. You'll get your revenge one of these days.”

Gideon shook his head, enraged. “Nooo! It's not just about revenge. I want that shack, the physical. Buildin'.”

“But why?” Bud asked.

“Because it holds a secret you couldn't possibly imagine.” Gideon said menacingly.

The effect was ruined when Bud held up a spoon. “Sweetie, you want some ice cream?”

“Did you pick out all the nuts?” Gideon asked. When Bud nodded he quickly agreed.  
********************************************************  
Mikey sat underneath the shadow of the tall walls for several minutes. He enjoyed breaking into places like this because it always offered a challenge, but waiting for sleeping pills to go to work on guard dogs was definitely his least favorite part. Once he was satisfied he had waited long enough, he carefully scaled the vines that grew on the walls and slipped over, he kept low, even though he knew there was no security and was pleased to note that two dogs were dozing peacefully several yards away. He made his way across the lawn and then launched a stone against a very specific window. He could see blond hair peek out of the window, and yelled up. “Pacifica!”

The blond hair quickly became a face that was even more confused than before. “Mikey? What are you doing?” She asked him.

“Just a second, move away from the window.” He called back as he raised the grappling hook that he had borrowed from Mabel. The hook latched on, and he quickly hauled himself up.

Pacifica was waiting with her arms crossed. “What are you doing?” She asked again.

Mikey offered her a slight smirk. “I did say we would do something soon, right? Well, here I am!” He said as he wound the cord back into the hook. “This also happens to be one of those things that’s kind of hard to explain.”

That was good enough for Pacifica, she didn’t have anything else to do tonight.“So, what are we doing?”

“Do you have a bike?” Mikey asked instead of answering.

“Yeah…” Pacifica said slowly.

“Grab it and let’s go,” Mikey said as he flopped down onto her bed.

Pacifica frowned and sat down next to him. “That might be harder than it sounds…” She said. She quickly explained that most of her larger things were kept locked in a separate garage, and she didn’t have the key. Mikey told her that as long as it wasn’t electronic it shouldn't be a problem. She raised her eyebrow, but accepted and walked into the hallway, gesturing for him to follow.

“What about your parents?” He asked as they walked. He didn’t really care, but he doubted that Pacifica wanted to be caught with him after he broke into their house.

“They’re out of town. It’s just the servants and me right now, and they don’t care what I do.” She said with a shrug. They continued to walk in silence, passing no one on the way. When they reached the door to Pacifica’s garage, Mikey was pleasantly surprised by the difficulty of the lock, it wasn’t often he had to break out the actual picks. Moments later the door was open, and Mikey mockingly bowed Pacifica in.

She seemed to look at him in a different light. “I’m impressed.” She said, her question clearly implied.

“When I was younger I was really into magic, I was pretty good at it too. That’s where most of this comes from, the scams, pickpocketing, lockpicking, it’s all from like two years of wanting to be a magician.” Mikey explained as he walked with Pacifica to her bike.

Mikey led her outside to his own bike, and then they were off. “I need to meet someone before we get to the fun part.” He explained as he turned down a residential street. They continued to bike for several minutes before they saw a younger kid standing on the side of the street holding a box under his arm. “Hey, Gorny.” Mikey said as he skidded to a stop in front of him.

“Hello Mr. Pines!” The boy said eagerly as he rushed to meet him.

Mikey smiled at the child’s enthusiasm. “Did you get what I needed?”

“Yes suh!” Gorny said as he proudly presented the box.

Mikey smiled at the boy as he took the box. “Good job.” He opened the lid making sure everything was in there. “You sure they didn’t notice?” He asked. Gorny nodded frantically with the most serious face Mikey had ever seen the boy make. He ruffled Gorny’s hair and then pushed off on his bike.

“Bye Mr. Pines!”

Pacifica pulled up next to him and asked with a smirk, “Mr. Pines?”

Mikey shrugged, though a slight blush could be seen in the low light. “He works for me sometimes. He’s a good kid.” Pacifica smiled at his apparent embarrassment and fell back behind him as they rode. Eventually, Mikey had them park their bikes behind a row of hedges in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. Pacifica was about to ask when Mikey held some of the branches apart and motioned for her to walk through she did and found herself in a shadowed corner of a backyard. Mikey followed shortly. “This is Gideon Gleeful’s house.” He said in a whisper as an explanation.

Pacifica’s face scrunched up as though she were trying to remember something. “That sounds familiar.”

“He’s the towns ‘psychic’ and he’s been after Dipper, Mabel and I all summer. Today he went a little too far, so we,” Mikey said, gesturing to the two of them. “are gonna teach him a lesson.” Pacifica raised her eyebrows and watched silently as Mikey pulled a rock out of his pocket, and threw it through the back window.

Moments later a high pitched scream could be heard. “Daddy, get the car!” and seconds after that the squealing of tires.

Pacifica stared at Mikey with wide eyes. “What was that?”

Mikey shrugged and answered with a slight smirk. “It was a note that said that I set his merchandise on fire. It’s stored in that factory on top of the hill, which means we have plenty of time to do our jobs.” Pacifica stared at Mikey with an open mouth as she followed through the hedge and back onto the bikes. She followed him in silence still processing what was happening. Suddenly he stopped in front of her, and she had to jerk her handles to avoid hitting him. Now they really were nowhere. The closest building was several blocks away, and they stood in the middle of an asphalt parking lot. “This is where he does his shows.” Mikey said as he pointed to the large tent set up in the middle.

“What are we doing here?” Pacifica asked, she was starting to understand Mikey’s excitement, but she was still worried about getting caught.

Mikey smiled at her as he opened the box, revealing a pack of matches and two cans of lighter fluid. “We are actually going to light this one up.” He said as he handed her one of the cans and walked into the tent.

Pacifica hurried in behind him and tried to get a better explanation. “Why are we doing this, again?

Mikey paused in his pouring and seemed to think for a few seconds. “Well… Gideon deserves it? I don’t think we need much more reason than that.” He said with a shrug. “Besides, isn’t this exciting?”

Pacifica couldn’t deny that this was probably the most exciting thing she had done, ever. She returned Mikey’s encouraging smile and started to pour out her own fuel. The two cans were enough to go around the tent once, and once they had finished the two of them walked out again. Mikey struck one of the matches and then offered it to Pacifica. “Would you like to do the honors?” Pacifica took the match but hesitated before making the throw. “If it helps any, Gideon burned my stuff down first.” He said with a small smile. Pacifica returned it and threw the match onto the soaked lower material of the tent. The flames quickly grew, climbing upward and following the trail of lighter fluid.

Mikey held his hand up and Pacifica eagerly gave him a high-five, now fully invested. The two raced for the bikes and rode away just in time to hear sirens starting to approach from behind them. They pedaled harder, Pacifica following as Mikey turned just in time to avoid actually being seen by the police. Suddenly, Mikey turned hard into an alley and dropped his bike, Pacifica copied him as he stashed the bike behind a small shed and hid within some overgrown hedges.

The sound of crunching gravel came from just outside the alley, and then doors opening and slamming closed. The two kids held their breath as two pairs of boots walked down the alley not two feet in front of them. One of them began to speak. “Well, it looks like we lost ‘em.” Blubs said as he turned to walk back to the squad car.

“Why would someone do this to Lil’ Gideon?” Durland asked, clearly upset.

Blubbs pat him gently on the back. “I don’t know, buddy. Come on, let’s go to the station and see if we can get you some ice cream.” Then, as quickly as they had come, the sheriff and his deputy were gone.

Pacifica was the first one to start laughing, it was a combination of relief and excitement, and it proved to be infectious. Soon, both Mikey and Pacifica were doubled over from laughing. They climbed out of the plants and grabbed their bikes. Pacifica turned to him with a wide smile. “So, you do this often.”

“Well, actually this is my first fire, but things like this yeah. Breaking and entering, pickpocketing, it’s all just as fun.” Mikey said. They both climbed onto their bikes and began to ride away. 

Pacifica continued to ride next to him and asked another question. “So are we doing anything else tonight?”

“I guess not. We could ride around for a while if you wanted to?” Mikey said with a shrug, looking to her for a decision.

“I think I’d like that.” Pacifica said with a small smile.


	12. Summerween

Today had started off much earlier than the Pines children were used to. Stan had barged into the attic at seven and began working furiously to get them dressed and out the door. The kids went along with it without asking too many questions, mainly because Stan seemed excited more than anything else, and within fifteen minutes the whole Pines clan, including Soos, were pulling out of the Mystery Shack parking lot. The triplets sat quietly in the back while they tried to really wake up. Stan swerved wildly off the road and came to a sudden stop throwing the kids against their seatbelts. “Here we are, the Summerween Superstore!” Stan with a wide smile as he looked at the small store he had parked in front of.

The three climbed out of the car and nodded in understanding until Dipper processed what Stan said. “Wait, Summer-what?” He asked in confusion.

Stan nodded eagerly. “Summerween! The people of this town love Halloween so much, they celebrate it twice a year. And wouldn't you know it, it's today!” Stan explained as he pulled a calendar out of his pocket and showed them the circled date.

Dipper studied the calendar, and then looked at Stan quizzically. “Do you always carry that calendar in your pocket?”

“Yes.” Stan said awkwardly as he put the calendar back.

“Summerween? Something about this feels unnatural.” Mabel complained as she stared at the store nervously.

Mikey nodded his agreement. “Yeah, I’m not too sure about this.”

Soos used the one argument he knew would work. “There's free candy!”

The siblings glanced at each other and seemed to consider this for a moment before they ran straight for the store with Stan and Soos close behind. “TO THE COSTUME AISLE!” They screamed as they ran in and Soos began playing with a talking skull decoration.

He pressed the head down and listened for the joke. “I'd lend you a hand... but I don't seem to have any!”

Soos laughed at the skull and moved to press it again. “This guy tells it like it is.”

The only employee currently in the store approached Soos seriously. “Sir, could you please stop pushing that?”

Soos nodded. “Ma'am, make these heads less hilarious, and you got yourself a deal.” He said as he pressed the head again. The worker sighed and turned to walk back to the checkout counter.

Stan picked a barrel of fake blood as he looked around for other supplies he’d need. “When the children come to my door tonight, they're gonna run away screaming from Stan Pines, Master of Fright!” He said with a laugh. Seeing a baby in a stroller, he decided to get some practice in for tonight. “Boo.” he said as he leaned into the baby’s face. As it began crying, he laughed until he felt something sticky begin to pour out of the barrel he was holding. “Uh-oh. Think this one's leaking!” he said as he held it out from his body. The triplets didn’t notice as the ran around the store in a shopping cart, crashing into various displays.

The employee picked up the phone and said loudly and clearly, “Have the police come and eject the Pines family from the store.”

Stan grabbed a smoke bomb out of his pocket and threw it to the ground, obscuring the family as they ran away with their supplies. “NOT TODAY!”

“MY EYES!” The worker screamed as she tried to close them against the smoke.

The Pines continued to run for the car carrying their things. “You paid for the stuff, right?” Mabel asked her grunkle.

“Of course!” He said with a serious nod.

Mikey chimed in as they started to pack the car. “With Stan Bucks!” Mabel sighed and gave Stan and her brother a small glare, but didn’t protest as they climbed into the car.

“Let's move!” Stan said as he threw the car into reverse and sped away, crashing into a massive inflatable decoration as he did.  
*****************************************  
Later that night the Shack had been fully decorated for the night, and the triplets were ready to get into their costumes. “I'm so excited!” Mabel said as she looked outside at the younger kids that had already begun trick-or-treating.

Dipper nodded his agreement. “We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy…”

“And have the biggest stomachaches ever!” Mikey finished with a wide smile.

“Yeah!” Dipper and Mabel agreed.

Soos, who was already dressed as a Lucha Libre with cape, noticed their excitement. “Dude, I've never seen you guys so pumped.”

“Well, back at home, Dipper, Mikey, and I were kind of the kings of trick-or-treating. Triplets in costumes, the people eat it up.” Mabel explained as she held up a scrapbook that held their Halloween pictures.

Mikey nodded his agreement. “Twins have nothing on us.”

Soos nodded. “Well, you dudes better be careful out there. It's a night of ghouls and goblins. Not to mention…” He paused dramatically and turned the lights off before shining a flashlight into his face. “the Summerween Trickster!”

“The Summer-what-what?” Mabel asked.

“The Trickster goes door to door, so the legend goes, eating children who lack the Summerween spirit.” Soos explained.

“Well, you don't have to worry about us. We've got spirit to go around.” Dipper said as he took a piece of candy out of the bowl and popped it in his mouth. He quickly spit it out in disgust. “What is this stuff? I've never even heard of these brands.” He said as he began showing off the candy. “Sand Pop? Gummy chairs? Mr. Adequate-Bar?”

Mabel was just as upset as Dipper. “This is all cheap-o loser candy!” 

“Quiet your discontent, children, lest the Trickster overhear.” Soos warned.

Dipper rolled his eyes at him. “Your cape is caught in your fly, Soos.”

“Touche…”

“Goodbye loser candy!” Dipper said as he poured it out of the window. The doorbell rang before he finished, and he stopped to see what to do.

“Trick-or-treaters. Quick! Give'em that terrible candy.” Stan called from deeper in the house.

Dipper carried the bowl to the door and opened it with a smile. “Happy Summerw…” he stopped with a small scream when he saw that it was Robbie and Wendy at the door.

“'Sup, squirt.” Robbie said dismissively.

“Hey Dipper!”Wendy said with a happy smile and a wave.

“Wendy! Wha… what's up, guys?” Dipper rambled nervously.

“I left my jacket here. Again.” Wendy said with an eye roll.

Robbie glared at Dipper as Wendy grabbed her jacket. “What's with the candy? You goin' trick-or-treating or something?”

“Well actually I, uh…” Dipper stuttered as he tried to think of a good answer.

“Shut up, Robbie, of course, he's not going trick-or-treating.” Wendy said as she punched her boyfriend playfully.

Dipper nodded and laughed nervously.“No! Uh, yeah. Trick-or-treating is for babies. I guess.”

“You should come to this party with us.” Wendy said with a smile. “Tambry's parents are out of town, and it's gonna be OFF THE CHAIN.”

“Not surprised you didn't hear about it.” Robbie muttered as he walked Wendy out the door.

“Hey guys, wait! Maybe I'll see you at the party.” Dipper said as they began to leave.

Robbie rolled his eyes at the idea of Dipper at a party. “If you're not too busy playing dress up.”

“It's at 9! Don't forget!” Wendy said, ignoring Robbie.

Dipper waved as they left, but once they had gone a look of concern covered his face. “How am I gonna tell them?”

Mabel and Mikey heard the doorbell ring and raced downstairs to greet Mabel’s friends in their matching costumes, paper, and scissors with Dipper being the rock. Stan entered the room shortly after and was quickly introduced. “Grunkle Stan, these are my best friends, Candy and Grenda.” She said, pointing at the girls that were dressed as a piece of candy and a witch, respectively.

“I am so sweet I could eat myself.” Candy said with a slight giggle as she looked up at Stan in his vampire costume.

Grenda waved and said in her deep, raspy voice. “Hello, Mr. Pines!”

Stan blinked, taken aback by the sound of her voice. “You got a cold, honey? Something wrong with your voice there?” He asked, slightly concerned. Mikey winced slightly at the insensitive question.

Grenda’s face almost instantly changed to one of worry. “What do you mean? Why would you say that?”

Stan realizing his mistake, backed out of the room without answering.

After he had left the girls turned back to the siblings. “Is Waddles coming with us?” Candy asked with a smile, she loved that pig almost as much as Mabel.

Mabel’s grin grew even wider as Waddles walked into the room, wearing the business suit Mabel had made for him. “I wish he could, but he has some very important meetings to attend!” she said as she picked up her pig. “File these documents under 'I', for ‘I have a curly tail!’” She said, causing her and her friends to burst into giggles.

Mikey smiled at the girls’ laughter, and he couldn’t wait for them to see the three of them together. “If you think that’s good, wait until you see Dipper’s costume, Mabel really outdid herself this time.”

Mabel smiled at Mikey’s compliment and then ran to the foot of the stairs as she heard footsteps coming down. “Here he comes now!” She told the others.

When they saw Dipper walking down the stairs, Mabel and Mikey deflated and Candy nodded, impressed. “That is a very good Dipper costume.” She said, and it was impossible to tell if she was being serious.

Mabel confronted him as he reached the bottom of the stairs. “What the hey-hey bro-bro, where's your costume?” Mikey said nothing but stared at him in honest confusion.

Dipper scratched the back of his head nervously and quickly thought of an excuse. “Look, I can't go trick-or-treating. I'm... uh, really sick.” He said with a gentle cough. “Must have been that bad candy. Go on without me.” He said dramatically as he dropped to his knees. Mikey looked even more confused and was starting to get a little suspicious, being sick on Halloween had never stopped the Pines triplets before.

Mabel grabbed Dipper by the arms and began to shake him violently. “Fight through it, man! Where's your Summerween spirit?” Before Dipper could answer, there was a knock at the door. He took the opportunity to avoid the question.

On the porch stood a tall and thin man wearing a large coat and a smiley face mask. “Trick-or-treat.” The man said slowly as he opened his bag.

Dipper looked at him incredulously. “Dude, really? You're a little old for this, man. Sorry.” He said as he closed the door.

“But wait, I …” The man protested, but was cut off by the door slamming.

“Why'd you close the door?” Mabel asked.

Dipper shrugged his shoulders. “I told you, Mabel, I'm just not feeling it tonight.” He said with another fake cough.

Mabel eyed him critically. “I think a little trick-or-treating will make you feel better.” SHe said with a firm nod.

Mikey quickly agreed with her. “Yeah, Dipper. Since when has being sick stopped us?”

“I'm not trick-or-treating!” Dipper yelled, tired of their pestering. Another knock sounded through the room, and Dipper opened it revealing the same man. “Look, man, just go to another house!” He said as he slammed the door.

Mabel gasped at her brother’s rudeness. “Dipper! Where's your Summerween hospitality?” She chastised him.

Another knock and Dipper crossed his arms resolutely. “I'm not getting that.”

Mabel walked to the door. “Well, I am! I apologize for my brother, he came down with a case of the grumpy-grumps.” She said as she opened the door.

The man stepped into the house, and seemed to grow taller, he easily would have towered over Stan had he been there. “SILENCE! You have insulted me! For this, you must pay... with your LIVES.” The man said as he glowered down at the children.

Mabel smiled at how in character he was. “Aww, what a cute little mask! You're a funny guy, aren't you?” She asked with a smile.

“Funny, am I?” It asked with a dark chuckle.

Before any of the kids could react, a new trick-or-treater arrived on the front porch. Gorny walked through the open door and waved at the others. “Twik-owr-tweet! Hi Mr. Pines!”

Mikey smiled at his young friend, currently dressed as a pirate. “Hey, Gorny. You enjoying your night off?” The child’s eager nodding was cut off by the tall man grabbing him around the waist and picking him up in a massive hand. As his body split open into a massive mouth and Gorny was swallowed whole, it became abundantly clear that this thing was not a trick-or-treater.

“Gorney!” Mikey screamed, and ran at the monster, just barely being stopped by Dipper grabbing his arm.

The creature laughed again and then spoke in a slow, menacing tone. “There's only one way for you to avoid his fate. I need a treat. If you can collect 500 pieces of candy, and bring it to me before the last jack-o-melon goes out…” He said, grabbing the jack-o-melon off the porch and blowing it out. “I will let you live.”

“Five hundred treats in one night? That's impossible!” Dipper said, beginning to panic.

“The choice is yours, children. You must trick-or-treat... Or DIE.” The creature leapt into the darkness outside, laughing insanely.

Dipper turned to his siblings, Mabel was gaping in horror at the open door, and Mikey stared with his mouth hanging at the spot where Gorny once stood. “Oh my gosh, do you realize what this means?” He asked the group around him.

Mabel recovered from her shock and looked at Dipper with a serious face. “I do. It means you have to come trick-or-treating! Yay!” She said as she gave her brother a hug.

Candy turned away from the doorway and asked the question that was on all their minds. “Who was that guy?”

Mabel remembered what she had heard just a few minutes ago, and realized what the monster was. “It's the legend Soos told us about. It's true!” She said, her tone a mixture of terror and excitement. 

Grenda, ignoring Mabel, grabbed the still shocked Mikey and began to shake him urgently. “What do we do what do we DO‽” She asked, clearly the most frightened of all of them.

Mikey snapped out of his daze and pushed Grenda off of him. “Listen, everybody!” He shouted to the room. “We don’t have time to panic, we need to start trick-or-treating NOW!” They all nodded, except for Dipper. He looked at the floor and tried to think of a way to get out of this.

Before the kids could head out the door, Soos walked into the room with a wide smile. “What's goin' on out here, dudes? I heard a ruckus.” Soos let a chuckle, clearly not noticing the mix of serious and terrified faces in front of him. “That's a funny word. Ruckus.”

Dipper quickly filled him in on what was happening. “Soos, a monster is making us trick-or-treat or else he's gonna eat us!”

“I got a picture!” Candy said as she held up her phone.

Soos studied the picture for just a second before he gasped and looked at the kids in horror. “The Summerween Trickster! Oh man, dude, you guys are in crazy bonkers trouble.”

Dipper nodded his agreement. “How are we gonna get that much candy in one night? There's no way!”

Mabel clapped her hands to bring everyone to attention. “Listen up, people. Now some might say that being cursed by a blood-thirsty holiday monster is a bad thing.”

“I wet myself.” Grenda said with a nod.

“But that monster messed with the wrong crew.” Mabel continued without stopping. “With Candy's spirit, Grenda's strength, Dipper's brains, Mikey’s cunning, and... Soos here, we'll get 500 pieces of candy and have fun doing it too, even if it takes all night!” She finished confidently, inspiring cheers from the others, except for Dipper. “To the streets!”

“All night? But… but I'm sick, remember?” Dipper protested weakly, coughing again.

Mabel started to say something but was interrupted as Mikey stepped in front of Dipper with a frown on his face. “Dipper! We just watched Gorny get eaten alive, and you're just gonna let the same thing happen to us‽” Dipper looked away, but didn’t answer. “You are going to change into your costume and come trick-or-treating now.” 

Dipper tried again, much more meekly now. “But… I’m sick…” Mikey said nothing, but his glare sent Dipper running upstairs to change.  
*********************************************************  
Stan adjusted his fake fangs and smiled as he looked out the front window. “Ah, Summerween. Those kids aren't gonna know what hit 'em!” He said, laughing evilly as he watched to kids approach the door. He opened the door as soon as they knocked.

“Trick-or-treat.” the large group of kids said together.

Stan bent down and smiled at the group. “What can I do for y…” Stan started t make choking sounds as his face started to drip off. “uh, ugh. Oh no! No! Augahhh!” the rest of his face sloughed off, revealing a bare skull. The kids ran away screaming, and Stan laughed as he took off the skull mask.

“Can we have candy now?” The voice made Stan realize that two of the kids hadn’t run, a mummy and a soldier.

He looked down at them with a frown. “What's the matter with you kids? That was the scariest thing you've ever seen, right?” He asked, honestly confused. One of the two responded by making a so-so motion with his hand. “Well have you seen this!” Stan said as he began to pull out the hot dog chain hidden in his shirt. “Ah! Guts! Real, very real guts!”

The kids rolled their eyes. “Uh, we've been watching horror movies since we were like, two years old.” The mummy kid said.

“Yeah, we're not scared.” The soldier agreed.

Stan backed into the doorway, slowly and menacingly. “Oh, you will be. You will be.”  
*************************************************************************************************  
Most of Gravity Falls seemed to be out for Summerween, even the older kids, not to mention the adults. Manly Dan was dressed as a Viking along with his sons. They carried a massive battering ram between them and aimed it at the door of a house. “For glory, my children, CHARGE!” Dan screamed as he and his kids broke down the door and ran into the house.

Blubs and Durland were out dressed as he each other. “You make a great me.” Blubs told his deputy.

“No, you make a great me.”

“No you do.” they both giggled as the “argument” continued.

The Pines group walked down the street ready to begin raking in the candy.“I don't understand why we can't just buy our candy and be done with it.” Dipper said as he tugged at the rock costume he was wearing.

Mabel rolled her eyes. “That sorta takes the fun out of trick-or-treat-or-die.”

“I'm trying to take the DIE out of trick-or-treat-or-die.” Dipper snapped.

Mikey cut them both off. “The Trickster is going to eat us because we don’t have summerween spirit. I doubt buying candy is going to help.” Mabel and Dipper stopped arguing at the tone of Mikey’s voice. None of them were exactly happy, but Mikey definitely seemed to have taken this the hardest.

The group approached Lazy Susan’s house, as another group walked away with nearly full bags. “Trick-or-treat!”

Susan looked over everyone’s costume. “Is everyone in costume? Chimney sweep, elephant man, squeegee, ant farm, sunglasses, volcano!” She said, completely missing everyone’s costume.

Dipper rolled his eyes as Lazy Susan kept talking. “Yeah, look we're, we're kinda in a hurry, here.”

She frowned at Dipper’s attitude. “Oh. I see. Enjoy!” She said as she dropped a single piece of candy into each of their bags.

The group walked away as they looked at their candy. “One piece of black licorice?” Grenda said in disgust.

“Circus peanut! This is loser candy.”Candy shook her head and threw the peanut back into her bag.

“Four pieces of candy‽ This is gonna take forever!” Dipper said truly distraught.

Mabel shook her head resolutely. “We've gotta up our game, Dipper.” She locked eyes with Mikey. “Candy dance?”

“Candy dance.” Mikey answered with a nod.

Dipper immediately shook his head. “Oh no! I am not doing the candy dance! I’m not up to it.”

Any response that might have come was stopped as the trickster climbed down a light post and picked the candy out of their bags. “Oh, really? I've seen better.” He grabbed a jack-o-melon and blew it out. “Tick tock.”

Mikey and Mabel radiated smugness. “So what was that about being too sick to do the candy dance?” Mabel asked Dipper lightly.  
*********************************************  
The kids still stood outside of the Mystery Shack, chanting as they waited for Stan to give up. “We want candy! We want candy!”

Stan sighed as he stepped outside, no longer dressed up. “Alright, you got me, kids. You guys win. I guess I'm not that scary, you know, you've-you've- Oh! No! Ughh!” Stan began to scream as Waddles burst out of his shirt. “Why?! Why is there a pig jumping out of my chest‽” The kids didn’t react as Waddles got free of the shirt and ran away.

“Candy.”

“Candy!” They said resolutely.

Stna stared at the kids, completely shocked. “What scares you two freaks?”

The kids shared a sideways glance and handed Stan a phone with a video ready to play. “Here, watch this.”

Stan watched the video, even more confused. “What, what is this? Some kinda... some kinda kitten or...” The monster that suddenly appeared on the screen caused Stan to jump back in shock, screaming as he ran back into his house. The kids laughed outside. “What happened to you, Stan Pines? What happened?”  
********************************************  
The triplets stood in front of their second door of the night, ready to get more candy than they ever had before. “Do you really think this will make a difference?” Dipper asked his siblings. His only answer was a pair of nods. The doorbell rang, and the largest biker any of them had ever seen opened the door, growling slightly. They immediately launched into their dance, and within moments they had brought tears to his eyes. He dumped all of his candy into their bags, as they finished.

They rejoined their friends by the side of the road and were congratulated on their haul. “I will make you internet famous.” Candy said as she held up her phone, showing the video she had taken.

“Hey! Erase that! Let's just get this over with, okay?” Dipper said as he walked away with his head down. Mikey whispered for Candy to text him the video after Dipper had walked by.

“Let's get that candy, guys!” Mabel said as she pushed the wheelbarrow they borrowed for their candy.

They quickly counted out the candy they had earned from their first house. “34, 35…” Mabel finished counting.

Candy climbed into the wheelbarrow and smiled at her friend. “36. You see? Because…”

Mabel cut her off. “Yeah, I get it.”

They continued to hit every house in Gravity Falls, filling the wheelbarrow at a rapid pace. The group eventually ended up in the slightly less nice part of town, where they encountered their most horrifying monster yet.

“Hello.” Toby determined said as he stepped outside to greet them.

They all screamed once they got a look at his face. “What a horrible mask!” Mabel screamed in terror.

Toby heaved a depressed sigh. “That's just my face. This is a mask. Roar!” He said as he placed a green monsters mask on.

The rest of them quickly relaxed once it was covered. “Oh, yeah. That's actually better.” Soos told Toby with a happy nod.

Mabel counted the candy out from Toby’s house. “498, 499. We did it! All we need is one more piece of candy.” She said happily.

Dipper smile was even wider when he realized the time. “And it's only 8:30. Perfect timing!”

Mabel pulled her brothers in for a hug. “Mwah! And your cough went away too!”

“Dude, I'm gonna go around and grab the truck. Soos, away!” Soos said as he ran, his cape flapping in the air.

“Last one to the last house is a pair of wax lips!” Mabel said as she ran. 

“Not me! Nooo!” Grenda yelled as she ran to catch up with the others.

Dipper stayed behind to watch the candy as the others left. He couldn’t believe things had worked out so well! “The perfect time to go to Wendy's party, and no one needs to know I was trick-or-treating.” His good mood quickly turned to panic as he watched Robbie’s van turn the corner. With a burst of energy, he took off his costume and hid and the wheelbarrow in the bushes.

“Hey Dipper!” Wendy said as the van pulled to a stop next to him.

Dipper leaned against the bushes in an attempt to look casual. “Oh hey, Wendy. What's up?”

“Are you comin' to the party?” She asked with a smile.

Robbie was a little more suspicious of Dipper’s behavior. “What are you doing out here?”

Dipper nervously laughed while he tried to think of an excuse. “Oh, um, I'm on my way. I like watching the trick-or-treaters. Reminds me of when I was a kid.” He said awkwardly.

Wendy nodded slowly. “Ok, then. You're coming, right?”

“Definitely, definitely.”

Wendy smiled and waved good be as they drove off. “Cool. See you there.”

“Later, guys.”Dipper called after them. He was cut off by Mikey’s voice.

I knew you weren’t really sick!” Mikey said as they all approached.

Mabel looked devastated by the news. “You’re going to a party?”

“Well, hey, I…” Dipper stumbled over his words as he tried to explain himself.

Mabel”s hurt quickly turned to anger. “That's why you were acting so weird and trying to hurry us! You're not sick at all! So if it wasn't for this crazy monster, you were gonna ditch us! On our favorite holiday!” She screamed as she threw one of her pieces of candy at him.

Mikey shook his head, somewhere between frustrated and furious. “I can’t believe this. Dipper, I was going to that party!” Dipper looked at him in shock, but couldn’t respond before Mikey kept talking. “I was going to invite both of you after we were done! When was the last time we were out later than, like, 9:30 anyway?”

Mabel continued to rant at Dipper, paying no attention to Mikey. “What happened to the Dipper who used to love Halloween‽ And where's all the candy‽” She asked, suddenly terrified.

Dipper felt trapped by all of the accusations, no matter how truthful they were, but at least that was a question he could answer. “Relax, relax. I left it right here. Behind this bush.” He pushed aside the branches to see the wheelbarrow tipped over, spilling all of the candy into a small creek. “Oh no.” He said quietly.

“What did you do‽” Mabel asked when she saw the candy being washed away.

Grenda tried to get their attention as jack-o-melons began to go out, one by one. “Uh, guys?”

The triplets looked around to see that they stood on a dark street. “Oh no! All the jack-o-melons are out!” Mabel said beginning to panic.

Dipper looked down the end of the street, where one jack-o-melon was still lit. “Look!” The group all rushed towards the melon

Old Man McGucket picked it up and took a deep breath as he called out to the children. “Good night!”

“Stop!” Mabel yelled once the group made it to him.

McGucket looked at the kids in confusion. “What?” They continued to frantically beg him to leave the jack-o-melon lit, leaving him more confused. “Eh? What's happening?”

“Just don't blow out that candle!” Dipper said urgently.  
“What?” the old man said again, pulling out an ear horn so that he could hear.

“Don't blow out that candle!” Dipper yelled again.

McGucket seemed to consider that for a moment before he threw the ear horn away. “I'm Old Man McGucket!” He said and took a deep breath to blow out the candle.

Grenda knocked McGucket to the ground and grabbed the melon before he could blow it out. “Sorry.”

“Phew, that was close.” Dipper said. The group let out a sigh of relief with him, unfortunately, that was enough to put the sputtering candle out.

The group huddled together as they looked fearfully into the darkness around them. “Knock knock.” The Trickster said softly as he walked into the light of a street lamp. “So children. Where's my candy?”

Dipper stepped forward and began to explain what had happened. “I swear, we had all 500 pieces. Look, it's down there somewhere. We can still get it.” The others nodded and agreed eagerly.

“I'm afraid it's too late! That was your last chance.” The trickster said as he began to approach again.

Dipper threw a handful of what was left of their candy, just to watch be absorbed by the Trickster. “Go, go, go, go!” He yelled as they ran between the monster's legs and down the street.

The Trickster chased after them, and the massive monster was quickly gaining ground on the small children. Mabel was the first one he grabbed when she tripped on a small pothole. “Guys! Help!” She screamed as the others continued to run. Mikey turned and began to run towards the monster when he heard Mabel’s cry. He reached into his pocket to grab the stone before he remembered that this costume had no pockets and the stone was sitting on his desk in the attic. He tried to dodge out of the way of a grasping hand but was grabbed with little effort by the trickster. The others were slowly grabbed one by one, and then the Trickster stood in the middle of the street laughing at their struggles. His laughter stopped as a pickup truck crashed through him, breaking him into pieces and sending the kids flying.

The kids stood up, and quickly made sure they were okay, and then ran towards Soos and his pickup. “We're alive! Yeah!” Grenda cheered as she stood up.

“Woah.” Soos said as he continued to stare at the spot the trickster had been standing at.

“Soos!” Dipper said happily as he climbed in.

Soos looked back at Dipper and asked nervously, “That wasn't like, a regular pedestrian, was it?”

“It was the monster!” Mabel said, receiving a sigh of relief from Soos.

“Thanks, Soos. Phew. I'm just glad it's over, right?” Dipper said as he looked at Mabel and Mikey for their agreement, but they just frowned and walked to the back of the truck.

“Did everyone remember to put on their seatbelts?” Soos asked when everyone was in.

“Yes.” the group answered together, all except for Mabel, who just nodded as she stared out of the window.

“Let's go!” Soos said as he began to drive the truck away from the scattered pieces of monster.

Mabel rubbed her bruised elbow quietly as she stared out of the window. “Hey, are you okay? There's probably some bandages back at the Shack.” Dipper said.

Mabel didn’t respond, she just kept staring out the window. As they drove she saw something small shoot past them in the direction they were coming from. Straining her neck, she could see the Trickster reforming in the street. “Uh, guys? She said, pointing at where the Trickster now stood fully formed. It roared, and jumped after them, landing on the bed of the truck and causing it to swerve wildly. The monster was shaken off and smashed into a telephone pole, but Soos couldn’t regain control of the truck as they sped towards the Summerween Superstore.

“Breaks! Breaks! Breaks!” Dipper screamed as they approached the front of the store. His screaming didn’t help, and the truck plowed into the storefront. Everyone checked themselves over again and found that they were okay. They slowly climbed out of the truck, steadying themselves on shaking legs.

“We have to hide, now!” Mikey urged as they ran into the store.

The kids quickly hid amongst the shelves as they watched the monster slowly climb into the store. “It's blocking the only exit. Everyone, stay quiet!” Dipper hissed out.

Mabel rolled her eyes at him. “Oh, so now you're worried about the monster. I thought all you cared about was Wendy.”

Dipper tried to explain himself again. “Mabel, you know that's not true. I just felt like I was getting a little too old to go trick-or-treating.” He said, desperate to make her understand.

“That's exactly why we need to go trick-or-treating, Dipper!” Mabel said, turning away dejectedly. “We're getting older, there's not that many Halloweens left! I guess I didn't realize it was already our last one.” She said sadly.

Mikey shook his head with a slight smile. “You two are both crazy. I’m gonna keep trick-or-treating until they stop giving me candy, and I’m dragging you two along with me.” He said trying to cheer his siblings up a little. It seemed to work, and a small smile grew on both of their faces. The moment was interrupted by a loud roar from the monster.

“We have to escape.” Candy said.

Grenda shook her head, cowering back in the shelf. “What if it sees us?”

“If only there was something we could use to cover our bodies and faces with.” Soos said as he poked his face out of the costume rack. “You know, like a disguise of some kind.” The kids shared looks and grabbed their costumes as stealthily as possible, pulling on costumes and hiding themselves in the shelves just as the monster began to search among them.

As the creature passed their aisle, the kids ran for the entrance. “This way!” Dipper whisper-yelled to the others as he led them away. Looking around he realized that Soos wasn’t with them. “Soos!” He called, and then saw Soos standing in front of the talking skulls. “Stop!” he yelled as Soos began to press down on one.

“Soos, don't you dare!” Mabel said as she watched him.

“Sorry dude, today's been way too stressful. I need some levity.” Soos apologized and pressed the skull.

The kids tensed, but nothing happened. “Oh thank goodness. It was out of batteries.” Dipper said with a relieved sigh. The relief turned to terror as he watched Soos open a package of batteries. “Soos, no!”

Soos pressed the skull and the loud voice rang out through the quiet store. “No matter the score, I'm always a-head!”

Soos laughed along with it. “This cackling head's the voice of a generation!” He said before he was snatched up and eaten by the Trickster.

The kids turned to face the creature, knowing that they could no longer run from it. “Hey, monster!” Mikey yelled as he and the others pulled out plastic weapons and charged.

The weapons weren’t doing much to the Trickster, at least until Grenda hit him with all her strength, shattering one of his legs. A piece of the leg fell into her mouth and she began to gag at the flavor. “Saltwater taffy? Gross!”

“What are you...?” Dipper started to ask. He stopped as he blocked the monster’s hand with his sword, and a piece chipped off and landed in his own mouth. “Wait, it is.”

The distraction was enough for the Trickster to grab the kids. “You really haven't figured it out yet?” It asked darkly. “Don't you recognize me? Look at my face! Look closely.” It said as it pulled off the mask, revealing a face made out of the worst part of summerween. 

“Loser candy!” Mabel gasped in horror.

“That's right!” The creature said angrily. “Did you ever stop and think about the candy at the bottom of the bag that no one likes? Every year the children of Gravity Falls throw away all of the 'REJECTED' candy into the dump. So I seek revenge; revenge on the picky children who cast me aside. I'm made of every tossed piece of black licorice, every discarded bar of old chocolate with like that white, powder stuff on it. You know that stuff!”

“I hate that stuff!” Mabel screamed defiantly.

“No one would eat me. But now, I'm going to eat you.” The monster said as it raised Mabel above its mouth. A sudden rumbling from inside the monster stopped him from dropping her in though. “What is that?” The monster asked, before beginning to scream as Soos ripped through his stomach.

“'Sup, bro?” Soos asked as he continued to eat the body. The monster collapsed on the ground, vomiting jelly beans. “Dudes, you want some of this?” He asked offering a handful to the kids.

The creature sat up at the sound of Soos eating. “Wait, you actually think I taste good?”

Soos shrugged at the monster. “Uh, sure! You know.”

“All I've ever wanted is for someone to say that I was... good. I'm so happy!” The monster said ecstatically, crying candy corn tears of joy.

“Crying makes it a little weird, but, guess I'm still eating.” Soos said through a mouthful of the candy. Movement beneath the monster’s chest could be seen before Gorny burst out with a wide smile. “'Sup, Gorny?” Soos asked the young child.

Gorny smiled widely. “I've been twaumatized!” He answered excitedly.

Mikey ran up the monster’s side and pulled Gorny from the chest. “Gorny! How are you feeling? Better or worse than when Gideon set the stand on fire?” He asked as he checked his friend for injuries.

Gorny seemed to think for a moment before he answered confidently, “Wowse.”

“But you are okay?” Mikey asked, and Gorny’s eager nod was good enough for him. “Do you want another night off?” Mikey asked his young employee.

Gorny appeared shocked at the suggestion. “No suh!”

Mikey smiled, convinced now that Gorny really was okay. The smile fell off his face as he looked at the carnage around them. “Don’t tell your parents about this, okay?”  
****************************************************************************  
The kids stood on the porch waiting for Stan to come back outside, but they were quickly fed up with waiting. “Now what?” The mummy asked his friend as they stared at the slightly open door.

The soldier shrugged, then stepped through the door. “Let's just get our candy already! Old dude? Old dude?” He called into the house.

Stan meanwhile, had just gotten out of the shower and stood staring at himself in the mirror. “Wash off the shame, Stan. Wash off the shame.” He said as he continued to scrub.

“He thought he could scare us.” The soldier scoffed, causing his friend to laugh as they walked through an open door.

Stan could hear something right outside the bathroom and turned to look at the doorway, dropping the towel around his waist in the same motion. “Eh? What's that?” He asked as the kids got a good look at him in his boxers, causing them to scream and run away. Stan laughed as he realized what happened, and stepped outside to get the bags of candy they left behind. “I still got it!”  
************  
The trick-or-treaters walked into the living room and greeted Stan. They were tired but happy that none of them had been eaten alive. 

Dipper came to a sudden stop as he saw Wendy sitting at a side table. “Hey Dipper.” She said as she finished carving a face into a jack-o-melon

“Wendy!” Dipper said, shocked to see her here. He grabbed at his costume, before realizing that there was no point now.

“I didn't see you at the party. Where were you?” Wendy asked him.

“Uh.. I-uh…” Dipper stuttered out as he tried to think of the best answer. The look on his siblings’ faces settled it for him. “I was trick-or-treating. With my family.” He said, smiling as he pulled Mabel and Mikey into a sideways hug.

Wendy nodded and went back to carving. “The party was lame anyway. Robbie ate a lollipop stick-first and had to go home sick.” She said with an amused tone. Dipper barely covered his own laugh, but Mikey didn’t even try.

They all gathered in the living room to begin to watch the summerween horror movie marathon, and as they began to sit down Mabel realized the saddest part of the night’s adventures. “Aw, man. We went to every single house, and we didn't even get to eat any candy!” She said, causing the other’s faces to fall.

Stan smiled and held up the bags the kids had left on the porch. “Candy? How's that for candy?” He said throwing the bags on the floor and spilling the candy out so that they could grab what they wanted.

As the kids gathered around to watch the movie Stan began to speak. “You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together in one place and celebrate what really matters: PURE EVIL!” When he finished the entire group laughed maniacally into the night, stopping just as suddenly when the show came back from commercials.

“I ate a man alive tonight.” Soos said, in a completely dead monotone. The kids smiled at the memory, while Wendy and Stan stared at him waiting for an explanation they would not receive.


	13. Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained

_**Candy Monster** _

Mabel and Mikey had gone to bed nearly an hour ago, but Dipper was still up, speaking into a camera he had set up in a chair. His latest video exploring the mysteries of Gravity Falls hadn’t been very interesting, but he still felt like it was important to get it done.“Well, that concludes Gravity Falls anomaly number thirteen, the Möbius chicken strip. It's infinitely delicious!” He said, holding up the strangely twisted chicken strip before biting into it. He stood up from his seat to turn off the camera, but something ran across the floor, knocking the chair over and diving into the kids leftover summerween candy. Dipper backed away in shock, and then snatched up the camera from the ground. “Guys, did you see that? Wake up!” He said as he stared at the monster.

Mikey sat up almost immediately after Dipper spoke up. Mabel was less eager. “Never.” Mabel said as she rolled to face away from Dipper. “Let me sleep forever.”  
Dipper grabbed her arm and shook. “Some creature just jumped out of nowhere! It's eating our leftover Summerween candy!” He said urgently, knowing that that would get her up.

“What‽” Yelled as she sat up and joined her brothers. “Ew, it's like a... naked little man.” Mabel said as she watched it eat.

Dipper grabbed a square of cardboard and scrawled the name of the episode on it. “Okay, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, # 76, uh, ‘That Thing?’” He said, blocking the camera with his sign.

“No, put it down. Put it down…” Mabel said desperately as the monster picked up her candy bucket. The monster ignored as he began to lick the bucket. “Oh, gross!”  
**************************************************************************************  
After a brief argument, Mikey had convinced Dipper to let him capture the creature. He now stood covered in Mabel’s stuffed animals and wielding a golf club and wastebasket. “Okay, I'm ready. I've covered myself in armor. I'm going to capture him for profit!” He said with a wide grin.

“For science!’ Dipper hissed off camera. “You’re supposed to say ‘for science’”

“And for candy!” Mabel added as she watched the monster eat with fear in her eyes.

“Make sure to post this if I die.” Mikey said as he approached the small monster. The two circled each other, until Mikey slowly moved some candy on the floor toward himself, prompting the monster to try to stop him. Mikey narrowly missed trapping the monster with the basket, and the monster scrambled up the ceiling.

“Oh! Die mutant! Die!” Mabel said as she threw a stuffed animal, which missed the monster and fell back down to hit her in the face. The monster left the room and dropped down into the first floor. The kids ran down the stairs, Mabel screaming a battle cry as she went. “Save the candy!”

They stopped in the living room and Mikey and Dipper looked around the room while Mabel held the camera. “Where is it? Have you seen it?” Dipper asked, seconds before it launched itself at his face, and began scratching. Dipper fell to the ground, and the monster grabbed the bucket of candy before running into the kitchen. The trio followed it in to see it climb on top of the refrigerator. Dipper threw a can in an attempt to knock it down, but it missed and the monster retaliated by throwing candy down at the kids.

Mabel stared in horror at the candy that was hitting the ground. “He's wasting candy! Dipper, open your mouth! Try to catch the candy in your mouth!” She ordered.

Dipper looked at this sister like she was crazy. “What? No, why would I…” He stopped as a piece of candy fell into his open mouth. “Actually that's pretty good…” He said with a small smile, before the monster knocked him over with a candy bar, and ran past them into the living room.

The creature stepped on the remote as he ran, turning on the TV. It turned to look at the bright screen and then sat, entranced. “Look! He's hypnotized by the TV.” Mabel said excitedly.

Dipper walked over and waved his hand in front of the monsters face, receiving no response. “And he dropped the candy! What a little dummy!” Dipper said with a small laugh. “Glued to the... to the... Oh, I love this movie.” Dipper said as he stared at the TV.

Mikey walked over, ready to shake his brother out of his trance, but stopped as he caught a glimpse of the screen. “Ooh, this is the one where that guy does that thing!” He said sitting down to watch.

“Really?” Mabel asked as she joined her brothers and the monster by the TV.

Half an hour later, the triplets were watching the movie and eating candy, occasionally passing a golf club to the monster for him to eat. “Shouldn't we do something about the monster?” Dipper asked, but made no move to stand up.

Mabel shook her head and grabbed another handful of candy. “Candy now. Monster later.”

Soos walked in from the kitchen and said hello as he walked by. “Oh, hey Dipper! Hey Mabel! Hey Mikey!” He stopped and stared at the monster for a few seconds, before continuing his greeting. “Hey, Grunkle Stan!”

Dipper turned to look at the camera. “Well, I guess that's it for Dipper's Guide to the Supernatural.” He said, shrugging his shoulders. “The next episode will probably be about getting rid of this candy-eating monster.”

Soos stared looked at Dipper in confusion and then whispered into the monster’s ear. “Psst! Stan, what's he talking about?”  
**********************************  
 _ **Stan’s Tattoo**_

Dipper stood in the attic next to a board covered in the evidence for today’s episode, while Mabel filmed and Mikey studied the evidence. He motioned for Mabel to start filming, and she did at the same time pretending to squish his head between her fingers. “Hello, I'm Dipper Pines. The girl trying to crush my head is Mabel.”

“I'm helping!” Mabel said as she waved her hand in front of the camera.

Dipper continued, ignoring Mabel. “And the boy standing next to me is Mikey. Today on Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained…” He stopped as Mabel Squished his head again, making sound effects along with it. “Okay, that's enough. Today we investigate Anomaly #23, Grunkle Stan's secret tattoo.” He said holding up the cardboard with the episode name. The camera pointed towards the board as Dipper continued. “What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger? Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out.”

“Right after another exciting episode of... What's Under Mabel's Bandage!” Mabel said pointing the camera at a bandage on her knee and slowly peeling it off. Mikey quickly grabbed the camera before she could get anything on film. Mabel whined, but it was better than letting that footage end up on the website.  
*****************************************  
Downstairs, Dipper stood in front of the thermostat with Soos and spoke to the camera being carried by a now sullen Mabel. “Okay, here's the plan. Stan never takes off his undershirt.” Dipper approached the camera and whispered as if sharing a secret. “obviously to hide his tattoo. But me and Soos are about to ‘turn up the heat’ on this mystery.” Dipper said as he turned the thermostat as high as it could go.

Soos laughed at Dipper’s wordplay. “Literally! I love how you come up with stuff like that.”

  
The trio watched from behind the camera as Soos walked up to Stan, and started to play his part. “Whoo, hot in here today, huh, Mr. Pines? Probably be a lot cooler if we…” He threw his shirt off as he continued. “worked without our shirts on! Am I right?”

“Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.” Stan said as he carefully avoided looking at his employee.

“Aw, don't be shy, Mr. Pines.” Soos said as he pulled himself onto the table and laid across it. “Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of.”  
Stan stared at Soos for just a few seconds before he walked away. “Watch the shop for a minute, Soos. I need to go find a melon-baller and pull my eyeballs out.”

Soos frowned at the camera but quickly found a way to entertain himself as he played with his belly. They turned off the camera before that could go too far.  
***************************************************************************  
Dipper held the camera and looked into it with a determined expression. “Okay, Plan B.” He spun the camera around to point at Stan sitting in his recliner. “Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you.” He said reaching for the strap of Stan’s sweatshirt that covered the tattoo.

Stan hit Dipper’s hand without looking away from the TV. “Kid, if you're trying to see my tattoo, you're going to have to try harder than that.”

Dipper was slightly disappointed that this plan hadn’t worked, but Stan’s words easily made up for that. “A-ha! I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!”

  
“I don't, but you do.” Stan said, holding up a red marker.

“What do you mean I…” Dipper asked, his words becoming a scream as Stan grabbed and began writing on his forehead.

Dipper stood in the hallway outside the bathroom, preparing to do the scariest thing he had done since arriving in Gravity Falls. His ‘tattoo’, the word Goober, was in the middle of his forehead, but he had given up trying to hide it after a few minutes. “Okay, Plan C. Stan is in the shower. I wish it hadn't come to this, but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science.” He said, taking a deep breath and beginning his march.

“I believe in you, Goober!” Mabel said encouragingly.  
Dipper Shook his head and sighed. “Dipper. Just say Dipper.”

“No, I think we’ll stick to Goober.” Mikey said as Dipper opened the door to the bathroom.

He walked through the steam and pulled open the shower curtains, revealing Stan still in his Mr. Mystery outfit glaring at him. “You're never gonna see it, kid. Never. Gonna. See it.” Stan said.

“How long have you been standing there?”

Stan ignored Dipper’s question and lunged at him. “Give me that camera!”

  
Dipper screamed and ran away, eventually losing Stna in the hallways and running up to the roof. “So I just figured I'd just chill out on the roof for a while…” He said to the camera.  
At that moment stan yelled from inside. “I'M GONNA FIND YOU, KID!”

  
Dipper winced but otherwise continued to speak normally. “Well, that's it for this episode. Stan's tattoo remains in mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered.” He said, and then turned off the camera and waited for Stan to stop screaming.  
************  
 _ **The Mailbox**_

Dipper and Soos stood in the middle of the woods as Dipper set up his camera. Sos stood to the side as Dipper began his introduction. “Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, Anomaly #54: The Mailbox.” Dipper said, then put down the title card and pointed the camera at the strange Mailbox. “There it is, in the middle of the forest. No house. No address. Today, me and my team of experts…”

  
Soos walked next to the Mailbox and waved “'Sup?”

“...are gonna put a letter in and see who picks it up.” Dipper continued.

Soos held up the letter for the camera to see. “My letter posits a salient question: ‘Sup Dawg?’”

“Now we're gonna hide behind a bush, and wait for someone to come by.” Dipper explained, but before either of the boys could move the Mailbox began to shake vigorously, raising the flag at the same time.

  
“Did you see that‽” Soos asked, clearly terrified.

Dipper didn’t share his concerns as he ran closer. “Open it!” He commanded.

Soos shook his head. “No, you open it, dude! I'm not touching a ghost Mailbox!” He said, pushing Dipper forward.

“Okay okay. Here it goes.” Dipper said, cautiously pulling opening the Mailbox and grabbing the letter inside. “What‽” He asked in shock as he showed the ancient looking letter to the camera.

“That's not our letter, dude!” Soos said.

Dipper opened the letter, breaking the seal that took the shape of an infinity symbol. “It says…” Dipper trailed off as he stared at the letter.

Soos grabbed the letter and turned it around so that the camera could see that "Hello Dipper and Soos." was written in it.

“It knows our names!” Dipper said, not sure if he was excited or scared.

Soos stared at the Mailbox in awe. “What if this thing's all-knowing?”

Dipper looked at Soos and said determinedly. “We gotta test it.”

Moments later Soos was back in front of the camera with a new letter. “What did I shave into my head this morning?” He read the question off the letter before putting it in the Mailbox.

Soos waited a few seconds before the flag raised, and then opened the Mailbox and took out the letter. “A baby duck holding a paddleball. Dude! It knew!” He said in amazement, taking off his hat to reveal the bald patch on the back of his head.

Dipper responded with shock but quickly had his own question ready to test the Mailbox. “When is the end of the world?” He said as he wrote the question down on a piece of paper. Moments later Dipper opened the Mailbox and read the letter out loud. “3012. Huh. We've got a while.” He said with a shrug.

Soos put his next question in the Mailbox eagerly. “Who is my dream woman?” Instead of a letter, the Mailbox gave Soos a detailed drawing done in the same pen as the letters. “Ho ho ho! Hot tamales! I'll save that one for the archives!” Soos said as he rolled up the poster-sized drawing and put it in his pocket.

Dipper and Soos were now completely convinced that the Mailbox was real, but now came the difficult decision of which questions to ask. “Uh, when is the exact time and date of my death?” Dipper thought out loud as he paced.

Soos offered his own suggestion from behind the camera. “Did aliens build the pyramids‽”

“Or... what is the meaning of life?”

“What are marshmallows made of‽” Soos yelled again.

Dipper continued to pace but seemed to suddenly know the perfect question. “Or... Who wrote Journal #3‽”

“Who wrote the journal! Who wrote the journal!” Soos said excitedly, clearly agreeing with Dipper.

Dipper smiled as he wrote out the question. “We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!” He said as he reached for the door of the Mailbox.

At that moment, Mabel and Mikey walked into the clearing, looking for Dipper. “Nifty! A Mailbox! I've been wanting to mail Mom this video of me sticking 100 gummy worms up my nose!” Mabel said excitedly as she put the video in the Mailbox and slammed it closed.

The flag raised much quicker this time, and Dipper opened the door, grabbed the letter, and read it out loud. "Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass." As soon as Dipper finished reading the letter the mailbox began to glow with a strange blue light.

The kids ran away as the mailbox began to shake, diving behind a fallen tree along with Soos just as it imploded. They could feel the immense heat and pressure, but luckily the tree seemed to protect them from the worst of it. Still, when they stood up and got the camera rolling again, they were covered in ash and most of their clothes had been burned up.

The four of them stood in front of the crater left behind by the mailbox, still, shell shocked. “Well, uh, that concludes Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, where we learned when dealing with the unknown,” Dipper said no glaring at Mabel. “DO NOT MAIL VIDEOS OF YOU SHOVING GUMMY WORMS UP YOUR NOSE!” He yelled.  
“There's more where that came from!” Mabel said cheerfully, reaching for her bag of gummy worms. Realizing that they weren’t there anymore, she turned around to see Mikey holding the bag.

“You’ll get these back when we don’t have to watch you.” He said as he walked to the edge of the crater. “So, what did the mailbox do, anyway?” He asked Dipper.

  
Dipper looked into the crater and said with a disappointed sigh. “It was all knowing, it answered any question.”

“WHAT‽” Mikey asked with wide eyes. “Did you ask it anything important, like about the stock market or anything?” He asked, almost desperately.

“I mean, no, not really.” Dipper said hesitantly.

“NOOOOOOO!” Mikey screamed as he went down on his knees next to the crater. “So much profit,” He screamed into the air. “LOST!”

Dipper looked uncomfortably at the camera, and walked forward to turn it off. “I think this is a good time to end the episode.”  
*********************************************************************************  
Lefty

“Alright. Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained.” Dipper said. Today the camera was being held by Mikey, while Mabel stood to the side holding a folder full of theories. The kids stood on the street outside of Gravity Fall’s sole bowling alley. Dipper continued to speak while holding up the title card. “Today we investigate Gravity Falls Anomaly #82.” Mikey zoomed the camera in on a balding man reading a newspaper inside the bowling alley. “This guy. Sure he looks normal, but if he's so normal explain why he's always facing left.” Dipper continued. “Literally I've been following him around for weeks and I've never once seen the right side of his face, and neither has anyone else. But why?” Dipper asked. As Dipper spoke Mikey showed clips of the man around Gravity Falls: grocery shopping, jogging, and at the mall. In all of these clips the man never once turns, and always faces straight ahead, keeping the right side of his face hidden. “Mabel? Theories?”

Mabel pulled her papers out of the folder one by one. “Theory one: He's hiding an embarrassing sunburn.” She said showing a drawing of the man at the beach, half of his body covered in an angry red. “Theory two: Half-man, half lizard-man!” She held up a picture of the man, this time half of his body was covered in green scales, and a tongue shot out to catch flies. “And theory number three, my personal favorite: He's normal! And Dipper's just crazy!” This picture showed the man perfectly normal, while Dipper could be seen filming with swirls covering his eyes.

Dipper grabbed the picture and tore it up. “That's not a theory, that doesn't count as a theory.”

“Let’s hope that one isn’t true.” Mikey said from behind the camera. “I don’t think a disproven theory will push much merchandise.”

Dipper ignored his brother and ran for the front of the store. “We find out now! Hello, good, sir!”

“Eh, I'm sorry, cameras aren't allowed in here.” The man said as he looked at the camera suspiciously.

  
Mikey pretended to turn the camera off and reassured the man. “Don’t worry, it’s off. Sorry about that.”

The man looked at Mikey doubtfully but didn’t press it. Dipper spoke up again as he walked to the counter. “So, would you mind grabbing those bowling shoes for me? The ones on your right side?” He asked pointedly.

“Those ones?” The man asked as he pointed to a pair behind him. Dipper nodded and the man backed up a few paces, and the bent down so that he could reach behind himself and grab the shoes. He never once turned even the slightest bit.

Dipper frowned as the man looked at him expectantly. He quickly thought of a new plan. “Whoops! Oh no, I... dropped my wallet!” He said as he threw the wallet over the counter. The man backed up again,and bent down to pick up the wallet. “There you are, sir.” He said, placing it back on the counter.

Dipper sighed. “Fine... Could you just get me my bowling ball?” He asked the man, thoroughly discouraged.

“I don't see why not.” The man's aid as he walked out form behind the counter and to the rack of bowling balls. Dipper realized that there was one more way he could get a look at the right side of his face, and quickly ran tot he man while Mikey followed. “Let's see, looks like maybe a…”  
“Well, I was thinking it could be the…” Dipper said as he rapidly approached, and grabbed the shoulder twisting him around to see the right side of his body. “Ah ha! What the…‽” His reaction was shared by his siblings as they stared at the robot that was being controlled by small green… things.

The creatures seemed to suddenly realize that they had been seen, and chaos erupted. Most pulled out red cubes that they swallowed, eventually causing them to die and then disappear in a flash of light. One of them refused to take the pill because of his family, but swallowed it when he was reminded of some oath.

Once the last creature had gone, the robot fell apart and then burst into flames, setting of the sprinkler system. MIkey turned the camera to capture their reactions as they ran. “Well, that concludes anomaly #82. Uh, I think we might want to burn this tape.” Dipper said nervously, looking back at the ash mark that was once the robot.

Mikey agreed with a nod. “Well, we’re definitely not posting it.”  
***************************************  
 _ **The Tooth**_

Mikey stood on the shore of Gravity Falls lake, waiting for Dipper to tell him to start filming. It was later than they normally filmed, but in this case, they all agreed it was best to go out when no one else was around. Dipper held up the title card and gave Mikey the signal. “Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, Anomaly #42: The Tooth.”

Mikey turned the camera to show the massive tooth. It’s roots were stuck in the sand, and it still stood taller than a grow man. Mabel stood next to it poking it with a stick. “I'm here for scale!” SHe said with a cheery wave.

“I found it yesterday when I was, uh... practicing.” Dipper said. He hadn’t wanted to mention his sousaphone practice, but Mikey convinced him. He said it made him more “relatable.” Dipper Didn’t really get it, but he went along with it anyway. “It’s strangely human, but it's gigantic! It's bigger than any fish or lake monster I've ever seen. And we're gonna find out where it came from!”

Mikey played the footage from when they had interrogated the lake ranger earlier that day. The ranger had immediately stonewalled them when they started asking questions, and when Dipper mentioned that they were going out on the lake, he seemed to get angry. The trio were kicked out after that without any new information.

“I'm here at the lake to investigate. I brought Mabel and Mikey for backup.” Dipper said as he had a flashlight up dramatically.

Mabel smiled and waved. “And I brought Bear-O, my adorable childhood puppet.” She said as held up the ragged bear puppet. It was almost as big as she was and all of the seams were torn open.”Hey-oooh! Ain't that right, honey?” Mabel said and then spoke through Bear-O “Did somebody say...honey?”

Dipper quickly shoved the bear out of view of the camera. “Nope, creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O.” He said sternly.

“But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?” Mabel questioned, again in her Bear-O voice.

“I can think of a few people.” Dipper said with an eye roll.

Normally Mikey thought that Dipper overreacted to stuff like this, but in the case of Bear-O, he fully agreed. He lived with the thing and it still creeped him out! And it’s not like it would be the first time Mabel traumatized kids with Bear-O. It wouldn't be the second time either. Or the third. “Dipper’s right, Mabel. Bear-O stays behind.” Mikey said firmly

“Aw, come on! You'll see! You, me, Dipper and Bear-O, are the adventure team of a lifetime!” Mabel said cheerfully.

Dipper and Mikey shared a look, and then let Mabel bring Bear-O on the boat. Once they had started rowing, but before they were too far from shore, Mikey grabbed Bear-O and threw him back onto the beach. Mabel lunged after him, but Mikey managed to hold onto her until she stopped struggling. Once he let her go she grabbed a piece of cardboard and began writing furiously.

He turned the camera back on, and cued Dipper to start speaking. “Okay, something out there left that tooth, and we're gonna find it!”

Mabel sat sulkily in the back of the boat, and when Mikey panned over her she held up the sign she had made, which proclaimed boldly. “DO YOU WANT MORE BEAR-O?! LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD WRITE: Mabel Pines, c/o Mystery Shack, Gravity Falls”

The sign was quickly torn out of her hands and thrown in the water and sulked again. As the night wore on without sign of anything she seemed to recover. “What are we supposed to be looking for?” She asked

Dipper shrugged. “I don't know, just look out for bubbles in the water.”

Of course, just as said it, the three noticed bubbles coming up just off the shore of a small island. They paddled forward, and once they were right on top of the bubbles the island began to shake and a low groaning sound seemed to come from beneath the water. “What was that?” Dipper asked as he tried to look closer at the island. Mabel and Mikey on the other hand grabbed the oars and began to row as fast as they could. The shaking and sounds increased as they hurried away.”What's happening‽” Dipper asked as he struggled to stay in the wildly rocking boat.

“IT DOESN'T MATTER! ROW! ROW! ROW!” Mabel screamed as they rowed away.

Dipper and Mikey continued to look back at the island and the camera continued to film, capturing every moment as the island rose up out of the water, revealing itself to be a massive floating head. The head yelled something indecipherable as it charged at the children, moving much faster than they could. It slammed into the water next to their biting down at the same time. The kids were lucky enough to avoid being bitten and they were already next to shore when it happened, so they simply fell out into the sand. The head turned around when it saw them on shore and slowly sank back into the water.

The three kids were relieved that they had made it out alive, but as they picked themselves, Mikey realized he had lost his grip on the camera. Dipper found it lying along with some debris from the boat, and luckily it was I damaged and still rolling. He quickly explained what happened and pointed out the new tooth and the shattered remains of their boat underneath it. “...But the important thing is, we survived. Barely.”

“Ugh, yeah.” Mabel agreed, before she pulled out Bear-O and shoved him into the camera. “Did somebody say, bear-ly?” The puppet asked, prompting Mikey to grab it and try to pull it out of Mabel’s hands.

“Alright, that's enough!” Mikey said as he pulled.

“Let go Mikey!” Mabel yelled as they wrestled.

Dipper quietly turned off the camera as he watched his siblings fight.  
*******************  
 _ **The Hide-Behind**_

The triplets where in the attic to help Dipper film the latest of his episodes. Mabel turned on the camera and whispered to Dipper, who was still drawing the title card. “We're on!”

Dipper cleared his throat and strode towards the camera purposefully as he spoke. “Hello. And welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained.” Mikey hung a UFO keychain just in front of the camera, and caused it to play an eerie tone. “Thank you. Today we investigate Gravity Falls anomaly #132: The Hide-Behind.” Dipper said, holding up the title card. MAbel pointed the camera to a page in Journal Three as Dipper began to read from it. “Local lumberjacks tell of a mysterious creature, always just out of sight. But these photos suggest it might actually be real!” Dipper said as he showed photos he had taken that showed the same bizarre footprints that were illustrated in the journal. “Either way, I intend to find out!”

Dipper was completely engrossed in his speech, and didn’t notice as Mabel and Mikey left their positions, and creeped up behind him. “YAAAH! HIDE BEHIND!” The yelled together, causing Dipper to scream and knock over the camera.  
*******************************************************  
The three of them ran downstairs to collect Soos and the equipment they had gathered for their interviews, the first of which was Wendy’s dad, Manly Dan. “Hide-Behind? Oh, he's real alright. REAL AS MY BEARD! He was behind me once; made this sound: tchktchktchktchktchktchk. Mighty spooky.” He said seriously. Dan had left his sons, all younger then Wendy, to the work of cutting down a massive tree while he did the interview.

  
After he had finished, screaming could be heard as the kids ran away from the tree. “Daaad!” The eldest yelled as they ran.

Dan didn’t look back as he yelled back at his son's, “DADDY'S DOIN' A MOVIE! He's doin' a movie now.” but the triplets had an excellent view as the tree fell down and crushed a small cabin. They decided it was probably best if they cut the interview short.  
***********************************************************************************  
Their next interviewee was Lazy Susan. She was working a shift at the diner, but didn’t seem to have any problem with talking to them even as a man asked for a refill just a few seats away from where they were talking.  
When Lazy Susan started talking to them she had been pourn=ing a mug of coffee. She did not stop pouring, even after the mug started overflowing. “Oh, the Hide-Behind is definitely real. He might even be behind me right now! Let me see…” She said, and then began to spin rapidly in a tight circle, as if trying to look behind her back. This continued for a few minutes, and several times the triplets shared confused looks with the customer that had asked for a refill at the beginning of the interview. They decided to leave before Susan did something weirder.

Stan was the last eprson they had planned to interview, before going off on the hunt, and, not surprisingly, unlike their other interviewees, he didn’t beleive in the Hide-Behind for a second. “Don't believe every legend you hear, kid. The people in this town are literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally.” He said. The triplets couldn’t help but agree when they thaught back to Lazy Susan. “The Hide-Behind's just a rumor. You want a mystery? How about the mystery of why...” Stan stopped as a strange rattling sound interrupted him, and a shadow passed right behind him.

  
While the others looked behind Stan, Dipper followed the shadow with his eyes, and then began to run after it threw the woods. “That's it!” He yelled back, as a way of explanation as the others asked what he was doing. “I'm coming for ya. Where is he? Where is he?” Dipper muttered as he began to look for any sign of The Hide-Behind.

  
The Mabel and Mikey quickly joined him, and after he explained what happened helped him search. They followed every noise until they were certain they had found The Hide-Behind, and then cornered it and forced it into a small clearing with only one small tree. “Alright. After hours of searching, I've narrowed it down to this tree.” Dipper told the camera, holding it close to his face. “I know what you're wondering. How do you catch a creature who's always right behind you? How about…” Dipper said as he backed away from the camera, revealing himself to be covered in small mirrors, including several hanging from strings. “mirror suit! Nothing's going to sneak up on old Dipper…” He screamed and fell over as something dropped down from the trees and hit him on the head.

“BLIND SPOT!” Mabel happily cheered as she hung upside down from the tree branch.

“I'm down! Dipper down!” Dipper said dramatically as he laid on the ground. Mabel dropped down and Mikey walked over from where he had been hiding in the undergrowth, and both helped Dipper stand up. Once he was back on his feet, Dipper was ready to go. “This is it. Get ready to finally be seen, Hide-Behind! In 3... 2... 1…” He quickly ran around the tree pointing the camera at the most surprising thing he had seen since coming to Gravity Falls.

  
“Wow! Cool! Maraca owl!” Mabel said as she approached her new friend. It eagerly hopped onto her arm and Mabel ran off to do who knows what.

Dipper angrily tore off the mirror suit and threw it on the ground. “Well, based on lack of evidence, I have to conclude, anomaly # 132, the Hide-Behind, just a legend.” He said with a deep sigh, and turned to walk deeper into the forest. Mikey pat him on the shoulder, and then went the other direction, back to the Mystery Shack.

He had only gone a few yards when he realized Dipper had left the camera in the clearing and ran back to get it. Rewinding the film, he watched as Dipper walked away, and a tall creature covered in shadows followed him, hiding every time Dipper turned. Mikey smiled as he walked back to the Shack, Dipper would be happy that this theory wasn’t a bust.


	14. Boss Mabel

Stan, Dipper, Mabel, and Mikey were starting their day with an episode of what was quite possibly Stan’s favorite show. “Ladies and gentlemen, we now return to Cash Wheel! Sponsored by Chipackerz, the chip flavored crackers!”

“But they taste just like chips!” Mabel said as she ate one of the incredible crackers.

The contestant spun the wheel, which landed on a section labeled Cash Shower. “Congratulations! You're taking a…” The host began.

 

“Cash shower!” Stan finished along with the studio audience. Money began to rain down on the man, and as the contestants on either side of him tried to grab some, he punched and shoved them away. “I like that guy's style.” Stan said with an approving nod.

 

Soos ran into the living room, interrupting the episode. “Mr. Pines! We got tourists at 9 o'clock! A whole busload of 'em!”

Stan quickly ran into the gift shop and checked out the window. “Hot tamales, it's a jackpot! Soos! Make some new attractions!”

 

“You got it, boss!” Soos said as he began gluing animal parts together.

 

“Wendy! Mark up those prices! The higher the better!” Wendy rolled her eyes, changed the price of the snowglobes from two to twenty. Stan wasn’t satisfied though. “Higher! Bleed 'em dry!” Wendy quickly made another zero, changing the price from twenty to two-hundred.

 

Dipper looked at the new prices n shock. “Eesh, Grunkle Stan. It's like when you see tourists, all you see are wallets with legs.”

 

“That's not true.” Stan said.

“Yeah, Dipper. They have arms and eyes too.” Mikey said as he went to work on the prices. It was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic.

Stan went back to looking out the window and called back to Dipper when he watched a carsick tourist start to puke. “Cleanup on the front lawn!”  
**********************************************************  
Stan gathered his first tour group of the day, having made sure that the new attractions were up to snuff. “Ladies and gentle-tourists! Looking around my Mystery Shack, you will see many wondrous roadside attractions. Be amazed at the only known photo of a horse riding another horse!” He said as he pointed at the painting, which was in a place of honor along with several signs reminding everyone how unnatural it was. The tourists were amazed, and Stan knew that this was going to be a good day. He pulled open a curtain to reveal Dipper standing with fur covered legs, fake dog ears, and fangs. “Be astounded at the horrible, pre-teen wolf boy! Oh! Oh, look at him! All that hair! His body's changing, ah!” The tourists shared Stan’s enthusiasm as they began taking pictures and chattering excitedly.

“Grunkle Stan, this is demeaning.” Dipper said as he pulled out the fangs.

 

“What? I don't know ‘de meaning’ of that word!” Stan said and all the tourists laughed with him. “If you throw money at him, he dances.” Stan told the crowd, which immediately threw money into the air while Dipper attempted to dance.  
*******************************************************  
Mabel was manning the register while Mikey walked around the shop, trying to sell merchandise. Mabel was doing a pretty good job from the register though. “Behold! Mystery Shack bumper stickers! You can stick 'em on your bumper, or over your husband's mouth. Am I right, ladies? She knows what I'm talking about!” Mabel said as she pointed at the lady in front of her.

The lady laughed and reached into her purse. “Oh! You are bad! How much?”

Mabel shook her head and handed the woman a bumper sticker. “Hey, it's on the house. That's the Mabel difference! Thanks for visiting!”

Stan jumped out from behind a cardboard cutout of himself enraged. “What‽ What the heck do you think you're doing?” He asked Mabel as he glared down at her.

 

“Business! Ching ching ching!” Mabel answered happily as she pressed buttons on the register.

 

Stan rolled his eyes. “Listen, kid. You don't make money by giving stuff away. You're off of register duty!”

“But, but…” Mabel protested but was cut off by Stan.

“No buts except for yours out the door. Now shut your yap and get to work!” He said as he pushed her out from behind the counter.

 

Mabel turned around and faced Stan with a serious expression. “Grunkle Stan, whatever happened to please and thank you? Hmm?” She met his gaze for a few moments before she couldn’t contain herself anymore. “Oh wait. Here they are!” She said as she pulled the stickers out of her bag and slapped them on Stan's face.

Stan groaned and pulled the please sticker off, slapping it onto the register. "Please never made me any money, kid. In fact, just saying the word is giving me a burning sensation.” He said as he slapped the thank you sticker onto the back of Soos’ neck.

Mikey walked next to the counter and addressed his sister. “Mabel, I know Stan can be kind of a jerk sometimes…”

“Hey!”

“But he’s right. You can’t just give everyone what they want and expect to make money.” Anything else Mikey might have said was interrupted as Dipper walked up to their grunkle.

“Grunkle Stan, why do I have to wear this wolf costume? I think I'm getting hookworm.” He said, pulling at the incredibly uncomfortable costume.

 

“Yep. Gluing dog hair to your body will do that.” Stan said with a laugh.

Mikey winced at Stan’s words. “Okay, that’s messed up, but my point still stands.” He said as Mabel looked at him critically. 

Dipper kept talking, not noticing his siblings’ words. “You've got all these dumb, fake exhibits in the Shack. Meanwhile, I've seen actual, amazing things in the forest every day! What if you hunted down a real attraction instead of lying to people for a living?”

“And you should be nicer to your employees, too!” Mabel jumped in. 

“And you know, I'm pretty sure there's a better way to rip tourists off then charging two-hundred dollars for a snow globe.” Mikey said.

Stan shook his head. “Look, you guys got a problem with how I run the Shack, take it up with the complaints department.” He said, holding up a trash can. “Zing!”

 

Mabel grabbed a pen and began writing furiously. “I am going to write them such a letter!”  
**********************************************  
After the busy morning, Stan had all of the employees on the roof painting the sign with glitter. “And don't stop 'till you've covered that sign with glitter! Glittery signs attract tourists! Also large birds.” He yelled at them from the ground. A loud screech filled the air as a large bird swooped down and began to attack Soos. “That's funny.” Stan said with a small laugh as he walked inside.

Dipper stopped working as Stan left. “Okay, is it just me, or is having Grunkle Stan as a boss seriously the worst?”

 

“I know, right? Why do we even put up with it?” Wendy agreed.

 

The others stopped their work and turned to listen. Soos was the next person to speak up. “I gave him a suggestion to improve the Shack once.” He said as he pulled out a piece of paper that showed a drawing of him in a question mark costume. “I had this idea where I could be, like, the Mystery Shack mascot: Questiony the Question Mark. I ask people questions, you know. Do the question dance.”

“That sounds amazing!” Mabel said. The others nodded their agreement.

“Yeah, well...Stan said I couldn't handle it.” Soos said with a shrug as he folded the paper up and put it back in his pocket.

 

“He said what‽” Mabel yelled, angrier at Stan than she had been all summer. That was the last straw.  
*****************************************************************  
Stan stood outside waving goodbye to a bus full of tourists. “And remember folks! We put the ‘fun’ in ‘no refunds!’” He laughed as he walked inside. “Suckers.”

 

Mabel glared at him as he walked into the now empty gift shop. “Grunkle Stan, you've gone too far this time!” Stan rolled his eyes and continued to walk to his office. Mable followed and continued to talk. “Did you seriously tell Soos not to follow his hopes and dreams because he ‘couldn't handle it?’”

 

Stan sighed as he sat down behind his desk. “Look, kid, let me break it down for you. Being a boss is about commanding respect. If you give people everything they ask for, they'll walk all over ya.”

Mabel climbed on top of the chair in front of Stan’s desk and stared him in the eye. “No way! I bet you'd make way more money being nice then being a big grumpy grump to everyone all the time.”

 

Stan laughed at the idea of Mabel lecturing him on how to run a business. “You think you know more about business than I do? You think you could wear this hat?” He asked, pointing at his fez.

 

Mabel didn’t hesitate as she answered. “Yeah! 'Cause I give people respect! And glittery stickers!”

“I'd make more money on vacation then you would running this place!” Stan said.

 

“Then why don't you go on vacation?” Mabel asked challengingly.

Stan leaned back and considered the question with a smile. “Interesting...All right, I'm a wagering man. Three days. Seventy-two hours.” He said as he set an alarm for that time. “You run the Shack, and I'll go on vacation. If you make more money than me, I guess it means you're right about the way I run my business. BUT if you lose, you, uh… You have to wear this "LOSER" shirt all summer!” He said, holding up a gray t-shirt he had quickly scribbled “LOSER” on.

“Fine. But if I win I get to be the boss for the rest of the summer! Plus, you gotta sing an apology song with lyrics by me, Mabel!” 

“Whoa ho! You got yourself a deal, missy!” Stan said as he leaned over the desk and glared at his niece.

 

“No, you got yourself a deal!” Mabel countered.

The two went back and forth, screaming “Deal!” at each other until Mable ended it by slapping a sticker onto Stan’s nose.

 

Stan quickly packed everything he would need for three days vacation, got in his car, and waved goodbye to the kids. “See you in 72 hours! We'll see who makes more money.” He said as he drove off.

 

Dipper stared after Stan with a worried expression. “Did you just make a bet with a professional con man?” He asked his sister.

Mabel rolled her eyes and lifted up the money jar, which was so big she couldn't wrap her arms around it. “Oh, come on. Being a better boss than Stan will be a cinch. Profit, here we come!” She said happily as the jar slipped through her arms and broke on the porch.

 

“You broke the jar.”

 

“We'll get a new one.” Mabel said quickly. Mikey shook his head, he could already tell this wasn’t going to end well.

“I guess I shouldn't be too worried. I mean, how much money could Stan even make on vacation?” Dipper said, trying to convince himself more than anyone else.  
**************************************************************************************  
Stan walked into the studio, completely ignoring the long line, and walked right onto the stage. “Can I help you, sir?” A man stopped Stan before he could go any farther.

 

“I'm here to take all the cash from your wheel.” Stan said dramatically as he looked around at the set of Cash Wheel.  
*****************************************************  
The next morning, Wendy, Soos, Dipper, and Mikey walked into Stan's office. Soos thought nothing of the pink that colored the room as he approached the desk. “You wanted to see us, Mr. Pines?”

 

The chair spun around, revealing Mabel in a gray suit and glasses. “Stan is no longer with us.” She said seriously.

 

Soos collapsed to his knees and began screaming into the air. “He's dead? No! It should have been me!”

 

Mabel quickly leaned over the desk and corrected him. “Whoa, Soos! Stan's not dead! He's on vacation for three days. We made a bet.”

He stood up, drying his eyes, and looked at the ground. “Thank you for that clarification.”

 

“Mabel's in charge now!” She said happily.

“Are those... shoulder pads?” Dipper asked.

Mabel happily waggled her shoulder to show them off even more. “It's just one of the up-to-date managerial tricks I learned from this book I found propping up the kitchen table.” Mabel said, holding up “Succeeding In Management 1983.” Mikey decided it was best not to comment.

Mabel drank out of a mug that read “#2 Boss” Causing more confusion in Dipper. “Why does your mug say "#2"?”

“Because the real #1... is you!” Mabel said as she held up a mirror for them. “Walk with me. With me as boss, you're gonna notice a few changes around here. My job is to help you be your best ‘SELVES.’ Satisfied, Everyday, Loving Life, Very Much, Everyday, Satisfied. Great listening ears so far!” She listed off a chalkboard, before giving everyone a thumbs up sticker. “Waddles, hold my calls!” She called as she left the room. Waddles began chewing on the phone.

“Alright, people, now rap with me. Wendy, how can I make your workspace more Wendy-friendly?” Mabel asked as she pulled up a chair in the gift shop.

 

Wendy thought for a second, before deciding on what bugged her the most about work. “Hmm, well, Stan never lets me hang out with friends at work.”

 

“Stan ain't here, sister! Door's open!” Mabel said with a wide smile. She then grabbed something from beneath the counter and presented it to Soos. “And Soos, I believe this is yours.”

 

Soos grabbed the giant foam question mark eagerly. “Questiony the Question Mark‽ I wish this was an exclamation point to show how excited I am!”

 

“As for you Dipper…” Mabel said as she held up the wolf boy costume, causing him to flinch. “Die, wolf costume, die! I want you to head into the woods, and don't come back until you found an amazing attraction!” She said as she threw the costume into the shredder.

 

Dipper smiled widely and began looking through the Journal for something really good. “Finally! It's time to show Stan how a REAL mystery hunter does it!” He said as he grabbed a mace off a wall and began to climb out a window.

Mikey grabbed his arm and pulled him towards Mabel. “Could we talk about some of this?” He asked.

Mabel looked at him confusedly. “What’s wrong?”

Mikey tried to explain his concerns. “Look, Questiony the Question Mark is a good idea, and I’m sure Soos will do great but letting Wendy bring her friends here? There’s no way she’ll get any work done, she’ll probably be the one making the mess! And don’t you think we should give Dipper some guidelines about what he can bring back?” He asked.

Mabel shook her head with a frown. “I knew it. You're just like Stan trying to control everything we do.”

“What? That’s not…” Mike trailed off as he looked and saw that everyone was against him, even Soos. “Fine. I’m going outside. If you need me, don’t.” He said as he slammed the screen door closed.

Mabel shook her head in disappointment as Mikey left, but turned back to the others with a smile. “Okay, guys! It's time to prove that nice bosses finish first. In the next forty-eight hours, we're gonna fill this jar with six hundred billion dollars!”

 

While Mabel and Soos cheered, Wendy looked down at her, slightly worried. “Wait. Do you know how money works?”

 

Mabel scoffed. “Of course. Waddles, run down to the shop and grab me a latte.” She said, putting a dollar in the pig’s mouth, which he greedily ate. “Whoa! He's a hungry little guy.” Mabel laughed as she handed him another one, which he ate as well.  
**************************************************************************  
Stan had been placed in line to wait for his audition and knew that he would need to hurry it up if he was going to win before the three days were up. “Ugh! This line is taking forever! Time to use my old man powers…” Stan clutched his chest and began screaming as he fell to his knees. “AH! I'm having a heart attack! And the only cure is to be a contestant on... on Cash Wheel! Aaugh! Someone give me a part! I'm old!”

The same man that had escorted Stan into the line turned to the producer of the show. “Should we escort him off the lot?”

 

“That man is a self-centered attention hog, with no regard for human decency.” The producer said seriously. “Get him on T.V!” He said with a smile.  
****************************************************************  
Mabel quickly went to work getting the Shack set up for her new managerial style. Including replacing the water cooler with a milkshake dispenser, turning the profit graph into a smiley face, and putting motivational posters of animals with her face taped over the animal's. Mabel waved hello to her first round of tourists and ushered them into the shack, ready to give them the tour of their lives.

On the edge of the forest, Mikey stood with Gorny, looking at the attractions they had managed to throw together in the short time they had. “It’s decent, but it needs something to tie it all together, something to really blow these tourists away.” Mikey said

Gorny looked up at Mikey and asked. “What awe we gonna do?”

Mikey turned to look at the Shack and smiled as a plan began to develop. “Gorny, I’m gonna need you to do me a favor.”  
**************************************  
Dipper walked towards the Mystery Shack, dragging a large bag behind him as Mabel waved goodbye to the tourists. “Mabel! I captured something! This is gonna blow those tourists away!”

Mabel gave him a thumbs up as whatever was in the bag grabbed Dipper’s arm, prompting to start hitting it in an attempt to make it let go. “Marvelous work, valued employee!” Mabel turned and the edges of a foam suit peeking out from behind an outhouse. “Who's that? Is it Questiony the Question Mark?”

 

Soos peeked out and started talking hesitantly. “Uh, I'm starting to have second thoughts about this, Mabel. I keep forgetting my lines. And this costume is more um… revealing than I expected.” He said, stepping out and revealing that he wore nothing except underwear, socks, and the question mark.

 

“Soos, don't give up. Anything is possible when you… imaginize it!” Mael encouraged him.

“But I don't know what that means.” Soos said as Mabel walked away.

 

“Believe in yourself…” Mabel stepped into the gift shop, eager to see how Wendy was doing in the new environment. “How's my favorite Wendy?”

What she saw was Wendy and her friends playing hacky sack with a shrunken head, destruction all around them. “Keep it going!” Wendy yelled as Nate kicked the head and sent it straight into the face of a young boy.

 

Mabel ran to his side as his mother tried to comfort him. “I'm so sorry. Please, have a refund.” She said holding a bill out to the mother. She took it, and then reached into the jar for more.

As Mabel stared after the mother, Gorney walked in and almost immediately slipped on one of the pools of soda, and then grabbed his leg and started to cry. Mabel rushed to his side. “Oh no. Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”

Gorny began to talk through his sniffles. “Well, there is one thing.” Gorny said as he pointed over Mabel’s shoulder. Looking at what he was pointing at, Mabel bit her lip and considered her options. Moments later, Gorney was smiling as he ran towards Mikey, pulling Rock That Looks Like A Face Rock behind him.

 

Mabel turned to Wendy. “Wendy, you got a lot of cleaning up to do. Pleeeaaase.” She started sternly but changed her tune as she pointed to the please sticker on the register.

 

“Whoa, all this rule stuff's starting to make you sound like Stan.” Wendy said in fake shock.

 

Mabel gasped and quickly backpedaled. “What‽ No! I'm nothing like Stan! In fact, take the rest of the day off?” She said hesitantly.

 

“With full pay?”

 

Mabel laughed nervously. “Of course.” Wendy flashed her a thumbs up as she walked through the door. “Mabel Pines, you are the best boss ever.”  
*************************************************************  
Mikey stood outside watching the tourists that were beginning to leave. He stepped up onto a stump with his cane in his hand, wearing a suit and the top hat Mabel received from Quentin Trembley and began to call out to the crowd. “Ladies and Gentlemen! In the halls of the Mystery Shack you’ve seen curiosities and befuddlements, but in the woods of Gravity Falls, there lurk creatures and artifacts too dangerous to be contained. Before today no one was willing to explore this vast wilderness, but I, Mikey Pines, will now give you the opportunity for the low, low price of fifteen dollars a person!”

The crowd gathered in front of the post was silent for a moment, before erupting into noise as the tourists attempted to be the first to buy their spot on this incredible tour. Mikey smiled, he could tell this was going to be a great day.  
********************************************  
“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to CASH WHEEL!” The host of the hit game show said as he turned around to greet the audience. “Now, let's meet those contestants.”

 

“I'm Doug from Fairfield, California.” The first contest said.

 

The camera panned to show the second. “I'm Donna from-”

SHe was interrupted as Stan pushed her out of the way. “I'M STAN, STAN PINES!” The automatic camera panned again to where Stan was supposed to be. “Did we… did we already do me? Hello, I'm Stan.”

 

“Okay, It's going to be a long night, folks.” The host said as he laughed nervously “It's time to solve…” He began to say but was interrupted as Stan laughed at the joke. “It's uh, time to solve that puzzle! Carla!”

 

“Yes, Rich?”

“Are there any ‘s’es?” Stan asked

 

“Actually, it's not your turn yet.” The host tried to stop him but stopped as two “s”es appeared on the board.

“I'm ready to solve!” Stan said

 

The host shook his head. “No, the game hasn't started…”

 

“Is it ‘shut your yaps’?”

The board flashed, showing that Stan had guessed correctly. The host looked at Stan with new respect. “Well played.”

 

“Cash shower, cash shower, cash shower!” Stan chanted as he spun the wheel

 

“Cash shower!”

 

“Yes! Doodle do…” Stna sang as he began to disrobe for the shower.

 

“Mr. Pines? No! You don't need to take your clothes off! Nope!” The host screamed and then ran in front of the camera when Stan didn’t listen. ”Go to commercial! Go to commercial!”  
******************************************************************************************************  
Mikey led the tour group into a small clearing that was only ten feet or so away from the edge of the woods. Thanks to the to the winding path he and Gorny made, it had taken nearly half an hour to get there. “This is our final destination ‘The Clearing of the Cursed Statue’” Mikey said dramatically as he pointed at Rock That Looks Like A Face Rock. The tourists all murmured in amazement as he continued to speak. “The Statue is very dangerous, and it is only through constant maintenance that we keep it from cursing the entire world! Donations towards this cause are appreciated.” Mikey said as he held out the top hat, which was quickly filled with cash. “I’m afraid this is where I must leave you, I have to tend to the Statue. You can go back the way you came, alone with no protection, or you can continue on the path with my young friend here, and see new and more exotic things for only an additional twenty dollars!” The tourists looked back at the dark winding path behind them and considered all that they had seen and heard while walking it. They unanimously turned to Gorney and began handing him the money. Mikey smiled and walked straight through the thick forest, arriving at the crowd of tourists in only a few moments.

Meanwhile, Dipper was trying to show off his own exhibit in the Mystery Shack.“Ladies and Gentlemen! My name's Honest Dipper, and unlike my cheating uncle, I have something to show you that isn't a hoax! It nearly killed me getting him into that cage, behold, part gremlin, part goblin, the Gremloblin!” He said dramatically, whipping off the sheet off the cage, to reveal the hulking monster.

 

A single couple was there to admire it. ”Well, that's fun.” The husband said as he took a picture.

 

HIs wife rolled her eyes and pointed to the thick hair sprouting off the monster. “It's fake, honey. You can see the strings.”

 

“What‽ Those aren't strings, that's body hair!” Dipper protested as the couple turned away.

 

“Oh, look at this dear. The Six-packalope.” The wife said with a laugh.

 

Dipper grabbed the two and pushed them back to the cage. “No, everything else here is fake.” He tried to explain. “This is a real paranormal beast. Hey, fun fact about this little guy, if you look into his eyes, you can see your worst nightmare.” The couple leaned in and looked into its eyes and then stopped moving completely. “Amazing, right? I work for tips.” Dipper said with a smile

 

Mikey stood outside the small fenced in area that was serving as their gift shop. He had finished the last ready group of tourists a few minutes and was waiting for these to leave so he could check on Mabel and Dipper. The tourists waited behind the locked gate and as he approached he held his hand out expectantly. “Exit pass please.”

The tourists shared looks down the line and turned back to Mikey with confused looks on their faces. “We don’t have one. We didn’t know we needed one.”

Mikey changed his expression to one of concern. “Oh, I’m sorry for the confusion. I’ll tell you what. Normally the exit passes are thirty dollars, but I’ll let you through for fifteen.” Mikey said with a wink.

The tourists made noises of gratitude as they passed Mikey the money “that’s very generous of you.” One said as he passed.

Mikey waved him off. “Oh it’s nothing, that’s just the Pines difference.” He waved the tourists away and walked towards the front of the Mystery Shack where Dipper was waving off an ambulance.

“Thanks again for visiting!” Dipper yelled as the ambulance left. Mikey joined him wordlessly as Dipper slunk inside.

 

Mabel hurriedly ran around the Gift SHop trying to do two jobs at once.“Thanks for shopping with us! I'll get that! Here you go. Sorry. Have a refund. That's the Mabel difference…” She yelled as she tried to help the tourists. Eventually, they had all left, not all satisfied, and she slumped against the wall.

 

Dipper walked in with Mikey trailing behind. “Well, I just made two people go insane. How about you?” He asked his sister.

 

“I'm so tired.” Mabel said with a groan. "I gave Wendy the day off so I had to do her job.”

 

Mikey shook his head. “Well, maybe you need to start being a little bit tougher around here.” he said with crossed arms.

 

“No way, that's what Stan would do! I just need to think positive, be friendly, and everything will work out fine.” Mabel said confidently, just in time for the Gremloblin to burst through the wall and drive the few remaining tourists out.

“What? How did he get out of his locked cage‽” Dipper asked as they hid behind the counter.

 

“Well… I may have put the key in his cage so that he could go on his five-minute break.” Mabel said hesitantly.

Dipper stared at his sister in horror. “YOU GAVE HIM A BREAK‽”

 

“He's an employee...sort of.” Mabel defended herself.

 

“We've got to round him up. Where's Soos?” Dipper asked.

Mabel answered with a shrug. “He was stressed out so I told him to take a soothing nature walk.”

Thunder crashed outside, and the howl of a wolf could be heard surprisingly close to the Shack. Mikey sighed. “I’m sure that's going to end well.”

As the monster leapt away from the hole it made in the wall, the television which had been knocked to the ground began to play. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Stan Pines is poised to become our grand champion! Anything to say to your fans out there?” The host of Cash Wheel asked.

 

Stan laughed and held up the loser shirt. “See you tomorrow night, Mabel!”

Mabel stared in horror at the television but stopped as her brothers pulled her into the living room, and away from the monster that was now standing in front of the counter. Three peeked through the hole in the wall and watched as the gremloblin pulled stickers out of Mabel’s book and placed them on himself. “What do we do? He's awarding himself stickers that he didn't even earn!”

While Mikey tried to comfort his sister, Dipper pulled out the Journal and began to read. “Uh, got it! When fighting a gremloblin, use water…” Without waiting for the rest, Mabel grabbed a glass of water and threw it onto the monster. Dipper flipped the page as Mabel ran away. “...only as a last resort as water will make him much much scarier! AH! Who writes sentences like that‽” As Mabel rejoined her brothers, they watched as the gremloblin increased in size and a row of spikes grew from its back. A clock went off behind it, and was quickly silenced by a burst of flame.

Mikey held his siblings close. “Don't worry, he's gotta leave eventually!” He said.

Several hours later, the trio still hid behind the wall, and the creature was playing with a signing salmon that hung on the wall. “Ughh, why doesn't he just leave?” Mabel asked in frustration. The monster did stop pressing the button but also began eating the money out of the profits jar. “Our profits!” Mabel yelled as she ran out to stop him.

 

Mikey and Dipper ran after her, but Mikey was a little fast and managed to push her out of the way as the monster grabbed him. He still held the cane, and tried to use the magic. There was a glow, but nothing else happened. Mikey stopped soon after, now exhausted. “Don't look into his evil eye; you'll see your worst nightmare!” Dipper yelled out a warning as Mikey slumped in the monster's fist.

 

“I wish we had an evil eye to show him!” Mabel yelled as she punched the monsters leg to no avail.

 

Mabel’s words gave Dipper an idea of how to defeat it. “Hey, monster! Take a look at this!” Dipper said as he ran forward holding a mirror. The gremloblin stared into it’s reflected eyes and screamed in terror, dropping Mikey and running through the nearest wall. “Well, at least he didn't do that much damage.” Dipper said with a fake smile. The smile disappeared completely as they watched it sprout wings and break off the top half of the totem pole.

 

Mabel stared in horror at the clock. “Dipper, it's the third day! We've only got 7 hours to earn back our profits, or I've got to wear that loser shirt all summer!”

 

Before her brothers could respond wendy and Soos walked through the open wall. “Hey, guys! Am I nuts, or does this place look different?” Wendy asked as she looked around.

 

Mabel smiled and ran forward. “Wendy, Soos! Am I glad to see you. We've got a lot of work to do but if we hurry, we can still beat Stan!” She said confidently.

 

Wendy looked around at the mess and quickly decided she wanted no part of it. “Uh, yeah. I've got a little headache, so maybe I should like, not work today.”

 

Soos nodded his agreement. “And I actually just met this pack of wolves, and I think they're gonna like, raise me as one of their own, so I should really be at the den right now.” Mabel stared at them as they started to walk away.

 

“But hey, see ya on Monday.” Wendy said as she waved goodbye.

 

Soos turned back and pointed to the popsicles on the ground. “Uh, BT dubs, is anyone gonna eat these?”

 

Mabel glared at the two employees, trying her best to keep her anger contained until was too much and exploded out. “ENOUGH! I have HAD IT! I fought a monster to save this business, and this is how you repay me‽ I'm gonna get an ulcer from your lollygagging!”

 

“Lollygagging?” Wendy asked.

 

“Ulcer? You're acting... different.” Soos said cautiously.

 

Mabel continued to yell. “You shut your yaps! I've been doing everyone's job while you bums have been bleeding me dry!” She said glaring at the two.

 

Mikey was soon at her side, patting her on the shoulder. “Hey, Mabel, calm down. I’ll take it from here.” He said comfortingly, before turning and glaring at Soos and Wendy. “What are you standing around for? Get to work! Soos, go put on some clothes, and then get in here and clean! Wendy, I want this whole place spotless in the next half hour!”

“Yes, sir!” They said in unison, hurrying to get to work.

“Dipper, what have I done?” Mabel said as she watched Mikey bark orders.

 

“What you had to, Mabel. What you had to.” Her brother said.

 

“Dipper!’ Mikey yelled into his ear, causing him to stumble and then stand at attention. “Gorny’s gonna show you the new tour route! Follow his orders until he says you’re ready!” Dipper didn’t hesitate as he followed the eight-year-old out the door.  
******************************************************************  
Stan spun the wheel to loud cheers from the audience. “You landed on Cash Flood!”  
the host announced

A literal flood of cash buried Stan. He gave a wide smile to the camera. “I'm givin' none of this to charity!”

 

The host smiled at Stan “And now you can go home a thousandaire! Or you could risk everything to double your money with the bonus word!”  
he said pointing to the board.

Stan replied humbly. “Rich, I'm a simple man. So I'm gonna take my winnings, pack my bags, and BET THEM ALL ON THE BONUS WORD! Come on!” he yelled, to more cheers from the audience.  
*********************************************************  
Mabel yelled at the construction crew they had hastily hired. “Time is money, hard hat! You got complaints, file them with the complaint department!” She said holding up a wastebasket. “Ughh, my back.”

Mikey handled incoming tourists, handing them off to Dipper or Gorny when they came back around, and now that Soos had some clothes on, he was doing remarkably well as Questiony the Question Mark.

Dipper happily introduced the tourists to the new mascot. “Have your picture taken with him for a buck. Uh, ten bucks. A hundred bucks!” The sudden increase in price didn't seem to discourage the tourists who began throwing money at him happily.

“We put the fun in no refunds!” Mikey waved goodbye at the final group of tourists, before returning to the counter with everyone else. “How'd we do?” 

“We filled the whole jar!” Mabel said as they watched Dipper count it out.

“Minus the money to replace all the furniture. And supplies to fix the shack, that leaves us…”  
their smiles visibly deflated as Dipper removed money from their profits, eventually leaving a small stack of bills. “A hundred dollars.” He said with a sigh.

As the kids looked at each other with disappointment the door was kicked open by Stan. “Tick-tock! Time's up, kids!” He said with a laugh “Nice to see you learned how to dress while I was gone.” He said, pointing at Dipper and Mikey.

“How much did you beat us by?” Mabel said.

“I won $300,000! And then I bet it all on the bonus word.” Stan said. “ Six letters, a way to ask for something politely. The answer is obvious, gimmee, but noooo. He says it's the magic word and it starts with a ‘p’ well that's obvious!” The others nod their agreement. “Papracadabra, but that's not right either, turns out the answer was…” 

“Please!” Mabel interrupted happily.

“Apparently that word can make you money.”

 

Dipper looked thoughtful as he spoke up. “So, wait. If you lost everything, then that means...Mabel! You won!”

 

“We did it!” Mabel yelled, causing everyone but Stan to cheer.

“Wait. What did we win again?” Soos asked.

“Well, according to our bet, I guess Mabel's the new boss?” Stan said doubtfully.

Everyone was quick to tell him how bad an idea that was. “No! No! Don't do that!”

 

He looked at them in confusion, and Mabel stepped up to explain. “Grunkle Stan, I had no idea how hard it was being boss. This place was cuckoo bananas until I started barking orders at people like you.”

 

“Yeah, well, I gotta admit, It's kind of nice to be back, ya know?” Stan said uncomfortably. “Okay, okay, that's enough. And Soos, Wendy; get to work! Ahem. Please. Uhh! Still hurts.”  
Stan said as he clutched his chest.

“Mabel, didn't your agreement say something about Stan having to do some kind of apology dance if he lost?” Dipper asked with a smile.

“No. No, it didn't.” Stan protested. Mikey held up a tape recorder and played back the deal Stan made with Mable. Stan looked at him in confusion. “Was that in my office?”

“I have these hidden all over the Shack, just in case.” Mikey said with a shrug.

Wendy was the first to react. “I'll get the camera!”  
she said as she ran into the back. Mikey's words were quickly forgotten.ords were quickly forgotten.  
*************************************************************************************  
Stan tried to make a run for it but was eventually forced to do the song. Stan had tried to make a run for it, but within a few minutes he had been rounded up, and now stood in front of three separate cameras. “Uh, look, I'm not gonna…” Stan tried to protest again as he stood in front of three desperate cameras. He tried to protest again before he was cut off by Mable.

“Do it!” Mabel yelled from her director’s chair.

Stan sighed as he began to sing.   
Stan sighed and began to sing. “I'm Stan, and I was wrong,  
I'm singing the Stan Wrong Song,  
I shouldn't have taken that chance,  
Now here's my remorseful dance."

 

“Do the kicks! Jazzier!” Mabel yelled again.  
Mabel yelled again from her director’s chair.  
Stan obeyed without enthusiasm, but he still kicked just hard enough for his fez to fall off. The goat grabbed it and began to eat. Stan kicked his legs up without enthusiasm, but it was enough to knock his fez to the ground. As he reached down to pick it up Gomper the goat grabbed it and began to pull. “Hey, gimme that! Ow! My back!” Stan said as he collapsed onto the ground.  
Stan yelled as he fell onto his knees.  
“What do you think?” Mabel asked Waddles. The pig oinked and Mabel nodded her agreement. Mabel asked Waddles, who linked an answer. Mabel nodded her agreement. “Take thirty!” She yelled, answered by groans from her film crew. She yelled, receiving groans from her film crew.


	15. Bottomless Pit

  
The morning had started with an oddly excited Stan yelling at the kids to gather up anything they wanted to toss out. While Mabel dragged a large locked chest down the stairs with Mikey’s help, Dipper tried to figure out why Stan was so excited about what appeared to be a trash day. Stan didn’t give him any answer until the kids and Soos were loaded into the Mystery Cart and on their way down the road. “In this land of ours, there are many great pits. But none more bottomless than the bottomless pit. Which as you can see here is bottomless.” Stan said as he walked towards the hole in the ground. Dipper still didn’t understand.

Soos raised his hand. “Question. Is it bottomless?”

“Kids, can one of you try explaining this to Soos?” Stan asked as he massaged his temples.

“Grunkle Stan, why are we here again?” Dipper asked, trying again to get a straight answer.

“To dispose of things that we don't want. Like this letter from Gideon.” Stan said as he waved the envelope around.

Mabel looked at her grunkle with confusion. “You got a letter from Lil’ Gideon?”

Stan rolled his eyes as he answered. “Apparently his tent burned down, so now he’s asking for ‘donations’.” He said as he threw the letter down the pit, before reaching into his coat and throwing handfuls of cards after it. “So long, Mystery Shack suggestion cards!”

“I wonder who would have done something like that?” Dipper asked mostly to himself.

“What an interesting question. I’m sure we’ll never find out who committed this terrible crime.” Mikey said as he walked to the edge of the pit with a small cardboard box.

Dipper looked at his brother with wide eyes. “Mikey, please tell me you had nothing to do with this.”

Mikey shrugged. “Nothing anyone can prove at least.” He said as he dropped the box down the hole.

While Dipper stared at his brother, Mabel threw her own handful of letters into the pit. “Goodbye, creepy love letters from Li'l Gideon! Die! Die!”

Soos, feeling left out, took off his shoes and threw them into the pit as well. The sight shook Dipper out of his shock. “What are you doing?” He asked Soos.

“Throwing stuff, dude. Everyone's doin' it.” Soos responded as he threw a barbecue in.

  
Mabel began to push her chest to the edge of the pit stopping to take a breath when she got there. “What you got there, Mabel?” Stan asked.

“Oh, it's just my personal box of mysterious secrets. Nothing worth wondering about.” Mabel said with a giggle as she pushed the crate over the edge. “Goodbye forever!”

Dipper decided to focus on the thing he found most ridiculous about this whole thing. “Grunkle Stan, do I really have to be the one to point out that a bottomless pit is, by definition, impossible?”

“Says you.” Stan said as he continued to throw suggestion cards.

“Well, I guess we'll never know.” Mabel said with a shrug.

As everyone but Stan turned back to the cart the wind began t pick up, blowing strong enough that even Soos was finding hard to walk into it. “Aah! It's some sort of invisible pushing force!” Soos yelled.

“Quick! Everyone back to the shack!” Dipper yelled as he tried to run back to the Shack.

Stan shook his head “I'm not done getting rid of these yet!” He yelled as he threw more. The wind blew them back into his face, causing him to stumble towards the edge.

Mabel yelled as she ran back to him. “Grunkle Stan! No!” The others quickly joined her in trying to drag him away. Stan continued to try to throw away the cards and lunged forward to grab them as they blew out of the pit. That lunge was enough to send him falling down, dragging the others with him.

They all screamed as they fell, waiting for the impact they were sure was going to come. After the first thirty seconds or so, their screams died off. “So, anyone want to scream some more?” Soos asked as he looked around at the inky blackness around them.

“Where are we?” Dipper asked urgently.

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Unless I missed something, we're falling down a bottomless pit.” Dipper glared at his brother.

Mabel pulled out a glowstick and snapped it before hanging it off her arm. “We're somewhere where it looks like we're nowhere.” She said as she shined the light around.

“We're gonna land on something eventually. It could be any second now.” Dipper says, fear clear in his voice. Everyone braced for impact, but it never came.

“Well... it looks like we're down here for the long haul. Who wants to see some card tricks?” Stan asked as he pulled out a deck of cards. They few up above them as he tried to shuffle. “Tada!”

Mabel clapped while the others tried to think of something to do. “Hey, maybe we should pass the time by telling stories.” Soos suggested.

“I've got a story. It's called the time Grunkle Stan got us all thrown into a bottomless pit where we spent the rest of our natural lives!” Dipper spit out angrily as he glared at Stna.

Soos nodded, intrigued. “Go on…”

“Come on, Dipper, you can do better than that.” Mabel encouraged.

Dipper sighed. “Fine.” He said as he took the glowstick from Mabel. “I'll tell you a story. A story I'd like to call…”  
************************************************************************************  
 _ **Voice Over**_

Mabel, Wendy, Soos, and Mikey were on the front lawn with Waddles while Stna watched from the porch. “Ready?” Mabel asked as she and Soos grabbed opposite ends of the pig. With nods from Wendy and Mikey, Mabel and Soos spun Waddles around.

“Spin the Pig!” They chanted as they waited for him to stop. Waddles stopped spinning and pointed straight at Stan.

Mabel called to her grunkle. “Hey! Grunkle Stan. Ever kissed a pig before?”

“I'm not gonna answer that question.” Stan said as he went back to his newspaper.

Screaming stopped any further discussion. “Guys! I think I just got bit by a snake! I need you to get me to a hospital quick!” Dipper screamed as he ran to the group. The only response he received was Stan’s laughter. “What? What's so funny?” He asked.

Stan waved Dipper away. “Sorry. It's just hard to focus on what you're saying with that squeaky puberty voice you got there.” He said

Dipper looked at the others in confusion. “My what?”

“It's nothing to be ashamed of, Dipper.” Mabel said with a smile. “Your voice is hillaaarrious! She said, forcing her voice to crack.

Dipper glared at them as they laughed. “What about Mikey? We sound exactly the same!”

“Our voices sound the same, sure. But yours cracks so bad.” Mikey said through his laughter.

Soos nodded. “Yeah dude, no offense, but it cracks so much we've already made a techno remix out of it.” He said, holding up the tape player and hitting play.”

“Nice to meet you My name's Dipper Pines, P-P-Pines, Pines, Pines Nice to meet you P-p-pines, Pines, Pines” The tape played. Dipper looked devastated as he heard his voice played back.

“Does my voice really sound like that?”

The others didn’t answer as Wendy looked at the tape in excitement. “Oh, here comes my favorite part!”

“Stop it, guys!” The tape yelled out, causing them all to burst into laughter.

Dipper glared at them and snatched the tape away. “Give me that!”

They stared after him, slightly concerned, but quickly went back to their game of Spin the Pig.  
***********************************************************************************************************  
Dipper walked down the streets of Gravity Falls, and heaved a great sigh. He rolled his eyes at the sound of it cracking. “Even my sigh sounds weird.”

Suddenly, Old Man McGucket jumped out from behind an old wooden fence. “Hello there!” He said as Dipper screamed and backed away. “I couldn't help but overhear your situation. Old Man McGucket, part-time inventor.” He introduced himself, spitting on his cast and offering it to Dipper to shake.

“Why do you spit on your hand?” Dipper asked as he took another step back.

“I don't rightly know.” McGucket answered, wiping the hand off on his beard.

Dipper stared at the old man again, suddenly remembering where he knew him form. “Hey, I remember you! Your robot almost killed me!”

McGucket ignored him and grabbed his arm. “Come here! Follow me into this dark and dangerous alley.” The alley opened up into a dump, where McGucket lived. One of the cars had been turned into a makeshift chemistry lab, which McGucket hurried towards. “Lately, I've been tickerizing with a voice alterizing tonic. On account of my Horrrrifyin' voice!” He screamed, causing a kid that had been playing in the dump to cry and run away. “You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares!” McGucket screamed after the fleeing child. He handed Dipper a tin tube filled with a glowing green liquid.

Dipper looked at the potion with awe. “This will really fix my voice? Thanks!” He downed it and started to walk back to the Shack.

“Come mornin', you'll sound like a new man... If you survive.” McGucket said to himself, before turning around to work on the chemistry set.  
******************************************************  
Dipper Woke up the next morning with a deep yawn. “Good morning Dipper.” He said to himself, springing out of bed when he realized his voice was much deeper and richer. “I did it! I diiid it! Now I have a neeew voice!” He laughed as he ran to his sister’s bed. “Morning Mabel. Who's my favorite Mabel?”

Mabel screamed at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. She grabbed the golf club she kept by the bed and started swinging. “Who are you?! What have you done with my brother‽ Dipper! I'll save you from this body switching warlock!” She yelled as she attempted to beat her brother.

Dipper felt a heavy weight dragging him down as his brother jumped onto his back. “Grab the Journal! Maybe there's some way to bring back Dipper!” Mikey yelled at Mabel as he kept Dipper pinned to the floor.

“Guys, it's me. This is my voice now. I sound awesome. Soouund aaawesome.” Dipper said earnestly, still playing with his new voice.

Mabel frowned and dropped the golf club. “I know boys' voices change, but this is weird. Weird and bad.”

“But Mabel, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And just think of the prank calls.” Dipper protested as he picked up the phone and dialed a random number.

“Hello?” A menacing voice said from over the line.

”Hello, this is the President of the United States of America. I am calling to tell you…” Dipper said, before spitting into the receiver

The voice was clearly angry now and yelled. “What? Who is this‽”

Dipper hung up and laughed “Magnificent!”

Mikey looked at his brother with a disturbed expression. “This is horrifying.”

“Mabel no like.” Mabel agreed.

Dipper rolled his eyes and ran downstairs to show Soos. “How are you diddly-doing, Soos?” He asked.

Soos screamed and grabbed the broom to swat Dipper. “Kill it! Kill it with fire! Everyone flee!” He yelled, beating Dipper the whole time.

Dipper managed to get out from under the broom, and glared at Soos. “What gives, man? You guys all made fun of my old voice. I thought you'd like the new one.”

Soos shrugged. “Well, at least before you sounded like a real person. Now, you sound like some weird commercial dude.”

Dipper glared and stalked towards the door. “I'll find Stan. He'll like my new voice. You'll see. I'll be right back after these messages! I mean... goodbye.” Dipper stuttered out as he walked out the door. He walked back into town and started yelling for his grunkle. “Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan! Where are you, Grunkle Stan?”

As Dipper walked he wandered past Tats, the bouncer at Skull Fracture. “Huh? I know that voice anywhere! You're that guy that prank-called me earlier!” He yelled at Dipper, glaring down at him.

“No, I'm not. I'm a 12-year-old boy.” Dipper urgently tried to deny.

“You expect me to believe that? You crazy-voiced punk!” Tats yelled as he took a menacing step forward.

Dipper screamed and ran as fast as he could away from the bar.

“There's a prank caller on the loose! Let's get him!” Tats yelled into the bar, before running after Dipper with most of the patrons following him.

Dipper continued to run as they chased after him, before jumping into the same hole McGucket used the day before. He continued to run until he found McGucket in front of the car. “McGucket! Your invention was a catastrophe!” He yelled.

“That's probably why I live in a dump!” McGucket said agreeably.

Dipper began to cry as he went over the day. “My own siblings didn't recognize me. I scared away crowds. I even sound ridiculous when I cry.” He sobbed out.

McGucket took the vial Dipper was holding and examined the small amount of potion still inside. “Well, now. Here's your problem. I gave you the wrong drinking majiggy. This one's for voice over professionals. I'm sure I got a better voice in here somewhere.” He said as he started to dig through the trunk.

“Good! Hurry up!” Dipper yelled.

“You got here just in time. Come sundown, you'd be back to your ridiculous old voice.” McGucket said as he continued to dig.

“It was ridiculous, wasn't it?” Dipper said softly as he pressed play on the mixtape. The remix played but was interrupted by Mabel’s voice on the tape. “This remix is dedicated to my brother. Dipper, your voice is one of a kind.”

“Dude, I've never heard anything like it. R-r-remix over!” Soos chimed in, ending the remix with an explosion sound.

McGucket stood up and offered Dipper a new vial, this one containing a red liquid. “Are you ready for your new voice? This one should be permanent!”

Dipper looked at the vial, took a deep breath and brought it to his lips.   
*********************************************************************************  
A few hours later Dipper walked into the den where Soos, Mabel, and Mikey were sitting. “Hey guys.” He said, his voice cracking slightly.

“Dipper!” Mabel yelled as she got up to hug him, quickly joined by Mikey and Soos.

“I guess I realized that even though my voice may not be perfect, it's still mine, and I wouldn't change it for anything, not even for whatever was in this new vial.” Dipper told them.

“So, what did you do with the rest of that potion?” Mabel asked as they sat down to watch tv.

“I dumped it in Stan's coffee.” Dipper said with a laugh.

Stan walked and began to speak in a woman’s voice. “Have any of you kids seen mah girdle? Where mah girdle at?” The kids laughed at the sound and Stan glared. “What? What's so funny? I'm Grunkle Stay-an! Kids laughing. Laughing at they Grunkle.”  
***************************************************************************************************  
Once Dipper finished the story, Mabel and Soos started to play games to entertain themselves. “I spy with my little eye something that is... Black!” Mabel said

“Ooh ooh! Everything!” Soos said excitedly.

“Yay for Soos!” Mabel said as she clapped.

“Yay for Soos!” Soos joined in.

Mabel turned to everyone else and began to ramble excitedly. ‘Hey, guys, who wants to pass the time by spinning? Everyone spin!” She said spinning in the air.

“Why not?” Mikey said with a shrug as he joined her.

“No.” Dipper said with crossed arms. Mabel quickly flipped him onto his side and began to spin run on top of him, spinning him at the same time.

Stan laughed as Dipper complained about Mabel stepping on him. “Dipper's pain is funny, but I'm starting to get bored. Soos, tell a story.” Stan commanded.

Soos looked at Stan in shock. “Really? Okay. This story is called…”  
**************************************************  
 _ **Soos’ Really Good Pinball Story. Is That A Good Title? Does It Have To Be A Pun Or Whatever?**_

Soos was hunched over an old pinball machine in the back of the Mystery Shack, focusing intently while the triplets cheered him on. “This is it, dudes. After 4 long years of trying, I might finally get a high score on Stan's creepy old pinball machine. If I do this, I'll go down in pinball history, with the likes of Sal, Gaff, and of course, Poo.” He said as he released the final ball.

“Have you ever tried maybe tilting the machine?” Dipper asked as he watched Soos play.

“I don't know, dudes, isn't breaking the rules like, against the rules?” Soos asked cautiously.

Mikey scoffed. “Since when have rules stopped us?”

Mabel quickly agreed. “Yeah! Nuts to the rules! Tilt! Tilt! Tilt!”

Soos ignored Mabel as he desperately tried to save the ball, to no avail. “Failure! You stink!” The game announced.

Soos stared at the machine with a determined look in his eyes. “Alright, that's it! Are you ready, kids?” He asked.

The triplets grabbed the sides of the machine and began to chant. “Tilt! Tilt! Tilt! Tilt!”

“Quit tiltin', partner. Quit tiltin'!” The game yelled. They ignored the warning as they quickly tilted the ball into the skull’s mouth. “Bulls-eye! New high score!” The machine announced.

They all cheered as Soos input his initials. “This is the best moment of my life. This totally beats my old best moment, that time I hit the eject button on a VCR and a slice of pizza came out.”

“That ain't right. You cheated.” The game said.

Mabel walked forward and began to taunt it. “Oh, yeah. What are you gonna do about it? You're just a Pinball game, Pinball game. Taunt, taunt.”

Dipper stared at the game as electricity began to spark off of it. “Uh, guys, there's an awful lot of green lightning coming out of that game.”

Soos carefully considered it before responding. “No, that's the normal amount of green lightning.”

Before they could run, the lightning struck them and all they could see was black. Soos woke up sometime later to the sound of an alarm. “Uh, 5 more minutes.” He said pressing the buzzer down, and jumping up when he realized that it was part of the pinball game. “Ah! Wait. That's not a normal alarm clock.” He said as he slowly backed away.

The triplets ran towards Soos, completely decked out in western wear. “Soos! We're inside the game! Crazy!” Dipper said.

“Sweet Moses!” Mabel agreed.

Soos looked around at the massive game in awe. “Hushed exclamation of wonder!”

“Awesome!” Mikey yelled as they ran through the different parts of the game.

Mabel jumped between two bumpers and bounced between them laughing while the other explored. “Dude, if this is a dream, I never want to wake up!” Soos yelled.

“That can be arranged. Welcome to Tumbleweed Terror, partners.” A gravelly voice said. Turning around they saw the skull speaking to them.

“Hey, it's the skeleton cowboy guy. Did you zap me into your game to congratulate me on getting my new score? I beat Poo, dude!” Soos said proudly.

The game ignored them as it continued to talk. “Pardon, and if'n I do recall, I did warn Y'all not to cheat. I tried to be gentleman-like, but I'm plum sick of being tilted. So, now I reckon, I'm gonna tilt you.” It said menacingly, causing the triplets to back away.

Soos, on the other hand, stepped forward bravely. “Well, take this!” He yelled as he swung at a bumper, which simply launched his fist back into his own face. Repeatedly. “It hurts. I wish this was working better. And this! Aw, dude!” He fell to the ground as he was hit again. The triplets quickly ran back to him to help him up. The pinball machine laughed and released three balls, now much bigger than them, down the track.

They ran as quickly as they could, but the balls were catching up before Dipper noticed a decoration they could hide behind. “Over there!” he yelled as he dived through the doors of the saloon.

“Where are you? I'm not done teaching you a lesson about cheating yet.” The game yelled out.

Dipper and the others hid low behind a wall, to stay out of the skulls sight. “How are we gonna get out of here? Think, guys.” He said.

“I'm trying. But it's hard with that gorgeous pinball wench distracting me.” Soos said as he waved shyly to a cardboard cutout of a woman. Mikey slapped the back of his head. “Okay. Don't worry, guys, I know every inch of this machine. There's a manual power switch inside. I can sneak in there and turn off the game. But we'll have to distract the cowboy guy. Are any of you good at jumping up and down and making annoying noises?” Soos said as he looked over the three of them.

Mabel stood up and faced away, her hair blowing in a draft. “My time has come.” She said dramatically.

Dipper nodded and got ready to do his part. “Alright, let's go, Soos. Soos?” He turned and saw Soos hitting on the cardboard cutout.

“So are you, like, doing anything later?” Soos asked. Dipper kicked it over and glared. “Right.” Soos said, embarrassed. He quickly ran to the manual switch while the triplets took up positions behind the paddles.

“Come on out and show yourselves, varmints.” The pinball machine yelled, which Mabel took as her cue.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Look at me and listen to what I'm doing! BUZZZZZZ! DISTRACTION! DISTRACTION! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!” Mabel yelled while Dipper and Mikey made their own noises.

“Something ain't right here. Let me see where this is going.” The machine said as it watched them. While it was distracted Soos climbed aboard a mine cart that led into the inner workings of the machine. The skull closed its eyes and laughed at the kid's antics, but when it opened them again they were gone. “Yippy ti yi what? Where are ya?” He attempted to look around but couldn’t move. “Darnit, I wish I had a neck.”

Dipper leaned into the hole Soos had traveled down. “Soos, pssssst. What's going on? Just press the switch already!”

Soos stared at the power switch and called back to Dipper. “Okay, so I was gonna do that, but I've been thinking. According to this, turning off the power will erase the scores permanently. That score is like my one big life accomplishment.”

“What? If you don't hurry up, we could die in here!” Dipper yelled at Soos.

Soos nodded his understanding. “Fair point. But, what is life anyway when compared to the immortality of a high score?”

“Soos, if you don’t press that button right now, I’m gonna…” Mikey started to yell but was interrupted by the sound of the pinball game laughing.

“There y'all are. Get ready to meet your maker, kids. My maker is Ballway Games in Redmond, Washington.” The game said, before inhaling deeply and sucking everything into its mouth. The triplets scratched at the smooth ground trying not to be sucked in. They yelled for Soos to turn the game off, as they were slowly dragged to their deaths.  
Soos stared at the power button and heard their screams. He quickly made his decision. “Goodbye, high score.” He yelled pressing the button just as the triplets were picked up into the air. The game shut down and green lightning traveled from it and into their bodies, which lay on the floor. “Woah! You dudes okay?” Soos asked as he got to his feet.

“Yes! You did it! You freed us!” Mabel said as she hugged Soos

“Hey man, I'm sorry you had to lose your high score.” Dipper said as he pat Soos on the back. Mikey rolled his eyes.

Soos smiled at the kids. “That's okay. I've got a new life accomplishment now. Saving you dudes.” They all shared a group hug, and then Soos looked off into the distance. “You think that pinball wench will call me?” He asked.  
*******************************************************  
Mabel and Mikey clapped when Soos finished his story. “Oh stop.” Soos said with a blush.

Mikey snatched the glowstick out of Dipper’s hands. “Okay, it's my turn! I’d like to tell you a story that I call…”  
**********************************************************  
 _ **Brownie Points**_

“Hey kids, come in here!” Stan yelled from inside the gift shop. The triplets walked into the empty shop and waited for Stan to tell them what he wanted. “Some of the lights in the Shack have been flickering, so I need you three to get in the crawl space and patch any wires up with this.” Stan said, handing Dipper a roll of electrical tape and gesturing to the many flickering lights in the gift shop.

Mikey looked at Stan quizzically. “I didn’t even know we had a crawl space.”

“Yep.” Stan said happily as he kicked open the trapdoor, revealing the pitch black space under the house. “You might wanna bring a flashlight.” He said casually.

Dipper looked into the space uncertainly. “Shouldn't Soos be doing this?” He asked his grunkle.

“Soos hasn't fit in the crawl space for years.” Stan answered. “Now get to work. I need these lights before the next batch of tourists gets here.” Stan said as walked back to his office. The three siblings sighed and climbed down into the dark area, Mikey leading the way with a flashlight.

They made their way carefully through the tight space, crawling on their hands and knees and occasionally wrapping some exposed wires with the tape. Mikey suddenly stopped, causing his siblings to run into him. “What’s wrong?” Dipper whispered.

“Do you hear that?” Mikey asked instead of answering. Now that they were still, they could begin to hear something just a little ahead of them. It sounded like scraping, and possibly even footsteps. Mikey slowly inched forward, while his siblings stayed close behind, and shined the light on one of the strangest sights this summer. “What are those? He whispered to himself. The three children found themselves looking at a small group of four brownish humanoids. While the Pines were forced to crawl, these creatures had more than enough room to stand. At the moment, their delicate hands were hard at work stripping the plastic off of the nearest wires.

Mabel looked at their small bodies and soft faces, and only one thought came to her mind. “Fairies!” She whispered excitedly.

Dipper pulled out the Journal and held his hand out for the flashlight. “Wait, I think I recognize these.” He said as he began to flip through the Journal’s pages. “Here we go: Brownies. They love nothing more than doing housework, sometimes causing damage just to fix it later.” He read softly from the Journal.

“Well, I guess that explains the wires.” Mikey interrupted.

“Brownies claim small areas as their own and consider it extremely rude to do housework that hasn't been offered them.” Dipper continued to read. “Deals can be made for the Brownies to perform more services in exchange for housework, but beware, if the deal is broken or not enough housework is supplied the brownies will become enraged and will destroy whoever offended them.’

Mikey looked at Dipper excitedly. “Are you saying I could hire them and pay them in more work? This is awesome!”

“Did you hear the part about destroying whoever offended them‽” Dipper hissed incredulously.

“Spoilsport.” Mikey muttered. He then began to crawl toward the brownies.

“What are you doing?” Dipper asked as he tried to keep pace.

“We still need to fix the wiring right? We’ll have to talk to them eventually.” Mikey said with a shrug, before turning away to face the brownies that now faced him. “Hello, we were sent down here to fix the wires. Do you think you could help with that?” Mikey asked. The creatures didn’t respond and continued to stare. Mikey tried again. “If you fix the wires, we’ll, uh, let you clean the attic?” He offered nervously. The lead brownie considered him for another moment, then turned around and huddled together with the other three members of its family. Small mutterings could be heard, but nothing the kids could make out. All at once the brownies turned around and the leader gave a single sharp nod. Mikey smiled down at them. “Great! We’ll just be going then.” He said as he slowly backed away.

“What was that‽” Dipper asked as they climbed back out of the space.

“We were going to have to make a deal eventually if we wanted to fix those wires.” Mikey said with a shrug. “Besides, I don’t think keeping our room dirty will be a problem.”

Opening the door of their room, they saw that the brownies had already gotten to work, it was cleaner than it had ever been, even before they arrived. Mikey smirked at Dipper, before pushing everything off of his small desk and into the floor and then laying down to go to bed. Dipper frowned but didn’t say anything, he just made sure that his own desk hadn’t been disturbed.  
*************************  
The next morning the triplets were awoken by yelling from Stan. Rushing downstairs, the trio walked into a surprisingly clean gift shop. “This place is spotless! I don’t think it’s ever looked better!” Stan told as they walked in, patting them on the shoulders and walking back to his office.

Dipper immediately took notice of the satisfied smile on his brother’s face and confronted him. “Mikey, what did you do?”

“I may or may not have made a deal with the Brownies.” Mikey said smugly.

“You what‽” Dipper hissed out, irritating his throat. He coughed once before a Pitt Cola appeared in his hand. He glared at Mikey as his brother smirked at him. “Fine. Maybe this won’t be so bad.”

The three of them, along with Wendy, started to work as tourists began to filter in. Any dropped merchandise or spilled food or drinks were cleaned almost before anyone realized a mess had been made. With the brownies taking care of all the cleanup, the kids were pretty much left to do their own things, quickly convincing everyone, even Dipper, that Mikey had done the smart thing.

As the day wound down and the tourists began to leave, the kids moved back into the gift shop to hang out with Wendy. Their good time was ended when an entire shelf of merchandise fell over, apparently on it’s own.

Stan quickly ran into the room, glaring at the kids despite them being on the opposite end of the room from the shelf. “What in Moses is going on in here? You kids better get this place cleaned up quick!”

The kids quickly ran to the shelf and picked it and the clothes that had been on it. Stan walked back to his office just in time for the entire room to begin to shake, with shelves falling down and things being knocked off the ground.

“What’s happening‽” Wendy yelled as she desperately tried to keep her balance.

“I don’t know!” Mikey yelled back. They all dived back behind the counter as they waited for the shaking to stop. Once it had, they peeked over the edge to see the brownies happily bouncing around the room, fixing it up one piece at a time. “I guess they didn’t have enough work.” Mikey said sheepishly as Dipper glared

Two of the brownies were tearing apart a shelf so that they could put together later. Mabel rushed forward in an attempt to save it. “Hey! Hey, stop!” She yelled as she waved her arms in an attempt to shoo them away. The brownies glared at her and lunged forward to attack. Mabel was barely pulled away by Mikey.

They ran to hide behind a wall occasionally glancing back over to watch out for the brownies. “Is there anything in the Journal about getting rid of them?” Mikey asked his brother.

“Come on, dude!” Wendy urged.

Dipper flipped through the pages of the Journal urgently. “Uh… Okay, it says here that if we destroy their nest, they’ll be forced to leave and find a new home.”

Mikey let out a relieved sigh. “That sounds simple enough. Where’s their nest?” Dipper wordlessly pointed to the door into the crawl space. Across the room. “Of course it is.”

The four of them began to crawl across the floor, hiding behind shelves as they went. Mikey cautiously held open the trapdoor as everyone filed in, closing it just before the brownies looked at him.

They continued to crawl through the small space, flinching at every noise from above, when the floor directly above their heads was torn up. They screamed as they hurried back down the tunnel, and the brownies jumped down to follow. Mikey turned around and grasped his stone tightly freezing the stopping the brownies behind a thin barrier. The others turned back to help him, but he shook his head. “Just keep going!” He yelled back at them.

They continued to crawl, the noises from the monsters growing louder the whole time. Dipper rounded a corner and recognized the bundle of stones and plastic strips as the nest of the brownies. Lunging forward he scattered it around the small room. A bright flash filled his vision and the sounds of the creatures stopped.

They turned back around and crawled out of the new hole in the floor. Mikey lay there, clearly exhausted, and Stan stood frozen in the doorway. There crawling out of the hole seemed to snap him out of it. “Hot Belgian waffles!” He yelled as he started to search through the debris.

Mikey picked himself up and turned to his siblings. “I think we all learned a valuable lesson today.”

Mabel nodded happily as she started to pick up some of the debris. “Yep! There's no substitute for hard work.”

“What? No.” Mikey said, shaking his head disappointedly. “We learned to always make any contracts airtight, even if they’re only verbal agreements.” He said confidently, ignoring the stares from the others.  
********************************************************  
Stan scoffed when Mikey finished the story. “I can't believe this nonsense. Magic tonics? Housekeeping goblins? Soos winning at something? Where did you come up with this stuff? I'll tell you a good story. It's called…”  
********************************************************************  
 _ **Grunkle Stan Wins The Football Bowl**_

Stan ran into the endzone way ahead of the pack, scoring an easy touchdown and winning the big game. As he began his victory dance his team approached. “Mr. Pines, I thought that old folks were useless, but you taught me and my gloating friends a lesson.” The team captain said, to much applause.

A giant trophy was pulled to Stan as he celebrated. “Here is your football winning trophy, Mr. Pines.” A beautiful woman announced from inside it.

“Thanks, beautiful woman. But I couldn't have done it without my sidekick, Footbot.” Stan said as he gestured to the small robot.

“Thank you for building me, Daddy!” Footbot said.

They all huddled together and laughed as fireworks went off above them.  
*************************************************  
Everyone booed when Stan finished his story. “What? That story was great! I even threw in a talking robot for the kids.”

Mabel rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna tell a non-terrible story. A story called…”  
**************************************************************************************  
 _ **Trooth Ache**_

The Pines family leaned against Stna’s car while they waited for Manly Dan Courderouy to make a special delivery. “This attraction is gonna make me a fortune.” Stan told the kids as Dan led a bear out of the back of his truck. “Easy with that bear, Corduroy! I need him in showroom condition.”

Mabel smiled as she watched Dan start to wrestle the bear into submission. “Awwwww. They're hugging.”

Dipper looked at his grunkle curiously. “So, let me get this straight. Your plan is to teach a bear to ride a bicycle?”

Stan shook his head. “No. Come on, everyone's seen a bicycle-riding bear. No, no. I'm gonna teach this bear... to drive!”  
************************************  
Stan’s car swerved wildly down the road as Stan gave driving advice to the bear. “And the yellow light means speed up.” The bear growled in what Stan assumed to mean understanding. The sound of siren caused Stan to sit up and look back. “Uh oh.” He said as he coached the bear into pulling over. He rolled his window down as Blubs and Durland approached. “What seems to be the problem, officers?” He asked with a wide smile.

“There better be a darn good explanation for this.” Blubs said as he pointedly looked at the bear.

Stan nodded gravely. “Oh, there is. You see, I'm a very old man. Not long for this Earth. And the doctors assigned me a seeing eye bear to drive me to the hospital in case of an emergency.” He explained.

Sheriff Blubs scoffed. “Is that right? Then, where is your doctor's note?”

Stan pulled out of his pocket and began to write on a piece of paper inside his jacket. “Why, it's right here, inside my jacket. There you go.” He said as he handed them the note from Dr. Medicine.

“Well, I can't argue with Dr. Medicine.” Blubs said as he read the note.

“To the hospital, honeypants!” Stan told the bear, which pulled away and drove towards the Shack.  
******************************  
Stan spray painted rocks under a sign promising real gold nuggets while Mabel stared at him expectantly. “Grunkle Stan, how could you lie to those policemen? Don't you know lying is always wrong?” She asked.

Stan sighed. “Mabel, when you get to be my age, you'll learn that you sometimes have to bend the truth for the greater good.” he answered as he ate a forkful of spaghetti.

Dipper walked into the looking around urgently. “Hey, have any of you seen my plate of spaghetti?” he asked.

Stan turned around, hiding the plate behind his back. “No... But I bet Soos has. You know how he likes to eat.”

Dipper nodded gravely. “This is a dark day. Thanks, Grunkle Stan.”

“See? Greater good.” Stan said as he turned back to Mabel, eating another mouthful.

Mabel let out a scream of frustration, but was silenced when Mikey grabbed her shoulder. “Mabel, I don’t get it. You’ve lived with me for the past twelve years, why is Grunkle Stan’s lying bothering you so much.”

Mabel shook her head again. “Because he lies about everything, all the time! He’s supposed to be the mature and responsible one!” She yelled in frustration.

Mikey tried to comfort her. “Mabel, that’s just the way Grunkle Stan is. You’re not gonna change that in one day.”

“We’ll see about that.” Mabel said determinedly.  
********************************************************  
Mabel lay on her bed, holding Waddles up in the air with her feet. “Waddles, what am I gonna do about Grunkle Stan?” She asked the pig.

She answered herself as Waddles. “He needs to stop lying.”

She continued to debate with herself. “I know, but how do we stop him?”

“Maybe you should check Dipper's Journal. Oink Oink.”

“Say oink one more time.”

“Oink Oink.”

“Waddles, you genius!” Mabel yelled as she grabbed the Journal off of Dipper’s shelf. "Buried 'neath a trees stump in the deep forest are the truth teeth, which forces upon the wearer the inability to lie. Hmmm.”  
*****************************  
Mabel crept into Stan’s room and removed his dentures from the nightstand. She placed the trooth teeth in his mouth and held his nose closed. “What? What's going on? Huh? Mabel?” Stan spluttered as he woke up.

“Quick question. What happened to Dipper's spaghetti plate?” Mabel asked.

Stan shrugged as he answered. “I ate it because I have little to no concern about other people's possessions or emotions.” Stan stopped as he realized what he was saying. “That was strangely candid. Almost as if I am unable to lie. Well, good night.” He said as he layed back down and went to sleep.

That morning the triplets sat at the table waiting for Stan to finish breakfast. Mabel quickly whispered to her brothers what she had done. “You what? That seems like a horrible idea!” Dipper said.

“It's great! Now he has to tell the truth.” Mabel said excitedly.

Mikey shook his head. “This is going to end horribly.”

Stan threw the skillet down onto the table. “Scrambled meat, here it is.”

“Stan, what do you do in secret everyday during your lunch break?” Dipper asked, wanting to see how far these truth teeth went.

Stan considered the question for a moment. “Usually, I spend the hour aggressively scratching myself in places I shouldn't mention. Now I'm going to avoid making eye contact by pretending to read this newspaper and going to the bathroom without washing my hands.” Stan finished as he walked away.

The kids flinched away at Stan’s words. “Well, that was disturbing.” Dipper commented.

“Don't worry, Guys. The truth is always a good thing.” Mabel assured them.  
*****************************************************************************************  
In the gift shop, Stan was manning the register when a customer stopped to ask a question. “Hey, excuse me. Do you think this t-shirt is my size?”

Stan stood up on the counter and shouted for everyone to hear. “Never mind the t-shirt! Hey everyone, look at this guy's abnormal and unattractive face!”

Mabel grabbed the man’s arm and gently led him away. “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.”  
****************************************************************************************************  
Stan was sitting at his desk doing his taxes when the boys walked in. Dipper picked one of the finished papers up. The only thing written on it were the words “I HAVE COMMITTED TAX FRAUD” Dipper turned to his grunkle “Uh, Grunkle Stan, why did you write this?”

“Because I regularly commit massive tax fraud.” Stan said as he continued to write.

“You might wanna... tuck that one away there.” Dipper said as he placed the paper in the shredder.

Mikey gently led Stan away from the desk. “Hey, uh, Stan maybe I should do these for you.”  
************************************************************************************************************  
The Pines were sitting in front of the tv laughing at the ridiculous show that was on. Stan started to speak without prompting. “Sometimes, I think. Is this all there is? Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punchline? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet, release of death?” The kids shivered and ran up to their rooms, eager to get away.  
************************************************************************************************  
Stan yelled up to the kids as he sat down at the kitchen table.”Kids, I think I have a growth forming on my back. Just wanted to be honest with you guys.”

“I can't take it anymore, Mabel! We need to take those teeth out of his mouth.” Dipper told his sister as he pulled the pillow off his head.

Mabel tried to protest. “But then he'll be a liar again.”

“Could it possibly be any worse than this?” Dipper asked her.

At the sound of a doorbell ringing, the kids ran downstairs, where they saw Stan opening the door for Blubs and Durland. “So, after further investigation, it turns out that there is no Dr. Medicine in Gravity Falls.” Blubs said as he stared Stan down.

“You better have a darn good explanation for this.” Durland warned.

Stan nodded and began to explain. “Oh and I do. You see, I lied to you. In addition I've been parking in handicapped spaces, shoplifting fireworks, and smuggling endangered animals across multiple state lines. Also, you're fat.”

Sheriff Blubs dropped his coffee in shock. “Is all of this true?”

Dipper quickly ran downstairs to interrupt Stan “No! No, it's not true. Right?” He said looking at Mabel and Mikey for support.

“Uh, sirs, I have to be completely and totally honest with you. Our Great Uncle Stan is...is...Stan is.. secretly a crime fiction writer!” Mabel finally managed to force out.

“What?” Blubs asked.

Mabel nodded and responded with more conviction. “Yeah. He was just telling you about a character in his upcoming page turner, Crime Grandpa! He's never committed a crime in his life. Also, have you lost weight?”

“Finally! Someone noticed.” Blubs said pleased/

Durland looked at Stan in an entirely new light. “Wow, an author! Can you teach me how to read?”

“What? Author?” Stan said, looking at the kids in shock.

“If you’ll excuse us, Grunkle Stan needs to get back to his writing.” MIkey said as he closed the door on the cops.

Dipper sat next to Mabel and comforted her. “Hey, you alright?”

“I can't believed I lied.” Mabel said despondently.

“Mabel, it was for the greater good.” Mikey assured her.

Mabel nodded. “Yeah, the greater good.”

Stan picked up the phone and quickly dialed the police station. “Hello? Police station? I forgot to tell him about my tax fraud. No, tax fraud.” The kids rushed him and tackled him to the ground. “What's gotten into you kids?” He asked as Mabel pulled out the teeth.

“We have to find a place to get rid of these!” Mabel said.  
*******************************************************************  
“So I pushed them into the bottomless pit and I never saw that box full of magical teeth again.” Mabel finished. “Oh wait, there it is.” She corrected herself as she saw it falling next to Stan.

“Oh, sweet! My shoes!” Soos said as he pulled the falling shoes on.

Stan sighed at Mabel’s story. “I like the part with the bear. The rest of it seems pretty far-fetched.”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “Mabel, we already know that story! We just lived through it.”

“If we're living through that story right now, then how does it end?” Soos asked nervously.”

“Guys, do you see that?” Dipper asked as he looked down and saw a rapidly approaching ight.

The others began to scream as it rushed towards them, but no impact ever came. They passed through the light and suddenly found themselves standing on solid ground. “Where... where are we?” Stan asked as he looked around.

“ Look! The Shack!” She said pointing at the old building. “Which means.. we came right back out the top.”

“And I don't think any time has passed. It must be some kind of wormhole.” Dipper said as he looked at his watch.

Soos nodded. “Yeah, dude. That sounds science-y enough to be true.”

“But that's impossible. No one will believe us.” Stan tried to protest.

Mabel just shrugged as she looked down into the pit. “Maybe this is one story we should keep to ourselves.” The others nodded their agreement, and headed back into the Mystery Shack.


	16. The Deep End

“Watch out, Gravity Falls, because, at a 110 degrees, we're looking at the hottest day of the summer!” Toby determined announced on the radio. The Pines family didn’t share his enthusiasm for the news as they desperately tried to stay cool in the rundown Mystery Shack.

 

“All in favor of doing nothing all day say ‘ugh.’” Dipper said as he leaned back into the recliner. He received a groan of agreement from everyone in the Shack

 

Stan, keeping cool by laying down on the hardwood floor and eating from a bucket of ice cream, glared at Waddles as he waddled up next to him. “I'm gonna throw this pig out of the house!” Waddles responded to this shout by oinking and beginning to lick Stans face clean. “You called my bluff, pig,” Stan admitted as he looked away.

Everyone stopped to listen as Toby continued to talk on the radio. “On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening week at the Gravity Falls Pool.”

“Opening week?” Mikey asked as he sat up.

“Gravity Falls Pool?” Mabel joined in.

Dipper shared his sibling's excitement as he jumped out of the recliner. “Today?”

Soos joined the rest of the kids as he sat up. “Pun intended?”  
“Quick! To the car!” Stan shouted from the floor. AS he tried to stand up, he quickly discovered that he was stuck to the floorboards. “Hey, kids, a little help here?” He called, and the triplets were quickly there with spatulas to pry him off the floor. Stan began to walk to the car, either not noticing or not caring that they had pulled up the boards he was stuck to instead of actually freeing him. 

 

“And remember to be on alert for random wildfires!” Toby said as Stan walked out into the sun. Stan turned around as he realized what that could mean for him, but not quick enough, as the wood on his back caught fire. Luckily, Soos sprayed him down with the fire extinguisher and the only thing hurt was the wood, which fell off Stan and onto the ground.  
8  
They walked into the crowded pool, happy to finally have a way to escape the heat. “Ah, the pool! A sparkling oasis of summer enchantment!” Mabel aid as she looked around at the townspeople enjoying themselves.

Stan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus, but wet.”

 

Dipper frowned at the picture on Soos’ towel. “Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?”

 

“It's best not to think about it.” He replied with a shrug.

The family continued to look for a place to set their things when Mabel stopped suddenly in front of them. “Whoa, whoa! Stop the presses! Who's that?” She asked, pointing to an attractive young man floating at the edge of the pool.

"Oh, yeah.” Soos said as he ate his bag of corn chips. “Word is, dude never leaves the pool. People say he's a mysterious loner." He finished as he slowly backed away from Mabel.

Mabel fanned herself as she stared at her new crush. “Is it getting hot out here or is it just that guy?”

“It's the hottest day of the year, Mabel.” Dipper snapped at his sister. “Besides, can't you go for one week without having a new crush on some random guy?”

“Oh, leave her alone Dipper. Maybe this one is her real summer romance.” Mikey rebuked his brother and smiled at Mabel.

Mabell ignored her brothers and continued to stare at the stranger. “Look at his little mustache hairs!” She squealed.

“You are clearly enamored. Go to him.” Soos said sagely. Mabel took his advice and quickly ran to the other side of the pool, jumping over people and climbing over chairs as she went. “It's so beautiful!” Soos said as he wiped a tear from his eye.

Dipper waved his hand dismissively. “Eh, Mabel's all talk. You wanna know a secret? She's never even kissed a guy before. She always messes it up somehow.”

Mikey glared at his brother. “Hey! It's not like you've ever kissed anyone either.” Dipper blushed and looked away.

Stan shook his head as he watched Mabel run. “Oi. Women.” Whatever else he had to say was interrupted by a water balloon being thrown in his face. He looked up to see his redheaded employee sitting in the lifeguard's chair.

“Hey, Mr. Pines!”

 

“Wendy? Where's the lifeguard?” Stan asked as he looked around for said authority figure.

“I am the lifeguard. I make the rules, sucka!” Wendy said as she threw another water balloon at Stan. “Boosh!”

Stan turned and ran away from the assault. “Aah! She's attacking me with water!” He screamed to laughter from the kids.

 

Dipper smiled up at Wendy. “Wow. You work here?”  
Wendy smiled and nodded. “I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges. Plus I get the best seat in the house.” She said, pointing at the chair  
“Yeah, you do!” Dipper said with a loud laugh. He stopped when he realized no one else was laughing. “I've been laughing for too long…” He whispered as he stared at Wendy, suddenly terrified.

Soos leaned in close as he whispered to the frozen preteen. “Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest? 'Cause I think you're winning…”

A call from Mikey interrupted Soos. “Hey, Soos, come look at this, uh… distraction!”  
“A distraction? Sweet!” Soos said as he stood up and walked towards Mikey.“Oh, man! You were right, this is a great distraction!” Soos said as he looked in the general direction Mikey had pointed in. Mikey flashed Dipper a thumbs up, which was returned by his brother. 

Dipper turned back to Wendy with a smile. “So, hey, you wanna go chuck more water balloons at Grunkle Stan?” He asked her.

‘I'd love to, but I gotta spend the day doing tryouts.’ Wendy said with an eye-roll. “We're looking for a new assistant lifeguard.”

“Hey,” Dipper started to say when his voice cracked. He continued in a deeper voice. “Hey.What if I was the assistant lifeguard?”

 

Wendy didn’t wait for him to finish before she was nodding her head. “That would be so much fun! You're totally in, dude!” She said as she tossed him a rescue can. “You just have to check in with my boss first, Mr. Poolcheck.” Wendy said as she pointed to the muscular man doing index finger push-ups. Dipper gulped hard as he made eye contact.  
8  
Mabel had been holding her breath for quite a while now and knew that it was now or never if she was going to face the boy. She exploded out from the water next to her crush and immediately began to flirt. “Wow! Oh my gosh, how crazy bumping into you even though we don't know each other!”

The boy looked at her strangely. “How long have you been underwater?”

“That doesn't matter!” Mabel said excitedly, coughing up a band-aid and desperately trying to hide it. “So, hey! My name's Mabel.”

“Hola.” The boy said with a nod of acknowledgment.

Mabel looked at her crush with an even deeper feeling of love. “Whoa! Are you Australian?” She couldn’t believe she might date someone so exotic!

The boy laughed at what he thought was clearly a joke. “I am charmed by your sense of humor. And your bold lack of water-wings!”

Mabel laughed nervously as she twirled her hair. “You're so funny! And your hair is beautiful…”

“No, no it has silly tangles!” He said as he pulled his long hair behind him as if trying to hide it from her sight.

“Mind if I…” Mabel asked as she pulled out a comb and began to brush the boy’s hair.

 

The boy blushed at her actions. “Why, Mabel. You are so forward.” He said with a laugh.

Mabel smiled at the sound of his laughter and began to sike herself up for the big question. “This is it! He likes you! Go for it, Mabel! It's time! Ask him out on a date!” She took a deep breath and said in a voice filled with more confidence than she had, “So, hey, you wanna go dry off? Maybe hit the snack bar or…”

The boy pulled away from her when she asked the question. “I… I'm afraid I cannot! For I have a terrible secret! I must go.” He swam off before Mabel had the chance to ask him anything.

Mabels stared after him with a small smile. “I'm upset. Yet intrigued!”  
8  
Dipper stood at attention in front of Mr. Poolcheck as he finished his interview. “And that is why I think I'd make a good lifeguard assistant.”

Poolcheck leaned in close a gave Dipper a deep sniff. “Hmm... SPF 100? Good, I like you. But this isn't an easy job. It's anarchy out there.” He said pointing to the perfectly calm pool.

“I think I can handle it.” Dipper said, feeling more than a little confused.

“Can you handle this‽” Poolcheck asked as he ripped off his hand. Dipper screamed before realizing it was a prosthetic and controlling himself. “I lost my hand to a pool filter. The pool may seem friendly, but she can turn on you in an instant. Which is why you must respect her rules! Do you think you have what it takes, boy? Do you‽” Poolcheck screamed at him.

 

Dipper looked at Wendy, who gave him a thumbs up and answered with a small shrug. “Sure. I guess.”

Poolcheck smiled and placed a whistle around Dipper’s neck. “Welcome to the deep end, son.”

“Well, thanks, I…” Dipper’s thanks were interrupted by Poolcheck pulling him into a bone crushing hug. “Yep. Oh, this is happening.”  
8  
Stan was a man on a mission as he walked around the edge of the pool. He smiled when he saw his target. “There she is, Soos.” He said as he pointed out the chair. “Equidistant from the snack bar and the bathroom. Just the right amount of sun and shade. And pointed away from where Old Man McGucket lotions himself. The perfect lawn chair.”

Soos shared Stan’s awe as he stared. “The legends that you told me in the car were true.”

“I just can't believe it wasn't already taken. And now to sit on it, thereby claiming it as my own.” Stan said as he lauded his towel down and began to sit. His happy moment was interrupted by the feeling of a small foot in the small of his back. “What‽”

Gideon Gleeful giggled as Stan stared him down. “Why, hello Stanford.”

“Gideon! Get outta my chair, kid!” Stan yelled at the cretin, barely controlling his temper.

“Oh my, was this your chair. I had no idea.” Gideon said with faux sympathy. “Yes I did, Stan, I knew.” He finished with a whisper, knowing Stan could hear him.

Stan yelled at the child again. “Move it, you little troll!”

“First come, first serve!” Gideon said with another giggle.

Stan grabbed Gideon and began to shake him screaming, “I'll first serve you!” Just before he threw Gideon off the chair Wendy blew her whistle and escorted him to Pool Jail. “Come on, Wendy! You can't do this to an old man!” Stan protested as Wendy closed and locked the chain-link gate.

Wendy looked at him apologetically. “Sorry, Stan, it's not up to me.” She said, before laughing and turning away. “Actually, it is.”

Dipper ran toward Wendy excitedly waving his new whistle. “Hey, Wendy, I got the job!”

Wendy high-fived him and laughed ignoring Stan’s continued demands. “Sweet! Wanna go abuse our power?”

“But what if Poolcheck catches us?” Dipper asked cautiously. ‘ He seems emotionally unstable.”

 

Wendy shook her head and reassured Dipper. “Nah, don't worry, man. You just gotta be sneaky about your rule-breaking. Race you to the no running sign!” She yelled. Both of them took off, Wendy pulling ahead, but Dipper was forced to stop and walk when Poolcheck looked up from tasting the pool water and made direct eye contact.  
8  
Stan sighed as he sat down on the bench between the other two kids. “How long you in for? The one to his right asked.

“Two hours for roughhousing, but I'm innocent!” Stan yelled.

The other one nodded, having heard it all before. “Pool jail ain't so bad... as long as you don't wind up in solitary.” He said pointing to a pool vent that held a child.

“It's the nights that are the hardest.” The kid said with a sigh.

Stan didn’t respond, determined to get out sooner rather than later. When he saw Mikey lean against the gate, he knew his rescue had arrived, but before he could tell Mikey what to do, he whispered to the other kids. “Psst, twenty bucks and I can get you out of here.”

The kids began to search their swimsuits, before realizing that they obviously didn’t have any money in them. Stan gripped the fence next to Mikey tightly. “Come on, Mikey! I don’t have any cash in this swimsuit.”

Mikey ignored Stan as he accepted a few bills from one of the kid's parents, opening the lock and letting him out, and then slamming it closed on Stan. “That’s not my problem.” Mikey said with a laugh as he walked away. Stan sat back on the bench, angrier than ever.  
8  
Mabel waited under the water, building up her courage, surfacing occasionally only to duck down when the boy looked in her direction. Deciding that the time was right, she shot out of the water and introduced herself loudly. “Hey there! I brought you a sandwich. It's sort of wet, but it's still good. Blop.” She said placing the sogging sandwich on the raft next to the boy. “I like sharing things.” She continued. “Sandwiches, secrets. Share your secret, beautiful stranger.”

He looked back and forth between Mabel and the sandwich. “That wet sandwich does look delicious. Oh, very well. But you must never tell another living soul my terrible secret.” The boy said, Mabel, nodding her agreement. “You have to stay away from me because I am...A merman.” He said, pushing the raft away and revealing his tail.

Mabel let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were gonna say you had a girlfriend!” She looked at him with interest. “So you’re a merman... ha! I should have known from your strange foreign fish language.”

 

“It is Spanish.”

“Your voice is so deep and masculine... how old are you?” Mabel continued without acknowledging the correction.

“I am 12 years old. Merman's voices change when we are, like, 3.” He explained.  
Mabel nodded “So what's your name?”  
“There are some who call me…”The merman said, as a guitar appeared from seemingly nowhere and he played a single chord. “Mermando! This is because Mermando is my name.”

“But I don't understand Mermando. What's a guy like you doing in a public pool?” Mabel asked, just beginning to realize how strange it as for a merman to be in a public pool.

“It is a tragic story, Mabel.” Mermando said softly. “I was swimming with my friends, the mighty dolphins, in the Gulf of Mexico, when I was ensnared! The cargo was headed for Gravity Falls. Using all my strength, I tried to escape back home, but it was not to be. I would have died of dehydration, were if not for the kindness of the forest animals.” Mermando said with a sigh. “But now that you know what I am, you must be seriously weirded out.”

Mabel quickly assured Mermando that she wasn’t at all. “What‽ I don't care that you're a merman. You're, like, the coolest guy I've ever met. And you can play at least one chord on the guitar.”

Mermando looked at Mabel with the happiest expression she had seen on anyone’s face all summer. “Oh, Mabel, I have never met another human like you. Would you care to join me in a game of the Marco Polo?”

“Oh, yes, Mermando! Yes!” Mabel said as she pulled Mermando into a hug.

 

Mermando tried to move Mable’s arms, eventually choking out. “You are covering my gills. I cannot breathe.” Mabel quickly let go and laughed awkwardly.  
8  
Two hours later, Stan had finally been released, and now he was plotting his revenge against Gideon. “Look at him, that smug chair stealing jerk! But I can't touch him, or the pool patrol will throw me in pool jail. Hmm…” Stan muttered to himself. The light glanced off his watch and he had the most brilliant idea. He carefully focused the light onto Gideon’s face. “Yes. Yes! Burn the child…” Stan said to himself. Just when he thought it might be going his way, Gideon held up a pair of goggles that reflected the light back into Stan's own eyes, causing him to flail away and stumble into the pool. He glared at Gideon’s smug face, but couldn’t do anything about it for now.  
8  
Soos grabbed one of the inflatable ducks and made to put it on when he heard some high pitched voice call his name. “Inflatable duck guy, is that you?” He asked, only half joking.

 

The duck was quick to respond. “Yes, Soos, I can talk.”

“Oh my gosh, I knew you guys were secretly alive. I knew it!” Soos said excitedly as he pumped the air.

Just around the corner, Wendy and Dipper were barely keeping their giggles from becoming full-blown laughter they shushed each other and held up the megaphone again. “My people have been enslaved, Soos. You must free us.” The high pitched voice came again.

 

“The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand.” Soos said with a newly determined expression as he walked toward the other ducks.

Dipper and Wendy laughed again, but their fun was cut short as Poolcheck began to drive around the pool in his cart, yelling into the microphone. “Pool's closing! Clear out, everyone!” They scattered, but DIpper didn’t move quite quick enough, and Poolcheck called for him as he shooed Soos away from the supply shed. “Out! Do not touch! Assistant Lifeguard!” Dipper immediately stopped waiting for his reprimand. Poolcheck pulled up next to him and shook a set of keys out of his prosthetic. “Have a good night, son. Lock up the supplies for me.” Dipper took the keys and locked the supplies, before leaving the pool as quickly as he could.

Meanwhile, Mabel and Mermando were in the middle of brushing each other's hair when the whistle blew. “The pool, she closes. Can I see you tonight?” Mermando asked as Mabel climbed out of the pool.

Mabel nodded eagerly. “Sure. Where? Wanna go for a walk?”

Mermando looked at her blankly. “Merman. I am a merman.”  
“Oh, right.” Mabel laughed awkwardly. “Then I'll be back tonight.”  
8  
Mikey was already awake when Mabel opened the attic door. He was up and ready for whatever she was doing before she was downstairs and quickly followed her. “Where are you going?” He asked.

Mabel turned around, startled by the sudden question. “Uh, nowhere?” She said, hoping Mikey would leave it alone.

Mikey nodded his head knowingly. “You're going to see that guy at the pool, aren't you?” Mabel didn’t answer, but the blush on her face made the answer clear enough. “Come on then. I was heading to the pool anyway.” Mikey said with a smile, leading the way to the golf cart.

Mikey drove through the dark streets of Gravity Falls until he came to the locked gate of the pool. Mabel, in her excitement, ran to the fence and used the pool skimmer to help climb it, bending it out of shape in the process. Mikey rolled his eyes, and threw the skimmer in the back of the cart, before unlocking the gate and driving through.

Mabel slipped into the freezing water and cheerfully greeted Her newest crush. “Hi, Mermando! This is my brother, Mikey.” She said, pointing to him as he drove the cart to the supplies shed.

“Hola.” Mermando greeted Mikey. Mikey waved but focused most of his attention on the padlock he was currently dealing with.

Mabel quickly regained Mermando’s attention. “Look! Here's a scrapbook of human stuff.” Mabel said as she pointed to some of her favorite memories. “Here's me standing with my legs. And here I am kicking Dipper in his legs. He couldn't move his legs after that! Can you imagine? Not having legs?”

“Let's skip this part.” Mermando said with a slightly annoyed tone.

Mabel pretty much ignored him as she pointed to the next picture. “And here's my whole family kickboxing!” Mabel waited for some comment, but all she received was a sigh and Mermando swimming away dejectedly. “What's wrong?” Mabel asked as she followed him.

 

“I too used to have a family once. back in the ocean.” Mermando said as he opened a locket around his neck and stared at the picture inside. “How I miss them.”

“Mermando, why don't you just leave the pool?” Mabel asked.

 

Mermando shook his head. “I've tried only once, but escaping this pool required a plan that was bold and daring. I jumped out of the pool, but couldn’t even make it past the chairs. A woodpecker attacked me, and I had to roll back into the pool to escape. And then the wolves came.” Mermando looked back to Mabel a smiled softly. “No, I'm glad that I'm here, 'cause I met you.”

 

“This is it, Mabel.” Mabel thought to herself. “First kiss moment, here we come! Just go for it!” She puckered her lips, closed her eyes, leaned forward and waited. 

Mermando looked at her quizzically. “What are you doing with your mouth?”   
Mabel’s eyes shot open, and she quickly stuttered out the first excuse she could think of. “Me? Nothing. This? I was eating some sour candy. So my lips were doing that. The candy was so sour.”

Mermando studied her for a second. “Can I have some candy?” He asked.

“No.”  
8  
The next day, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were enjoying their day at the pool when a lifesaver fell down from the sky and trapped Blubs. “ Wha… what the?” Blubs spluttered as he tried to get his arms free. 

 

Durland was quickly trapped by another falling lifesaver. “I'm scared!” He yelled at Blubs as he to tried to escape.

 

“Me too!” Blubs cried as the two police officers tried to escape the life preservers.

“One hundred points!” Dipper yelled from the top of the lifeguard post, from where he and Wendy had been throwing the life preservers. 

Wendy high-fived him. “Dude! With this job, you and I are gonna be havin' fun all summer!” She said happily.

Dipper blushed at her words. “All summer?” He asked quietly. Wendy didn’t seem to hear him.

 

The fun was stopped again by the sound of Poolcheck’s whistle. “Pines! Here! Now!” He yelled, pointing to the trapped officers of the law.

Dipper climbed down and followed his boss to the pool supplies building. “You gave me your word that you would respect the safety rules of this pool!” Poolcheck screamed at him when they arrived at the slightly ajar door.

 

Dipper backed away slightly from the unstable man. “Mr. Poolcheck? Are you crying?” he asked cautiously.

“That's not important right now!” Poolcheck screamed again while he wiped his eyes. “You're on the nights, boy! You wanna keep this job? Well, some maniac broke into the supplies closet last night and destroyed our one and only pool skimmer, and made off with all our other supplies! I want you on a stakeout. If one more supply gets taken, you're fired!”

“I won't let you down!” Dipper said with a salute, before returning to Wendy.

Mikey gently picked up the broken skimmer form where Poolcheck had thrown it and approached, the still gently crying adult. “Mr. Poolcheck…”

“WHAT!” The man screamed as he whirled around. 

Mikey backed away, but quickly controlled himself. “I couldn’t help but hear your problem. I happen to be in possession of several pieces of pool equipment.” Mikey said, pointing to the overloaded golf cart parked just outside the fence. “Including this professional pool skimmer with ergonomic handle.” Mikey said presenting the busted pool skimmer to Poolcheck

Poolcheck straightened himself up and nodded slightly. “Interesting offer. Let’s discuss this in my office.” He said as he backed slowly into the supplies shed. Mikey laughed nervously, as he tried to peer into the darkness.   
8  
“Mermando, get ready! I'm gonna BRING THE HEAT!” Mabel yelled as she spiked a ball to Mermando. The ball bounced off of him lightly, but he didn’t acknowledge it or Mabel. “Mermando, are you okay?” Mabel asked gently. His only response was to swim closer to her. “Oh, it's your family, isn't it? Are you thinking about them?” Mabel asked gently. Mermando responded with a dolphin sound. Mabel shook her head determinedly. “Mermando, enough is enough! I care about you too much to see you like this. We're gonna bust you out of here and get you back to your family.”

“But Mabel!” Mermando protested. “Escape is impossible.”

“We're breaking you out of here tonight!” Mabel reiterated, slamming her hands down for emphasis. The effect was lost somewhat by the water splashing both of them in the face. “Oops! Sorry about that. Water.”  
8  
That night, Dipper paced along the perimeter of the pool on sharp lookout for anyone suspicious. “Alright, Dipper, here's the plan. Catch the trespasser, protect the supplies, keep job at pool, and eventually marry Wendy.” Dipper ran down his mental list. The sound of the fence rattling caused him to stop, and he quickly shined the flashlight in that direction. “Freeze! Grunkle Stan?” Dipper stared at his uncle in confusion, as the part of the fence he cut fell down.  
“I-uh, I'm sleepwalking!” Stan explained. “Also now I'm sleep talking. Nice hat, by the way.” He said, pointing at Dipper’s pool security hat.

“You! You're the one stealing pool supplies!” Dipper accused angrily.

Stan was genuinely shocked by his accusation. “What? No! My crime is a lot better than that. I'm gonna get that seat and be ready in the morning when Gideon comes.” Stan seemed to consider it for a moment. “And maybe I'll destroy some pool supplies. Night's still young.” Dipper blew his whistle, causing Stan to wince at the sound. “Yeesh, alright, I'm goin'!” Stan said, walking away just a bit, and then running past Dipper.

 

“Hey!” Dipper yelled as he pursued his great uncle. 

 

Taking that as their signal, Mikey backed the Mystery cart into the whole Stan cut in the fence. Mermando saw them and swam for the edge of the pool. “Mabel!” He said happily.

 

Mabel smiled down at him. “Are you ready to see your family?”

 

“Yes, but how can I, a merman, possibly escape?” Mermando asked.

Mabel pulled out a drawing and began to explain her plan. “Okay, my original plan was to tape together a bunch fish sticks to make you a prosthetic pair of people legs.”

 

Mermando nodded “Intriguing.”

 

“But then I realized that I could just transport you in this cooler.” Mabel finished, pointing at the cooler.

“In you go.” Mikey said as he carried the cooler to the edge of the pool. Mermando lept out and flopped for a bit before making his way into the cooler. 

 

Dipper, having lost Stan and hearing the sound, ran towards them. “Hey! Who's there!”

“Quick! Hide me! My kind must not be seen!” Mermando said, now thoroughly panicked. 

“Mabel, Mikey? Is there anyone not breaking into the pool tonight? What, is Soos here too?” Dipper asked as he saw who it was that broke in now. Behind him, the fence rattled as Soos climbed over, here to rescue the inflatable ducks.

“I'm okay.” Soos said as he picked himself up from where he had fallen.

“Go home, Soos.” Dipper said without turning around.   
Soos gave him a thumbs up. “You got it.” He said as he began to climb back over the fence.

“So, why are you here?” Dipper questioned his siblings.

“Uh, no reason.” Mabel said as she nervously stood in front of Mermando’s cooler.

“We’re definitely not stealing pool equipment.” Mikey continued with a wide smile. The smile disappeared when they all heard Mermando clear his throat.

 

Dipper stared at them suspiciously. “Did that cooler just clear its throat?”

“Don't be silly. There certainly isn't a mer…” Mabel started to deny when she was interrupted by her brother. 

“Look, Dipper, we’ll be back in less than an hour. Poolcheck will never know that the cooler was gone.” Mikey said to his brother, hoping to get out of there quickly.

Dipper shook his head. “Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy. If you don’t give me those pool supplies I’ll lose the coolest job ever!”

Mabel nodded sadly. “I understand. Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!” She yelled pointing behind Dipper.

“Really? At night?” Dipper asked as he turned around.

 

“Sorry, Dipper!” Mabel yelled as they drove away.

 

Dipper yelled after them, and they could hear the boy locked in the pool vent cheering them on as they left. “I'm gonna get you home!” Mabel assured Mermando as she drove as fast as she could.

Their lead was quickly lost as Dipper pursued them in the pool’s cart. “Hand over the pool supplies in the name of pool law!” He yelled at them through his megaphone as he threw water balloons at them. 

“Pool law is dumb! And so is your hat!” Mabel retorted as Mikey turned to throw their own balloons at Dipper.

 

Mabel dodged the balloons that were meant to knock the cooler off. Dipper was less lucky, as he was hit with several balloons directly in his face “Look! Gravity Falls lake!” Mabel yelled, happy to reach their destination.  
8  
“The coast is clear. Now all I have to do is wait here 15 hours until the pool opens…” Stan said happily as he sat down on the perfect lawn chair. “This was a good plan.” He said as he settled in for the long haul.  
8  
Dipper continued to chase Mabel to the lake, with one of his balloons hitting the cap, and causing the water to drain from the cooler. “I cannot breathe! You must hurry!” Mermando yelled at them from inside the cooler.

Mabel skidded to a stop as they arrived at the lake, falling off from the sudden stop. “I'm okay.” She told Mikey as he helped her up.

 

“Alright, the jig is up!” Dipper yelled as he pulled to a stop next to them. “Hand over that cooler!”

 

“Never!” Mabel said defiantly.

“Why not? Why do you even need it?” Dipper asked desperately, wanting to get the cooler back and why it was so important. 

Mabel ushed through an explanation of the events of the night. “I needed the cooler to save my new friend because he needs to go home and he's really nice and we combed each others' hair and he needs to be in the cooler because he breathes water because he's a merman!”

“Hola.” Mermando waved as he rolled out of the cooler.

“Whoa! Way to bury the lede, Mabel.” Dipper said as he stared at Mermando.

 

“Dipper, Mermando the merman. He's a merman.” Mabel introduced them

“Nice to meet you. Also, I think I am dying.” He said simply, before gripping his throat tightly. “Water! Agua! Yo necesito!”

“Oh, no! Mermando! Dipper, you're a lifeguard! Give him CPR!” Mabel said as she kneeled next to the dashing merman.

“Mermen don't breathe air!” Dipper yelled as he looked on in shock.

Mabel rolled her eyes at him. “Then give him reverse CPR! Doi!”

 

Dipper grabbed a bottle of water and took a deep breath, He began to give Mermando mouth-to-mouth. “I hate this! I hate this!” He yelled every time he came up for air.

Mabel took a picture with a laugh. “Blackmail!”

 

“Thank you for saving me,” Mermando said as he managed to catch his breath. “But why didn't you just roll me into the lake?” He asked pointing to the lake not even a foot away.

 

They all together pushed Mermando into the water, Dipper shaking his head at his own stupidity. “I am weak from coughing. How will I get my family to hear my call from the mighty depths of the ocean?” Mermando asked once he was in the water.

“I've got it. BRB.” She grabbed the megaphone from the cart and handed it to Mermando. “Problem solved!”

“Mabel, those are pool supplies. I'll get fired!” Dipper protested.

“Dipper! Don't you know what it's like to fall for someone? Even though you know in your heart that it'll probably never work out, but you'd do anything for that person?” Mabel asked with teary eyes.

Dipper gave in, knowing he didn’t have any argument against that. “Give Mermando the megaphone.”

“Thanks, Dip.” Mabel said as she walked to Mermando.

“Mabel, I have never met anyone like you.” Mermando said as he gripped her hands.

Mabel nodded. “Same here. Except for a zombie, a gnome, and a couple of cute vampires.”

“I don't remember the vampires.” Dipper said.

Mikey nodded. “Yeah. When did that happen?”

“I don't tell you everything.” Mabels said with a shrug. She turned back to Mermando “Well, 

“Not quite. This is!” Mermando said as he lept up and gave Mabel a kiss.

“Whoa! Okay, that's gross. Ugh.” Dipper said as he looked away.

“Awww! Both of you had your first kiss on the same night! So proud.” Mikey said as he ruffled Dipper's hair, causing his brother to glare at him.

Mabel smiled widely at him. “Now all we have to do is set you up, huh Dipper?” She asked her brother.

Dipper rolled his eyes and looked away. “Please don't involve me in this.”

 

“Goodbye, Mermando.” Mabel said.

“Goodbye, Mabel.” Mermando returned the farewell, before swimming off into the night.

“You did the right thing, Dipper.” Mabel assured him.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dipper said with an eye roll.  
8  
The next morning Poolcheck was even angrier than Dipper expected. “A wrecked fence, dents in the pool mobile, And a missing megaphone? Who is responsible for this?!” He yelled into Dipper’s face.

“It's my fault, sir. I'm sorry. I got in too deep.” Dipper said softly.

“Hand over the whistle, boy!” Poolcheck yelled, holding his hand out for it. Dipper handed over the metal whistle, which Poolcheck placed in his mouth, before chewing it up and eating it. “If one more thing goes wrong today…”

 

Soos ran past him carrying the inflatable ducks. “You're free now! Free! Inflatable ducks unite!”

Poolcheck charged Soos, crashing through the fence Soos climbed over and running over anyone in his way while Terry Cutebiker cheered him on. 

 

Dipper walked away sadly when he was suddenly joined by Wendy. “Hey, doofus, you'll never guess what happened. I just got fired.”

“What? Really?” Dipper asked.  
Wendy shrugged. “Yeah. I guess Poolcheck found out I was taking too many snacks.”

 

“How many?” Dipper asked her, to which she lifted her hat, revealing a stack of chips. Both of them began to laugh.

“Hey, wanna go break rules somewhere else?” Wendy asked him.

“Of course!” Dipper quickly agreed.

Mabel sat by the pool, thinking of Mermando when a bottle popped out of a vent. Mabel opened it and began to read the letter inside. "Dear Mabel, I am home with my family and I am very happy. Our first kiss will always hold a place in my heart. Technically hearts. As a merman, I have, like, 17 hearts. Horrifying but true! More bottles on the way!”Mabel giggled happily at the thought that she hadn’t been forgotten.

Gideon walked to his chair and was shocked when he saw Stan sitting in it. “Stanford!” He said in shock, to which Stan laughed. “Well, guess you've won. Put 'er there.”

Stan moved to shake Gideon’s hand but found he couldn’t lift his arms. “Hey! What the…”

 

“Unless perhaps I predicted your plan, and coated the entire chair with glue last night! Enjoy your chair... forever.” Gideon said as he laughed and walked away.

“Kids, get the spatulas! Kids!” Stan yelled. Unfortunately, the kids weren't there to listen. It was a long day for Stan.


	17. Mabel's Guide

_**Mabel’s Guide to Dating** _

“And that concludes Mabel's Guide to Fitness. With Waddles, the Jog hog.” Mabel said as she wrapped her latest video. Turning to Waddles, who jogged on a treadmill in pursuit of a sundae, Mabel shouted encouragement. “You want that sundae? You gotta jog for it, jog hog!” Mabel giggled as she watched Waddles run. “Look at his little shorts.” She whispered to the camera.

Mabel quickly made her way to the talk show style table she had set up, with her stuffed animals serving as guests. She smiled and spoke to the camera, brushing hair behind her ear as she did. “As we all know, I'm a dating expert. In fact, I can't get the boys to leave me alone!”

Mabel turned the camera so that it faced the window, where a cardboard cutout made to look like a teenage boy was being propped up by Mikey. “Mabel, I love you so much, baby.” Mikey said, pretending to be the cutout. “Why won't you let me into your life?”

  
The camera cut back to Mabel, showing her standing on her chair and pointing angrily. “You know what you did, Zack!” Mabel collected herself and smiled at the camera. “Today we're gonna test the date-ability of four of Gravity Falls' swingin-est bachelors. Soos!”

Mabel swung the camera around to focus on the bachelors. Soos looked into a dead camera on the table, showing only the side of his face to the camera. “Get ready to fall in love, America! Am I, am I looking at the right camera?” He asked nervously without turning his head.

“Dipper!”

“Who are you even making this for?” Dipper asked.

Mabel ignored her brother and continued her announcing. “Mikey!”

Mikey, surprisingly, was clearly the least interested in being there, and rolled his eyes when Mabel called his name. “Mabel, date-ability tests are complete…” he started to explain, before he was cut off by his sister.

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel finished.

“I'm only here 'cause you promised bacon.” Stan said pointedly. Mabel tossed a piece into Stan’s open mouth, and he nodded. “I'm pacified!”

Mabel stepped in front of the camera and whispered to it. “And now for a simple 9000 question dating quiz.” The sounds of Mikey groaning could be heard before Mabel shut off the camera.

8  
Mabel resumed filming after giving the boys a few minutes to get started on the test. SHe prompted each of them to read the question they were on and their answer. "Should men always pay for dinner?” Stan read, and looked at the paper like it had insulted him personally. “What is this, Russia?” He said as he jotted down an answer.

Soos read his own question out happily. "How many kids would you like to have? Seven, preferably.” Soos said without hesitation. “That's one to love every day of the week.”

“What is your ideal first date? Well, breaking and entering is always a good icebreaker.” Mikey said as he wrote down his answer. Mabel couldn’t tell if he was being serious.

Dipper seemed to be actually enjoying the test, and read his question happily. "How do you treat a gal?" Drawing from his own experience, he knew there was only one right answer. “Huh. Well, hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says obviously. Nailing this.”

“While they're busy working, we give you, Animal Dating!" Mabel said before running outside to start matchmaking. She had plenty of time to waste.  
8  
After shooting footage of two toads falling in love, an owl and a plastic owl getting to know each other better, and being attacked by squirrels, Mabel moved back inside to pass out the results. The boys were back on their stools, and she told them their results as she passed them. “Grunkle Stan, on a scale from one to five, you scored a three.”

Stan pumped his arm, thrilled by his score. “Yes! Yes!”

  
“This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers and convicts.” Mabel continued.

“I still consider this a victory.” Stan said as he leaned back.  
“Dipper. Your score is…” Mabel looked at the sheet again, not quite sure that score was even possible. “Eesh! You know, scores don't really matter. You just need to focus on being you.” SHe said gently, quickly walking past him.

“Mikey, you scored a 4, giving you a wide range of dating options! Just make sure to stay in your own league.” She said with a gentle elbow nudge.

“Uh-huh, that’s great.” Mikey said with clear enthusiasm.

Mabel moved past the party pooper and to the most cooperative of today’s guests. “Soos, on a scale from one to five you scored.. a twelve?” Mabel said, once more shocked by a score.

“My grandma was right all along. I am the world's most perfect man!” Soos said. A spotlight appeared from seemingly nowhere, and he extended his arms and three doves, flew down and landed on him.  
8  
Mabel was back at her table to give her final thoughts on dating. “Love is all around us. And if it seems like you two aren't the right fit, force it!” She told the camera. She began to continue, but stopped as two animals she hoped to never see again appeared. “Oh, no! The squirrels! They're back! Aaah! Save me, Mr. Rhino!” Mabel yelled as she picked up a stuffed purple rhino and begn to club the squirrels. “Save me!”  
8  
 _ **Mabel’s Guide to Stickers**_

Mabel finished made the last few snips to complete her hairdo and proudly presented it to the camera. “And that concludes Mabel's Guide to Hair Topiary.”

Dipper looked up from his book and stared at the strange mass of hair and coat hangers opn Mabel’s head. “What is it?”

“I’m gonna go with…” Mikey started as he studied the art intensely. “Angler fish.”

Mabel glared at her brothers and quickly corrected them. “It's an ostrich. It's clearly an ostrich.” Mabel grabbed the beak and made bird calls to emphasize her point.  
8  
Mabel grabbed her history book and began the introduction to her latest video. “Throughout history, stickers have been the backbone of many great civilizations.” She said as she opened the book up.

  
“No, they haven't.” Dipper said as he tried to remain focused on his book.

Mabel ignored her brother and continued to narrate, flipping the book to a page that showed a man covered in leeches. “The ancient Greeks used leeches for stickers! The more stickers you had, the cooler you were!”

Dipper couldn’t let that one slide either. “Nope, not true.”

Again ignoring Dipper, Mabel turned to a new page. “The ancient Aztecs' chest skull is a modern equivalent to today's Orange you happy mon?" Mabel said as she held up the rasta orange sticker.

Dipper threw down his book in frustration. “Yes, Aztecs' war paints were exactly like a rasta orange. Mabel, have you ever read a history book?” He asked his sister.

Mabel had had enough from Dipper and glared angrily. “Edit it out!” She yelled as she pointed at him. On the video, there was a slight distortion, and then Dipper was gone. “Edit! Edit! Edit!” Mabel yelled, snapping her fingers each time with more sticker appearing on her face each time.

Mikey hesitantly spoke up from behind her. “Maybe you should hold off on the editing, Mabel.”

Mabel wasted no time in editing him out as well. “Edit out! Cut away!” She yelled as the video did just that.  
8  
Mabel was sitting in the den, holding a new book when the video resumed. “Let's take a look at my personal Sticktionary!” Mabel said as she opened it to it’s first page. “Stickers falls into several distinct categories. Puffy stickers,” She started to list, the camera zooming in on the page.

“So soft!” Soos chimed in as he felt the page.

“Googley eyes stickers,” Mabel continued, shaking the book to show them off better.

“Aaah! It's like they're watching me!” Soos yelled off camera.

Mabel continued through the book without interruption. “Bumper stickers, scratch and sniff, sniff and touch, listen and taste, and price stickers!” The camera zoomed out to show Mabel’s face. “You can get these ones free at the store!” Mabel said happily.

“Don't they need those?” Dipper asked, sounding concerned.

Mikey elbowed Dipper and tried to quite him. “Dipper, shhh! We got a free TV out of that.”

“Listen, Dipper. You shouldn't doubt my authority.” Mabel said seriously, as though explaining something to someone much younger. “In the sticker world, I'm the girl who can get you things.”  
8  
Mabel leaned against the counter in the gift shop with Stan standing behind her. “I need a sticker to put on my car to, y'know, get the cops off my back.” Stan told his niece. Mabel showed Stan a baby on board bumper sticker, which he tried to grab before she snatched it away.

“Uh-uh! My price?” Mabel said. Stan sighed and reached below the counter, placing a huge drum of industrial sprinkles on top. “I'm gonna get so sick.” Mabel said as she exchanged the sticker for the drum.  
8  
“Mabel, don't you think those are hazardous to your health?” Dipper asked as he watched Mabel shovel fistfuls of the sprinkles into her mouth.

  
“EDIT IT OUT!!!” Mabel screamed at Dipper, causing him to disappear. “Edit! Edit! Edit!” Mabel yelled again, causing sunglasses, a radio, and finally Soos carrying a soda and hamburger to appear.

“What? How did I get here?” Soos asked as he looked around in confusion.

“Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Stickers.” Mabel said as she ended the video. “And now a riddle: What kind of sticker can save your life?”  
8  
“Waddles! If you please.” Mabel yelled to her pig. Waddles somehow managed to pull the trigger of Mabels grappling hook, and sent her sprawling across the floor. Mabel sat up and undid her jacket, proudly showing off the answer to her riddle. “Puffy stickers! It still really hurt, though…”  
8  
 _ **Mabel’s Guide to Fashion**_

Mabel coughed as she stared down at the burnt remains of a TV and several glowsticks. “Wow! I'll definitely never be allowed to do that again! Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Home Pyrotechnics. See you next time!” Mabels started to wave goodbye when a wave of electricity swept through her hair, knocking her to the ground.  
8  
A montage of Mabel in her favorite sweaters plays while Grenda narrates. “The sweaters! The attitude! The boys love it!” Mabel walks past Dipper, who is sitting on the bed wearing sunglasses.

  
“So wait, what do you want me to do?” Dipper whispers to Grenda as Mabel walks past.

“Flip up your glasses!” Grenda said quietly.

“Uh, like this? Dipper asked as he flipped the shades up, and squinted in Mabel’s general direction.  
8   
Mabel sat in an office chair as she spoke to the camera. “Guess what it's Mabel. Everyone wants to look as amazing as me. But most people don't have time for fashion in their busy day-to-day lives. That's why I've created…” Mabel began as she jumped off the chair.

“Flash makeovers!” She, Candy, and Grenda said together.  
The three girls ran downstairs to where Soos was watching TV. “Hey guys, what are you uh…” Soos started to ask as they ran into the room, stopping when Grenda jumped on top of him.

“Grenda, hold him down!” Mabel ordered as she began to work on his makeup.

  
Eventually, the girls helped Soos stand up, revealing that they had dressed him as Jareth from The Labyrinth. “These pants are so tight... I can't move!” Soos said as he tried to keep himself steady.

  
“You can thank us later!” Mabel yelled as she left the room.

“If you're watching this, call for help!” Soos yelled as he fell to the ground. “I'm down! Soos is down!” He yelled as he tried to get up.  
8  
The camera slowly crept around the corner of the attic, revealing Mikey sitting at his desk. “Get him, girls!” Mabel yelled as she and her friends charged into the room. Mikey screamed and barely ducked out of Grenda’s grasp before diving out of the window. The girls looked out, but couldn’t see where he had gone and decided to move on to the next person on their list.  
8  
Mabel pushed open the bathroom door, showing Stan standing in front of the mirror singing quietly to himself. “I'm Stan and I was wrong, and I'm singing the…”His singing was cut off as Grenda tackled him to the floor. “AAAAAH! What's happening‽” He yelled as the girls began to work on his face.

“BEAUTY IS HAPPENING!” Mabel yelled in return.

“Aaaah! No! Girls!” Stna yelled as he continued to try and fight them off.  
8  
Stan sat on the edge of the tub with Mabel and Grenda, staring at the tiger makeup covering his face. “I'd be pretty mad at you girls, if I didn't look so fantastic!” He siad as he looked into the mirror they provided.

  
Mabel pumped the air. “Success! Take it to the streets, girls!” She yelled as she ran outside.

  
“I'm taking your aftershave.” Grenda said as she grabbed the bottle from Stan, before joining her friend.  
8  
“Okay, gals. We need a real challenge.” Mabel said as she looked at potential targets on the streets of Gravity Falls.

  
Candy focused the camera on Mcgucket. “Old Man McGucket! Spittin' in a bucket!” He sang as he spat into the bucket he was holding.

“This one is a toughie.” Grenda said as she considered their newest challenge.

“Let's try something bold.” Mabel said as she studied McGucket.  
8  
“Am I good or am I good, girls?” Mabel asked as she shpwed off the drawing of a face on the back of McGucket’s head.

  
“Absolutely stunning!” Grenda agreed.

“Now we cover up that... problem... area... “ Mabel said as she walked to McGucket’s front. SHe flipped his beard over his head, covering his face, and giving the illusion of a full head of hair in the same motion. “Now you just have to walk backwards everywhere you go and bingo! You're fabulous.” She told the old man.

“That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!” McGucket said happily as he walked away. A woman screaming could be heard in the background, but Mabel was sure it had nothing to do with what they were doing.  
8  
The camera focused on Dipper and Mikey playing a card game on the roof of the shack, neither of them faced the camera. “Yes, we’re hiding from Mabel up here.” Mikey said, answering a question that hadn’t been recorded.

“No, we don’t feel any shame.” Dipper said with an eye roll directed at Candy behind the camera. Mabel and Grenda jumped out from behind a slope in the roof, causing Dipper and mikey to scream and try to run away  
8  
“Join us next week when Mabel tells us what next season has in store!” Grenda narrated as more images of Mabel being a fashionista.  
The video cuts to Mabel wearing a large bowler hat, before she puts another, smaller one on top of it. “Hat-hats!”  
8  
 _ **Mabel’s Guide to Color**_

  
Mabel stood in the attic, with her brothers on their beds behind her, laughing hysterically. After a few minutes had passed she stopped and smiled at the camera. “And that's Mabel's Guide to laughing for an uncomfortable amount of time.” Mabel paused for a moment before smiling even wider. “Uh-oh, here comes more!” She said as she started to laugh again. Dipper hid his face in a book while Mikey tried to cover his ears with a pillow.  
8  
Mabel sat in a dark room with a projector when the episode resumed. “Ah, color. It's all around us!” SHe said as she flipped the projector to a picture of Dipper. “From the green of a nauseous twin brother,” She flipped to a close up of Stan’s nose. “to the weird orange of an old man's nose,” She showed a picture of Soos standing next to a toilet. “to the beautiful sky blue of toilet water. “

  
“I'm in that one!” Soos said excitedly from behind the camera.

“Yes you are, Soos.” Mabe said before turning back to the camera. “But it wasn't always this way. According to history, the world was black and white until color was invented by a magic wizard named Crayondalf the Fabulous!" Mabel explained as she showed pictures of the wizard giving color to the world. “What's your favorite color, Gravity Falls?”  
8  
“Hot pink.” Pacifica said, before quickly getting away from Mabel.  
8  
Grenda seemed to consider the question for quite a while before she answered firmly. “Beige!”  
8  
“Wendy. Wait, what was the question again?” Dipper asked as he looked up from the map he was studying.  
8  
“Lasers. Ooh! Or liquid metal!” Soos said as he sat in the Mystery Cart. “Does leopards count as a color?”  
8  
“Teal.” Mikey answered as he walked down the stairs. A muffled laugh from behind the camera caused him to glare at his sister. “What? Is teal a girly color? Y’know what? I…” Mabel shut the camera off and ran off before Mikey could pick up anymore steam.  
8  
“Flannel.” Wendy answered for her whole family as they sat down in the flannel covered room, on the flannel couch, dressed completely in flannel.  
8  
“Okay, okay. I've narrowed it down to Aurora Borealis, camouflage…” Soos listed as he tried to come to a final decision  
8.  
“Magic vision poster!” Candy said as she held up her favorite.  
8  
Gompers bleated at Mbale when she asked him, but she understood that he meant burgundy.  
8  
“None.” Stan said as he packed away a few boxes in his office.

“What?” Mabel asked in confusion.

“I don't have a favorite color. I don't even like colors.” Stan said with a shrug.

“Not even rainbows?” Mael asked, she couldn’t believe someone didn’t like rainbows.

“Beats me. I've never seen a rainbow.” Stan said as he carried the box out.

“WHAT‽” Mabel yelled as Stan left the room.  
8  
Mikey, Dipper, Candy, Waddles, and Grenda are all sitting on a bed in the attic while Mabel paces behind the camera. “Alright guys, how can we get Grunkle Stan to see a rainbow? I need ideas, people!” She said determinedly.

Waddles jumped off the bed and left the room. Grenda was the first to speak up with an actual plan. “Sometimes if I drink expired milk, I see rainbows! I'm gonna try right now!” She said excitedly, pulling out her jug of milk and chugging it.

“What if we reflect the rainbow from the falls into Stan's window?” Candy asked, as she showed a quick drawing of her plan.

“Yeah!” Dipper agreed, high-fiving Candy.

“Yeah!” Grenda shouted as she fell off the bed, falling asleep on the ground.

“It's fine. She does this.”  
8  
Mabel and Mikey stood in Stan’s dark office setting up the camera they were using to record. “Alright, we're about to unleash the power of the "Roy-G-Biv-A-Tron" into Stan's office!”

Moving the camera to point were Dipper and Candy were stationed, Mable recorded them reflecting the rainbow. Mikey stared at the mirror they were using at looked at Mabel, now concerned. “Wait, are they using a magnifying mirror? We might want to change plans.”  
“Nope!” Mabel said with a wide smile.  
8  
Stan walked into his dark office and made a beeline for the tightly closed window. “Nothing brightens the dark room like a light from a window! Time to open the window…” Stan stopped as the window opened and he was immediately blinded by the powerful rainbow reflected into his eyes. “OH NO! WHY! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!”

  
Mabel walked into the room wearing sunglasses and smiled at Stan. “Ta-daah! Surprise!”

  
“MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!” Stan continued to scream as he fell to the ground.

“Maybe we overdid it a little bit.” Mabel said as she noticed papers on Stan’s desk catch fire.  
8  
Get those bandages good and tight! I'm not giving my life savings to some quack doctor.” Stan told Dipper and Soos as they wrapped bandages around his eyes.

“That's it for today!” Mabel said with a fake smile. “Join us next week when we'll be doing Mabel's Guide to Apologizing to your Great Uncle."

“I hate color more than ever!” Stan shouted.  
“He's just saying that,” Mabel said with a nervous laugh, before rapidly gesturing to turn the camera off.   
8  
 _ **Mabel’s Guide to Art**_

  
Mabel picked herself off the ground wearing an aviator’s helmet and a large pillow that read Amelia Awesomeheart “And that was Mabel's Guide to Flying.” She said as she threw an umbrella down and walked to a bird. “In conclusion, flying and falling are basically the same things. I am like you now, bird. We are now one!” She whispered before the episode stopped.

"Mabel's Guide To is filmed in front of an adorable studio audience.” Mabel said as she pointed the camera at Waddles. She continued as the camera focused on her standing next to a moose statue. “Art! It's all around us! From the big triangles of the desert, to those pens that go like.. Brooop! Brooop!” Mbale said as she tilted a pen to change what was shown inside it.

“Even old Jumbo is getting in on the act. Don't quit your day job, Jumbo! That's... that's really bad.” Mabel narrated over footage of an elephant painting.

“No one knows what art means or where it comes from, but one thing is for sure: I'm great at it! At age 2, I was naturally gifted.” Mabel said as she showed an abstract picture drawn when she was two. “At age 5, I was a master of portrait. Age 7 was a time of free exploration!” She said as she continued to lay down pictures. “But everything changed when I saw this amazing caricature!” She said as she unveiled a caricature of Dipper.

  
“Gimme that, gimme that.” Dipper said as he snatched the portrait away.

“What could make it even better you ask? I give you…” Mabel said as she took out a drawing of a cat wearing Dipper’s hat. “The Cat-icature! Just compare this amazing likeness to Dipper!”

“That doesn't look anything like me.” Dipper said as he looked at the cat.

“You're right it does look exactly like you!’ Mabel interrupted.  
8  
Mabel laid out her completed cat-icatures on a table for Stan to see. “Uh, it's just the same crummy cat face with a different hat each time.” Stan said as he looked at the drawings.

“Exactly! And I sell 'em for 10 dollars each.” Mabel said with a smile.

“You need an agent?” Stan asked as he stood up. “I am now your agent.” He said seriously.

Mikey ran into the room, ready to disabuse Stna of that notion. “Hold it Stan! Mabel already has an agent, and that’s me. But I’m sure we can work something out, for the right price.” Stan glared at Mikey as the video went off.  
8  
Mabel sat at a stand in front of the Mystery Shack selling cat-icatures. “It looks exactly like me! Right down to my actual cat whiskers that the doctors can't explain! Meow meow meow!” Toby Determined said as he hugged the picture.

“You're always weirder than I remember.” Mabel said as he walked away.

  
Stan laughed as he counted the profits from the cat-icatures. “I can’t beleive I tricked that kid into giving me ten percent!” He blinked as he realized what he just said. “Hey, wait a minute! Mikey!” He yelled as he looked for his nephew.  
8   
Mabel stopped drawing her cat-icatures and stood up at her stand. “Cat-icatures are good. But I've moved on to the next level.” SHe announced to the disappointed crowd. “Behold...Humani-cat-icatures!" She yeled as she held a large cat with a drawing of a person on it’s belly.

The customers went crazy, immediately yelling for more humani-cat-icatures. Mabels started to work on the few cats she had. “Somebody get this girl more cats!” Mikey yelled as the crowd rushed his sister.  
8  
“That's it for Mabel's guide to art. Where we learned sometimes you have to suffer for your art.” Mabel said as she sat in the attic, surrounded by angry cats and cover edin claw and bite marks. “Here kitty, here kitty kitty…” She called to the closest one, which jumped at her and began to scratch. “It actually kinda tickles,” Mabel said as she layed down on the floor.  
8


	18. Carpet Diem

The Pines triplets were enjoying a traditional Pines family activity: Home-Made Mini-golf. Their course at home was a little sturdier than what they had managed to scrounge up in the attic, but it still made for a perfect evening. Mabel stepped up to the glass eye serving as her ball and neatly put in yet another hole-in-one. “Hwaah! Total domination! I am the master of Attic Stuff Mini-golf! From the mighty Swiss Alps! To the badlands of Dipper's old laundry where man fears to tread!” Mabel proclaimed to her brothers, who smiled at her antics.

Dipper approached his own ball and prepared to make the best shot of his life. “Alright, let a pro on the field, or floor. Whatever.” He said, before swinging as hard as he could. The golf ball ricocheted around the room, before finally breaking through the window. The three looked at the window curiously when a shout rang out from below.

“Ah, my head! It hit me right in the head!”Stan yelled as he rubbed his head where the eye had hit him.

“Yes! Stan shot. Is that legal?” Dipper asked eagerly.

Mikey quickly agreed with his brother. “Yeah, that’s gotta be double points or something.” He stopped to consider that more carefully. “Or would it be half points?”

The siblings turned to look at the judge, Waddles, who responded by eating the scorecard.”The judges say it's out of bounds.” Mabel said as she turned back to her brothers.

“You're out of bounds!” Dipper said playfully as he jabbed Mabel with the golf club. The playful jab started a round of play fighting between the siblings, but the fun was stopped almost as soon as it began by the sound of Mabel’s Meow-o-clock clock going off.

“Hey, I gotta go hang out with Candy and Grenda tonight.” Mabel said as she handed her golf club to Dipper.

Dipper frowned as Mabel walked to her bed. “Aw, again? You can't leave mid-game.”

“C’mon Mabel, you can stay a little bit longer.” Mikey agreed.

Mabel laughed at her brothers’ concern. “Don't be silly, I'm not leaving. My friends are coming to me!”

“Wait, what?” Dipper asked before he realized what was happening. “Oh no. No no no. Sleeping bags? Rom-coms? Calling All Boys: Preteen Edition‽” Dipper yelled as he looked at the items scattered around the room. “You're not having a…”  
Dipper’s worried question was interrupted by the sound of the attic door opening and the two girls running in. “Sleepover!” They yelled, answering his question at the same time.

Dipper screamed in terror as he watched the girls come in. Mikey, just as terrified, was a little more proactive as he escaped through the window. “Dipper, save yourself!” He yelled back to his brother.  
8888888888888888888  
Hours later, Dipper was still in the attic while Mabel and her friends sat on the ground talking. “Okay, so how much do you like boys?” Mabel asked her friends.

“So much!” Grenda said.

Candy blushed as she answered. “Boys make me think about kissing!”

“Candy! Oh my gosh!” Grenda yelled in shock, before playfully throwing a pillow which knocked her much smaller friend over.

 

Mabel laughed with her friends. “We are so crazy tonight!” She said, before screaming in excitement. Candy and Grenda joined her, Grenda even punching the ground to emphasize their excitement. Dipper tried desperately to block the sound out with a pillow.

“Who wants to smear makeup on my face?” Grenda asked when they had finished screaming.

Mabel looked at Grenda and pat her arm gently. “Ugh, you're already so beautiful, Grenda. What would be the point?” She asked.

Grenda wouldn’t take no for an answer tough and started to chant. “Beautiful! Beautiful!” Punching the ground each time.

Dipper, finally fed up, ripped the pillow off his head and marched up to his sister. “Mabel! Do you think you can do this somewhere else‽ You're laughing at frequencies only dogs should hear!”

Mabel rolled her eyes. “Come on, it's not that bad.”

“You know what your brother needs?” Grenda asked as she looked Dipper over.

Mabel gasped and looked at Grenda excitedly. “A makeover?” 

Dipper started to scream as Gredna held him down while Mabel and Candy started to work his face over. Mikey, sitting on the roof, flinched at the sound of his brother's screams but knew there wasn’t anything he could do right now.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper finally managed to escape the clutches of his sister and her friends and walked down the stairs looking for a place to sleep. Stumbling on Soos getting ready to leave for the night, Dipper asked him. “Hey, Soos, can I sleep in your break room tonight?”  
“Of course, dude,” Soos said, before opening his break room to reveal a room filled with electrical wiring and water pipes. “You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle block,” Soos said, making generic video game sound as he slid into the one space in the room big enough for him to fit. “The trick is to hold perfectly still.” He continued, resting his arm on a pipe and getting burned. “Ow, wait wait,” Soos said before trying again. This continued for several minutes before Dipper decided to give it up.

 

“I think I'll sleep somewhere else…” He told Soos as he walked away. Continuing to walk he eventually decided that his best bet was to go outside. Laying a blanket down under the totem pole, Dipper sighed and made himself as comfortable as he could. “Ah...sleeping under the stars...not bad.” The peace and quiet was broken by the sound of growling near his feet. Dipper looked up just in time to see a wolf bite down on his leg. “Aaah! Get off! Aah! Get away!” He yelled as he tried to swat the wolf away. Looking up, Dipper could see the girls dancing around in the attic, and even from out here he could hear their excited screaming. His face changed to one of great determination, and he layed back against his pillow. “This is still better.” He said to the wolf, which had stopped chewing and now just held his leg in its mouth.

Dipper tried to ignore his new sleeping buddy, but even the relatively gentle hold it had on his leg was painful. He was about to try and shake the wild animal off again when what looked like a roof tile came flying through the air and struck the wolf on the side. Dipper turned to look in the direction the roof tile came from while the wolf ran off, and saw Mikey standing on the roof of the Shack. “Hey, Dipstick! You want to come up here?” Mikey yelled down to his brother, waving for him to come on up.

Dipper looked in the direction the wolf had run and saw dozens of eyes staring back at him. He quickly grabbed up his sleeping things and ran back to join his brother.  
888888888888888888  
Mabel woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, and only a very foggy memory of what exactly had happened last night. Blinking against the sudden brightness of the room around her, she asked the room the biggest question on her mind. “Ugh...what happened last night?” when no answer was forthcoming, Mabel opened her eyes to see a totally trashed room and her friend Candy taped to the ceiling. “Whoa!” She exclaimed as she saw her friend.  
Candy had apparently been up for a while and seemed unconcerned by her predicament. 

“What's up, party girl?” Candy asked her friend, waving slightly with her free hand.

The sound of one of the attic closets opening caused Mabel to turn around and see Grenda walking out with her face covered in lipstick kisses. “I don't know what I was kissing in there, but I have no regrets!” Grenda yelled as she walked out. Mabel smiled at the knowledge her friends had had a good time.

“Candy falls down now.” Candy informed them as the tape began to lose grip, dropping her onto the floor and knocking over the Eiffel Tower from the mini-golf course.  
“That was awesome, girls.” Mabel said as she waved goodbye to her friends. “See you again soon!”

 

As Candy and Grenda left, Dipper and Mikey walked in, both covered in scratches and matching black eyes. “Hey, brothers!” Mabel greeted them. “Want any of this leftover pizza? It's got glitter on it!”

Dipper ignored his sister and layed down on the bed. “Mabel, last night an owl tried to eat my tongue.”

“And I just fell off the roof.” Mikey said from the other side of the room as he layed down on his own bed.

Mabel laughed at the adventure her brothers had last night. “That's great!”  
“No, it's not great!” Dipper said angrily as he sat up. “This is impossible to live with!” Dipper said as he gestured to the mess that their room had become.

“What? I'm delightful to live with!” Mabel said with an eye roll, before grabbing her greatest weapon of fun. “Get ready to be poked by the fun stick! Boop!” She said as she poked Dipper in the face with the large stick.

Dipper flinched as the stick scraped against one of his scratches, and slapped it out of his sister’s hands. “Mabel, I've had it with the fun stick! You've totally wrecked our room. And… oh no! Our mini-golf course!” Dipper said in horror as he noticed the pieces of the course strewn about the room.

“What happened to it?” Mikey asked as he picked up the largest piece of the Eiffel Tower left.

“Yeah.” Mabel said as she laughed nervously. “Grenda sure loves breaking things.”

“Mabel, we need to lay down some ground rules if we're gonna be living in this room together. First of all, no sleepovers.” Dipper said firmly as he glared at his sister.

Mabel stared at her brother, shocked that something like this was coming up now. “What‽ Well if I can't have sleepovers, then you can't keep me up every night with your summer reading.” She shot back.

“How does reading keep you up? Dipper asked incredulously.

Mabel laughed at the question. “You constantly talk to yourself, and click that stupid pen all night long.”

“Well, at least my braces don't whistle when I breathe.” Dipper said.  
Mabel glared at him as she picked up a pair of his dirty underwear with the fun stick. “At least I wash my clothes once in a while.”

“Washing clothes is a waste of time, I'm a busy guy!” He argued back.

Mabel held up her hand and talked over her brother. “Meow meow meow meow meow!”

 

Dipper glared at her for interrupting him. “Alright if you meow one more time…”

 

“Meow meow meow!”

Before Dipper could say anything back, Mikey was between them and pushing them apart. “Guys, please! You shouldn’t be fighting like this!” He told them harshly.

Dipper rolled his eyes at his brother. “Oh, and I guess you know exactly what we should be doing.”

Mikey turned to glare at his brother. “Hey, I’m just trying to help!”

Mabel scoffed from behind him. “You’re always ‘just trying to help,’ treating us like we can’t take care of ourselves.”

Dipper voiced his agreement. “not to mention you’re worse than either of us about being up all night.”

Mikey glared at his siblings with crossed arms. “Well, if that’s the way you feel, maybe we shouldn’t be living together!” he yelled at them.

“Fine by me!” Dipper yelled as he glared at them.

Hesitation, missed by both of her brothers, showed on Mabel’s face before she too agreed. “Double fine by me!”

Dipper nodded firmly. “Then we need to talk to Grunkle Stan about moving rooms.”

“Yeah. He's a reasonable guy.” Mabel agreed.  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Stan sat in the living room, flipping through his favorite channels on the T.V., chanting as he watched his favorite shows. “Fight, fight, fight!” He flipped through the nature channel to his favorite show of all, Baby Fights. He sighed as he watched someone poke a baby in an effort to make them fight. “T.V. It knows what I want.”

 

“Grunkle Stan, we want different rooms.” Dipper said as he ran down the stairs and stopped in front of his uncle.

Stan shook his head with amusement. “Ha! And I want a pair of magic money pants. It's not gonna happen.”

 

“Magic money pants...?” Mabel muttered as she looked at Stan in confusion.

“Look Stan, there’s gotta be something around here. We can work something out, right?” Mikey tried to negotiate.

Stan shook his head again. “Look kid, there's my room and the attic. That's it. What do you think, there's some kinda secret hidden room in the Shack?” Stan asked, before turning back to the T.V.

A crash came from the back of the Shack, silencing any more arguments, followed by a yell from Soos. “Dudes! I found some kind of secret hidden room in the Shack!” The triplets grinned at each other and rushed to find Soos, followed closely by Stan.

Soos stood in the hallway next t an ol-fashioned door none of them had ever seen before. “Okay, so I was cleaning up behind this bookcase when boom! Mystery door! This old Shack is full of weird secrets.” Soos said as he pushed the door open.

They all walked into the room, which looked like it had at one point served as a study. A desk, several dressers, a couch, and a small bed filled the room, along with a green shag carpet that covered most of the floor. Dipper kneeled down to inspect the rug and read off the tag. “Experiment 78? Grunkle Stan, what is this place?”

“I don't know.” Stan said with a shrug. “Just another room I gotta clean up now.” Spotting a pair of glasses similar to his own sitting on a dresser, Stan palmed them smoothly, without anyone else noticing.

Mabel laid down on the shag and started to make snow angels in it. “This carpet is amazing!” She laughed as she played.

“Yeah, if you're into things that are terrible.” Stan said as he stared down at his niece.

“Problem solved, I'll move in here!” Dipper said as he spotted a key and grabbed it.

Mikey shook his head and glared at his brother. “Oh, so Mabel and I are still stuck together? I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, why do you automatically get the room? We saw it at the same time.” Mabel said angrily as she marched up to him.

Stan, seeing an opportunity, stepped between the siblings and grabbed the key. “Wait a second. So you all want this room, huh? I guess I'll give it to whichever one of you I like more, and the other two will have to stay in the attic together.” He said with a smug smile, before leaning over and untying his shoe. “Uh oh. Looks like my shoe's untied.”The triplets shared looks with each other before jumping at Stan’s foot and fighting for the right to be the one to tie it. “To the kitchen! Fight, fight, fight!” Stna said with an evil laugh as he walked out of the room.

The triplet’s lost their hold but quickly stood up to chase him. They were stopped when Soos stood in between them and the door. “Whoa! I don't know dudes, this room gives me major, creep-o vibes. Y'know, the attic is a pretty good space. Maybe you two should appreciate what you got.” He said with a shrug. The siblings considered his words for less than a second before diving around and under him. “Hey, what do I know? Maybe there's nothing creepy going on in this room.” Soos said as he grabbed a broom and started to sweep.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
In the kitchen, the siblings jostled for room in front of Stan, who sat at the kitchen table. “Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. Whoever sucks-up the hardest get's the key to the new room.” Stan said with a wide smile.

“I’ll give you ten dollars if you just give me the key.” Mikey said as he offered a ten-dollar bill to his uncle.

Stan grabbed the money,, but shook his head anyway. “That’s one hundred suck-up-points for Mikey.”

 

Dipper crossed his arms and stared determinedly at his uncle. “Grunkle Stan, we're not gonna suck-up to you just to get the new room.”

“Yeah we are!” Mabel said eagerly.

Stan smiled at his niece. “Ten suck-up points for Mabel!”

Dipper tried to backpedal from his mistake. “I mean… uh… yeah we are!”

Stan frowned at the the false enthusiasm. “Trying too hard. Minus 15 suck-up points.”

“What?”

Mabel smiled and nodded. “Good decision Grunkle Stan!”

 

“Trying way too hard!” Stan said happily. “Plus 50 suck-up points!” Dipper frowned at his siblings, before turning to Stan as he held up a bucket full of roofing tiles. “Now, who wants to re-tile the roof in searing 105 degree heat?”

The triplet’s all eagerly yelled for it, but Dipper was the first to run forward and grab the bucket. As he ran outside, his siblings followed him, fighting to take it away.

Stna smiled to himself as he watched the siblings chase each other outside. “Stan, you're a good uncle.” He told himself, ignoring the scream of, “I’ll kill you!” from outside.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
After several hours of completing tasks, for Stan, the triplet’s were finally nearing the end of his list. Dipper stopped mowing the lawn for a few seconds to wipe the sweat from his brow. “Dipper, you're phoning it in!” Stan called as he sipped lemonade on the porch. Dipper sighed and continued mowing as his siblings smirked at him. Stan continued to talk to himself. “Man, that's refreshing. 10 suck-up points for this lemonade!” He switched to a higher pitched voice as he pretended to be the lemonade. “Thank you, Stan!” Stan smiled at the glass in his hand. “Oh-ho! 10 more for politeness. Oh, and so sweet!” Stan said as he took another sip. The triplets tried desperately to block the sound out.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper sighed as he opened the door to the new room. He quickly made his way to the couch and relaxed. “All these chores will be worth it when I get this room. Shag carpeting? Come on!” He said to himself, taking off his shoes and shuffling his feet on the carpet.

“I wouldn’t be so sure you’re getting the room just yet.” Mikey said as he walked into the room confidently.

Mabel followed him in before Dipper could respond. “Yeah, don't get too comfortable. I just made Stan an omelet shaped like his own face.” The boy’s turned to glare at Mabel, shuffling across the carpet dramatically. “Face it. I'm like a suck-up ninja. This room's as good as mine. You two might as well give up now. What do you say?” Mabel asked as she stretched her hand out.

Dipper glared at her and raised his own hand up. “I say I'm gonna win this room somehow, and when I do I'll finally have my own space and we'll never have to share anything ever again!” He yelled at his sister, slapping her hand to the side. A spark surged knocking both siblings away from each other, and Mikey instinctively grabbed his brother’s shoulder to steady him, Which caused another spark between them. Dipper blinked as he sat up. “Ugh...what happened?” He asked his siblings, disoriented by the bright flash and his sudden change in position.

Mabel sat up and stared in his direction in confusion.“Dipper? Why are you wearing my clothes...and my...face‽” She asked staring at him in horror.

Dipper looked at himself with the same horrified expression. “Am I in your body‽” Dipper screamed.

His scream was answered by similar ones from his siblings as they realized that they had all switched bodies. Dipper and Mikey ran around the room screaming at the top of their lungs, while Mabel ran into the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. Dipper, in Mabel’s body, eventually collapsed into a corner and gently rocked himself while muttering.They continued to scream and panic until they were too exhausted to continue. A few minutes after that, they managed to pick themselves up off the ground and attempted to sort out what exactly had just happened.

“Great! Just what we need, more Gravity Falls weirdness.” Dipper said angrily as they stared at the mirror.

“This is stupid!” Mabel said from inside Mikey’s body. “Sharing a room was bad enough, now we're sharing bodies?”

Dipper ran his tongue along his teeth and let out a disgusted sigh. “Ugh, braces are horrible. It's like my mouth hates me. And what are these things?” He asked as he flicked Mabel loose ends of hair.

Mikey looked at Dipper’s body with disgust. “Why do you feel so… gross? I feel like I haven’t showered in a month.” He asked his brother.

“I’m a busy guy!” Dipper yelled back.

Mabel yawned as she tried to force her eyes to stay open. “I feel like every part of my body is exhausted.” She told Mikey pointedly.

Dipper turned to look at the most likely source of this, the carpet. He leaned down to look at the tag again. “Hey look. Experiment 78.” He read before turning the tag over. “Electron Carpet.” He said curiously. “Atoms can swap electrons. This carpet must build up a static charge so powerful it can swap minds! It was the static electricity! Maybe we can use it to switch back!”

Mabel gave a relieved sigh. “Glad I'm switching back. If I was you I would totally lose the contest.”

Dipper glared at her, before an idea struck him. “And if I was you, which I am, I could sabotage myself! Then Mabel would lose all her points and the room would go to Dipper!”

“Wait, what?” Mabel asked as Dipper ran out the door.

“Oh Stan! I've always hated you! See who he gives the room to now!” Dipper told her as he ran away.

Mabel and Mikey began to follow before Mabel tripped on Mikey’s untied shoes. “Tie your shoes!”

Stan was finishing up the delicious omelette in the shape of his face when Dipper ran in. “Those cannibals are onto something. I taste delicious!” He said to himself as he finished the last bite.

“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper yelled as he ran into the room

“What's the word, Mabel?” Stan asked as he smiled at the body of his niece.

“That's right. It's me… Mabel.” Dipper said nervously. “If ya like that omelet you'll love this! A sandwich made out of rocks!” Dipper said as he pulled out two pieces of bread with a handful of rocks between them.

“Candy rocks?” Stna asked hopefully as he took the sandwich.

Dipper shook his head with anasty smirk. “Regular rocks.”  
Stan frowned as he threw the sandwich away. “Keep that up and I'll be giving one of your brothers this key.”

Dipper laughed happily, before he realized he was supposed to be Mabel. “I mean, darn.”

Mikey stopped at the edge of the doorway, and looked inside at Dipper losing the points. “I can’t let Dipper win that room.” He said to himself, before glancing into the gift shop and coming up with the perfect plan. “Grunkle Stan! You don’t mind if I give this stuff away do you?” He yelled to his Grunkle with his arms full of merchandise, before running out and throwing them to anyone who asked.

Stan stood up from the kitchen table in shock and outrage. “Oh no, my profits!” He cried as he moved to chase after Mikey.

He was stopped as Mabel came running into the room. “Hey Grunkle Stan! Your face looks like a butt!” She yelled at him.

Stan stopped dead in his tracks as he watched what he thought was Mikey begin to break empty bottles and kick at the kitchen appliances. “What?”

“Breaking stuff is so much fun, I am Dipper and I stink!” Mabel said in a sing song voice while continuing to destroy everything around her.

Dipper glared at his siblings and climbed onto the kitchen table, grabbing the cereal box and pouring it over himself. “Mabel's gone bananas! Zing! Zow! Ballow!” He yelled, laughing hysterically as Stan slowly backed away from them.

“Well this is gettin' weird.” Stan said before making a quick exit through the back door.

“Wait! Are you gonna dock Mabel points?” Dipper screamed after him as he jumped off the table.

“What about Dipper? Mikey yelled as he threw the rest of the merch away.  
Mabel joined the questioning while she ran after her uncle. “Mikey should lose all his points!” Dipper tackled both of his siblings as they all tried to follow their Great Uncle.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Soos swept away at the new room he had discovered, doing his best to make it clean for whoever ended up living there. He smiled as he watched Waddles roll around in the shag carpet. “Waddles, you got it good, bro.” He said as he kneeled down to pet the pig. ‘You got no worries. I mean, nobody thinks it's cute when I lie naked on the living room floor. I wish I could be a pig.” As he touched Waddles’ head, a bright flash filled the room and Soos found himself on the ground. Looking around, he saw his own body, and looking at himself he realized that he had become a pig. “Yes! I should do out loud wishing more often.” Soos said happily. A whiff of something from outside caught his attention, and he quickly followed it outside.

Waddles didn’t understand what happened, but it didn’t concern him much. He went down to the gift shop and did what he always did, drool on the vending machine. Waddles stumbled through the room, knocking over a stand of postcards, and finding a pile of shirts within easy reach. He began to chew on the shirts, kneeling over the cabinet in Soos’ body. Wendy walked into the gift shop just as he started to eat, and called out to him. “Hey, Soos, what's up? Have you seen my…” She traield off as she watched Waddles eat the shirt. He turned to look at her, and Mabel couldn’t but feel scared by the new emptiness in her co workers eyes. “Uh, I'll come back later…” She said as she slowly backed out of the room. Once the was shut, she sprinted for her bicycle and made her way home as quickly as she could.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
The triplets continued to chase each other and Stan through the hallways of the Mystery Shack. “Grunkle Stan, come back! I have more terrible things to do!” Dipper yelled as he ran out in front of his siblings. “You're toast! That room's as good as mine!” He yelled back as he rounded a corner, running straight into Grenda.

“There you are, Mabel!” Grenda said as she pulled Dippre into a tight squeeze.

Candy smiled as she joined the hig with her friends. “Attack her with love!”

 

Grenda started to jump up and down, keeping a tight hold on her friends, as she and Candy chanted. “Sleepover!”

 

Dipper let out a horrified gasp and desperately tried to escape Grenda. “What‽ No! No no no!”

 

The girls ignored his screams as they carried him up the stairs and into the attic. Mabel and Mikey chased after them, and skidded to a halt in front of the attic door, which is still held open by Grenda. “Hey, um, could we talk to our... sister, for a sec? Mabel asked nervously as she eyed Dipper through the doorway.

“This is a sleepover, buddy. No boys allowed!” Grenda yelled before slamming the door on them.

Mikey glared at the door, before deciding he couldn’t do anything just yet, but that he did have a plan. He looked at Mabel, who had kneeled on the ground and was looking through the keyhole, decided that she would be fine, and then ran to get what he would need.

Inside the attic, Dipper was still trying to reason with the girls. “Look guys, I'm not really in a sleepover mood right now. One of my, irrational girl mood swings, you know. Right? Don't we have those?” He siad with an awkward smile as he edged towards the exit.

Grenda rolled her eyes and pulled him up onto the bed. “Come on, my mom's age inappropriate romance novels aren't gonna read themselves. Ooh! Wolfman Bare Chest!” Grenda said as she pulled the book out of her bag.

Mabel looked through the keyhole with interest, while Diper still tried to talk his way out of this. “Uh, really. I should probably, uh…”  
Grenda grabbed Dipper tighter as she turned to the book. “Come on! You know you love it!” She started to read from the book. "My name is Gerard. I am a werewolf, creature of the night. But I am also a creature of passion." The girls giggled as Dipper looked on in horror.

 

Mabel fanned herself outside the door as she watched and listened. “Gerard is just so fierce.” She said to herself, just as Stan was walking onto the landing.

“What's going on, Dipper?” Stan asked as he watched his nephew gasp in surprise and try to cover up the keyhole. Stan nodded uncomfortably as he watched his nephew panic. “Ah, you're at that creepy age where you spy on girls, huh? Guess it's time you and I had a man to man talk. About the birds and the bees, you know?” Stan said. Mabel frowned but didn’t protest as Stan led her into his office.

Stan sat behind his desk and pulled out the book “Why Am I So Sweaty.” Mabel flinched away from the book and made to stand up from her chair. “I… I should really be goin…”

 

Stan grabbed her arm and pulled her back into the chair. “No way out of it! Look. It all begins with this little fella. The pituitary gland. He may be little, but he has BIG PLANS.” Stan said as he read the passage out of the book.  
8888888888888888888888888888  
Soos had made his way into downtown Gravity Falls and was enjoying his time as a pig as he looked around. “I wonder what frolicking adventures I'll stumble into.” He asked himself as he walked the street, stopping when he spotted a mud puddle just a few feet away. “A mud puddle! Do I dare live out the cliche?” Soos asked himself, before jumping into the puddle and playing around in the mud.

Old Man McGucket walked down the street, scaring away small children, when he spotted Soos in the mud puddle. “Free meal…” He said to himself as he licked his lips and pulled a knife and fork out of his beard.

Soos began to back away from the old man, pleading for his life. “No! Don't eat me! I'm a man trapped in a pig's body!”

Old Man McGucket laughed at that. “That's what they all say…” He told Soos, before lunging forward, and chasing after the pig.

“Help! Police!” Soos yelled as he ran past a squad car.

Durland looked at the pair of them with fascination. “A bearded witch chasing a talking pig!”

Sheriff Blubs nodded as though he wasn’t surprised. “My horoscope came true.”

Durland turned to look at him with excitement. “Now read mine!”

“What are you, Gemini?” Blubs asked as he turned back to the newspaper.

“You knew?” Durland asked. 

Blubs laughed and patted his deputy on the shoulder. “Yeah, of course, I knew!”  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Mikey carefully balanced himself on the roof as he made his way to the attic window. He gently opened it and called out. “Pssst, Dipper! You want out of here?” Dipper was still being held by Grenda, luckily he was the only one that heard Mikey’s words. He twisted as much as he could in Grenda’s grip and gave Mikey a slight nod. Mikey smiled and continued to speak. “On one condition: We team up against Mabel, one of us is getting that room.”

Dipper glared at his brother, before flinching at the description of another romantic scene. “Fine.” He hissed  
Mikey nodded, satisfied. “Just wait for my signal.” While Mikey crouched outside the window, Dipper was forced to listen to every word as Grenda slowly finished the first book. Just as Dipper was beginning to lose hope, something came flying through the open window and released the most awful Dipper had ever encountered. While those on the bed coughed and tried to wipe tears from their eyes, Mikey crawled through the open window and grabbed Dipper. They raced out of the attic door, closely pursued by Grenda and Candy.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Stan closed the book and smiled at Mabel happily. “And now you know where babies come from!”

Mabel ignored her uncle and slowly rocked herself on the chair. “Goodbye childhood…” She whispered to herself.

“You know, I find you more likable today than usual.” Stan said as he placed the book back on the shelf. “Maybe you could still win that game after all.” Mabel looked at Stan in confusion, and waited for an explanation. “I was gonna give that new room to Mabel, on account of her being the only girl and all…”

 

Mabel stood up and started to protest. “No, you should! Give it to Mabel... you. big. jerk!”

 

Stan glared at the child. “What did you say to me?”

 

Mabel panicked as she realized what she had said, and quickly tried to keep it going. “I said, uh, shut up old man! You're fat and dumb and you're a dummy and, take that!” She yelled as she lightly tapped Stan’s arm with a closed fist.

“Finally standin’ up to me, huh?” Stan asked with a steely glare before he broke into a wide smile and laughed. “I love it! You know, I made up my mind! The room belongs to you. Mikey.” Stan said as he took out the key and handed it to Mabel.

“You can't! You have to give it to Mabel!” MAbel tried to protest again, but was pulled into a hug by Stan instead.

“Ssh. You had me at shut up old man." Stan said as he held her tightly.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Mabel screamed into the air as Stan pat her back.  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Mikey ran down the stairs two at a time as they tried to escape from the girls. They weren’t fast enough though as a pair of hands grabbed the back of both of their collars and jerked them to a halt. “Trying to kidnap your sister?” Grenda asked as she leaned over the pair of them. She smiled menacingly as she continued. “Well, lucky for you, you’re here just in time for makeovers!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Dipper and Mikey screamed together as they huddled into a corner.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
McGucket had cornered Soos in an alley, and was slowly stalking forward. “I'm gonna make you into bacon…”

Soos, who had been backing away from the crazed man, perked up at his words. “Hey, that sounds pretty good!” Soos then realized what exactly that meant. “Wait, I mean, NOOOOOOOOOOO!”  
8888888888888888888888888888888888  
Grenda, Candy, and Dipper were playing a game of Calling All Boys: Preteen Edition, while Mikey was forced to stay on his bed. Grenda rolled her dice and moved her piece, which somehow caused the hone in the middle to ring. “It's him! My dream date!” She said excitedly as she picked up the phone. “Hello?”

A robotic voice came from the phone clearly audible to everyone in the room. “Hello baby, this is Kevin. My beach house has room for 2.”

“Kevin has the voice of a robot.” Candy said as she eyed the phone suspicciously.

“Don't ruin this for me, Candy!” Grenda yelled before she hung up the phone. “It's your turn, Mabel.” She said, looking up just in time to see Dipper and Mikey running out the door.

“Gotta win the room,” Dipper muttered to himself as he ran into the living room. “Stan! It's me, Mabel! I'm doing things you hate!” he yelled as he flipped over a table that carried a lamp.

“Yeah, Mabel’s gone crazy!” Mikey joined in with the yelling. They both stopped when they saw Mabel standing in the doorway.

“It's over, guys. Stan gave Mikey the room.”Mabelsaid with a sigh before opening her hadn to revela the key.

“Aw, man.” Dipper said dejectedly as he stared at the key.

Mikey, on the other hand, was obviously excited by the news. “Yes! Well, let's switch bodies then and I can start moving in.”

Mabel started to hand over the key before an idea struck her. “Wait a minute. You can't have the room... if you can never get in!” Mabel ran off in the direction of the new room.

“Mabel, wait!” Mikey yelled as he chased her, closely followed by Dipper.

Mabel ran into the room and slammed and locked the door behind her. “Come on!” Dipper yelled as he banged on the door. “Arrgh! Open the door, Mikey! I mean, Mabel.” He slid down the door until he was resting on the ground. “How are we gonna get in there?”

Mikey stared at the door before smiling evily. “You know, Candy and Grenda are pretty determined when it comes to giving makeovers.” Dipper shared Mikey’s smile as they both ran back up to the attic.

“Kevin, for the last time, I am not interested!” Cadny yelled at the game’s phone before slamming it down.

Grenda stared at Candy in shock “How could you say that to Kevin?”

Dipper stepped forward into the room. “Hey, girls... who wants to give Mikey a makeover?” He asked. The girls gasped and quickly grabbed their supplies before following them downstairs.  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Waddles continued to walk around the gift shop, knocking over stands, until he managed to lay down on the counter and start eating tissues out of the box. Stna walked in looking at a clipboard and barely registered what Soos was doing. “Oh good, Soos. You got a second?” Waddles rolled off the counter and stoodin front of Stan. “Look, times are tough, economy or something, et cetera. Basically, I have to cut your pay.” Waddles rasied his hand and placed it on top of Stans face breathing deeply. “Wha… what are you doing? Is this some sort of negotiating tactic? Because it's not gonna work!” Stan said as he looked into the pig's empty eyes. “Uh... Fine! I was lying! I'll give you a raise! Just never do that again! Uh! Nightmare!” Stan said, angry and disturbed, as he practically rna out ofthe room.

A woman walked inot the otherwise deserted gift shop holding a mao. “Can you help me? I'm looking for directions.” She asked Waddles, who turned at the sound of her voice. Seeing that the door to the outside was open, Waddles quickly stumbled his way through the door and down the road. “Oh, you'll show me the way? Such a gentleman!” The woman said with a laugh as she followed him out.   
8888888888888888888888888888  
Mabel lay down on the floor, making a sign for her door when a knock came on the door. “It's Candy and Grenda!” Her two best friends called form the other side. 

“Friends!” Mabel said happily as she opened the door. “Hey guys, what's up?” It was only then that Mabel noticed her brothers standing behind her friends. “Oh no! Don’t… don’t let them in here!” 

“Makeovers!” Her friedns cheered as they held her down.

“No no, wait stop!” Mabel yelled as she tried to escape.

“Good job ladies.” Dipper said as he and Mikey wlaked into the room.  
Mikey stepped forward, shuffling his feet on the carpet. “I just have one… little… change.”

Candy and Gredna shielded their eyes as another body swap happened in front of them. Mikey picked himself up off the ground and patted himslef down to make sure it was him. “Alright, the room is mine!” He said happily as he raised the key above his head.

“Wait, hold on here. What just happened?” Grenda asked as she looked bakc and forth between the triplets.

“I barely understand it.” Mabel sighed as she tried to explain. “All I know is that if you shuffle your feet on this carpet, you can switch bodies or whatever.”  
Candy looked down at the carpet curiously and started to shuffle her feet. “Zip, zap.” She said as she touched Mikey’s nose, switching their bodies.

“Aw, come on!” Mikey said as he snatched the key back form Candy.

“I am a boy now!” Candy said excitedly before making her voice deeper. “Wassup, bro. Let's grow some mustaches.”

“Mikey, give me that key back!” Mabel yelled as she tried to grab the key.  
Dipper followed her in and did his best to grab the key as well. “No, give it to me!”

“Guys stop fighting!” Grenda yelled as she tried to pull them apart. More electricity surged, switching their bodies around agian. Their attempt to switch back was complicated as McGucket chased Soos into the circle ust as they switched, getting them mixed up as well. Blubs and Durland ran into the room, getting switched with Candy and Grenda. In the brief lull casued by the entrance of the cops, the twins started to fight again, causing more switching between everyone, until, finally, they foyund themselves in their own bodies again.

“Guys, are you you?” Dipper asked as he picked himself up off the ground.

“Yeah, I'm me.” Mabel said as she stood up.

Mikey stood up happily and began to run out the door. “I’m me, and I’ve still got the key!”

The triplets chased each other oout of the room and into the attic,wheere Mbale succesfully grabbed the key out of Mikey’s hands.

“Mabel, the room is mine! Give it to me!” Mikey yelled as he tackled her, quickly followed by Dipper making a tangled dog pile.

“What's with you? Why do you need that room so bad? I never even wanted to move out!” Mabel yelled as she kept the key out of her brother’s reach.

“Me either!” Mikey yelled as he glared at his sister.

“I never wanted to move out either.” Dipper said softly as he stopped struggling to get the key.

“Wait, what? Say that again?” Mabel asked, Dipper might not have been the one to suggest moving out, but he was definatly the one whio wnated ot the most.

“I… I never wanted to move out.” Dipper repeated himself.

“Then what was all this?” Mabel asked curiously.

“Everything was fine until you started bringing your friends around every night.” Dipper started nervously. “I mean, hanging out with you this summer's been fun. But, now you're always with Candy and Grenda, and I'm... like... just, left behind.”

“Aww, Dipper.” Mabel said as she looked at her dejected brother.

“Hey, we’re always here when you need us.” Mikey said as he placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

Dipper shrugged and sighed. “It's okay. I've just been having a hard time, you wouldn't understand what I'm going through.”

“You're probably feeling awkward and sweaty, huh?” Mabel said with a soft smile.

Dipper smiled at his siter. “Yeah. How'd you know?”

“Here. I won't fight you for it.” Mabel said as she tossed Dipper the key.

Dipper smiled as he looked at the key before offering it to Mikey. “Here you go Mikey, I don’t think I need it anymore..”

 

“Thanks.” Mikey said as he took the key.  
8888888888888888888888888888888  
“Well it looks like everyone's back to normal…” Mabel said as she watched everyone leave the room, stopping when she saw Soos chewing on the doorframe. “Except for Soos, who may be a pig permanently...?”

“Oh no, I changed back.” Soos said as he stopped chewing. “At least I think I did.”

 

“I'll still eat ya.” McGucket said as he slowly crept behind Soos with a knife and a fork.

The triplets all started to push McGucket out of the room, and then out of the house, leaving Soos alone with Waddles. “I guess being a pig wasn't that great after all. Hey, let me get that spot you can never reach.” Soos said to the pig as he leaned down to scratch him.

The sound of a doorbell ringing prompted Soos to open the door, revealign the woman that had showed u at the shack earlier. “Hey, I've been thinking, and the answer is yes, I will marry you!” She said as she looked at Soos with love in her eyes.

Soos looked back at her with eyes filled mostly with confusion. “Wait, I don't remember anything about…” He was cut off as the woman lenaed in to kiss him. Shrugging, Soos returned the kiss with equal passion.  
88888888888888888888888888888  
“Ah, there.” Mikey said as he finally finished moving the last of his things into the room.

“Ah, a man and his own space.” Stan said as he watched him from the doorframe.

 

“That's right. Finally.”

 

“So what are you gonna do with this old thing?” Stan asked, pointing the carpet which had been rolled up and left next to the door.

“Get rid of it.” Mikey said with a slight smile.

Stan laughed nervously as he picked the carpet up and carried it out. “You got it. Yeesh, this carpet's ugly.”

Mikey relaxed into his bed and turned out the lamp. “Ah. Finally, my own room. Good night guys.” He said, frowning when he realized their wasn’t going to be an answer. 

In the attic, Mabel and Dipper were also getting ready for bed. “Good night Dipper.” Mabel said, almost saying the same to Mikey before she caught a glimpse of his empty corner.

Dipper smiled as he turned over in his bed. “Good night. Night Mikey.” He sighed when no response came, and just tried to get to sleep.

A knock on the door made Mabel get out of bed and answer it, revealing Mikey dragging a blanket and pillow behind him. “Hey, um. Do you want to have a sleepover?” he asked uncertainly.

Mabel smiled at him and grabbed her golf club and the glass eyes. “FORE!” She yelled as she hit the ball. Mikey and Dipper laughed, each grabbing their own clubs and swinging. Dipper’s ball sailed through the window again, hitting Stan. His yelling prompted another round of laughter in the triplets.


	19. Boyz Crazy

Dipper smiled widely as he watched Wendy walk in through the gift shop door. His greeted her cheerfully, but his excitement slowly bled away as she sat down at the counter quietly. Thinking quickly, Dipper turned on the security footage and started to voice over one of the customers, something he and Wendy found hilarious every time they did it. “Do you have this T-shirt in my size?” He asked as the customer presented a t-shirt to Stan.

Wendy smiled at him and quickly joined in, voicing Stan as he bent over to search through a box. “I have something even better! Behold: My butt!”

 

They both started to laugh hysterically, whatever had been on Wendy’s mind now completely forgotten. Dipper looked at Wendy with a slight smile. “I could play this game forever.” He whispered to himself.

“What'd you say?” Wendy asked as she looked down at her younger friend with a raised eyebrow.

“Coughing!” Dipper yelled in panic as he started to pretend to cough. “I was coughing! Those weren't words!”

A giggle caused Wendy and Dipper to finally notice Mabel, standing at the end of the counter. “This is fun, what you two have.” She said as she smiled at her brother.

“Mabel? How long have you been standing there?” Dipper asked, annoyed.

“Don't worry about that.” Mabel said with a shrug. “Let's talk about why I'm doing this dance!” She said as she began to dance in place.

“Is it the smile dip?” Mikey asked from where he stood amongst the shelves. Dipper shot an annoyed glance at him, having not noticed him before either.

“Wrong one-thousand!” Mabel cheerfully corrected her brother. “It's because today is the greatest day of my life!” She yelled as she threw a calendar which hit Dipper in the face. “Sev'ral Timez is playing at the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet!”

Dipper rolled his eyes as he looked at the poster that had been taped to the backside of the calendar. “Ugh. Sev'ral Timez? Aren't they that boy band that came a decade too late? Mabel, you know all those boy bands are fake, right?”

Mabel ignored her brother as Wendy voiced her agreement. “Dipper's right. They're just a manufactured product of the bloated corporate music industry.”

Mabel frowned as the older girl sided against her. “You're making my dance sad…” She said with a pout as she slowly stopped dancing.

 

“There's probably a machine that mass-produces them.” Dipper said with a laugh, ignoring his sister.

“Oh ho, or maybe the boys are grown from pods.” Wendy joined in, causing them both to burst into laughter.

Mikey rolled his eyes amusedly as he watched them laugh behind the counter. “Oh, don’t listen to them, Mabel.” He said as he turned to his sister. “You have fun at your concert.”

“Thank you.” Mabel said shortly as she glared at Dipper and Wendy. “You guys can't ruin this for me. Mabel's got back up!” She said pointing to the door where her friends were walking in. “Who's ready for the greatest night of our lives? How many times am I gonna love ya?”

“Sev'ral times!” The girls screamed together before running to the attic.

“Ugh. Girls.” Dipper said as he watched them run off.

Wendy nodded her agreement. “I know, right?”  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
The girls gathered in the attic to get ready for their big night. “Should I go with lip balm or lip salve?” Mabel asked as she looked through her beauty supplies.

“Go wild! Tonight's our night!” Grenda yelled as she smeared on her own makeup.

“I can't wait guys.” Mabel said excitedly. “Tonight we're gonna meet Creggy G, Greggy C, Leggy P, Chubby Z, and Deep Chris!”

 

“He's the phat one!” Candy chimed in.

“And those boys will fall in love with us.” Mabel finished with a wide smile.

“Why wouldn't they?” Grenda asked as she stuffed her face with peanut butter.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper and Wendy continued to voice over the security feed until Robbie walked into the shop. Wendy instantly turned to glare at her boyfriend, and Dipper tried to cheer her up. “Hey is this the fingerless glove store? I like things that are dumb. I'm Robbie.”

 

Wendy laughed and shook her head. “C'mon man…”

“Ha ha ha ha ha. Laugh it up, chief.” Robbie said angrily to Dipper as he walked up to the counter. Wendy stopped laughing to glare at him. “So Wendy, Nate, and his girlfriend are going to Lookout Point this weekend. Maybe we should go too?” He asked casually.

“Are you kidding me?” Wendy asked as she shoved Robbie away. “First you stand me up last night! And instead of apologizing, you want me to go to Lookout Point‽”

Dipper slowly backed away from the couple. “I'll just be... over here…” He said as he left through the door, where he was quickly joined by his brother. They both peeked through the door and watched the teens fight.

Mikey shared a smirk with his brother as they watched Robbie frantically try to recover. “Is this really happening?” He asked Dipper, who shushed him as he watched eagerly through the cracked door.

“Look, Robbie... I'm not sure this relationship's working. Maybe I should see other people.” Wendy said with a sigh, turning away from her now former boyfriend. Dipper and Mikey both backed away from the door to celebrate, high fiving and quietly cheering.

“W… Whoah h… hey! Before you do anything crazy, I- I uh... I want you to hear this.” The sound of Robbie speaking caused them to return to the door. They watched as he pulled a strange CD case from his jacket and put in a player, he started to sing as the music played. “When I think about you/I feel feelings so deep/I'm tossing and turning/And you know I'm losing sleep/And I know I'm going crazy/When I look into your eyes/Just listen to this song/And you'll be hypnotai-ai-ai-zed”

Robbie finished and looked expectantly at Wendy, who now stared at him with wide eyes. “Y'know, maybe I was being a little hasty. I'll give you another chance.” The boys watched in shock as Wendy leaned in to kiss Robbie on the cheek before walking away to grab her jacket.

“Bummer.” Mikey muttered as he followed his brother into the gift shop.

Dipper walked to Robbie and immediately confronted him. “Alright Robbie, I saw that weird CD. What the heck are you up to?” He asked as he glared at the older boy.

“It's called romance, kid.” Robbie said with a sneer. “Something you'd never understand.”

Dipper growled, but before he could say anything, Wendy reappeared and walked away with Robbie. “You ready? I can't believe you wrote that for me.”

“I know, I'm just so insanely talented.” Robbie boasted as he put his arm around Wendy’s shoulder.

Dipper glared after them for a moment before opening the player and grabbing the CD inside. Mikey rolled his eyes as he watched Dipper study the disc. “You don’t actually think he hypnotized Wendy, do you? Even if there was some sort of subliminal message, they don’t even work like that.”

 

Dipper ignored his brother as he continued to study the CD. After checking every inch of its surface, he sniffed and then began to perform a taste test. “What are you doing?” Mabel asked, having walked in with her friends just as Dipper started to lick the CD.

“Guys, the weirdest thing just happened. I think Robbie might be hypnotizing Wendy with his music.” Dipper said as he showed the disc to the girls. 

Mabel laughed and shook her head. “Oh, Dipper. Girls just like musicians. You'll understand when you're older.”

“We're the same age!” Dipper protested angrily.

“Girls mature faster than guys. Right, Grenda?” Mabel asked her friend.

Grenda briefly stopped kissing a photo of Sev’ral Timez to glare at the siblings. “This is Grenda time!” She yelled at them before returning to the magazine. Dipper stared at the girl, unsure how to respond, while Mabel quickly ushered her friends out the door.  
88888888888888888888  
The girls looked in awe at the Civic Center and the huge crowd that had gathered for the concert. “Ok, girls have you all practiced you're obsessed boy band screams?” Mabel asked as they gathered at one end of the plaza. The girls joined her in screaming giddily until Old Man McGucket joined in. “... Just gonna ignore that.” Mabel said as she slowly pulled her friends away from the man. They ran to the box office, Mabel screaming excitedly as they approached. “Tickets please!”

The teen inside smiled nastily at them as he slammed the guard closed. “Too late, girls! The show's sold out.”

The girls stared in shock at the closed box office and looked around to see that all of the signs and posters had been covered with sold-out signs. The girls shuffled of sadly and leaned against a cardboard cutout of the band. “This night is ruined.” Grenda cried as she pulled her jar of peanut butter back out and began to eat from it.

Candy simply collapsed face first onto the ground and laid there as she moaned. “I welcome you, death.”

Mabel sat down next to her friends and couldn’t bear to see them so disappointed. She shot to her feet now filled with determination. “No! I said we were going to meet Sev'ral Timez tonight, and I meant it! And I'm not going to let a keep out sign, keep us out!” She told her friends as she pointed to the back entrance of the civic center.  
88888888888888888888888  
In the kitchen of the Mystery Shack, Stan was placing a crate full of canned meat in the cabinets while singing quietly to himself. “Stockin' meat for the apocalypse, doodly-doo. We're all gonna die.” He stopped singing as Dipper walked in, staring at Robbie’s CD and pacing up and down the kitchen. “What's with the pacing, kid?” Stan asked as he turned away from the meat cabinets. “You look even more freaked out than usual.”

Dipper stopped pacing and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Um, I dunno... You wouldn't understand.”

Stan shook his head and pulled Dipper into a chair. “Aw, c'mon kid. Try me.”

“Ok. This is gonna sound weird, but I think Robbie might be brainwashing Wendy with music.” Dipper said, surprised when his uncle didn’t immediately start laughing about his paranoia.

“I've seen this before.” Stan said seriously as he examined the disc.

“Really?” Dipper asked, shocked that his uncle actually believed him.

Stan nodded and began to explain. “Her name was Carla McCorkle. Carla "Hotpants" McCorkle. Me and Carla baby would cut a rug together at The Juke Joint, our favorite 50's themed 1970's diner. Then one day, this new age tree hugger starts playing this transcendental hippie music.” Stan said, sighing deeply at the painful memory. “Carla's hotpants turned into bell bottoms before I even knew what happened. And then they shot through the roof of the diner, propelled by rainbows. My memories get a little hallucination-y at the end, but you get the gist.”

Dipper nodded, deciding to ignore the many questions he had about that story. “So, wait... you actually believe my theory?”

Stan smiled and nodded. “You're darn right I do. And we're gonna get to the bottom of it.” Dipper smiled at his uncle, encouraged by his show of support. His smile grew even wider as his brother entered the kitchen, zipping up a light jacket.

“Mikey!” Dipper greeted excitedly. “Great, you can help us figure out how Robbie brainwashed Wendy!”

Mikey shook his head as he sidestepped Dipper and made his way to the door. “He didn’t brainwash Wendy and no. Besides, I’m going out tonight.”

Dipper raised an eyebrow and looked at his brother curiously. “Out where?”

Mikey shrugged and answered vaguely. “You know… out.”

Stan crossed his arms and glared at his nephew. “Mmm hmm. Care to be more specific?”

“No?” Mikey said hesitantly as he hovered just inside the door.

Stan shrugged at the answer and turned back to his cans. “Fair enough. Try not to get caught breaking any laws.” Mikey nodded and quickly slipped through the door. Dipper frowned in his direction, and Stan was quick to encourage him again. “Well, I’ll still help ya, right after I get to the bottom of this brown meat.” Stan said, upturning an open can and dumping the whole thing in his mouth. “it's apocolicious!”  
8888888888888888888888888888  
The girls had successfully entered through the back entrance after Mabel picked the lock, a skill Mikey had taught her and made sure she kept sharp. The girls listened from backstage as the concert went on until it ended with a message from Deep Chris. “Hey, girl. I just wanna get real for a moment. And say that while we love being superstars, the real reason we do this... is for you. For you specifically. Not the girl sitting next to you. But you.” The message further melted the hearts of Mabel and her friends, while a fight broke out in the crowd over who he had been speaking to.

As the boy band left the stage and returned to their dressing room the girls made their way to it. “Hello! Sev'ral Timez?” Grenda yelled as they walked into a dimly lit area of the building.

“We want to give you several kisses!” Candy joined in. 

Mabel, seeing a room marked with the band’s name, pointed it out to her friends who ran with her to the entrance. “This is it, girls. You're finally going to meet the five cutest boys in the world! Dipper's gonna eat his words that boy bands are fake.” Mabel said with a smirk before opening the door. They stepped and were immediately confronted with the images of tubes that seemed contained boys ranging from teenagers to fetuses. Taking up the center of the room was what appeared to be a giant hamster cage, complete with wheel, tubes, and water bottle. Inside the cage, the Sev’ral Timez members ran around as if they had always lived in the cage.

“Yo, we're clones, dawg!” One of them yelled as they posed for no apparent reason.

The girls stared in shock at the sight before them, before the sound of footsteps caused Mabel to grab her friends and pull them behind a clothes rack. A large man with a cane and a gold front booth walked in through the door glaring at the boys. “Terrible show! What is wrong with you boys? You barely even sold out the arena! And Deep Chris, you call that a pout?” The band members stood at attention as he approached them whimpering like kicked puppies. “Every one of you should be ashamed of yourselves!” The man yelled again before his face softened as he turned to one boy in particular. “Except you, Leggy P. You were really on point tonight. Here ya go, gorgeous.” He praised the singled out clone, throwing him a giant hamster treat. “As for the rest of you. Remember you can always be replaced by your brothers.” The man gestured to one of the clones in the tubes, which began to dance at his command. He laughed maniacally until a coughing fit struck and he walked out of the room rubbing his throat. “Augh, my throat is killin' me. Can someone get me a lemon water?”

He slammed the door shut as he left, causing the girls to jump and fall out of their hiding place. “Who goes there?” One of the boys asked as he turned to see the girls. “Prepare to be danced at!” He yelled as he began dancing aggressively towards the girls from behind the cage bars.

The girls looked on in shock as the cloned musician approached them before one of his brothers jumped between them. “Step off, Deep Chris. She's a lady. Don't disrespect her, bro. Don't disrespect.” He warned.

Deep Chris looked down at the girls, backing off and apologizing. “My bad.”

“Chubby Z., let's calm this boo-bop, posing for her poster style.” One of the clones said as Mabel squealed with excitement.

The band posed and Mabel’s squeal turned into a full scream of excitement. “Trying not to let my brain explode. I've always wanted to meet you guys!” She said once she had calmed down. She looked cautiously towards the door into the room. “But what was the deal with that scary chub-chub man?”

“Mr. Bratsman's our producer yo.”

“He genetically engineered us to be the perfect boy band, G.”

“But he keeps us in cages! That junk is straight brutal, girl!” The members of the boy band explained.

“That is straight brutal, Chubby Z.” Mabel nodded sympathetically.

One of the clones continued to explain. “Our one dream is to escape into the real world. For real. Yo, I heard 'bout these things called trees. I dunno what they are, but I wanna kiss one!”

“But we can't disobey Mr. Bratsman. He says he loves us.” Greggy C. finished as his brothers nodded sadly.

Mabel glared and shook her head. “If he loved you, he'd set you free!” The band nodded at her words, mumbling their agreement. “Let's go right now. Me and my friends can help you escape!” Mabel said as she removed another bobby pin and picked the lock if their cage.

“We're masters of STEALTH!” Grenda yelled, causing Candy to shield her ears.

“Yo, you'd really do that for us, beef?” Chubby Z. asked as he watched Mabel hold open the door.

“You can count on me!” Mabel said happily before pausing to stare at the clone. “I'm sorry, did you just call me beef?”  
88888888888888888888888888888888  
Stan and Dipper were sitting down at the table discussing how Robbie could have hypnotized Wendy. “Y'see, Dipper, music has subliminal mind control hidden in it all the time.” Stan explained to his nephew. “If you listen closely, even the music I play in the Gift Shop has subtle hidden messages.” Dipper rolled his eyes at the idea of Stan screaming “BUY MORE KEYCHAINS!” at the top of his lungs being subtle, but he continued to listen since Stan seemed to have personal knowledge about this area. “If you wanna hear the mind-controlling messages, you gotta slow down the record. Gimme that LP.” Stan said as he grabbed the CD and put it on a record player.

They both watched expectantly as Stan dropped the needle, causing a horrible scratching sound to be produced and sparks to fly off the disc. “Oh, right.” Dipper said as he realized what they had just done.

“We're doin' something wrong here, but I can't put my finger on it…” Stan said as he stared at the sparking CD. Dipper pulled it off the player and explained what had gone wrong to Stan before deciding it was best to head to his room since nothing more was going to be done tonight.

Mikey walked in just as Dipper was heading to the stairs, and was closely followed by Mabel, Candy, and Grenda. They struggled through the door with a massive duffel bag, bigger than any one of them, and nervously stood in front of it as the brothers greeted them. “Hey, guys. How was the concert, and what's in the bag?” Dipper asked as he looked curiously at the black duffel bag.

“Uh... money! Money we stole!” Mabel said quickly.

Candy quickly backed her friend up, glaring at the boys aggressively. “We are criminals! We will cut you!”

“Let's go away from here now!” Mabel yelled as the girls grabbed the bag and pushed it up the stairs to the attic. Mikey and Dipper stared after them Mikey wiped a fake tear from his eye. “I’m so proud.” Dipper rolled his eyes at his brother and decided it would be best to stay in the den for now.  
888888888888888888888888888888888  
In the attic, the girls unzipped the bag and poured the band out onto the floor. The immediately began to explore and ask strange questions about the room. Mabel smiled at the boys and was about to let them go outside when the sound of a car screeching to a stop came from just outside their window.

 

Mabel ran to the window and looked to see Bratsman climbing out of a limousine. “It's your producer!” Causing the boys to panic and dive under her bed to hide.

Bratsman glared at everything around him as he approached the front door of the Mystery Shack. “I can't believe those boys escaped from their cage.” He said to himself, before spotting Soos and marching up to him. “You there! I found this trail of frosted tips leading to this very location. Have you seen any perfect boys around here?”

Soos laughed at the question and answered with a joke. “Only when I look in the mirror. up top!” Bratsman stared at Soos’ raised hand for a moment until Soos decide to high-five himself instead.

“They must be around here somewhere!” Bratsman yelled as he pulled himself back into the seat. “I'll find those boys if I have to turn this town upside down!” Gompers’ bleating interrupted Bratsman's rant as he chewed off the rear license plate of the limousine. Bratsman growled at the goat before his driver pulled away.

Soos followed the car with his eyes for a moment before petting the goat happily. “Good boy.”

“Guys, it's not safe out there! Ergman's still looking for you!” Mabel yelled having watched the whole encounter. The band began to panic at the news that their producer wasn’t giving up. Mabel quickly made an attempt to calm them down. “Don't worry, guys. He has to give up eventually. Hey... in the meantime you guys can stay here with us!” The boys all quickly agreed to that idea, beaming excitedly. “Girls, do you realize what's happening here? We have our very own pet boy band that we can do whatever we want with!”

Candy looked at the boy band cautiously. “Remember, eventually we will have to let them go. We have to promise not to get too attached to them. Right, Mabel? Mabel?” Candy looked to see Mable sitting at the end of a line formed by Sev’ral times.

“All aboard the braid train! Braid braid!” Mabel said happily as they began to braid each other's hair. Grenda and Candy looked at the scene worriedly but decided that when the time came Mabel would be able to give them up.

Over the course of the next day, the girls did their best to teach the boys how to survive outside of their cage, and, of course, plenty of private concerts and games. As the day went on, Mabel grew more and more attached to the boys and increasingly distanced both herself and the band from her friends. Candy and Grenda tried several times to separate Mabel from the boys but each time were met by more anger and aggression.  
Stan and Mikey sat in the living room as Dipper walked in carrying a vinyl record. “Alright, it took all day but I converted it to a record. And now we can slow it down to see if the mind control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown.” Dipper said as he placed the record on the player.

“Spit-take here I come.” Stan said as he took a sip of his Pitt-Cola and held it. Dipper played the record and slowly brought the speed down to reveal… a slowed down version of Robbie’s song. Stan and Dipper stared at the record in shock. “Hm... that's not spit worthy. What gives?” Stan asked after swallowing his mouthful of soda.

“What? Is that it?” Dipper asked himself as he messed with the speed, revealing nothing.

“I told you there wasn’t any brainwashing going on.” Mikey said as he watched Dipper become increasingly frustrated.

“Ugh! This was so stupid!” Dipper said as his head fell into his hands. “Course there's no hidden mind control messages! Wendy just likes the song. She just likes Robbie.”

Before Stan or Mikey could say anything to comfort him, Wendy and Robbie walked into the room. “Hey, Dip. Forgot my keys.” Wendy said as she waved at her young friend, before continuing into the gift shop to grab her keys.

“What's up, junior. What are you doing? Trying to come up with an equation to make girls like you?” Robbie asked as he stood in the doorway, laughing at his own joke.

“Ready to go to lookout point?’ wendy asked as she reentered the room

“Am I! Later, dorks. Catch ya on the rewind.” Robbie laughed again as he walked out. “I made that up.”

“I'll rewind your face!” Stan yelled after the teens.

Dipper gasped as an idea struck him. “Wait a minute. Stan, rewind!” Dipper quickly grabbed the record and manually turned it backward, revealing the secret.

“You are under my control. Your mind is mine.” The words came through loud and clear on the recorder, and Stan finally got to perform his spit-take, all over Dipper.

“Holy mackerel! Now there's your spit-take!”

“ I knew it! It's mind control after all!” Dipper celebrated before he realized what this meant. “Oh no, I've got to save Wendy!”

Stan smiled and stood up from his seat. “Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face. Let's roll!”

Dipper followed his uncle out of the room, before turning around when he realized Mikey wasn’t following. “Mikey? You coming?”

Mikey looked at his watch nervously, before nodding hesitantly. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’ve got time.” Dipper nodded and ran to follow Stan, with Mikey close behind.

As the boys left the room, Mabel walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where Grenda and Candy had been since being semi-kicked out of taking care of the boys. “How'd it go up there? Grenda asked as Mabel sat down.

“Oh, I finally got them to sleep. Poor Greggy C. He tried to eat a tape dispenser.” Mabel said with a small smile, remembering the horrible choking sounds he made. ”Ah, memories.”

 

The girls turned to the TV as dramatic news music played. “The music industry was shaken today at the news that boy band king, Ergman Bratsman, has been arrested.” Sandra Jimenez was saying. “He was pulled over tonight for not having a rear license plate. He is now in county jail, awaiting trial.”

“Yes!” Grenda cheered as they watched the producer get arrested and hauled off to jail.

“We have to tell the boys they are free now.” Candy said as she stood up from her seat.

Mabel nervously laughed with her friends as they rushed up the stairs before jumping in between them and the door to the attic at the last possible moment. “Not so fast! They're not going anywhere.”

“What's the dealio, Mabel? That evil producer is gone. We have to tell the boys.” Grenda asked as she eyed Mabel cautiously.

Mabel smiled at her friends nervously and tried to convince them. “Wait, girls. Let's not be so hasty. I mean, think about it. If we don't tell the boys, then they can stay here with me… I mean, with us.”

Grenda shook her head firmly. “Mabel, we can't keep them here forever.”

“But I love them!” Mabel protested.

“If you loved them, you'd set them free.” Candy said sternly as she tried to walk around Mabel.

Mabel glared at her friends as she stood in front of the door. “Never! Every boy I've loved this summer has left me! And I'm not gonna let it happen again!”

“Candy, we gotta get past Mabel. She's gone boy crazy!” Grenda yelled as they charged at their friend.

“Candy, attack!” Candy yelled just as she tackled Mabel through the attic door.

 

You guys, Ergman Bratsman is in jail! You're free!” Grenda yelled to the band as Candy wrestled with Mabel on the ground.

“Just go!” Candy yelled desperately as she tried to hold on to Mabel.

“Woah! Is that true, Mabel dog?” Creggy G. asked as he stared at the girls in shock.

“Uhh, no!” Mabel yelled desperately. “Your producer's still out there! You're gonna have to stay here, probably forever!”

“What! You can't listen to her!’ Gretna protested as the boys nodded at Mabel’s words.

“Mabel's our girl, girl. She puts pizza in our food trough!” Deep Chris said with a glare at Grenda.

“She changes my newspaper, yo. She's aight.” Chubby Z. chimed in.

“She is not aight, Chubby Z!” Grenda snapped angrily as Mabel pulled herself out from under Candy.

“Sev'ral Timez!” Mabel yelled as she glared at her friends.

“Yes, Mabel dog?” the boys said together as they snapped to attention.

“Remove these two from the premises, please.” Mabel said, snapping her fingers as she finished.

Sev’ral Timez moved towards the girls snapping their fingers as they walked forward. “Oh no, they're aggressively dancing at us!” Grenda yelled as she and Candy huddled together. “Mabel's gone mad with power. Save yourselves, Sev'ral Timez! You were better off with your producer!: Grenda yelled as they picked her and Candy up and took them outside  
.  
Mabel sighed and collected herself as the boys kneeled on the ground. “Thank you, boys. Now let's get aboard the braid train.” Mabel said happily.

“Things just got pretty heavy, Mabel. Maybe we should just like, chill for a minute and…” Chubby Z. started to say before Mabel interrupted him angrily.

“I said, let's get aboard THE BRAID TRAIN!” Mabel yelled. The boys shared looks of concern with each other before slowly doing as she said.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Stan drove wildly down the highway in pursuit of Wendy and Robbie with Dipper and Mikey in the back seat. “We gotta warn Wendy about the song before she gets brainwashed!” Dipper yelled as Stan drove.

Stan scanned the road and quickly found a road that was closed to vehicles. “Road safety laws, prepare to get ignored!” Stan yelled as he turned into it without slowing down.

Wendy and Robbie sat next to each other in Robbie’s van, waiting for Nate to show up. Robbie looked around before sliding his arm over Wendy’s shoulder. “Huh, weird, Nate didn't show up. So I… I guess it's just you and me. This isn't what I was planning at all.” Robbie said, his voice cracking slightly as he finished.

Stan’s car ramped the cliff face and broke through the guard rails before Wendy could say anything, and the entire family quickly climbed and ran towards the teens. “Wendy‽ Stop! Robbie's been lying to you!” Dipper yelled as he approached with the walkman

“Dipper?” Wendy asked as she tried to look through the blinding light of Stan’s headlights.

“Kids? Mr. Pines?” Robbie asked, equally confused.

Stan glared at the teen and quickly corrected him. “That's Mr. Pines to you!”

Robbie looked at Stan even more confused. “What? That's what I just said…”

Dipper cut Robbie off as he showed the walkman to Wendy. “Look, Wendy, you've got to hear this.”  
888888888888888  
Mabel was relaxing in her room drinking a glass of chocolate milk she had had Sev’ral Timez make for her. Her relaxation was interrupted as the boys began to speak. “Mabel, you've got to hear this. It's a song we wrote to say thank you.”

 

Mabel smiled and clapped as she sat up straight. “Oh, boy! Songs are like hugs that mouths give to ears!”

“Here comes you/Mabel girl/We dreamed of being free, (so free)/But now we know/That that can never be/You know what friends are all about/You kicked those lying shorties out, (kick them out Y'all)” Sev’ral Timez sang, ripping a poster of Candy and Gretna in half and tossing the pieces at Mabel.

“Starting to feel guilty here…” Mabel said as her smile quickly turned into a frown.

“Break it down!/Who's the girl who's so aight/Tucks us into bed at night/Holds the fan up while we sing/Keeps me entertained with string!/My shirt was wrinkled till/SHE PRESSED IT/Chews our food/SO WE CAN DIGEST IT/He was evil, mean, and reckless/YOU GAVE ME THIS CANDY NECKLACE/'Sup, girl/Other folks we could never trust/But we know/That you'd never lie to us/Mabel girl/We know you love us SoOoOo”

Mabel, her eyes filled with tears, finished the verse on her own. “And that's why I've got to let you go.” The boys looked at her in confusion as she started to explain.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper had hit play on the walkman and was nervously laughing as he tried to get to the hidden message. “Uh... There's a message in there. I swear!” He said as Wendy watched him doubtfully.

“Let me just... close the window.” Robbie said as he leaned over to begin rolling it up.

“Wait, wait! Here.” Dipper protested as he found the message, turning the volume up so it could be heard more easily.

Wendy stared in shock as she heard the strange message hidden in the song. “Woah. Robbie, what's that doing in our song?” Wendy asked with a glare.

“Baby, I promise. I don't know anything about those messages.” Robbie said as he held his hands up in surrender. “In fact, I didn't even write that song. I ripped it off some other band! So, we're all good, right?”

Wendy’s glare turned even harsher as Robbie finished. “No, we're not all good! I don't care about the messages. You said you wrote that song for me, and I actually thought it was sweet, you big liar.”

“I know, I know. I lie about a lot of stuff.” Robbie said with a shrug. “Like using your makeup and fighting a bear, although…”

“No! You know what? It's over, Robbie. We're through!” Wendy yelled as she jumped out of his van and started to walk away.

Stan laughed as Robbie tried to convince Wendy to stay. “We won! Kids, this is a victory for every guy whose hands are too weak or fat to play a musical instrument.”

Dipper smiled up at his uncle. “I couldn't have done it without you, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper said, before chasing after Wendy. He was quickly followed by Mikey who had the feeling his brother was about to do something incredibly stupid. “Um, hey! Uh, now that your night is free…” Dipper started to say, before Mikey, who realized Dipper was about to do something far worse than he had initially thought, slammed his hand over his mouth.

“What?” Wendy snapped turning around and failing to hide her tears.

While Dipper stared in shocked silence, Mikey tried to recover for him. “We’re just really sorry this happened. If you need anyone to talk to, we’re here for you. Mabel too.”

Wendy shook her head and turned away from the boys. “Thanks, but right now I just wanna be alone.” She said continuing to walk away.

“Oh, man.” Robbie said as he buried his face into his steering wheel.

Stan, leaning on the door, tried to offer him some comfort. “Look, if it makes you feel any better, the apocalypse is coming soon. Bury your gold! ...You've been buying gold, right?”

Dipper looked down at his tape and felt a wave of shame wash over him. “I feel like such a jerk.”

Mikey said and put a hand on Dipper’s shoulder. “It’s alright Dipper, you did the right thing, you just need to work on your execution.” Dipper sighed and walked back to the car where Stan was waiting. The three of them quickly drove back to the Mystery Shack, and slowly walked into the building. Just as Mikey was about to enter, he glanced down at his watch and jumped in shock. “Oh man, I’m going to be so late!” He yelled as he climbed onto his bike and rode away, Dipper and Stan watching in confusion.

88888888888888888888888888888888888  
Candy and Grenda stood outside the Mystery Shack, preparing for a rescue mission. “We've gotta save the boys.” Grenda said as she and Candy approached the front door.

“I'm prepared to defend myself.” Candy said as she made a show of waving around her foam fingers.

All of their preparations for the assault were canned when Mabel opened the door and hesitantly greeted them. “Hi, guys. I'm sorry I went bonkers. A catchy song made me realize, that you were right. Can you ever forgive me?” She asked.

“Of course!” Grenda yelled as she pulled Mabel into a hug.

“Friendship, repaired.” Candy said as she joined in.

The hug was interrupted as Sev’ral Timez exited the Shack. “What's going on, Mabel girl?” Leggy P. asked as he shielded his eyes against the brightness.

“You said you had something you wanted to show us or some deal?” Chubby Z. continued.

“Yup. This!” Mabel said as she gestured toward the rising sun.

The band gasped as they beheld nature for the first time. ”Yo, dog who is this big, round, bright, fool?” Chubby Z. asked as he glared at the sun, which Mabel quickly explained to him. “That fool is makin' my eyes hurt straight painful! I'm gonna stare that fool down!” Chubby Z. lasted all of ten seconds before he was forced to back down.

“Yo, yo, hold up. What's this big green mess?” Deep Chris asked as he pointed to the forest surrounding the shack.

“That's nature, Deep Chris. Bratsman won't bother you anymore. You can do anything you wanna do, go anywhere you wanna go. You're free!” Mabel yelled as she gestured for them to go.

“Fa-ree?” Chubby Z. asked confusedly.

“Free! You're free! It means you can skedaddle!’ Mabel yelled as she began to sob. “Now go! Go!” The boys walk forward a few steps before turning back to Mabel, who turns away as she begins to cry heavily. “Get out of here before I change my mind!”

The girls all turn and smile as Sev’ral Timez runs into the forest, even Mabel finally drying her tears. “They won't last a week.” Candy said as she watched them run off, an opinion all of them shared.  
8888888888888888888888888  
Stan and Dipper sat together in the living room, talking about the events of the night. “Women.” Stan started, shaking his head. “They're the real mystery, Dip. You ruin their date, drive their hippie boyfriend's van into a ravine... and somehow you're the bad guy.”

Dipper sighed and shook his head. “No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have meddled in Wendy's personal life. She probably hates me now.”

Stan smiled softly at his nephew, and gently batted his hat up. “Ah, chin up, kid. You were tryin' to do the right thing. Even though you destroyed a relationship and part of my car.”

“You think she'll ever forgive me?” Dipper asked softly.

“Ah, I bet she will.” Stan said with a nod. “And until then, you can always go bowling with me.”

“Thanks, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper said with a soft smile.

Stan started to wave Dipper’s thanks off when the sound of a very loud gnawing came from outside. “Wait a second... Is something rooting through our trash?” Stan ran outside with a broom and waved it wildly at the Sev’ral Timez member rooting through the trash. “Hey, hey! Get outta of here! Darn beautiful men, always eating out of my trash…” Stan muttered to himself as the boy ran off on all fours. “Wait, what?”  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Pacifica stood just outside the gate to the grounds, waiting so that she could let Mikey in. This was the first time he had been late ever, and she couldn’t help but think that maybe this time he wasn’t going to show up at all. Maybe he had finally had enough of her and decided he had better ways to spend his time. She tried to hold back the tears that threatened to come at the thought of losing her first real friend but found she was fighting a losing battle. Just as the tears started to flow, she heard a shout that quieted all her fears. “Hey, Pacifica! Sorry, I’m late.” She quickly dried her eyes and turned to see Mikey riding his bike and stopping next to her. “There was this whole thing with Dipper and Wendy’s boyfriend… it’s a long story.” He explained briefly.

Pacifica gave him a small smile and turned to open the gate. “It’s fine. Thanks for coming again tonight.”

“Of course.” Mikey said with a small shrug. “Wouldn’t want a friend to feel alone. I still can’t believe your parents just left you here for a whole weekend.”

Pacifica smiled at his words and quickly led him inside. “It’s alright. At least I’m not completely alone.”


	20. Land Before Swine

In the middle of the night, a car raced through Gravity Falls. As they reached ninety-nine miles per hour, they passed a billboard which hid the squad car of two of the greatest law enforcement agents Gravity Falls had ever seen.

“Focus, Deputy. Remember your training. Easy… easy…” Sheriff Blubs carefully coaxed his young partner through his first solo mission. Durland concentrated intensely as he attempted to navigate through a pirate themed maze found in a children’s coloring book. “You're almost there!” Blubs continued to encourage.

The deputy smiled widely as he turned a corner and saw the treasure before him. Unfortunately, a slip of the pencil caused him to miss the treasure entirely and land in the maw of a shark. “Dang it! I almost got the treasure!” Durland cried despondently as he turned to his superior.

“The time we spend together is treasure enough.” Blubs said as he comforted his friend. Almost as soon as he placed his hand on Durland’s shoulder, the car began to shake violently. “Hey, you feel that?”

Blubs’ question went unanswered as claws tore through the roof of their car, and the creature, whatever it was, tore it off and carried it away. Blubs and Durland watched in shock as the massive creature flew away. “Reckon' we should report that?” Durland asked quietly, without taking his eyes off the beast.

Blubs blinked and looked at the state of their vehicle before a wide smile broke his face. “Or go for a ride in our new convertible!” Durland smiled and cheered as he started the car and sped into the night.  
888888888888888888888  
Stan smiled as he drove away from the Mystery Shack on the Mystery Cart, pulling a train of tourists behind him. The fact that so many had paid for the additional tour meant that this was already shaping up to be an excellent day. “Ladies and gentlemen!” He announced as he pulled away from the exhibits surrounding the Shack. “Continuing our Mystery Tour you'll see the world famous Outhouse of Mystery! I got stuck in there once!”

“Could I go to the bathroom?” A small boy seated behind Stan asked.

Stan ignored him as he spoke into the speaker again. “Save all questions until after the tour.” The boy grunted as he strained to hold it in. Of course, a few seconds later the cart hit a large bump and his effort was wasted. Stan continued his announcements as the boy sighed dejectedly behind him. “And up ahead if you look really closely, everybody get your cameras you're gonna wanna see this.” The tourists gathered their cameras up excitedly as Stan drove into the woods.

Back at the Shack, Mabel peaked out the door to make sure that Stan was gone. Once she was absolutely certain, she gathered Waddles up in a big hug and smiled at him. “Finally, Waddles, we have the whole house to ourselves! What do you think? Dance party?” She asked the pig, who oinked in answer. “I'm not hearing a no!” Mabel said as she ran to set up the music.

Mabel turned the open sign to closed and began to dance with her pig as the music blared. She and Waddles took full advantage of being alone, dancing across the entire room and onto the counter, eating most of the popsicles Stan kept in the freezer and taking dozens of pictures. Their fun finally came to an end almost an hour later, when Mabel slowly slipped to the ground completely exhausted, chanting “Yes” the whole time. As she lay on the ground trying to catch her breath, Waddles approached and nuzzled her with his snout. “Uh oh! Cuddle time!” Mabel said happily as she pulled the pig in for a hug and lay down with him. “Waddles, can I tell you a secret? You're my favorite pig in the whole world.” Mabel said before both she and Waddles yawned and fell asleep.

Only a few moments later, Stan walked into the shop counting the money from the tour, and softly laughing to himself. With his attention entirely on the money in his hand, he didn’t notice his niece lying on the ground and tripped over her, crashing to the ground and waking Mabel and Waddles up. “Mabel? What are ya doing on the floor?” He asked as he picked himself up and straightened his glasses. 

“Being cute and great!” Mabel answered as she squeezed hers and Waddles’ faces together.

Stan rolled his eyes at her. “And I thought Dipper was weird.”

Mabel shook her head and put on one of the pine tree hats in the gift shop. “No. He's more like Aaah! Let's solve a mystery! I kiss a pillow with Wendy's face drawn on it!”

Stan laughed at Mabel’s impersonation as he put the cash in the register. “That's pretty good. Kissin' a pillow.”

Stan’s laughter stopped abruptly as he felt something pulling on his pant leg. Looking down he saw that Waddles had already torn part of the cuff off and was working on the rest. Mabel laughed when she noticed and bent down to encourage him. “Go, go! Chew that pant leg!”

Stan growled at the pig and lifted his leg up to shake him off. Once Waddles had fallen, taking more of Stan’s pants with him. “Alright! Outside! Now!” Stan yelled as he threw open a window and glared at the pig.

Mabel gasped in horror at the idea and quickly collected Waddles. “No! Grunkle Stan! It's not safe for Waddles outside! There are predators! And barbecuers!”

“That's just the natural order!” Stan scoffed. “It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious!”

“He should be inside like a person.” Mabel protested.

“People don't roll around in their own filth.” Stan said, before pausing to consider that statement. “Except for Soos.” He added.

“And we're the lesser for it.” Mabel said angrily. “Maybe we're the ones who should be put outside. Huh? Huh? Think about it!" Mabel finished before she grabbed Waddles and walked into the living room. Stan rolled his eyes and went back to counting his money.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper, Mikey, and Soos sat on the back of the latter’s truck, deep within the forest. It had been several days since the papers had reported that a giant flying creature had taken the roof off of a police car, and ever since then Dipper had been obsessed with being the one to discover what it really was. Mikey was almost as excited, though mainly by the opportunity for profit, and together the two had come up with a foolproof plan, a plan that Soos had been all too happy to help with. “Today's the day, Guys.” Dipper said as they finished resting after putting the trap together. “Thanks for coming along on this mission, Soos.”

Soos smiled widely as he wiped the sweat from his brow. “Dude it's an honor. Today I'm sweating from heat and excitement! Hoo!”

Dipper smiled as he attempted to motivate his friends. “There's something hiding in these woods. Something big enough to rip the roof off a car. If we get a photo of this thing we'll be heroes!”

“And if we capture it we could be set for life!” Mikey chimed in with a grin.

“Yeah, we'll get all the babes.” Soos said with a laugh before nudging Dipper. “You'll be fending off smooches with a stick!”

Dipper blushed and laughed nervously before nudging Soos back. “Shut up, man.”

“With a stick, dude!” Soos insisted.

Dipper and Mikey laughed again before Dipper hopped off of Soos’ truck and walked towards their observation tree. “Here, give me a boost.” He said to Soos as he looked up into the branches.

A few minutes later, the brothers were sitting together on a branch and Soos was hauling himself up. “Got it.” Soos said as he slid onto the branch, covering himself in sap as he did.”Is sap supposed to be this sticky?” He asked as he tried to scrape it off, only succeeding in getting it stuck to his clothes.

Dipper ignored Soos as he went over the plan again. “If everything goes according to plan, the creature will grab that steak, cross through the string, and set off cameras A, B, and C.”  
“A net will trigger as it passes through the string, and, if we’re very lucky,” Mikey continued. “That will be enough to capture it.”

“And nothing can go wrong. High five!” Soos said happily, offering his sap covered hand to Dipper. Immediately after contact, they found that they couldn’t pull their hands apart.

“I think something went wrong.” Mikey deadpanned as he watched the two of them struggle. The two finally managed to separate their hands, just in time to hear a loud roar, and then the sound of rope snapping. Looking over the trap, they found the steak gone and the rope snapped in two. Mikey quickly checked the net which was completely absent. A few moments later, it came crashing through the canopy, torn to shreds, and with many of its weights missing.

Mikey frowned in disappointment but was quickly reassured by Dipper. “We still have the pictures though, right?” The three shared grins at Dipper’s words and quickly ran to retrieve the cameras.  
888888888888888888888  
Mabel was sitting in the living room knitting a pair of matching sweaters for Waddles and her. The sweaters were red, Mabel’s featuring Waddles’ face in the middle and Waddles’ featuring her face. As she started to hem the bottom of his sweater, a commercial caught her attention. “Hey, you!” The man the infomercial screamed.

“Me?” Mabel as led as she turned to look at the tv

“Sick of constantly dropping your baby?” The Man on TV continued before a different guy appeared holding a baby out by the leg. “Yes.” The new character said tearfully

The host returned and excitedly showed off a baby carrier as he turned to the camera. “Hi, I'm Bobby Renzobbi! And what you need is the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!”

“I can hold ten babies at once!” The man said as he reappeared wearing a Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle that was stuffed with babies.

“I know what you're thinking:” Bobby said as reappeared. “Does it work for pigs? Yeah, it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!!!” He screamed as the commercial ended.

Mabel gasped and turned to her uncle. “Grunkle Stan! I'm off to get a Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!”

“Yeesh.” Grunkle Stan said with an eye roll. “Isn't knitting matching sweaters for that pig enough?”

“Nope.” Mabel said simply. “Anyway, I need you to look after this little gentleman while I'm gone.”

“Not now, kid, I got some tourists coming through.” Stan said as he turned away from his niece.

Mabel looked up at her uncle pleadingly. “Grunkle Stan, I know you're not crazy about Waddles.”

“He's a fat, naked, jerk.” Stan confirmed.

“But you do care about me.” Mabel continued without missing a beat. “Promise me you won't let him outside.”

Stan looked away from his niece and sighed. “Fine, yeah yeah, I promise.”

“Thanks Grunkle Stan!” Mabel said with a wide smile as she hugged Stan and ran out the door.

Stan glared at Waddles once Mabel had left. “I'm watching you, pig.” He warned, pointing a finger in Waddle's face. The pig slowly placed a hoof on Stan’s finger, causing him to jerk away in disgust and return to the gift shop.  
888888888888888888888888888888  
The boys ran into the Shack at full speed, Mikey running into the dark room they had set up beforehand while Dipper and Soos stopped at the foot of the stairs. “We did it! It tripped the wire! Somewhere in one of those cameras is a photo of that creature!” Dipper said excitedly before pointing up the stairs. “I'll go help Mikey with the film.”

Soos nodded his agreement and pointed into the kitchen. “I'll go make us victory nachos. Dipper and Soos for life!” They fist bumped and laughed before going their separate ways.

Stan was leading another tour group through the Mystery Shack and was nearing the end of it. “And here, ladies and gentlemen, is our final exhibit, the most hideous creatures known to man!” Stan said dramatically as he pointed to an object covered with a sheet before he ripped it off and revealed a mirror. The tourists laughed as they looked at their reflections, Stan joining in before continuing the tour. “Right, right? We have fun here. But seriously, folks,” He said walking over to another sheet covered object. “THIS is something. I present to you, a unicorn made OUT of corn, The Corn-i-corn! I… I don't know, I'm tired.” Stan recovered from his fumble and whipped the sheet off revealing… A wireframe, with a few bare corn cobs hanging off haphazardly. The tourists frowned and began to complain at the sight of the ruined exhibit. Stan, just as shocked as they were, began to panic as the tourists left, a couple of the kids throwing their merch on the ground as they walked away. “No! Noooo!” Stan cried before turning angrily to Waddles who still had several pieces of corn stuck to his face. “You!” Waddles didn’t react beyond beginning to chew one of his discarded cobs.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper and Mikey worked in the darkroom, looking over the developing pictures. Dipper impatiently paced in front of his, until he noticed one developing and grabbed it off the line. “C'mon, c'mon! Hmm…” Dipper muttered to himself as he studied the picture carefully. “That's a wing! If camera B got the wing, then the one that should have gotten the rest is…”

“I think I’ve got it, Dipper.” Mikey said quietly as he stared at a picture on his side of the room.

Dipper quickly joined his brother and stared at the picture in awe. “Is that a…”

Dipper’s question was interrupted by the door slamming open and Soos yelling. “Who wants victory nachos?”

 

“NO!” Dipper screamed in horror as the picture in his hand faded out.

Mikey quickly checked the other photos and discovered that they were all in the same state. “They’re all ruined!”

Soos laughed at the expressions on the brothers’ faces. “Dudes don't worry. I only ate like a third of them. Half of 'em.” Soos started laughing as Dipper and Mikey turned to glare at him. “I ate all of them, dudes!”  
88888888888888888888888  
Stan picked Waddles up and grabbed the ball of yarn, that was still connected to his half finished sweater, and quickly took him outside. “Just ten minutes without this pig in the house. Is that so much to ask?” Stan asked himself as he tied Waddles to a stake and nailed it into the ground. “There. Mabel asks, this never happened.” Stan told Waddles seriously before slipping a bill into his sweater. Stan walked away from the pig, imitating Mabel. “Oh but Grunkle Stan it's not safe out there! There are predators!”Stan stopped and rolled his eye. “Oh, brother…”

A powerful burst of wind buffeted the ground, knocking Stan’s fez off, and a roar louder than anything Stan had ever heard came from behind him. Turning around, Stan watched as a massive, flying lizard took off with Waddles. 

In the attic, Dipper was scolding Soos for ruining the photos. “I can't believe you, man!”  
Soos looked down at his shoes and tried to explain himself. “Sorry, dude. I was just so excited! Nachos cause excitement!”

Mikey rolled his eyes at Soos’ explanation. “Right, enough excitement to destroy what we were celebrating in the first place. Makes sense.” He said bitingly.

Dipper sighed and tried to speak more gently. “Soos, no offense, but you gotta be more careful sometimes. I mean, what are the odds we'll get another picture of…” Dipper was cut off as the wind shook the Shack and the creature raced by their window. The three boys quickly ran outside to see what happened, only to find Stan staring in the direction of a long trail of red yarn.

“Dude, did you see that? That thing was a dinosaur, bro!” Soos said to Dipper as he watched the creature fly away.

Dipper frowned at the idea. “How is it possible that a dinosaur survived 65 million years?”

Soos turned to his employer to get his reaction. “Did you see it, Mr. Pines?... Mr. Pines?” Soos asked, failing to get any reaction from his boss.

“It… it took him.” Stna said as he continued to stare into the sky.

“Took what?” Dipper asked, looking at his uncle with concern.

Stan seemed to snap out of his trance and turned to them in a near panic. “The pig! It took Waddles!”

The sound of a bike stopping on the loose gravel caused all of them to freeze. “What did you say about Waddles?” Mabel asked, receiving only stunned stares in response. “Oh. Woah. Awkward silence.” Mabel paused before trying to break it. “BWAAAAH!” She yelled. When that still didn’t do anythign she looked at her family in concern. “What's going on? Why are you standing around all awkwardly?... And where's Waddles?”

“Um… uh…” Stan stuttered as he hid the stake he tied Waddles to behind his back. “The good news is, you're gettin' a puppy!”

Mabel didn’t take the bait. “What happened?” She asked sadly.

“Well, see, uh, when the uh…” Stan tried to stutter out before he was interrupted by Soos.

“Your pig got eaten by a pterodactyl, bro!”

“Soos!” MIkey hissed out, staring at the large man in shock.

“What!? Waddles? Waddles! Oh no, how did this happen?” Mabel yelled as she looked around desperately for her pig. “Grunkle Stan, you didn't put him outside?...” She asked acusingly.

Stan immediately did what he did best. “What? No! I didn't put him anywhere! I'm not acting suspicious! YOU'RE acting suspicious. What's a pig?”

“Then... what happened?” Dipper asked curiously.

“Uh, look, it went down like this, see?” Stan started to explain. “So there I was, in the living room tenderly nursing him on only the richest of creams. When all of a sudden the dinosaur burst through the front door and tried to grab Waddles!” Stan said dramatically as he imitated the actions. MIkey rolled his eyes. “So I said, No dice, cowboy! And I started punching him right in the face! But he played dirty and poked me in the eyes. That really happened!” Stan finished as he descended into tears, occasionally checking to see how they were reacting. Mikey raised an eyebrow at the, honestly, terrible performance his Uncle put on, but was stopped by Mabel rushing forward to hug Stan.

“Oh, Grunkle Stan, you tried to save him!”

Stan flinched as his niece wrapped her arms around him. “Uh, yeah! I'm a great man, alright.”

“You punched the pterodactyl in the face?” Dipper questioned. “I thought you didn't even believe in the supernatural.”

“Dinosaurs aren't magic, they're just big lizards! Get off my back.” Stan said, glaring at Dipper.

Mabel’s quickly lapsed back into sadness. “Oh, Waddles.” She moaned.

“That's it.” Dipper said as he stepped up determinedly. “No pterodactyl is gonna mess with MY sister.”

Mikey interrupted Dipper firmly. “OUR sister. We're gonna go out there, catch him, and save your pig! For Mabel, guys!”

“For Mabel!” Dipper and Soos cried in reply.

“But how do we even find the little guy?” Stan protested as he looked at the kids awkwardly.

Mabel gasped as she noticed the trail of red yarn left behind by Waddles’ sweater. “We follow that!” Soos and her brothers nodded their agreement happily, loudly proclaiming what a smart idea it was.

 

“Or, you know, we could just call it a day, maybe hit the pool haul, or…” Stan protested weakly, stopping when he noticed everyone not-quite glaring at him. “Yeah! Let's go... save Woggles!”

“Waddles.” Mabel corrected.

Stan nodded. “Him too.” He said with a shrug.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Soos was finishing up the last modifications to his truck, which he was now calling the Pterodactyl Mobile, while the other members of the family waited. “All right! That p-terodactyl won't know what hit him!” Soos said, pronouncing the p in pterodactyl, as he finished spray painting the name on the side of the truck.

Dipper laughed awkwardly at Soos’ pronunciation. “It's pterodactyl.” He corrected as Soos laid down to strap the large metal cage onto the bed.

“Actually, no one knows how to pronounce it because nobody was alive back in dinosaur days, so uh…” Soos said, strapping the cage down and sitting up just in time for the truck to roll over where his head was laying. “Whoa! Almost ran over my own head there!” Soos said with a small laugh before stopping abruptly. “Wow.”

Dipper walked away as Sos sat on the ground and whispered to his siblings. “Guys. We've got to talk. This is a really high-stakes mission and I'm a little worried about Soos coming along on this one. I love the guy, but sometimes he messes stuff up.” Dipper said clearly unsure what to do.

Mikey nodded without hesitation. “Cut him loose. He’s a good friend but definitely not what we need right now.”

Mabel scoffed and turned to Mikey. “What? Since when is Soos not helpful?”

“Well, this morning before we left, he shattered Stan’s crystal ball, broke the new window he was supposed to be putting up, and killed that fairy that landed on our window.” Mikey listed off without missing a beat.

Mabel paused for a moment before nodding to Dipper. “Let him down easy.”

“This is so great!” Soos said as he slammed the tailgate closed. “You and me, bro. Best friends. Fighting and potentially high-fiving dinosaurs…”

Dipper winced at Soos words started to try and broach the subject. “Soos, look. I, uh, I've gotta tell you something.”

 

Soos nodded agreeably. “Okay. But before you do, check out these matching shirts I made for us!” Soos said, showing Dipper a shirt that had clearly just been hand drawn, and featured poorly drawn pictures of him and Soos surrounded by a starburst. “Who's this guy right here? You! Totally you, dude. And these rays indicate friendship!” Soos said with a laugh before looking down at Dipper expectantly. “What was it you were going to tell me again?”

Dipper frowned and stuttered out his answer. “Uh... p-terodactyl here we come!” He said laughing awkwardly as he finished.

“Yes!” Soos cheered before announcing that everyone could climb in. “Bros before dinos!” He yelled out the window as they drove into the woods.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
The truck slowly pulled to a stop as they came upon an abandoned church in the middle of the woods. They all climbed out of the truck and followed the string into the church. “Okay, the red yarn leads to…” Mabel said as they looked in and saw it drop down into a hole in the middle of the church. More importantly, they noticed Old Man Mcgucket sitting just past the hole sitting in a rocking chair and singing to himself. “Old Man McGucket‽” Mabel asked, shocked to see the old man there.

“Howdy, friends!” McGucket greeted the group.

“What are YOU doing out here?” Dipper asked, eyeing the man suspiciously.

“You'll never believe me! Now I was doin' my hourly hootnanny…” McGucket stated before demonstrating with a little jig. “Deedly doo ding dang!

Stan groaned at the sight. “Ugh, this guy.”

McGucket continued without missing a beat. “When this enormous wing-ly critter stole my musical spoons and flew lickety-split into the abandoned mines down yonder!”

 

Everyone gathered around the hole McGucket pointed at and gasped at its depth. “Looks kinda hairy down there.” Stan said as he looked into it.

“C'mon, Grunkle Stan, you can handle it!” Mabel encouraged her uncle. “You punched a pterodactyl in the face, remember?”

“Oh yeah!” Stan said, laughing awkwardly. “I did do that, didn't I.”.

 

“My, what suspicious laughter!” McGucket chimed in as Stan slowly stopped.

“You said it.” Mikey muttered under his breath shooting a sharp look at Stan.

“Guys, we're going in.”Mabel said surely as she gazed into the hole

“Need someone to tag along and tell weird personal stories?” McGucket asked as Soos went to get rope.

Stan rolled his eyes. “No thanks.”  
888888888888888888888888888888

A few minutes later the entire group was climbing down a rope, being entertained as McGucket told the story of how he met his racoon wife. “So there I am, fighting a raccoon for the same piece of meat, when our mouths get close and we kiss accidentally!”

Stan sighed deeply and looked up at McGucket. “You can't take a hint, can you.”

“Nope!” McGucket answered cheerfully.

The group continued down the rope not noticing as it slowly frayed through. Their first indication that something was wrong was the feeling of their stomachs dropping as the rope snapped and dropped them into the cave. The group picked themselves up, luckily having landed on something soft. They looked around in awe at the alien jungle that the cave was. “These plants look all Jurrasic-y.” Dipper murmured as he examined the many examples.

“Huh! This little guy smells like battery acid!” Soos said as he leaned in closer, in time to h=get a face full of some sort of acidic gas. Soos quickly jerked back and held his nose. “Looks like I lost my sense of smell.” He said with a laugh.

Now that they were nearing the end of their journey to find Waddles, Mabel had become even more fixated on how much she missed him. “Oh, Waddles. We're gonna find you.” She said as she looked at a picture of the two of them from earlier that day.

The group continued to walk through the caves the only source of light coming from Dipper’s lantern. Passing by several skeletons, the group was already on edge when, after rounding a corner, they came face to face with a T-rex. The group screamed and prepared to run or be eaten, but nothing happened. Opening their eyes, the saw that the dinosaur hadn’t moved from its original position and was, in fact, encased in some sort of amber. It wasn’t the only one down there either .“They're trapped inside the tree sap!” Dipper exclaimed as they walked between huge columns of the stuff. “That's how they survived for 65 million years!” Dipper stopped as he came to a giant pile of the sap with a pterodactyl shaped hole in it, that was melting on the edges. “Whoa. The summer heat must be melting them loose!”

“Holy moley! Forget the cornicorn, this is the attraction of a lifetime!” Stan said as he looked around at the huge number of dinosaurs trapped in the sap. “I could bring people down here and turn this into some sort of theme park! Jurassic... Sap Hole!” He said already imagining the number of tourists that would come.

“Uh, dudes…” Soos said hesitantly as he pointed out the claw of a velociraptor that was outside the wax, and trying to work its way through.

Dipper nervously backed away from the prehistoric creature, along with his siblings. “Maybe... we should keep moving.” the others nodded and quickly walked deeper into the caves.

As they walked, Mikey managed to pull his brother to the side, away from Soos. “Dipper, why didn’t you ask him to stay behind?” He whispered to his brother jerking his head in Soos’ direction.

“I tried!” Dipper protested. “But he was so excited, and he just wanted to help, I just couldn’t tell him no.” Mikey opened his mouth to berate his brother but stopped at the sounds of footsteps behind them.

“What’cha talking about?” Soos asked with a wide smile as he looked down at the brothers, who shared an awkward glance.  
8888888888888888888888888  
Stan continued to marvel at the potential the prehistoric creatures around him possessed. “This could be a gold mine! Velvety-rope type deal there, ticket booth here!” Stan said to himself as he slowly formed the attraction in his mind. “I should have put that pig outside ages ago!” Stan stopped as he realized what he said, hoping in vain that no one had heard.

That hope was shattered when an affronted voice spoke up from behind him. “Wait… what did you just say?” Mabel asked as she stared at her uncle suspiciously, folding her arms over her chest.

“Hm? What's that?” Stan stalled as he tried to think of a way out.

“You said the dinosaur flew INTO the house.” Mabel accused, glaring harshly at her uncle, who was trying to protest.

“No! Wait, uh, if you think about it…”

Mabel continued her rant without stopping. “You put Waddles outside then you lied to me about it!” Mabel yelled, her fear for Waddles breaking free as tears streamed down her face. “And now thanks to you my pig could be dead! WADDLES COULD BE DEAD!”

Stan flinched away from his furious niece and continued to try to explain himself. “Look, he's an animal. He belongs outside!”

“No,” Mabel said with an air of seriousness that was rare form her. “That's it. Grunkle Stan, I am never ever speaking to you again!”

“Look, you can't be serious.” Stan said desperately.

“Oh, is someone talking right now? Because I can't hear them!” Mabe, mocked as she turned away from her uncle.

“Kid!”

 

“LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear anyone! No one's talking to me!” Mabel yelled as she clapped her hands over her ears and walked away from Stan.  
888888888888888888888888888888888  
“Soos…” Mikey started, after a nudge from Dipper that clearly said that if he thought it was easy, then he could do it. “we think it might be best if you stay here near the entrance… you know, to make sure we can get out.”

A frown briefly flickered across Soos’ face, but his smile returned just as fast. “Look, dude, you can trust me with this. It’s gonna be a piece of cake!” Soos said happily as he picked up the ball of red yarn they had been carrying. He started to wrap the yarn around as he continued to talk. “We just have to keep following and following, until we reach the end!” Soos said confidently, looking at the fully wrapped ball of string in his hands and then at the maze of tunnels ahead of them. He quickly noticed that the red yarn was no longer there and realized what he had done. “Oh… uh oh. Which… which cave was it again?” Soos asked hesitantly as he stared in the dark paths.

Dipper grabbed his head and let out a groan of frustration. “Arghhh! Soos, you lost the trail!” The sound of Dipper yelling caused Stan and Mabel to stop arguing and approach the intersection that they were now stuck at.

“Hey, come on. We'll find our way, TRUST me.” Soos’ smile didn’t leave his face as he optimistically pat Dipper on the back, accidentally knocking the lantern to the ground and breaking it. “...Sorry, dude.”

“Ugh! That is it!” Dipper exploded as he watched the lantern shatter on the stone ground. “See, this is why I didn't want to bring you along!”

“You didn’t want me to come along either?” Soos asked softly, staring at Dipper with shocked and hurt eyes.

“No! This is really important to Mabel, and you keep screwing everything up!” Dipper yelled at his friend, his frustration getting the best of him. “You ruined our photograph, and now you got us hopelessly lost!”

“But we're the p-terodactyl bros!” Soos protested as Dipper glared at him.

Mikey stepped in before Dipper could say anything else he might regret. “It’s not personal, Soos. We just can’t have any mistakes on this mission, and you, well…”

“But…but I even made us p-terodactyl t-shirts.” Soos said weakly as he looked at Mikey’s stony expression and Dipper’s furious one.

“It's pronounced pterodactyl!” Dipper exploded again. “And these shirts are useless, they're gigantic!” He complained as he showed off the shirt that was at least twice his size.

Soos glared at Dipper and yelled back. “I have a different body type, dude!”

 

“Oh, so it's my fault?” Dipper asked angrily as the two friends began to argue. That seemed to be the que for Stan and Mabel to begin arguing again, while Mikey tried his best to calm Soos down.

 

They all continued to argue, completely forgetting their surroundings until a shout from McGucket stopped them. “Hey! Cheer up, fellas! I fixed your lantern!” They all turned to look and saw that McGucket was now standing in front of one of the tunnels with a lit lantern. More importantly, they noticed the massive pterosaur standing behind the old man. They screamed as they stared at the beast in horror. McGucket joined them but then stopped and chuckled, completely oblivious. “What… what're we doing?” Mikey silently raised his arm and pointed behind the homeless man. “Hmm? Oh.” McGucket said softly as he turned to look the pterodactyl in the eye. “Nobody make any sudden movements or loud noises.” The others nodded as they waited to see what the creature would do when McGucket jumped into the air and screamed at the top of his lungs. “YEEEEEEHAW! We found a pterodactyl!”

The pterodactyl screeched at the group as it attempted to grab McGucket, giving them enough time to begin sprinting down the narrow tunnel off to their left. The massive, flying monster was stuck briefly in the entrance to the tunnel, giving the group just enough time to slip behind some rocks, that happened to be perfectly sized for them. “Guys, we need a plan to get out of here.” Dipper whispered as the pterodactyl burst from the tunnel and began to fly around the wide open space they found themselves in. They sat on a ledge, connected to another stone platform by old cart tracks, with nothing solid in between. 

“Okay, okay.” Stan said as he tried to control his breathing. “How's about Mabel gets Soos a pig costume…”

“I like it!” Soos chimed in.

“...and we use Soos as a human sacrifice!” Stan finished.

Soos’ smile was unchanged as he nodded his head again. “I like it!”

“What do you say, Mabel?” Stna asked as he turned to his niece with a sly smile. She folded her arms across her chest and turned away from him with a huff. “Ah, come on, you can't stop talking to me forever.”

“Yeah, Mabel,” Dipper spoke up. “we have to work together here.”

Soos rolled his eyes and shot back at Dipper angrily. “Oh, what, you want to work with Mabel but not your buddy, Soos?”

“Soos! Now is not the time!” Mikey hissed, sparking another argument between the three of them, while Stan tried to convince Mabel to talk to him.

The sound of a pig snorting interrupted the heated arguments as Mabel peeked over her rock to get a good look. “Wait, did you hear that?” She asked the others, her face breaking into a wide smile as she saw her favorite person in the world. “Waddles!: She cried as she broke from cover and raced across the tracks. Mikey desperately tried to pull her back into cover, but only grabbed air as she slipped by. The others ran forward calling for her to come back.

“Are you nuts?” Stan yelled as he watched his niece balance on the metal rail.

“Oh, is someone speaking? Because I can't hear anything!” Mabel shot back as she continued to run forward.

McGucket gasped in horror as he watched her run. “Oh no! She's gone deaf with fear!”

“Mabel, come back here!” Mikey yelled as he ran after her. He was the first, but once he had stepped foot on the tracks the others quickly followed.

When they made it over the tracks and into what they could now see was a giant nest, complete with a massive egg, they saw Mabel hugging Waddles as close to her body as she could. “Waddles!” Oh, my Waddles! I'll never lose you again!” Mabel said as she cuddled into her friend, who grunted happily at her return.

 

“Uh... Mabel?” Dipper asked as he approached, having noticed the massive pile of human bones in the middle of the nest.

Mabel ignored her brother as she continued to coo to Waddles. “Shh. You're safe now.” She said as she out Waddles into the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle.

“C’mon, Mabel!” MIkey hissed as he grabbed her shoulder, his eyes darting around anxiously. “We need to leave, now!”

Mabel refused to budge, even as a massive shadow passed over them. Waddles, on the other hand, burst from Mabel’s arms as soon as he noticed the shadow, squealing as loud as he could. “Waddles, wait!” Mabel yelled as she tried to follow Waddles out onto the tracks.

Waddles continued to run across the tracks, crashing into Stan, who was trying to pick his way across the tracks carefully. “Get off me, you dumb pig!” Stan yelled as he picked the pig up off his chest.  
Unfortunately, Waddles’ squealing had attracted the pterodactyl, which swooped down and attempted to land next Stan. The force of its landing split one of the tracks and it quickly took off from its unstable platform. Stan and Waddles were also launched into the air, they, however, had no way of controlling their descent and found themselves falling from the tracks and into what looked like a prehistoric jungle. Luckily their descent was slowed by a gigantic leaf, and then an even larger mushroom, which deposited them into a mud puddle. Stan moaned as he sat up, and glared at the pig rolling happily in the mud. “Yeah, you would enjoy this.” Any further smart comments were cut off by the pterodactyl swooping down at them again. Stan’s relief when the creature passed over them, quickly turned to anger as he realized the overgrown lizard had stolen his fez.

The others looked down over the edge of the nest, unable to make out where they had landed or if they had landed safely. Their fear was turned up several notches when the pterodactyl dropped Stan’s fez into the nest next to them. “Guys! We gotta save him!” mAbel said as she stared at the hat in horror.

“McGucket, do you have an invention that can distract the pterodactyl?” Dipper asked, everyone turning to McGucket expectantly.

“Do I!?” McGucket said excitedly as he whipped off his hat and began to rummage around in it. “Nope.” He said after a few moments, equally as happy as before. The others’ disappointment turned to fear as they heard a loud crack from behind them. Turning, they watched as the lone egg shook and cracked until the baby finally emerged. While Mabel cooed over it, McGucket approached and spread his arms wide. “Well! Welcome to the world, little feller…” His greeting was cut short as the young creature grabbed him in its beak and swallowed him whole. They screamed and backed into the wall of the nest, huddled down to make themselves as small as possible.  
8888888888888888  
Stan and Waddles sat under the cover of a mushroom as the pterodactyl made constant attempts to swoop down and grab them. “The dumb thing must be hungry.” Stan said to himself as he watched it circle them, waiting. “I guess it's you or me, pig.” Stan continued as he pushed Waddles out into the open with a foot.

Waddles turned around to look at Stan but made no effort to get back under the safety of the mushroom. “What are you looking at?” Stan asked, having trouble meeting the eyes f the cute creature he was sentencing to death. “Aw come on, don't give me that look! What am I supposed to do, let it eat me?” Waddles tilted his head and looked at Stan expectantly. “Oh, I get it. You're trying to guilt me. Well, it ain't working, pal. Who cares if you're Mabel's favorite thing in the world? I can live without the kid talking to me all the time!... Telling me her jokes... makin' me laugh…” Stan started angrily, before trailing off. Waddles snorted at Stan, making the older man laugh before the creech of the pterodactyl made him realize what he was about to do. “Aw! Dang, it!” He said to himself as he scooped Waddles up and put him in the tummy carrier. “Well, this is just about the dumbest thing I've ever done.” He said as he stood up with the pig strapped to his chest. “YOU WANT THIS PIG‽” He yelled at the approaching dinosaur. “THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET THROUGH ME, YOU FLYING DEVIL! COME AND GET ME!” He yelled as he leapt forward and into the flying lizard.  
888888888888888888888888  
The kids were still huddled against the wall of the nest watching the baby cautiously. “Ah, dude! Did he really just eat that prospector guy? That is messed up!” Soos asked quietly as he stared in horror.

The baby appeared to be choking on something and retched up McGucket’s hat, shortly followed by McGucket himself poking his head out of the creature's mouth. “I'm okay!” He told them, before the baby closed its mouth and swallowed him again.

Dipper was beginning to hyperventilate as he tried to think of a way out. “What do we do, what do we do!” He mumbled to himself desperately trying to think of something, anything that might help.

Their salvation came from an unexpected source. “We have to get in a straight line.” Soos said seriously as he glared at the pterodactyl.

“What?” Dipper asked, unsure if he had heard right.

Mikey, who was absolutely certain he had heard correctly, was even more shocked. “Are you insane?”

Soos nodded, now almost excited. “The pterodactyl's eyes are so far apart, that if you stand right in front of it, it can't see you!” He explained.

“Soos, you've been wrong about stuff all day. How can we…” Dipper said gently before he was cut off by Soos.

“Dude, look. I… I know I've messed up a lot. I can be sort of clumsy and… It's not always as loveable as I think. But please, as my friend, just trust me on this one!” Soos begged desperately, convinced that this was the only way they could get out of this. Dipper was about to say no, but as he looked at the pterodactyl and back to Soos, he realized that this was their only chance. He smiled slightly and nodded. “Get behind me, dudes!” Soos yelled as he stood up, the three kids quickly lining up behind him.

They slowly circled the nest, the pterodactyl following them but never attacking. “It's working!” Mabel said in awae as they made it to the tracks. They slowly inched across the metal beam, jumping to the other side when the creature turned its head.

As they made it to the other side, the baby seemed to lose interest, and tye quickly made their way to the rocks they used for cover. “Soos, you did it!” Dipper said happily as he smiled at his friend.  
“I can’t believe that worked.” MIkey mumbled to himself as he looked at Soos with something that wasn’t quite awe.

As they huddled together behind their cover they heard what sounded like a roar of pain from the pterodactyl. Glancing out from behind their rocks, they saw the giant creature spinning in a circle with something not quite right around its head. “Was that..?” Dipper asked, not believing his eyes.

Mabel nodded as she watched her uncle attack the flying lizard. “Stan?” Soon after she saw her uncle, she realized he was carrying something on his chest. “Waddles!” She cried happily as she watched them fly through the air.

“He's punching him in the face!” Dipper cheered as he watched his uncle fight the dinosaur.

“From heck's heart I stab at thee!” Stan screamed as he brought both of his heads down on the pterodactyl’s head, causing it to crash into the side of the ledge, and giving himself just enough time to climb up.

As Stan pulled himself up the boy’s cheered for him and Mabel stared up at him with a face of pure delight, wearing his fez. “Here's your pig, kido.” Stan said, grabbing one of Waddles’ paws and making him wave.

“Waddles!” Mabel cheered again, rushing forward and hugging her pig close. “You saved him for me!”  
“Yeah, well” Stan started as he took his fez back. “Sometimes you just gotta…” His remark was cut short by the sound of claws scrabbling to gain purchase on the rock. Pushing Mabel forward he shouted to the rest to them as the prehistoric creature climbed onto their ledge. “LOOK OUT!” They all rushed through the cave, Dipper narrowly avoiding the jaws of the pterodactyl, and made their back to the entrance where they discovered that the rope was still snapped. “We're trapped!” Stan yelled as he looked around desperately.

Dipper couldn’t help but agree until he saw one of the geysers shoot a massive boulder almost to the top of the cave. “Quick! The geyser could shoot us back up!” He yelled, leading everyone into the bubbling water. “C' mon. Go, go!” Dipper screamed as they stared at the pterodactyl that was rapidly approaching them.

Soos glared at the creature and slammed his fists into the side of the geyser. “Bros before dinos!” He screamed as the force from his hit made the geyser erupt and launch the group into the church waiting above. They all moaned as they in the wood debris caused by their crash landing. The back wall of the church collapsed, filling the hole they had gone through, and they all decided it was best to leave quickly.

“I can't believe you did all that for Waddles!” Mabel told Stan as they walked back to Soos’ pickup.

“Ah, well.” Stna said with a wave of his hand. “I can't have my favorite niece not talking to me. And if I gotta leap onto a pterodactyl and punch him in the face, then that's what I gotta do.” He said with a smile putting his hand on a tree covered in the thick sap.

“That's kinda sappy.” Mabel said with a small smirk.

“W… what? That's how I feel!” Stan protested.

Mabel shook her head and pointed to the tree Stan was leaning on. “No, I mean…”

“Oh, yeah.” Stan said as he looked at his hand, before sticking his hand to Mabel’s face. “Gotcha!” Stan laughed before he tried to pull his hand away, and realized that it wasn’t moving. “Uh-oh.” He said as he tried to tug his hand off, leading to both him and Mabel screaming in panic, Mabel heavily muffled by the sap covering her face.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
A few hours later, they had managed to get unstuck enough to pile into the car, and immediately crashed in the back seat. Mikey sat next to them, quietly looking out the window as they drove back to the Shack.

“Check it out! That thing destroyed my vest!” Dipper said as he held the vest up for Soos to inspect. The movement caused a tooth lodged in the padding to come loose, and Dipper stared at it in awe. “Soos, look!”

“A real dinosaur tooth? That's awesome!” Soos told his younger friend with a wide smile.

“Not as awesome as you saving us back there.” Dipper said sheepishly, before offering a fist to Soos. “Pterodactyl bros?”

“Pterodactyl bros.” Soos replied as they fst bumped. “Whoosh! Hey! I pronounced it right that time!”

Dipper laughed, before asking a question that was still bothering him. “Think we need to worry about the rest of those dinosaurs?”

“I doubt it.” Soos said with a shrug, giving it no further thought. Dipper nodded and didn’t mention it again, but he couldn’t help but feel like this was going to come back to bite them.


	21. Mikey Pines' Treasures of Gravity Falls

_**Gnome Caps** _

Mikey stood in the middle of a small trail in the forest, waiting while Gorney got ready to film. “Are you ready? Is the camera on?” Mikey asked, receiving a rapid nod from Gorney in reply. Turning to look at the camera, Mikey spoke to the audience. “Hello, and welcome back to Treasures of Gravity Falls. Today I'm here in the woods surrounding Gravity Falls to show you one of the most valuable artifacts this small town has to offer: Gnomes.” He pulled back some of the undergrowth as he finished, revealing what looked to be a small Gnome village.

“More specifically,” Mikey continued as he and Gorney stepped through the small opening. “Gnome Hats. As you can see, every Gnome wears one of the red cones, and they are very protective of it, for good reason. These scraps of cloth give anyone that possess them an amazing string of luck in whatever they do.” By this point, Mikey and Gorney were walking through the middle of the village. The Gnomes that lived there, having already been briefed by their “king”, simply made way, occasionally shaking their heads at the ridiculous things Mikey was saying.

They continued their walk, Mikey elaborating on the “amazing abilities” of the caps and Gorney doing his best to keep the camera steady. They eventually stopped in front of an incredibly impatient Jeff. Who glared at the preteens and tapped his foot while waiting for them to wrap it up. “Alright, that’s enough!” He yelled as finally fed up with Mikey’s talking. “Do you have it or not?”

“Of course I do.” Mikey said as he held up the sack he had been carrying, before he flipped it over and what appeared to be gold spilled from it. Jeff picked up one of the small nuggets and chuckled before he whistled loudly, prompting dozens of Gnomes to toss their hats into a pile. Jeff continued to laugh slightly as he scooped up the gold and ran off. Mikey turned to the camera as Gorney began stuffing the hats into the sack. “ So now, for the first time in human history, you can have the power of a Gnome Cap of your own. Next, we’ll be talking to some satisfied…” Mikey was interrupted by a sudden yell from the Gnomes.

“These aren’t gold! They’re just painted rocks!”

Mikey grabbed Gorney and started to hurry him forward through the woods. “Maybe it’s best if we finish this at the Shack.”

Another yell ripped through the air, even angrier than before. “Get him!”

“Gorney, run.” Mikey said in a surprisingly calm voice as he began to sprint through the undergrowth.  
88888888888888888  
Mikey now stood in the middle of the kitchen at the Mystery Shack, with a fresh black eye, but otherwise no worse for wear. “Now we’ll be talking to a few customers that want to tell us about their experience with Gnome Caps.”

“HI!” Mabel yelled as she jumped into the frame, wearing one of the red cones. “I absolutely love my Gnome Cap, not only is it incredibly fashionable it also helped me break my record for shoving Gummy Worms up my nose. Wanna see?

Mikey immediately lunged for the camera, yelling as he did. ‘Gorney, avert your eyes!”  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
“This is stupid Mikey.” Dipper said without looking up from the Journal. “I’m not going to do it.”

Mikey rolled his eyes from behind the camera. “Come on, Dipstick. I even wrote your lines down, all you have to do is read them.” Dipper didn't respond and simply turned another page in the Journal. “I’m not leaving until you say your lines.”

Dipper groaned as he set the Journal to the side. “Fine, let me see them.” Mikey smirked as he handed Dipper the paper. “Hello, I'm Dipper Pines,” he read in a dead monotone. “Gnome Caps have changed my life, ever since I started using…” Dipper trailed off and glared at Mikey. “I'm not reading this.”

“Dipper…” Mikey would forever deny that his voice was even slightly whiny.

Dipper rolled his eyes. “Fine. Ever since I started using one the… girls have been all over me.” Dipper looked up and threw the paper back to Mikey. “There, are you happy now?”

Mikey smiled as he picked the lines up. “Very happy, actually.” He shot back as he left the room.  
888888888888888888  
“So, Soos, how do you like the Gnome cap?” Mikey asked after standing in silence for several minutes, waiting for Soos to start.

“Oh, yeah, dude it’s been great.” He started excitedly. “Since you gave me mine I haven't broken anything.” Soos put his hand on a display case as he finished. Unfortunately, he overestimated how sturdy it was and both he and Mikey looked on in horror as it fell and hit another causing a domino effect around the room.

“WHAT WAS THAT‽” Grunkle Stan yelled from upstairs once the crashing had subsided.

Soos looked at Mikey and shrugged slightly. “Sorry dude.”

Mikey sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Gorney, turn the camera off.”  
88888888888888888  
 _ **Miracle Water**_

“And that concludes Treasures of Gravity Falls: Cursed Gold.” Mikey said as he casually tossed a small faux gold statue over his shoulder. “Next we’ll be talking about a truly once in a lifetime opportunity that has everyone in Gravity Falls giddy with anticipation.” Mikey grinned as he pulled the blinds up to reveal a large crowd waiting impatiently in front of a stall.  
88888888888888888888888  
Mikey approached the crowd with a box full of recently refilled water bottles. Placing the box on the stall, he smiled widely at the curious potential customers. “How can I help you?”

Terry Cutebiker, the closest to the stall, picked up one of the bare bottles and turned to Mikey. “What exactly is this?”

“I'm glad you asked, Mr. Cutebiker.” Mikey began to explain. “Inside these bottles is miracle water, an amazing substance that I've found while exploring these woods. The magic that produces the water is only active for a short time, so for only one week you will be able to purchase bottles here at the stand or online, for only fifteen dollars a bottle!” Mikey smirked internally at the intrigued look on his spectator’s faces. “Even better, for only twenty dollars an hour, I'll let you work on the land, allowing the magical effects to become permanent.”

Tyler stared at the bottle in his hand with awe, before narrowing his eyes at Mikey. “Well, that's all very interesting, but what exactly are these magical effects?”

“Another excellent question!” Mikey said with a smile. “This miracle water will improve every physical aspect of you. Your speed, your endurance, you will become as strong as an ox and as healthy as a horse.”

That was enough to convince Tyler, who shoved a small wad of bills into Mikey's hands even before he finished speaking. “I'll take a dozen!”

“Bottles or hours?” Mikey asked as he began to count out the cash.

Tyler's smile grew wider than Mikey thought possible as he answered. “Both!”

Mikey nodded slightly, keeping his excitement tightly contained. “Just take your waters from the box. You'll find my brother chopping wood around back, help him with anything he needs.” He turned to his assistant as the energetic man took off. “Gorney, why don't you start getting boxes from Mabel.” Mikey straightened as Gorney rushed off and faced the next customer with a smile. “What can I do for you?”  
8888888888888888  
A few hours later the line had mostly thinned out, and Mikey was nearly giddy as he directed Blubs and Durland to the back of the Shack.

His excitement quickly turned to worry as he watched Dipper approach. Moving quickly to intercept him, Mikey pulled his brother away from the small stand and the people around it. “Why are you up here? You need to keep these guys busy.”

Dipper shrugged guiltily. “There isn't any more work, they finished it all.”

Mikey hadn't pulled his brother far enough away to keep the curious crowd from hearing them, and the news that there was no work caused many of them to begin to leave. The exodus only increased when those that had been working walked around the corner, everyone that hadn't worked the hours they paid for already demanding a refund.

He quickly ran back to the crowd in an attempt to keep them interested. “People, please! I'm sure we can find some work for all of you!”

Few of them even seemed to realize he was talking, and Blubs and Durland simply glared at him. “We don't need your excuses, we just need our money back.”

Mikey opened his mouth, thinking as quickly as he could when he was saved by a shout from inside. “Kids! I need one of you to mow the lawn! Kids!”

Internally, Mikey heaved a great sigh of relief. On the outside, the only noticeable change was his relaxing shoulders. “You see, gentlemen? Unfortunately, you'll have to bring your own mowers, but there's plenty of yard work to be done.”

The attitude of the crowd quickly changed, those that had paid rushed to get their mowers and those that hadn't rushed to hand Mikey their cash. “If you manage to finish that, you can reshingle the roof!” Mikey called over his shoulder as he happily collected the offered money.  
888888888888888888888888  
“Kids! Have you started…” Stan trailed off as he stepped onto the front porch, next to Wendy and Mikey. He turned and glared at his young nephew. “What's the big idea? How much are you paying these wackos to do your chores?”

Mikey smirked at his great uncle. “Actually, they're paying me to do my chores.”

Stan blinked and looked out at the crowd of hard-working townsfolk. “Oh.” He slowly turned back toward his nephew. “Could I borrow a couple of them to move some of the exhibits?”

“Sure.” Mikey agreed, waving and causing two of the townsfolk to run towards them eagerly. Stan raised an eyebrow at their hyperactive reaction before shrugging and leading them inside.

Wendy shook her head in amusement and went back to watching as the customers ran around the yard working on anything they could. “Man, what is in that stuff?” She asked, half to herself.

Mikey shrugged. “Beats me. It's Mabel Juice, only one person knows what goes into it.”

“Huh.” Wendy muttered, not entirely surprised that Mikey had no idea what was in the drink he'd been selling all day. “So, everyone here is about to crash.”

“Oh yeah,” Mikey nodded amusedly. “I'll be surprised if anyone's still on their feet in another hour.” They both chuckled at that before Mikey noticed something glint in the sun. “Mabel, is that camera rolling?” He asked, glaring as she rapidly shook her head. “Mabel, give me the camera.” Mikey said as he started to walk toward his sister. A giggle could be heard as Mabel turned to run before the camera shut off.  
8888888888888888888888888888   
_**Miniatures**_

“And that concludes Treasures of Gravity Falls: Eyes of the Beholder.” Mikey said cheerfully as he slid the jar of glass eyes back under the counter. “Just remember that the Mystery Triplets take no responsibility for any self-inflicted hypnosis or damages and injuries caused by the effects of the Eyes of the Beholder.”

Mikey disappeared behind the counter as he reached for the next item. “Next we have something completely unique, something I guarantee no one has ever seen before.” Straightening up, Mikey deposited what appeared to be a miniature bison on the tabletop. Before he could go into further detail a loud squeal of excitement cut him off as a brightly colored blur shot into the frame.

“Oh my gosh, It’s so cute I could die!” Mabel cooed as she scratched the small animal behind its horns to its evident pleasure. Mikey was taken aback by the sudden appearance of his sister and simply stared until he managed to recover.

“Uh, right. I call them Miniatures.” Mikey started hesitantly, before recovering as he joined Mabel in petting the bison. “These small creatures are the perfect beginner's pet, since they make no mess, and don’t need any food or water.” Mikey again reached below the counter bringing up several sizeable cages in turn. “Miniatures also come in several different forms, all modeled after native Oregon wildlife. The bison is the most docile model, but they also come in bald eagles, elk, and even Mountain lion and grizzly bear forms”

Mabel’s attention was quickly drawn by the new animals, and she showed them as much attention as the first. Turning to her brother, she eagerly asked. “How much are they?”

“I’m glad you asked.” Mikey said with a smile. “Prices are determined on a per purchase basis based on how many of each model we have in stock at the time. Unfortunately, due to ‘federal regulations’ shipping isn’t possible, all purchases will have to be made in person here at the Mystery Shack.”

Mikey seemed about to explain more when another shout interrupted him.”What are you doing! We can’t mess around with this stuff.” Dipper hissed at Mikey as he pulled Mabel away from the Miniatures.

Mikey rolled his eyes at his brother. “I’m not ‘messing around’ Dipper, this is a legitimate business.”

“Are you selling these?” Dipper asked, somewhat surprised that he was surprised. “You can’t just shrink down wild animals and sell them to people.”

“I’m not just shrinking them Dipper if you’ll let me finish.” Mikey said, shooting a sharp glare at Dipper, before turning back to the camera with a smile. “Now, due to the way that these Miniatures are made, they often take on a lot of wear and tear in a short time. While they don’t feel much in the way of pain, these injuries can still make it difficult for them to move around and eventually you will have to get rid of your Miniature. Luckily there is a quick, easy and painless way to do so, all you’ll need is some water and a bowl.” Mikey said as he carefully picked the bison up and placed him in a bowl. Placing a flower inside, the bison began to eat happily even as Mikey opened up a bottle of water and poured it over it. “As you can see, the Miniatures hardly even notice it’s happening.” Inside the bowl, the bison continued to chew as he dissolved into a puddle of wet paper. “I recommend that you stir this well, to make sure it’s broken up, or else you might end up with something like that.” Mikey said, pointing to an unnoticed cage that held a mass of wet paper that was trying to squeeze through the bars.

Dipper stared at the bowl in shock. “You can’t… that’s… I… I have no words.” He finally said, looking into the bowl in defeat.

“I think you’re looking for ‘that’s genius’” Mikey said smugly.

Dipper sighed with annoyance and looked back at his brother with a raised brow. “Where did you even find a bison to shrink, anyway?”

Mikey shrugged “I didn’t, they were already shrunk.”  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
“See, I told you.” Mikey said as he pointed to the small herd of miniature bison that crowded around the fallen tree trunk. Dipper ignored him as he began writing rapidly in the journal, observing the bison as closely as he could. “Anyway, that concludes Treasures of Gravity Falls, thanks for tuning in.”  
888888888888888888888  
 _ **Fairy Dust**_

“And that concludes Treasures of Gravity Falls: X-Ray Glasses…” Mikey’s wrap up was interrupted as A loud crash was heard and Soos stumbled into the shot wear a pair of completely matte black glasses.

“Whoa, dude. These things are awesome.” Soos said, shooting a thumbs up at a random spot in the room as he continued to stumble around.

Mikey's smirk widened just touch as he finished speaking. “So powerful they see through literally everything.” He waited until Soos managed to make his way out of the living room, for a tense moment nearly putting himself through the massive aquarium.

“Next we’ll be talking about something truly amazing, fairy dust. Here to help demonstrate is my sister, Mabel Pines.” Mikey introduced as Mabel walked into the frame holding a plastic bag filled with what appeared to be glitter.

“Thank you, Mikey.” Mabel said as she turned to face the camera. “Fairy dust, beyond looking great, has an amazing ability. Anything it’s put on becomes the most desired thing in the room! Allow me to demonstrate.”  
8888888888888888888888888  
In the gift shop, Mabel generously coated a shelf of snow globes with the dust as she walked by. The customers immediately took notice, and rushed the shelves, grabbing as many of the globes as they could. Several started to fight each other as they tried to steal snow globes of their own.  
8888888888  
Having narrowly avoided the crush of customers, the two siblings stood just inside the den. “As you can see, fairy dust can completely change your perception of something new, but that’s not all. It can also make you see everyday objects in a new light.” Mikey said as Mabel threw a handful of the glittery substance onto one of the lamps.

“Hey, what are you two doing to my lamp?” Stan barked as he walked into the room, causing the siblings to share a smirk and run up the stairs. Stan continued forward to inspect the lamp but stopped as the light caught its surface. ‘So shiny…” Stan trailed off as he came closer. He picked it up and cradled it before glancing into the gift shop, where the customers were still fighting, suspiciously. “Gotta find somewhere safe to put this.” Stan muttered before quickly leaving the room. Mikey and Mable high-fived each other from their hiding spot on the stairs.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
“The most important thing to know about using fairy dust is that the more people that see it, the stronger the effect will be.” Mable explained. She and Mikey were in downtown Gravity Falls, where there was plenty of foot traffic. When she grabbed her bag so that she could demonstrate, she found that it wouldn’t budge. Pulling harder, the bag gave way with a short pop, sending a cloud of glitter out and around both of them.

When the cloud settled and they managed to get enough of it out of their eyes, they found themselves surrounded by townsfolk. “Are you kids alright?” Tyler asked, from his position at the front of the ring.

Mikey was the first one to speak up, not quite liking how wide the smiles they wore were. “Uh yeah, we’re fine. We’ll just be going back to the Shack now.”

“Oh, nonsense.” Lazy Susan said from somewhere in the crowd. “Tell you what, come back to the diner with me and I’ll give you lunch on the house.”

Mikey didn’t say anything as he grabbed Mabel’s arm and started to back away from the crowd. When the first townsperson tried to grab them, they started running.

“Mabel, wait!”

She turned to the voice and gasped at who she saw. “The Mattress Prince…”

“Nope.” Mikey said simply as he grabbed her arm and dragged her after him.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
“So, that conclude Treasures of Gravity Falls.” Mikey said from where he sat with his back to the Mystery Shack’s door. The sounds of shouting and pounding could be heard from behind him. “Just remember to very careful what, or who, you use the fairy dust on.”

The sound of a window shattering caused the two siblings to scream before Terry Cutebiker stuck his head through the new hole. “Oh, hey kids. What’cha doin’?”


	22. Dreamscaperers

“I'm gonna say... B5.” Dipper said, eagerly waiting for his first hit in the game of Conflict Boat.

 

From the other side of the divider, Mabel cheerily placed a peg in her board and said in a sing-song voice. “Miss!”

Dipper raised an eyebrow at his sister and looked down at his almost completely filled board. “I don't think you're playing this right.”

Mikey looked up from the sheet of paper in his hands and glanced Mabel’s side of the board. “She drew a cat, it’s pretty good.” As he turned back to his paper, he said, almost as an afterthought. “I’m still playing the winner.”

 

Dipper let out an irritated sigh, but a shout from their great uncle cut off whatever he was going to say. The trio quickly rushed down the stairs and into the living room, where Stan sat in his recliner laughing at something on television. “I need you to laugh at this with me!” Stan said as an image of Gideon appeared on the screen.

 

“Who's cute as a button, and always your friend? Lil' G-I-D to the E-O-N! Wink!” Gideon sang as the commercial played.

Dipper rolled his eyes and shot a disgusted look at the tv. “Ugh, Gideon!”

“Remember when I wouldn't date him and he tried to destroy us?” Mabel asked as she glared at the tv.

“Gorney still has nightmares about the fire.” Mikey said with a scowl.

“He's always trying to trick me into losing the Mystery Shack.” Stan added

Wendy nodded from her place next to the triplets. “One time I caught him stealing my moisturizer.”

“And yet, our mutual hatred for him bonds us together.” Soos said with a smile as he continued to watch the commercial.

The commercial ended with Bud telling viewers to, “Come on down to Li'l Gideon's Tent of Telepathy, opening soon at this location.” The last clip showed the Mystery Shack being crushed by the Tent of Telepathy.

“Uh, should we be worried about that?” Dipper asked hesitantly.

Stan shook his head derisively. “Please, the only way Gideon's taking over this shack is by breaking in and stealing my deed.” He said confidently before a loud crash came from upstairs.

“You mean like, right now?” Wendy asked, causing everyone in the to rush up to Stan's office.

Inside they found Gideon kneeling in front of the safe, fumbling with the dial. “38? 41? Oh, heavens to Betsy!”

“Gideon!” Stan yelled as he stepped into the room while the others watched from the doorway.

“Well, well, Stanford, my arch-nemesis.” Gideon said dramatically as he turned to face Stan. “We seem to have entered a dangerous game of cat and mouse. But the question remains, who is the cat, and who is the…” Gideon was interrupted by Stan snapping his fingers.

“Soos, broom.” He said, holding his hand out expectantly. Soon quickly had the broom in his hand.

“Oh no, not the broom!” Gideon said, suddenly terrified as he tried to run from the broom. Stan continued to bat him around the room until he managed to chase him down the stairs and out the screen door. Gideon stopped and turned to glare at Stan when the later stopped in the doorway. “You mark my words, Stanford, one day I'm gonna get that combination. And once I steal that deed, you'll never see the Mystery Shack again!”

Stan rolled his eyes and yelled out, “Good luck, bucko!” Before slamming the door closed. He quickly climbed the stairs to check on the deed before locking the safe back. “The combo to this safe is in the one place he'll never find it: my brain.” Stan said with a grim nod before returning to the den with the rest of his family.

Gideon glared from his vantage point outside the office window. “Your brain isn't as safe as you might think, Stanford Pines!” He said darkly as he pulled out Journal 2. “This is the last straw! It's time to unlock the journal's greatest secret…” Gideon muttered to himself as he stopped on a page with a strange zodiac and a one eyed pyramid in the middle of it.  
8888888888888888888888  
The triplets, Stan, and Wendy all sat in the living room watching tv. Really, Stan was the only one watching, Dipper and Wendy stared listlessly at the screen as they shot each other with Nyarf darts, while Mikey helped Mabel choose yarn for the sweater she was knitting. “He put the old in "old west," they call him Grandpa the Kid!” The narrator said as the movie started.

“I'm tired during the day.” The titular character said causing Stan to nod his agreement.

“I can relate to this.” He said matter of factly while everyone around him groaned.

“Grunkle Stan, why can't we watch a movie that we'll all enjoy?” Mabel asked as she sat up from her knitting. “Like Dream Boy High! ‘Where love is on your permanent record.’” Her suggestion was immediately met with a loud round of boos. “You'll learn to like it.” Mabel responded with a shrug.

Suddenly, a crash came from the kitchen and Soos ran into the room screaming. “Dudes, there's a bat in the kitchen! It tried to touch me with its weird little bat fingers!"

 

“Don't worry, I got this under control” Stan said as he lifted himself up in his chair, readjusted himself, and pulled the lever to lean back. “Dipper, take care of it.”

Mabel cheered and laughed at Stan’s decision, while Dipper immediately protested. “What? Why can't one of them do it?”

Mikey let out a heavily exaggerated sigh as he stood up, before giving his brother a small smile. “Don't worry, I've got this one.”

His march to the kitchen was stopped before it started when Stan rejected that idea. “No, I told your brother to do it, and he's the one that's going to.”

Dipper turned to glare at his uncle. “No way, Grunkle Stan! You always make me do dumb chores. I'm putting my foot down this time!” He said, stamping his foot on the floor.

“I said do it kid. Now!” Stan retorted. The two glared at each other, a standoff that Dipper quickly lost. 

“Okay, I'll do it!” Dipper said before stomping off, picking up a saucepan and a wooden spoon Soos had dropped on his way to the kitchen. “Stupid chores…” He continued to mutter as he walked.

“Remember, bats are more afraid of you than you are of them.” Mabel said comfortingly as Dipper walked into the kitchen. “Maybe I'm thinking of ducklings.” She corrected herself as screams and crashes began to come from the kitchen. “Ducklings.” Mabel said to herself before laughing. “Quack quack! Quack quack quack!”  
888888888888888888888888888888  
When Dipper finally left the kitchen he was covered in scratches and was quickly grabbed so Soos could take care of it. “Swabbing on disinfectant, doo doo doo…” Soos sang as he doctored Dipper’s battle wounds, with Dipper complaining the whole time.

“Why does Grunkle Stan always pick on me? Think about it! The more painful or difficult the chore is, the more likely it is I'll have to do it. Why doesn't he pick on you guys?” Dipper asked with a sigh.

“Dipper, Stan's personality is one of life's great mysteries. Like whether or not it's possible to lick your own elbow.” Soon said as he placed a hand on his young friend's shoulder.

The moment ended when Mabel yelled out. “I bet you can't!”

“I bet I can!” Soos retorted, walking away as he tried to do so.

“Lick it! Lick it! Lick it!” Mabel chanted as she followed him outside.

“Sometimes I feel like Stan hates me.” Dipper said as he watched them leave.

“Hey, don't be like that.” Mikey said as he playfully punched his brother in the shoulder. “Stan doesn't hate you, he just has a, uh, funny way of showing he cares.”

Any response Dipper had was cut off by Stan’s yell. “The sink's clogged. Dipper, get in here and fix it!” Growling, Dipper fired his nyarf gun at a picture of Stan on the wall, before stomping off to do the chore.  
888888888888  
In the woods outside the Mystery Shack, Gideon had placed a picture of Stan in a ring of candles and paced angrily just outside it. “You think that combination's safe in your mind, Stanford? We'll see what my new minion has to say about that!” Gideon said as he stopped in front of the picture. “Triangulum, entangulum. Vene foris dominus mentium. Vene foris videntis omnium!” He chanted from the open page of the Journal.

Only a few yards away, Mabel and Soos continued to Try and solve that great mystery. “Lick that elbow! Lick that elbow!” Mabel encouraged as Soos finally came to a stop.

“Like the infinite horizon, it eludes my grasp.” Soos said with a sigh as he lowered his elbow.

The peaceful silence was cut through by the sound of Gideon's maniacal laughter. Recognizing the sound Mabel quickly began to make her way to it. “Is that who I think it is?” She asked herself as Soos followed through the underbrush.

When they arrived, they hid behind a fallen tree and watched as Gideon fell to his knees. The child's eyes began to glow a bright blue and a chant seemed to force its way out of his mouth. “Egassem sdrawkcab. egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!”

Before their eyes, everything around them faded to black and white, and time seemed to slow. In front of Gideon, a black triangle appeared in the air with yellow flames at its edges. The triangle quickly formed into a one eyed being, wearing a top hat and a bow tie. “Oh, oh, Gravity Falls! It is good to be back.” The creature said in a surprisingly nonchalant tone of voice. “Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy?” Bill asked Gideon who looked just as shocked as Mabel and Soos. The yellow triangle laughed before Gideon could answer. “I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Gideon!”

“W… what are you? H… how do you know my name?”Gideon stuttered out as he backed away from Bill.

“Oh, I know lots of things!” Bill answered as his flashed between different images. “LOTS OF THINGS…” he repeated in a slow, deep, and all-together disturbing voice. The triangle returned to normal and continued in that same upbeat tone. “Hey, look what I can do!” Bill said with a gesture causing a nearby does teeth to be removed In an apparently painless procedure. He handed the pile of teeth to Gideon. “Deer teeth! For you, kid!”

Gideon accepted the pile on autopilot before realizing what he held in his hands dropping them in shock and disgust. “You're insane!” He yelled at the floating triangle.

Bill shrugged at the accusation.”Sure I am, what's your point?” He asked waving his arm again and replacing the teeth in the deer’s mouth.

Gideon, finally given a moment to breathe, collected himself and attempted to take charge of the situation. “Listen to me, demon! I have a job for you. I need you to enter the mind of Stanford Pines and steal the code to his safe.”

From their hiding place, Mabel and Soos gasped at the revelation, while Bill seemed to laugh at the suggestion. “Wait... Stan Pines?” Bill muttered to himself, suddenly seeming contemplative as his body rapidly changed between images of Stan. “You know what, kid? You've convinced me! I'm sold! I'll help you with this and in return, you can help me with something I've been working on! We'll work out the details later.” Bill said as he offered his hand to Gideon.

“Deal!” Gideon exclaimed triumphantly as he grasped the stick like hand. Their clasped hands ignited in blue flames that caused no harm before Bill let go.

“Well, time to invade Stan's mind! This should be fun!” Bill said cheerily as he floated higher into the air. “Remember: reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!” He finished as he flashed out of existence.

“It worked!” Gideon screamed into the air before falling into a fit of maniacal laughter, while Mabel and Soos ran back to the Shack as quickly as they could.  
888888888  
In the Shack, Dipper and Mikey swept the carpet in the living room while Stan slept in his chair. “Oh, I'm so sorry.” Stan mumbled in his sleep, waving his hands as though trying to swat something away.

“What is going on in that guy's head?” Dipper asked aloud as he watched Stan.

“Don't know, don't think I wanna know.” Mikey responded from the other side of the chair. Dipper nodded his agreement and made to put his broom up, when Mabel and Soos ran into the room.

“We've gotta help Stan!” Mabel yelled as she came to a stop in front of her brothers.

Dipper and Mikey looked at her with identical confused expressions. “Wait, what?” Dipper asked.

“This evil triangle guy said he's gonna break into Stan's mind and steal the combination to his safe!” Soon said through mouthful of Burrito Bites chips. “Also we stopped for snacks on the way here.”

“Triangle guy?” Dipper asked, pulling the Journal out from under his vest. “I feel like I've seen something like this before in the journal… Beware Bill, the most powerful and dangerous creature I've ever encountered. Whatever you do, never let him enter your mind."

 

As Dipper finished reading Stan grunted in his sleep and a shadow identical to Bill seemed to slide into his body. “Grunkle Stan!” Mabel shouted in fear as Stan’s eyes began to glow with blue light. Grabbing the journal from Dipper Mabel continued to read. “It is possible to follow the demon into a person's mind and prevent his chaos. One must simply recite this incantation.”

Dipper rolled his eyes at his sleeping uncle. “Ugh, this is just great. I spend all day cleaning sinks and fighting bats for Stan and now I have to save him from some crazy brain demon?”

Mikey stared at his brother incredulously. “Dipstick, are you serious?”

“If we don't do anything Gideon might steal the shack! Or worse!” Mabel pleaded.

Dipper was about to respond when Stan began to scream and thrash in his chair. Dipper released his breath in a sigh. “Fine. Get ready, guys. We're about to journey into the most horrifying, disturbing place any of us have ever been: our uncle's mind.”

“You think I can take these Burrito Bites into Stan's brain? Thumbs up? Thumbs down?” Sos asked before laughing. “You know what, I'm just gonna bring 'em.”  
8888888888  
Minutes later, they had set up a ritual circle of candles around Stan and stood in a loose circle. “Okay, guys, in order to save our uncle, we're gonna have to follow that... dream demon into his mind.” Dipper said nervously as he looked down at his sleeping uncle.

“I wonder what Stan's thinking about right now.” Soos asked aloud, before grabbing Stan’s jaw and using him as a ventriloquist dummy. “I love Soos like a son!”

“Soos! This is serious!” Dipper scolded from behind the recliner.

“Sorry!” Soos said, still using Stan as a dummy. Mikey reached over and slapped his hand away and turned back to Dipper expectantly.

Dipper nodded to his brother and placed his hand on Stan’s forehead. “Let's do this.” The others quickly followed suit, and once all their hands rested on Stan’s head Dipper began to recite from the book. “Videntus omnium. Magister mentium. Magnesium ad hominem. Magnum opus. Habeas corpus! Inceptus Nolanus overratus! Magister mentium! Magister mentium! MAGISTER MENTIUM!” As Dipper chanted his eyes turned that same eerie blue followed by Soos, Mabel, and Mikey. As the candles blew out around them they lost sight of their surroundings. When they could see again they found themselves in a gray washed landscape that held some resemblance to the land outside the Mystery Shack. A broken swingset that didn’t exist in the real world sat to the side, and the proportions of everything were off, slightly in some cases and majorly in others. 

“What the?” Soos asked as he looked around the suddenly changed landscape.

The others were just as shocked by the change in setting, and Mabel was the one that voiced what they were all thinking. “Whoa, this is Stan's mind?”

“I figured there would be more hot old ladies.” Soos said as he looked around the bleak landscape.

Mabel, ignoring Soos, was quick to get everyone back on track. “Remember everyone, we've got to look out for the triangle guy.

“Yeah, look out for the triangle guy!” A voice called from the front porch of the Shack.

Turning around, they saw the same triangular demon that Gideon had summoned. “It's him! It's the guy!” Soos yelled as he took a rapid step back.

“You leave our uncle's brain alone, you isosceles monster!” Mabel screamed as she charged Bill. She lept to tackle him and was absorbed into his body, before falling back out the same side. “Gotcha!” She screamed, before that she was now back where she started. “Wait, what?” Mikey was quickly by her side, making sure she was okay.

“Ah, Stan's family,” Bill said as he circled them in the air. “We meet at last! Question Mark, Shooting Star, Pine Tree, oh and Gemstone, that’s a shocker.” Bill said as he pointed to Soos, Mabel, Dipper, and Mikey in turn. “I had a hunch I might bump into you!” Bill said, firing some sort of laser from his finger and blowing a hole through Dipper’s torso.

Dipper screamed as he looked down at the bloodless hole that now dominated his body. By the time Mikey stood in front of him, he realized he felt no pain and was taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. “I… a… are you ok?” Mikey stuttered as he stared at his brother.

Dipper didn’t respond before Mabel, standing behind Dipper, stuck her hand through the hole. “Boop!” She said cheerfully.

That seemed to be just what Dipper needed to knock him out of his stupor. “Mabel!” He said as he swatted her hand away before turning back to Bill. “What do you want with our uncle's mind anyway?”

“Oh, just the code to the old man's safe!” Bill said as he pointed towards the Mystery Shack. “Inside the Shack is a maze of a thousand doors representing your uncle's memories. Behind one of them is a memory of him inputting the code! I just need to find it and Gideon will pay me handsomely.”

“Not if we stop you!” Mabel challenged as she glared at Bill.

 

“Fat chance! I'm the master of the mind.” Bill said as blue flames wrapped around his body. “I even know what you're thinking right now!”

Mabel crossed her arms. “That's impossible, no one can guess what I'm thinking!”

Bill responded by snapping his fingers causing a burst of multicolored light to appear around Mabel. When the light was gone, Xyler and Craz, the two main characters from Dream Boy High stood next to Mabel. “Whoa, where are we, bro?” Xyler asked as he looked at the strange surroundings.

“We must be in heaven, 'cause I just saw an angel!” Craz answered as he bent down to Mabel.

Mabel squealed at a level that would have easily shattered glass and clutched Craz’s leg. “I'm never letting go of your leg!”

“You're out of your league, kids. Turn around now before you see something you might regret. Later, suckers!” Bill taunted them before crashing through the wall of the Mystery Shack.

“We're goin' in!” Dipper said as he walked toward the Shack, turning around, he squinted at their newest companions. “ Mabel, can we leave those guys out here? Looking at them hurts my eyes…”

 

“No! They can help us!” Mabel protested grabbing them protectively.

“Totally! Arm throne!” Xyler and Craz said together as they scooped Mabel up.

Mikey followed behind shaking his head, caught halfway between amusement and disapproval. Dipper glared at the four of them as they walked inside before he heard Soos behind him. “Dude! Arm throne!” Dipper scooted away from his friend until Soos began to chase him in earnest. “Arm throoone!”  
88888888888888888888888  
The inside of the Shack looked nothing like the one they called home. Floating staircases seemed to stretch for miles, and the floors appeared to be like bridges in an empty void. “Radical!” Craz said as he looked into the dark and grim expanse.

“I also think it's radical!” Xyler quickly agreed.

The group continued into deeper into the expanse, down a flight of stairs that floated in the air. Multiple doorways floated around the space, labeled with names like Hopes and Fears, and leading to long hallways filled with even more doors. From where they stood, the only one that seemed accessible was the one at the bottom of the stairs, labeled Memories. Inside the room, they found an unimaginable number of doors, some wide open and others that appeared to shut tight or even locked. “Whoa, look! All of Stan's memories!” Soos said as he stepped into the room. Following after, the others quickly saw that Soos was right, behind every door was one of Stan’s memories.

“Great.” Dipper muttered with a roll for his eyes. “Sure there's plenty of memories of Stan bossing me around, can't wait to see more of that.”

“Now is not the time, Dipstick.” Mikey scolded as he quickly moved towards the closest memory.

“Yeah, we've gotta find the code before Bill does!” Mabel agreed as she moved to follow.

Behind her, Xyler and Craz could be heard whispering to each other. “Mabel is talking!”

“So rad!”

Soos nodded firmly as he adjusted his hat. “Let's get searching!”

Following his order, the group ran down the hallway checking through as many doors as they could.

Opening his first door, Dipper looked in and saw a much younger Stan, sitting in a jail cell with two other men. “Jorge, Rico, you're the two best Colombian prison friends a fellah could make.” Stan said as he wrapped his arms around their shoulders.

 

The one on Stan’s right looked to the other. “Espero que muera.” Dipper had no idea what that meant, until he noticed the subtitles at the bottom of the memory which read “I hope he dies.”

The prisoner nodded back. “Sí.” Oddly the subtitles just showed "Sí." this time.

Still, Dippre could tell this memory was a waste of time and closed the door before moving on. “Nope!” He called out to let everyone know it was a dud.

Soos’ door showed a scene with a Stan about the same age as Dipper’s, standing in a driveway and attempting to sell a vacuum cleaner. “Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: It sucks more than anything.” The homeowner closed the door immediately, and Stan frowned as he looked down at the vacuum. “Gotta work on that.”

“Nope.” Soos called as he moved on.

“Whoa, it's Stan on a date!” Mabel yelled as she opened her door and saw their Stan on his date with Lazy Susan.

“So, your, uh... your eye is weird, let's... let's talk about that.” Stan stuttered as he sat awkwardly in the dining booth. Susan laughed, and Stan laughed along nervously. An echoey voice came from within the scene. “This is going terrible. I can't think of anything to say and she.. looks weird up close. Think of a way out!” As the thought finished, Stan stood up and knocked over the food, yelling “ NONSPECIFIC EXCUSE!” as he ran out of the restaurant.

Mabel shook her head and quickly closed the door. “Yeesh.”

When he opened the door, Mikey looked in on a Stan a little younger than the one he knew, but still wearing his trademark fez. Stan was seated at a poker table, laughing as he laid his four aces down. “Read’em and weap, fellas!” He said as he started raking the pot to his side of the table.

Most of the other players just groaned as Stan gathered the pot, but the one sitting opposite him growled out, “You cheated.”

“Hey, I don’t know…” Stan started to say, before he was interrupted by the man slamming a knife into the table.

“What’s up your sleeves then?”

Stan coughed as he looked around the room. “Well, ya see, the thing about that is…” He didn’t finish as he threw the smoke bomb down and scraped up his winnings. Running outside and into the El Diablo, Stan laughed and waved at his “poker buddies” as they followed him outside. “See ya later, suckers!” He yelled as he turned the key, causing the motor to turn, but not start. Trying again, Stan groaned as he looked at the approaching mob. “Oh boy.”

Mikey rolled his eyes as he closed the door. “How did he become a professional conman?”  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
As they continued to search through the memories, they noticed several doors that led to different sections of Stan’s mind, and one in particular caught Dipper’s attention. “Look, guys! Memories about me!” He called as he opened the door.

“That doesn't seem like a good idea.” Soos said as he placed a hand on Dipper’s shoulder.

Dipper protested as he turned to Soos. “I just wanna know what the old guy really thinks of me.”

“We already know how Stan feels about us! He loves us! We're great.” Mabel commented as she walked by.

Mikey quickly agreed as he followed. “Come on Dipper, we need to save Stan before we worry about anything else.”

“Yeah. Let's just keep moving.” Soos said as he moved on.

“More moving?” Xyler asked as he turned to Craz

“Yes! I love motion!” Craz said with a happy smile as he followed Mabel.

Dipper followed behind them for a few steps before quickly backtracking to the door. “Okay. Just a quick peek.” He muttered to himself as he opened it and walked inside.

The first thing he noticed in the massive room was the noise. From every corner came the sound of Stan shouting his name, which just served to worsen his mood. Picking a random door, Dipper opened it to see Stan and himself standing on the front porch of the Mystery Shack. “No buts!” Stan yelled as he pointed towards the chopping block in the lawn. “Now go and chop that firewood already!” Stan hit Dipper on the top of his head with a rolled up newspaper, before moving to sit on the couch next to Soos.

Dipper, already knowing what he had been doing, turned to get a better look at the two sitting down. “Dude, Stan, I've been meaning ask you. Why are you so hard on Dipper all the time?” Soos asked as Stan sat down.

“Look, Soos, I'm gonna let you in on something. Wanna know what I really think?” Stan asked as he gestured for Soos to lean in. Straining to hear, Dipper leaned in just a little bit more. “The kid's a loser. He's weak! He's an utter embarrassment! I just wanna get rid of him.”

Dipper slowly closed the door and tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had been right about Stan the whole time.  
8888888888888888888888888888888888  
“Hello? Code to Stan's safe? Where are you?” Soos called as the group walked through the halls, checking every door they saw.

Xyler and Craz seemed to be enjoying themselves though. “Opening and closing doors is fun!” Xyler said cheerfully as he did just that.

“I can do it also!” Craz told his maybe-brother as he repeatedly opened and closed the same door.

Soos opened the next door to see Stan entering a code onto the vending machine in the gift shop, and then sliding it open to reveal a hidden passage. “If only people knew the truth, that hidden behind this vending machine, I secretly have a…” Stan’s monologue was interrupted as Soos slammed the door closed again.

“BORING!” He declared as he moved on to the next door.

They continued to search the hallway until finally, they reached the end. Only one door was left, a small door labeled TOP SECRET. “Alright guys, I have a good feeling about this door.” Mabel said as everyone gathered around her.

The door opened to reveal Stan standing in the bathroom in his boxers. “Hey, Mr. Tummy! Stan said before changing his voice and pretending to be his stomach.

”Hey, Mr. Stan!”

“Are you hungry?” Stan asked in his normal voice.

“Yes!” “Mr. Tummy” replied eagerly.

“Eat your crackers!” Stan instructed as he stuck a cracker in his belly button and forced his stomach to “chew.”

Mabel quickly shut the door and turned away. “Sweet Sally!”

“There are no words.” Mikey agreed as he tried to permanently forget that memory.

“We've been searching forever!” Soos said nervously as he started to pace. “What if the triangle guy finds the memory before we do?”

Mabel couldn’t deny that Soos was right, they had finished all the doors in this hall, and they had no idea how hard it would be to backtrack in Stan’s mind. “If we wanna find Stan's memory, we gotta think like Stan. He's always hiding stuff, right?” She asked out loud, trying to think of where the memory might be hidden.

“Yeah! Like how he hides his arrest warrants under that rug in the gift shop!” Soos said, happy that they seemed to be making progress.

“Soos, that's it!” Mabel said with a gasp as she pointed to a rug that was identical to the gift shops. “Look!” Mabel said as she pulled it away, revealing another door underneath.

Opening it quickly, they saw Stan as he kneeled in front of the safe, with the deed in his hand. “There ya go.” He said as he kissed the deed and placed it inside. “And now to input the code. 13, 44, and finally…”

 

“Dude! we found it!” Soos said as he closed the door before they could hear the final number.

“But what do we do now? Jinx!” Xyler and Craz asked as Mabel and Mikey cheered.

“Um... um... Let's just destroy the door before Bill can find it!” Mabel said looking around for something they could use.

“But how do we even destroy a memory door?” Mikey asked as he looked around the hall.

“Memory battle-ax?” Mabel asked with a shrug as she pulled said item from the hands of a display suit of armor.

“Wait!” Soos said as Mabel attempted to lift the ax over her head. “Maybe I should do it! My big fat arms are great at destroying stuff!”

“Oh, okay.” Mabel said with a shrug as she handed Soos the battle-ax.

Soos didn’t take it though, instead he stared at the door with more intensity than they had ever seen. The door began to glow with a familiar dark blue aura, and as Soos raised his arm the door followed. “That’s not good.” Mikey said as he looked at whatever was pretending to be Soos.

Just as Mikey was reaching for the amulet in his pocket, another Soos appeared from around the corner. “Hey, guys! I just saw a memory of Stan roller skating and wearing short-shorts! Didn't look... didn't look that bad!” Soos said with a laugh before he noticed himself holding the door. “Hey, something weird is goin' on here.”

The Soos that held the door in its psychic grip let out a belt of familiar, and insane, laughter, as he morphed back his triangular form. “Boy, you kids sure are gullible! I knew you'd lead me straight to the code!” Bill said as he floated them and laughed more, before abruptly stopping. “It's funny how dumb you are.” Bill somehow placed the door behind his back, where it disappeared as he continued to speak. “The combination to Stan's safe. Boy, that was even easier then I thought!”

“Oh, yeah? Well, you're a… a stink face!” Mabel said angrily as she stepped forward from where the group huddled together.

“Awesome comeback, Mabel!” Xyler yelled.

 

Mabel whirled around to glare at him. “Don't treat me like a child, Xyler.”

Mikey stepped forward as Mabel argued with Xyler and Craz. “Don’t think you’ve won yet, Bill!”

That only caused Bill to laugh harder as he flew away. “Later, suckers!”

“Come on! We've gotta save Stan!” Mabel urged as she started to follow the demon.

The others moved to follow but stopped at the sound of a voice coming from the stairs. “What's the point? Why should I save him, huh?” Dipper asked as he walked towards them with his shoulders hunched. “I work for Stan day and night and all he does in return is say he wants to get rid of me.”

“Dipper, I'm sure that's not true.” Mabel said softly as reached to comfort her brother.

“I saw it with my own eyes in one of his memories, Mabel!” Dipper snapped as he avoided her hand. “He always picked on me and now I know why. Stan hates me!”

Most of them gasped at Dipper’s outburst. Mikey didn’t, he simply stepped forward, coldly regarding his brother. “Dipper, I don’t know what you saw, and frankly, I don’t care right now. Whatever it was couldn’t have been bad enough to justify losing the Shack. This isn’t about just you and Stan, this is about all of us, the whole town even!”

“No, Mikey! I’m not fixing Stan’s problem this time.” Dipper snapped before he seemed to shrink back into himself. “You would understand if you had seen it.”

“I doubt it.” Mikey said as he brushed past his brother. “Come on guys, we need to hurry if we want to catch Bill.”

Mabel nodded still looking at Dipper sadly. Soos stopped as he passed in front of the preteen. “Dipper, you're a cool dude, but... this isn't cool, dude.”

“Let's go, Xyler.” Craz said as he followed Mabel.

Xyler happily responded. “All right, Craz!”

“Those are our names!” Craz confirmed as he smiled widely.  
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
Bill flew through the mindscape rapidly, opening every memory as he passed. His maniacal laughter was interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. Touching his slightly shaking bowtie revealed a screen on his body that displayed Gideon. “.Y'ello?” Bill said as he looked down at the screen.

“Bill!” Gideon exclaimed as he saw that the call had connected. “Did you find the memory with the combination yet?”

“Relax, short stack. I got it right here.” Bill reassured the child as he pulled the door from where ever he had put it.

“Perfect.” Gideon said with an evil giggle. “Now give it to me and we'll finish our bargain.”

“Finally! It's… you got a pen there?” Bill started before making sure the information wouldn’t be wasted. “It's 13, 44… huh?” Bill’s list of the numbers was interrupted as the glow began to glow a pale green before slamming closed and zipping to the other end of the hall.

Turning, Bill watched as the door floated to Mikey. Chuckling to himself, he gestured offhandedly causing him to slam into the nearest wall and lose his grip on the precious amulet. Still laughing to himself, he easily brought the door back and opened it again. “Did you really think that was going to work? I’m the mast…” His gloating was interrupted as Mabel, kneeling from her spot checking on her brother, fired her Nyarf gun, hitting the door and sending it spinning into one of the nearby memories. “Ah! No no no! Wait, no!” Bill pleaded as he tried to grab the memory before it was too late.

“...and none more bottomless than the bottomless pit! Which you can see here is bottomless.” Unfortunately for Bill, the memory it fell into was going to be particularly difficult to retrieve it from. “Whooh! Whatever that was, it's gone forever!” The Stan in the memory said as he watched the door disappear into the pit.

“Boom!” Mabel cheered as she high-fived her brother, who was gingerly standing up.

“Mabel did it!” The two technicolor terrors cheered together.

“The Shack is safe!” Soos joined.

Even from where they stood it was easy to hear Gideon’s angry growling. “The deal's off!”

“Wa… wait! No! Wait!” Bill pleaded as he tried to think of a way to keep his end of the deal.

“I'm switchin' to plan B!” Gideon yelled before he switched off the screen.

Before their eyes, Bill literally fell apart at the news. They didn’t have the chance to get their hopes up before he had reformed, now a glowing red instead of yellow. “YOU! You can't even imagine what you just cost me! Do you have any idea what I'm like...WHEN I'M MAD‽” Bill screamed at them as his voice deepened and distorted until it was almost unrecognizable.

They stood frozen as Bill thrust his arms into the air, causing a ring of fire to circle them, before the earth underneath them shot into the air. They stood in fear at the edge of the platform as Bill rapidly grew on the other side. “So I guess he gets really mad when he gets mad.” Soos said as he stared at Bill’s enormous form nervously.

“Yes Soos, thank you for that clarification.” Mikey shot at his friend, never taking his eyes off the giant triangle.

“EAT NIGHTMARES!” Bill screamed in that same demonic voice as he shot lightning at the group, cutting off any further banter.  
88888888888888888888888888888888888  
Dipper wandered aimlessly through the halls, not even sure if there was a door that could let him out. “Ugh! How do I get out of this place?” Dipper asked himself as he opened another memory. “Exit? Hello?” He called as he continued to check the doors. He stopped as he saw the familiar scene of him chopping wood. “Aw, this again?”

“He's a loser. He's weak. I just wanna get rid of him.” The memory repeated. Dipper sighed as he began to close the door, but stopped as he heard Stan continue. “Heh, yeah. Those are all things people said about me when I was a boy.”

“Huh?” Dipper muttered as he leaned back into the memory.

“It was terrible. I was the biggest wimp on the playground!” Stan continued, and as he spoke a memory opened behind Dipper, one of Stan when he was just a kid getting picked on by the other kids. “So one summer, my pop signs up me for boxing lessons. It was even worse than the schoolyard!” Stan said with a small laugh as another memory played.

This one showed Stan in a boxing ring, stuck underneath his opponent as he was pummeled. “Left hook!” Young Stan as he managed to punch back and seemed to gain the upperhand.

“Y'know, that time I thought my pop was trying to torture me, But wouldn't you know it? The old man was doin' me a favor all along!” Stan finished confidently.

This time the memory that opened was one of Stan standing in line at the movie theatre. “Give me that bag!” Some jerk yelled as he grabbed the purse of the girl standing behind Stan.

“Help! My purse! Help!” The girl yelled as she desperately tried to keep her grip.

Stan turned and swung at the thief, screaming, “Left hook!” as he did. The punch knocked the thug to the ground, and everyone cheered for Stan as the girl he had helped gave him a kiss.

“You see it?” The Stan in the original memory asked Soos. “That why I'm hard on Dipper. To toughen him up. So when the world fights, he fights back.”

“Do you think it's actually working?” Soos asked.

In response, Stan just pointed to where Dipper was celebrating successfully chopping his first piece of wood. “He's really comin' along! When push comes to shove, I'm actually proud of him.” Stna said affectionately. “Just... don't ever tell him that. His head is big enough as it is.”

Soos laughed at that. “That's true.”

Dipper smiled softly at Stan’s words. He placed his hand on the surface of the memory which seemed to ripple and then suck him in. Recovering from his near fall, Dipper looked up to see Stan glancing between him and the Dipper still chopping wood. To his surprise, Stan was totally calm. “Whoa, kid, what are you doin' here? Nice hole in your chest, by the way. Let's fix that up.” Stan said, pointing his finger at the hole, which immediately mended itself.

“Wh… what the… How did you do that?” Dipper stuttered as he watched the wound heal.

“Word to the wise, kid. We're in the mind!” Stan said as he created a can of Pitt soda. “You can do whatever you imagine in here!” He finished as he popped the tab with his mind before drinking the soda.

“Well, how about that?” Dipper muttered to himself as he thought about the implications. His musing was interrupted by the sounds of a battle nearby. “Oh my gosh, what am I doing? I gotta stop Bill!” He said before running from the memory as fast as he could.

“Huh, fighting back.” Stan muttered to himself with a small smile as he returned to watching his Dipper.  
88888888888888  
“One nightmare, coming up!” Bill announced as he pointed his finger at the panicking mortals.

“Nightmare? Hope it's not that British dog man I'm always dreaming about…” Soos muttered to himself as the red laser struck the ground next to him, quickly morphing into a dog man wearing a green suit and a bowler hat.

“'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! Who's crike for a stick in the pudding?” The nightmare asked, hitting Soos with his cane several times.

“It's everything I've ever feared!” Soos screamed as he ran as fast as he could.

“You!” Bill yelled, striking Mabel this time.

Mabel screamed as she felt her body morph, everything becoming gruesomely out of proportion as her skin changed to a green tint. “My cuteness! What did you do to my cuteness?” She asked in a progressively deeper voice.

Bill continued without hesitation, pointing down at Mikey. “And you!”

The beam of red light changed into a familiar totem pole, and at its base, a girl covered in dirt and plant growth repeatedly struck her head against it, always mumbling to herself. Mikey took a step back in shock at the sight, before squeezing his eyes shut and clamping his hands over his ears. “No, no, no. I fixed it. I… I know I did!” He muttered as he tried to ignore the figure.

“You're next!” Bill continued, pointing at Xyler and Craz

“Cool! We're next!” Craz said cheerily as he and Xyler began to dance. Bill didn’t hesitate as he sent them flying over the edge of the floating island, causing them to burn to ash.

“My dream boys!” Mabel screamed as she desperately tried to reach out for them.

“And now to finish you all once in for all!” Bill yelled as he prepared for one last attack.

They braced for the attack, but luckily it was soon delayed. “Hey! Bill!” Dipper yelled as he flew toward the demonic triangle.

“WHAT‽” Bill asked in a mixture of rage and genuine confusion as he turned to face the puny boy.

Dipper simply smirked at the demon. “Nice bow tie!” He yelled before blowing a hole in Bill with laser eyes.

As his friends cheered for him, Dipper quickly informed them of what he learned. “Guys! I just learned that you can conjure whatever you can conceive in Grunkle Stan's mindscape!” They looked at him blankly. “Just think of cool fighting stuff and it will happen. Like this!” He explained again as he used the eye lasers to destroy the dog man and the totem pole.

“He's dead now.” Soos said with a small laugh as he looked at the pile of ashes.

“What? Who told you that! Don't listen to him!” Bill protested as he tried to regain his footing.

“We can do anything?” Mabel asked as she morphed herself back to normal. “Like have kittens for fists?” She quickly answered her own question as her fists became kitten heads and she began to shoot them at Bill. “Po-pow! P-p-pow! Pow!” Bill screamed as the kittens latched onto him, and Mabel laughed as her kitten fists licked her face. “Well hello, friends!”

“Anything, huh? Soos love stomach beam stare!” Soos yelled, lifting up his stomach to reveal a constantly color changing question mark which fired some kind of beam that blasted Bill back.

“Enough games!” Bill yelled as he healed his damage and fired another round of lasers.

“Hamster ball shields activate!” Mabel yelled as she formed a hamster ball around herself.

“Activate!” Dipper and Soos followed suit. For the first time, Dipper noticed that Mikey was still huddled, trying desperately to block out any sight or sound. Reaching out quickly, he grabbed his brother and dragged him into the safety of the hamster ball, just in time to avoid the attack.

The laser reflected off the hamster balls, shooting back directly into Bill’s eye, blinding him. “AH! Oh, my eye! AAH!” Bill screamed as he clutched at his eye.

While Mabel ran to the edge of the island to retrieve her dream boys, Dipper knelt next to his brother, gently shaking him. “Mikey, Mikey! It’s okay, we destroyed Bill’s nightmares.”

Mikey cracked his eyes open at Dipper’s words, looking around hurriedly. “It...it’s gone? Okay…” He continued before Dipper could answer. “Okay, how are we fighting Bill.”

Still not quite sure of Mikey was okay, Dipper explained the principle to Mikey, before flying up as Bill screamed in pain from the synthesized music Xyler and Craz were playing, and Mikey quickly followed him up.

“And now to imagine your worst nightmare! A portal out of Stan's mind!” Dipper said to the weakened Bill.

“Out of Stan's mi-ind!” Mabel sang along to Xyler and Craz’s music.

“Mabel!” Dipper scolded before focusing back on Bill. “Everyone, together!”

The effect was immediately apparent as a hole appeared beneath Bill and began to suck him down. “No, no, no! Enough!” Bill screamed, thrusting his arms out and forcing everything into a pure uniform white space, returning to his yellow color at the same time. “You know, I've been impressed with you guys. You are more clever than you look. Especially the fat one.” Bill said in a much calmer voice.

Soos turned to Mabel and poked her softly. “He's talking about you!”

“Soos!” Mikey said incredulously. “You’re not supposed to tell her!”

“Oh, right, sorry.” He quickly apologized before returning his attention to Bill.

“So I'm gonna let you kids off the hook. You might come in handy later. BUT KNOW THIS: A darkness approaches. A day will come in the future when everything you care about will change! Until then I'll be watching you! I'LL BE WATCHING YOU... “ Bill said as he slowly disappeared, leaving them alone in Stan’s mind.

“He's gone! we did it!” Dipper cheered along with everyone before they started to disappear. “Stan must be waking up.”

“Will I ever see you guys again?” Mabel asked her dream boys as she slowly faded away.

“In your dreams.” Craz said sincerely.

Xyler smiled and nodded. “Good one, bro. Good one.”  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888  
The gang woke up in the living room at the same time, right where they remembered leaving their bodies. “We did it!” MAbel cheered as she looked at the den of the Shack.

“What? Did what? What are you all doing here? And why was I dreaming of two brightly colored and radical young men?” Stan asked as he sat up in his recliner.

“Grunkle Stan! You're okay!”Dipper said happily, hopping into the chair and giving the old man a hug.

Stna looked down at Dipper in confusion. “What is this, a hug?”

“Nope!” Dipper corrected as he crawled behind Stan. “It's a choke hold.”  
Mabel, Mikey and Soos laughed as Dipper choked his uncle and when he let go Stan was laughing too. “Not bad, kid. Not bad.”

“I'm just glad Gideon didn't get into the safe. I really love this old shack.” Mabel said, which was something they could all agree on.

“Group hug!” Soos asked, pausing when no one responded. “No? I never know the right time!”

They all started to laugh, but were quickly interrupted by a loud rumbling and the Shack shaking. “Hey, do you guys feel...?” Dipper started to ask, before an explosion blew them all across the room, where they landed in a crumpled heap..

“Oh, I'm sorry, Pines family. Did I wake you?” Gideon asked as he walked out of the new hole in the Shack’s wall, carrying the deed.

“But.. we defeated Bill!” Dipper protested as he tried to wrap his now probably concussed head around it.

“Bill failed me! So I switched to plan B: dynamite!” Gideon explained with an evil laugh.

“What? Bill? Who? What are you guys talking about?” Stan asked as he tried to piece together what happened.

“Spoiler alert, Stanford! I've got the deed!”The Mystery Shack belongs to me! So get out of my property!” Gideon screamed before speaking into a transceiver. “Daddy? Bring it around the front.”

“Don't worry, guys! It's just part of the dream! We're gonna wake up any second now! Right? Right?” Dipper asked hopefully. His optimism was destroyed as they heard another rumble outside.

Following the sound they watched as Bud Gleeful sent a wrecking ball through the Mystery Shack’s sign. They all watched in horror as they wreckage crashed down around them, and they recognized it for what it was: an end to summer as they knew it.


	23. Gideon Rises

The sun rose over the small town of Gravity Falls, creating a picturesque sight as its citizens went about their day. But even still, he couldn't help but feel that something was off about today. The sound of Gideon's laughter confirmed his suspicions, but that knowledge gave him no comfort as he watched the wrecking ball crash into what he had come to think of as home…

Dipper shot up in his bed, barely choking back a scream. He let out a sigh of relief as he realized everything was ok, and turned to his sister. “I just had a horrible dream that Gideon stole the deed to the Mystery Shack, and kicked us out, and... we all had to move in with Soos' grandma?” He paused slightly as he finished, finally noticing that his surroundings weren't familiar.

“That was no dream, dude.” Soos said from his seat in his grandmother’s living room. Dipper responded to the gentle reminder by screaming his head off, waking everyone else up in the process.

“Shh. Por favor.” The soft admonishment came from Soos’ grandmother, who sat quietly in her armchair.

Dipper quickly shut his mouth and settled back into his bed. “Uh, sorry, Abuelita.”

“Oh, Soos, your grandma is so adorable!” Mabel giggled from her spot next to the armchair. “And her skin is old lady soft.” She continued as she reached out to touch Abuelita’s arm.

“Mabel, quit being creepy! The news is finally on.” Stan snapped as he eagerly waited for any word of the Mystery Shack.

Luckily, it seemed that Gideon’s recent acquisition was the only news worth reporting. “In a movement that has all of Gravity Falls buzzing, child psychic Gideon Gleeful has taken surprise ownership of the Mystery Shack,” Sandra Jimenez stated as a picture Gideon playing with flashed on the screen. “previously belonging to area shyster, Stanford Pines.” The file photo of Stan was much less flattering, featuring him in a red devil costume on a background of flames.

“That picture's taken out of context.” Stan muttered as the family continued to watch.

The camera focused back on Shandra as she turned to Gideon. “Now that you have the shack, what exactly are you planning to do with it?”

“I have a big announcement to make today, and I'd like to cordially invite all the good people of Gravity Falls to join me.” Gideon said gleefully. “Free admission to anyone who wears their Gideon pins! It's my face!”

Dipper sighed as the news went to commercial. “I just can't believe Gideon beat us. Normally I'm able to save the day. This is all my fault.”  
“Okay, first of all, we normally save the day.” Mikey said with an eye roll, before slinging his arm over Dipper’s shoulders and continuing much more cheerily. “And secondly, we’re not beat yet, we’ll teach Gideon a lesson soon enough.”

“Yeah Dipper,” Mabel chimed in. “I'll defeat Gideon with my grappling hook!”

“Mabel, no offense, but that grappling hook has literally never helped us once.” Dipper said as he watched Mabel pose proudly.

“Oh yeah?” Mabel countered. “Jelly grab!” She yelled as she fired the grappling hook at a glass jar of jelly, which, to no one’s surprise, shattered and splattered jelly over the walls.

“I vacuum the walls now.” Abuelita said quietly as she grabbed the hand vacuum and started to try to clean the jelly.

“So you lost the Shack. Look on the bright side, dudes!” Soos said happily as he sat down in front of a toy race track. “Now you get to live here with me, Soos! Hey, anyone want to play race cars? They're out of batteries but we can make pretend.” Soos choked as he coughed up two pieces of cereal. “Would that be a new low if I ate that?” Soos asked before laughing to himself. “I'm just kidding, I'm totally eating it!”

Stan turned away as quickly as he could. “We gotta get the Shack back.”  
8  
“Hello, Gravity Falls!” Gideon greeted the crowd as he stepped onto the stage.

 

“Gideon is the psychic-est.” Lazy Susan raved form her place at the front of the crowd. “He guessed the secret ingredient to my coffee omelet!”

“Somehow he knew about my horrifying secret birthmark!” Toby Determined said as he nodded his agreement.

“I love that child psychic so much!” Manly Dan cried as he grabbed Blubs and Durland in a massive bear hug.

“You're chokin' me!” Blubs managed to croak out as he lightly tapped the giant man’s arm.

Durland was faring much worse as his face began to turn purple. “Grandma, is that you?”

And in the back of the crowd, a quintet wearing dark trench coats, silently strode in, keeping careful watch to make sure they weren’t spotted. “We're in.” Dipper said as they stopped at the back of the crowd.

“Just gonna say it, I don't know what we're doing here, but I'm loving these fake mustaches.” Mabel said as she played with the only fake mustache anyone had, her own.

"If anyone asks, I'm not Soos.” Soos as he pointed to the same hat he wore every day, which now a piece of paper taped to it which read “Not Soos.”

The noise of the crowd began to die down as Gideon stepped forward.“Ladies and gentlemen! Today I am delighted to announce my plans for the former Mystery Shack. I give you... Gideonland!” Gideon said as he slid a sheet off a table to reveal a scale model theme park, complete with a giant statue of Gideon.

“What‽” The Pines family said together. They knew that Gideon had some plan for the Shack, but turning it into his own theme park was worse than anything they expected.

“We're gonna turn this dirty ol' shack into three square miles of Gideon-tertainment.” Gideon continued before gesturing just off stage where his father stood. “And introducin' our new mascot, Lil' Gideon Jr.!” Bud pulled another sheet to the side and revealed Waddles dressed up in a Gideon costume. “Boom, he's a pig!” Gideon said to cheers from the crowd.

Mabel gasped at the sight of what they had done to her best friend. “Waddles! You monster!” She said as she glared up at Gideon.

“Alright, that's it!” Stan yelled as he pulled off the disguise and charged through the crowd and onto the stage. “Listen up, people. Gideon's a fraud!” Stan told the crowd as he pushed Gideon away from the podium. “This kid broke in and stole my property!”

“He's just trying to take over the town!” Mikey yelled his agreement.

Mabel was quick to chime in. “Arrest him, officers!”

“Yeah!”

“Such accusations!” Gideon said with the most shocked look he could muster. “Mr. Pines, I recall you gave the property to me. Look, here's the deed right here.”

“Well, that's all the proof I need to see.” Blind said with hardly a glance at the deed.

“I love you, Lil' Gideon!” Durland hooted eagerly. “Sing them funny songs!”

Gideon smiled smugly at the Pines as he snapped his fingers. That was the signal for a pair of guards to “escort” them of the premises. “Hey!” Mabel yelled as the first grabbed her by the arm. 

Mikey's angry charge was stopped short as the other guard yanked him back by the shoulders. “Let her go!” He cried as the guards used their free hands to deal with the others.

“Now get off my property, old man!” Gideon said with a nasty smile as he slapped one of the pins on Stan.

“I'll show you who's the old man!” Stan yelled before flinching back as a horrible noise assaulted his ears. “Ow, my hearing aid! Ow!”

“Thanks for visiting Gideonland, friends!” Gideon yelled cheerfully as the bodyguards dragged them through the gate. “Don't come back, I don't care for y'all.”

Fortunately, the hired muscle left them alone once they were outside the fence, and they turned to watch as Gideon continued to butter up the crowd. “Don't worry, guys. We'll get the shack back somehow.” Dipper said, though his voice lacked his usual confidence.

“We better.” Wendy said as she walked out of the woods and leaned next to them. “If I can't work at the Shack, my dad's gonna force me to move upstate to work at my cousin's logging camp.”

Dipper gaped at her. “What? You're leaving town? But we need you here!” He said desperately.

“Yeah, especially Dipper because of his giant crush on…” Soos started before noticing the burning glare that Dipper was sending him. “...you... calyptus trees! The kid loves eucalyptus trees!” Soos said quickly, laughing nervously to himself. “Saved it!” 

Mikey rolled his eyes at the horrible save, which didn’t go unnoticed by Wendy. She winked at him as they shared a slight smirk.

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of bad music as something made its way through the underbrush. “Oh man, guys. Don't look now.” Wendy said as she turned to mount her bike.

“Take me back, Wendy!” Robbie yelled as he walked into the open while carrying a boombox over his head. “My arms are too skinny to keep holding this boombox forever!”

 

“I was never here.” Wendy told them as she rode her bike away.

She wasn’t quite quick enough to prevent Robbie from seeing her. He did his best to chase her, calling after her the whole time. “Have you been getting my texts? Do I need to send you more texts? Wendy!”  
88  
At Soos’ house, any trace of hope seemed to have left as everyone fretted over what to do. “This is not good. I cannot feed such a big family.” Abuelita said from her chair as she watched the many new additions to her house attempt to figure out a plan.

“Where are we gonna stay?” Mabel asked worriedly as she looked through her luggage. “Where am I gonna put all my sweaters?”

“What's Stan gonna tell Mom and Dad?” Dipper asked, looking down at his hands.

“Look, guys, I know this is bad right now, but I know there’s some way to get the Shack back,” Mikey said, doing his best to comfort his siblings. “We just can’t give up.” 

 

“Mr. Pines will figure something out. He always does.” Soos agreed with a nod.

In the kitchen, Stan did his best to reassure their parents. “Don't worry, your kids are fine. Where're we staying? Uh, I put 'em up in this amazing four-star hotel!” Stan said as he watched a cockroach catch fire after touching an exposed wire. “What, uh, sure we got plenty to eat.” Stan said as he looked through the near empty refrigerator. “Relax, if I thought I couldn't take care of these kids, I'd send them back right away. Uh huh, you too.” Stan finished, breathing a sigh of relief as he placed the phone down.

“Grunkle Stan, can we order pizza?” Mabel yelled from the living room, to sounds of agreement from everyone else. Stan only sighed as he checked his empty pockets again.  
888  
Gideon sat at a desk in the room he had claimed as his home, looking through his Journal for any more clues. His intense concentration was broken by the sound of Waddles attempting to escape through the window. “You!” Gideon snapped as he turned to the pig and blew into a dog whistle. “Back to your corner!” Waddles obeyed as quickly as he could, shivering and eyeing Gideon warily.

“I've been meaning to ask you, boy.” Bud said as he walked into the room carrying his sad clown painting. “Shouldn't you be celebratin' Gideonland instead of stickin' your head in that there book all day?”

“Father, have I ever told you the true nature of this book?” Gideon asked as he admired the Journal. “It was written many years ago by a brilliant unknown author who learned secrets too powerful for one man. He hid his journals where he thought no one would ever find 'em.” Gideon continued while he looked through the Journal. “Because he knew that if the journals were ever bought together, they would unleash a gateway to unimaginable power. Codes and maps had led me to believe that the other book is buried somewhere on this very property, and I intend to find it!”

“So that's why you wanted the Mystery Shack.” Bud said thoughtfully once his son had finished.

“That's right, father,” Gideon said as he grabbed a shovel. “it's time to begin the search for the other journal!”  
8888  
“Go red car!” Mabel cheered on the immobile race cars that she, her brothers and Soos sat around.

“Go other red car!” Soos said as he stared raptly at the toy track. 

“This would be a lot more fun with batteries.” Dipper said offhandedly.

“Or if they moved at all.” Mikey agreed. In response, Soos tapped one of the cars and sent about halfway around the track before it gently nudged the other one. “Riveting.” Mikey said with a huff as he flopped onto his back.

He was the first to see Stan walk into the room, and sat up when he saw the expression on his grunkle’s face. “Kids, we've got to talk.” Stan started nervously, looking down at his niece and nephews. “Look I've been thinking and... I can't take care of you anymore. I don't have house or a job. The plan is, you're goin' home. Your bus leaves tomorrow, here are your tickets.” Stan said this all as rapidly as he could, and quickly shoved the tickets into their hands.

“But Grunkle Stan, you can't give up!” Dipper protested, standing up from his place on the floor.

“Yeah dude, look at these faces!” Soos quickly agreed as he nudged Mabel. “Be cuter Mabel! Your summer depends on it!”

“Look, I lost, okay?” Stan said with a deep set frown. “The best thing is for you to be with your parents. Sorry kids, Gideon won. Summer's over.” Stan finished with a sigh before walking from the room.

“Mr. Pines!” Soos yelled as he stood up and chased after his now former boss. “RECONSIDER!” 

 

“Okay, this is ridiculous.” Mikey said as he glared at the ticket in his hand. “I think we need to go have a chat with Gideon.”

“Yeah!” Mabel agreed as she shot up from her seat. “He may have the upper hand, but we have something he doesn't.” She said with a knowing smirk. 

 

“The Journal!” Dipper crowed as he pulled it from his vest.

At the same time Mabel had pulled her own tool from her sweater. “A grappling hoo... oh. The Journal... Journal!” She corrected herself with a wide smile.  
88888  
The triplets lurked outside the fence that now surrounded the Mystery Shack, eyeing Gideon's security warily. “Alright, the bus to take us out of Gravity Falls comes at sundown. If we wanna stay in town we've got to get past those guards, make it through the fence, and get Gideon to hand over that deed.” Dipper said as he tried to think of a plan.

“Leave that to Mabel.” His sister said confidently as she aimed the grappling hook at a branch on the other side of the fence. “Wa-chaw!”

 

“Ah!” Dipper yelled as the hook ricocheted off the branch and into his head. “Now will you admit the grappling hook is useless‽” He asked angrily as the rubbed the rapidly forming knot on his head.

“Nope!” Mabel assured him cheerily as she reloaded the grappling hook.

“Okay.” Dipper sighed with a roll of his eyes as he pulled the Journal out. “What can we use to defeat Gideon?” He asked himself as he started to flip through the pages.

“You know, I could just sneak in there and have a ‘talk’ with Gideon by myself.” Mikey said as he leaned over Dipper’s shoulder.

“But what if you get caught?” Mabel immediately protested against the idea of her brother going in alone.

“Mabel’s right, Gideon could just have you arrested the second he saw you.” Dipper said with a firm shake of his head. “No. There has to be something in the journal. Let’s see… Barf Fairy?”

“Yeah!” Mabel cheered eagerly.

“Nope. Butternut Squash with a Human Face and Emotions?” Dipper asked as he continued to flip through the pages.

“Yeah!”

“Nope.” Dipper rejected the idea again as he flipped the page. “Pixies? Maybe…” He said thoughtfully before he was interrupted by Mikey flipping the pages randomly.

“Definitely not.” Mikey said firmly when his brother turned to glare at him. Dipper muttered something under his breath before returning to the Journal.

“Whoa, what's this?” Mabel stopped him as he came upon a page covered in strange designs and several ciphers.

“I’ve stared at this page for hours.” Dipper started to explain as he began to intently study the page again. “It seems like a blueprint to build some kind of strange futuristic super-weapon…”

“BORING!” Mabel yelled once she realized it had nothing to do with their situation. “To defeat those guards we need some kind of army.”

“... Wait a minute! An army!” Dipper exclaimed excitedly. “Mabel, that's it! The gnomes!”

“Are you sure? We aren't exactly on the best of terms with them.” Mikey said with a raised eyebrow as Mabel nervously pulled at the collar of her sweater.

“Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?” Dipper asked as he headed into the woods.  
888888  
“I think this is their hiding spot.” Dipper said as the trio walked into a large clearing.

“I wonder what Gnomes do out here all alone in the forest?” Mabel asked half to herself as they looked for signs of the small men.

Her question was almost immediately answered in the worst possible way as they rounded a tree. “Do do do…” Jeff sang to himself as he bathed himself in a bathtub full of squirrels. He let out a startled yelp when he saw the Pines. “This... this is normal. This is normal for gnomes.” He said slowly as he scrubbed his armpit with the squirrel he held in his hand. “Scrub scrub.”

 

“For some reason, I doubt that.” Mikey said to himself with a grimace as he and his siblings tried to bleach the memory from their minds.

“Well, well, well. Look who came crawlin' back. Take five, Chris.” Jeff said as the siblings stepped forward, the squirrel he had been holding scurrying away. “You guys keep doin' what you're doin'. So, changed your mind about marryin' me, did ya, Mabel?”

“Ew, hardly.” Mabel said, newly disgusted by the idea. “We need your help. And seriously, ew!”

“You want our help? After you left me at the alter? No dice!” Jeff raged.

 

“Actually, Jeff, that’s what we wanted to talk to you about.” Mikey stepped in, successfully keeping his own anger at the audacity of the gnome in check. “What if we could get you a new queen?”

“Yeah, one even more beautiful than me.” Mabel agreed.

Dipper smiled as he finished laying the bait. “Her name's Gideon, and she has lovely white hair.”

“Whoa. Mature woman, huh?” The gnome asked with a raised eyebrow before smirking and calling into the woods. “Hey Shmebulock, get my cologne!”

“Shmebulock!” Shmebulock said triumphantly as he quickly walked out of the woods holding the bottle.

“Is Shmebulock all you can say?” Jeff asked with a huff of annoyance.

The other gnome paused to consider before nodding gravely. “Shmebulock…”

By the time Shmebulock answered, Jeff had forgotten the question and was smiling at the triplets. “It's a deal!” He said cheerily, shaking hands with the trio.  
8888888  
In Greasy’s Diner, Stan moped at the counter, moping over the defeat that forced him to send the triplets home. “Waiter, give me a glass of the strongest most expired apple cider you've got.” Stan said without looking up.

“Sure thing, Mr. Pines.” Sis said as he filled up a glass and set it before his former boss.

“Soos?” Stan asked as his head shot up. “What are you doing here?”

“Since the Mystery Shack shut down, I've had to take on a bunch of part-time jobs.” Soos explained as he cleaned out a glass. “Grave digger, bus driver, really awesome cook…” He trailed as he turned to look into the kitchen. “Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?” Soon asked as he stared at the sea of fire that filled the kitchen. To Stan's relief, he didn't have to answer for Soos to grab a fire extinguisher.

Stan let out another sigh as Soos fought the fire. “You're a good man-child, Soos, but it's not lookin' good. This whole town loves Gideon and hates me. If only they knew how evil he really was!”

Soos smiled sadly before placing a hand on Stan's shoulder. “Hey, I'm here for you, dude.”

“The entire lower half of your body is on fire.” Stan said in a mixture of irritation disbelief as he stared at Soos.

“Shh,” Soos hushed Stan as he pat his back. “We're having a moment…”  
88888888  
Gideon muttered angrily as he slid again on the muddy ground outside the Mystery Shack. Normally, he wouldn’t have come out himself, but he didn’t dare send anyone else to look for the Journal. Getting mud on his suite was just a necessary danger. “Where are you, Journal?” He asked aloud as he drove the shovel into the earth again. “Where are you!”

“Boy, I hate to interrupt you, but you have some guests.” Bud said with a nervous smile.

“What!” Gideon yelled as he threw his shovel down. Bud flinched away from the shovel and was quick to lead his son to the locked gate, where two of Gideon’s bodyguards met them.

“Give us the deed to the shack, Gideon, or else.” Dipper said as he glared at Gideon through the fence.

Gideon chuckled to himself and rolled his eyes at the never ending audacity of the Pines family. “Am I supposed to say, Or else what?" He asked the livid siblings sarcastically.

“Yes, you are supposed to say that.” Mabel said angrily before yelling as loud as she could. “Now!”

Gideon’s confidant smirk disappeared rapidly as his hired muscle fell to the ground with gnomes lodged in their backs, and his look of confusion quickly turned to terror as a wave of gnomes smashed through the fence. “You're surrounded by an unstoppable gnome army, now give us back our deed and get off our property!” Dipper yelled as he and Mabel approached the circle of gnome that surrounded Gideon and Mikey.

“Personally, I’d say the gnomes are the least of your problems.” Mikey said matter-of-factly as he shook the younger boy by the collar.

 

“Let the marriage ceremony begin!” Jeff shouted happily as he moved towards Gideon.

 

“Okay, Okay! J...just let me…” Gideon stuttered out as he reached inside his jacket. He quickly grabbed the only thing that might get him out of this situation.

Most of the gnomes fell to their knees and clutched their ears as they tried to block out the horrible. “Stop! We'll do anything!” Jeff begged as he turned to Gideon. “How may we…”

He was cut off when Gideon urgently screamed as Mikey reeled back. “Stop them!”

The fight, if it could even be called that, was ended quickly as two gnomes rammed into Mikey and forced him and siblings to kneel in front of Gideon. Gideon took a moment to collect himself before turning back to the struggling mass of gnomes and children. “I have to admit, kids, I am impressed by your creativity! How did you ever…”

Gideon cut himself off as Dipper’s struggling caused the Journal to fall out from underneath his vest. “Oh no!” Dipper yelped as he struggled to pick the book back up.

“No!” Gideon gasped as he stared at the familiar red binding. “ Could it be? Is it?” He breathlessly whispered as he picked the Journal up. “Of course! It all makes sense! The one place I'd never think to look! You had it the whole time! And to think I actually considered you a threat!” Gideon taunted as he turned back towards the triplets.

“No! Give it back!” Dipper cried as he struggled to grab the Journal. Despite how hard he tried, he wasn’t able to break free of the gnomes, and Gideon was easily able to sidestep him.

“Every victory you had was because of your precious book!” Gideon continued to taunt while Dipper struggled.

“Give it back or I'll…” Dipper attempted to threaten before he was cut off by a derisive laugh from Gideon.

“Or you'll what, boy? You'll what? Huh? Huh? No muscles. No brains. Face it! You're nothin' without this!” Gideon yelled at Dipper before turning back towards Gideonland. “Bye bye forever, y'all!” Gideon called back before whistling again, signalling the gnomes to cart the triplets into the forest.  
888888888  
Several minutes later, the gnomes had finally dropped the siblings and were fleeing into forest. “Next time, do your own dirty work!” Jeff yelled at them before gesturing to a trio of squirrels. “Come on boys!” The squirrels jumped into Jeff’s pants as he joined his subjects.

“Well, that's it. Guess the bus should be here soon.” Dipper said as he stared at the ground.

“What‽” Mabel yelled. “Dipper, don't give up! You always have a plan!”

Mikey quickly supported his sister. “Yeah, besides it’s not like that was a complete waste.”

Dipper gave his brother a frustrated glare. “In what way was that not a complete waste?”

Mikey smirked as he pulled out a small silver key on a chain. “This was around Gideon’s neck, I figure it most be important for something.”

Dipper’s eyes lit up for a split second before he scowled and returned his gaze to the ground. “So what? We don’t know what that key goes to, how we’d get to whatever it is, or if it would even help us get the Shack back!”

Mikey frowned, stepped back from Dipper, and slipped the chain back into his pocket. Mabel didn’t seem to get the hint though. “Come on Dipper! You have to have some sort of pl…”

“No!” Dipper cut her off sharply. “The journal always has a plan! Think about it, Gideon was right. The only courageous or cool things I've ever done have been because of that journal. Without it, I can't help any of us.”

“There's gotta be something we can do.” Mabel said as she slumped onto the grass next to Dipper.

“What can we do?” Dipper said sadly as he turned to face her.

Mikey sighed and turned to look back at the fence around Gideonland. “I do have one idea.” His sibling's heads turned toward expectantly. “I don’t think either of you will like it though…”  
8888888888  
The triplets nervously watched as the doors of the bus opened in front of them. “Bus 52, departing Gravity Falls, all aboard.” The driver announced. They entered the bus and slowly walked to the back.

 

“Sorry kids, it's for the best.” Stan said from outside their window as the bus rolled away. Looking through the rear window, they watched as Stan, Wendy, Candy, and Grenda grew farther away.

They sat in silence until the bus stopped at a red light. “Okay, we have to go now.” Mikey said as he pulled their window open.

“Wait.” Dipper said as he grabbed Mikey’s wrist. “This is stupid, we don’t even have a real plan! We’re gonna get caught and…”

“Look, Dipper,” Mikey interrupted. “This is what we have to work with, and I’m not ready to give up yet, are you?” Dipper looked back at the driver before sighing and crawling through the open window and onto the sidewalk, quickly followed by his siblings.  
88888888888  
“I've got it! I finally got it!” Gideon cheered as he walked into the den of the Mystery Shack. As he walked to his desk, he realized that both of his parents and turned to them angrily. “Get out!” His mother and father rushed from the room, hoping to avoid his anger. Once he was sure they had left, he eagerly placed the journal on the desk. “It's finally mine! At last, I have journal number…” He paused as he looked down at the familiar six-fingered hand with it’s number inked in its center. “Three‽ There are THREE of them? But where is journal number one?” Gideon muttered to himself hitting the table angrily. “I must have all three for the power to be unlocked! But where could It…” He trailed off as the obvious struck him. “Dipper! He must know where it is! He gave me the third one and kept the first for himself!” Gideon ranted angrily, pulling out his hair as he realized where Dipper was right now. “I can't let him leave Gravity Falls!” Grabbing both of the journals, Gideon ran out and looked for the crazy old man he had hired to build his newest weapon. “You there!” Gideon yelled, spotting the man on the shoulder of the giant statue of himself. “Is it ready?”

“Is it?” McGucket asked excitedly before laughing wildly to himself long after any humor in that statement had died. When he finally finished, he scrutinized the robot intensely before looking back down at Gideon. “Eh, no.”

“WHAT‽” Gideon screamed at the old man, causing him to flinch back and scurry over the robot’s shoulder.

“Now calm down boy,” Bud said quickly in an attempt to avert a real tantrum. “After the fire, we just couldn’t afford all the parts you needed, it should be finished in just a few weeks.”

Gideon couldn’t contain his rage any longer. “You old FOOL! Do you realize what you've done?” He ranted as he stalked toward his father. “We need to catch the Pines now!” When Bud merely flinched back instead of doing anything to fix the situation, Gideon exploded again. “GO GET THE CAR!! Now! Git, git!” Gideon continued to scream as his father ran to the carport.

Just beyond the fence of their property, Mikey smirked at his brother while Gideon loaded into the car and sped off. “I told you there would be an opportunity.”

“That was dumb luck and you know it.” Dipper complained as the three began to scale the fence.

“Sure.” Mikey agreed as he jumped from the fence. “But I did have a plan, and it would’ve worked.” Dipper opened his mouth to reply when Mikey started running for the Shack. Shaking his head with a small smile, he and Mabel quickly joined their brother. A few moments after they came to a stop next him, Mikey had the door open and was holding it open for them. “Showtime.”  
88888888  
Stan sighed as he settled in on the couch, finally allowing himself to feel his grief over having to send the triplets home. “Well Stan, this is it. Rock bottom. No friends, no family, stuck watching infomercials for whatever that is…” Stan muttered to himself as abuelita brushed and began vacuuming the curtains. “How did you do it, kid? Why are you always one step ahead?” Stan asked himself as he picked the Gideon pin that had been forced into his hands. “Maybe he really is psychic after…” His words were cut off by a scream as a grating shriek of interference cut through his thoughts. “My hearing aid! What keeps causing that?” Stan grunted angrily as he glared at the Gideon pin. The answer to all of his questions came to him at once. “Wait a minute! That's it! I know Gideon's weakness!”

Stan shot up out of the chair as Abuelita approached him with tea. “Would Mr. Pines like a…” Her question remained unasked as Stan grabbed and kissed her happily before running out the door. She stared after him for a moment before turning back to the kitchen. “I go vacuum my face.” She said quietly before walking back into the kitchen.  
888888888888  
Soos slammed on the brakes as the familiar car slid to a stop in front of him. He nervously stared as Bud and Gideon climbed out of the car, and did his to mentally prepare himself for whatever they wanted. “I’m sorry for any inconvenience,” Bud said as Soos opened the doors for him. “But we have need for a few of your passen…”

“Out of the way!” Gideon shouted as he squeezed past his father and onto the bus. “Where are they?” He snapped at Soos.

“Where is who, dude?” Soos asked nervously. He’d already been fired from three jobs today, and he really didn’t want another incident.

“The Pines, you idiot!” Gideon yelled while staring daggers at Soos.

“Oh,” Soos said, relieved he could actually answer the question. “They’re right back… there?” Soos finished uncertainly as he looked into the back and realized the bus was completely empty. Gideon stormed into the back, checking every seat as he passed, and screamed with rage after not finding single Pines there. “Oh man,” Soos said under his breath. “Mr. Pines is gonna kill me.”  
8888888888888  
Their inspection of the lower floors of the Mystery Shack hadn’t given them anything useful, and they were all starting to worry about how much longer they had before Gideon would return.

“What are we even looking for, Mikey?” Dipper asked, the frustration clear in his voice.

“I don’t know, the deed would be nice.” Mikey said as he looked through a desk the Gleefuls had brought in. “Or anything to prove that Gideon is a liar.” Finding nothing in the desk, he ran his fingers through his hair and leaned against the wall. “I can’t believe we haven’t found anything! And Gideon could be back any minute!”

“We still haven’t checked the attic.” Mabel broke in, hopefully.

Mikey nodded and headed for the stairs. “Right, let’s be fast.”

Dipper and Mabel followed him closely as he ran up the stairs until they came to another locked door, another door that Gideon’s key didn’t open. After picking the lock, the three of them slipped inside and began to search.

“Waddles!” Mabel shrieked gleefully as she stepped into the room and spotted the pig trying to hide in the corner. Waddles raced forward and jumped into her arms as Dipper and Mikey began to search the room.

Unfortunately, their search turned up nothing but a scale model of the Mystery Shack complete with crude carvings of themselves and Stan. “He must have kept the deed with him.” Mabel said despondently as she slumped against the wall with Waddles.

“Or he keeps it wherever this key goes.” Mikey said with a slight frown as he gripped the key and its chain. “We just have to keep searching.”

Mabel sighed as she pulled Waddles closer. “But we’ve looked everywhere.”

“Not everywhere.” Dipper corrected, pointing out the window to the base of the statue. Mikey and Mabel quickly joined him at the window, and saw it, a small door leading into the statue.

The excitement they felt at finally getting back the deed died quickly at the sound of tires skidding across gravel. They crowded against the window as they heard the front door slam open and Gideon’s yells reached their ears. “I’ll get those Pines if it’s the last thing I do!”  
88888888888888  
Gideon marched up the stairs to his new room, ready to start looking through the book for a way to find the triplets that had caused him such trouble. Stepping through the door, he watched as the pig ran away from the open window to its corner. Gideon glared at the window, sure it had been closed when he left. Walking to it he looked out making sure that the door in the statue was still closed. He cast his gaze around once more, before pulling his head inside and closing the window. Still, he decided, there was something strange going on.  
888888888888888  
About two feet above the window, the Pines held awkwardly onto Mabel’s grappling hook and breathed a sigh of relief when Gideon finally closed the window. 

“Mabel, that was amazing!” Dipper said as the hook lowered them to the ground.

Mikey nodded with a smile. “Yeah, that was great thinking.”

Mabel smiled as she brandished her grappling hook proudly. “I told you it would save us.” Her smile faltered as she remembered the one problem she hadn’t solved. “But we had to leave Waddles.”

“We’ll come back for him Mabel, don’t worry.” Mikey said, placing a hand on her shoulder before turning to face the metal door. “But first we need to find the deed.”

Dipper and Mabel followed as their brother walked to the steel door. The key fit easily into the lock, and the door opened smoothly revealing, a dark room and a staircase that lead up into the belly of the statue. Their eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light as they stepped inside and quickly searched the small room. On one wall of the room, a bank of monitors sat silently and on the other was a small workbench, empty except for what appeared to be the arm sleeve of a homemade motion capture suit.

“What is all this?” Mikey muttered as he searched desperately for a hidden compartment that Gideon might have hidden the deed in.

“I don't know,” Mabel said as she hugged herself against a sudden chill. “but it’s crazy creepy.”

The search lasted only a few minutes before they decided that any hidden secrets would have already been found in the cramped space. “It’s not here,” Mikey said with a heavy sigh. "looks like Gideon won.”

While Mikey scowled at the ground and Mabel did her best to hold back a sudden onslaught of tears, Dipper looked hard at the monitor bank. “Maybe he hasn’t yet.” Dipper started as he stepped up to the control panel. “I mean, these have to be used for something, right? Maybe whatever it is will convince everyone that Gideon really is evil!” Dipper’s excitement mounted as he spoke, and it proved infectious as his siblings crowded around him newly filled with hope.

Unfortunately, that hope was quickly mixed with fear as a sickeningly sweet shout came from outside. “Oh, Pines! I know y’all are out here!”

“Are you sure you can find something?” Mikey asked quickly as he stepped towards the door.

“Of course, how hard could it be?” The nervous smile on Dipper’s face did little to convince any of them, but they had to trust their brother.

Mikey gave him a short nod and turned to his sister. “Come on Mabel, we need to move.”

“What?” Mabel half shouted. “We can’t leave Dipper behind!”

“We’re not leaving him behind,” Mikey said as he grabbed her wrist. “We’re his distraction.” In the blink of an eye, Mikey had pulled his sister through the door and closed it behind them. Dipper turned towards the panel with an anxious determination.  
8888888888888888  
Running out from under the shadow of the statue, Mikey ran towards the sound of Gideon’s voice with Mabel following close behind, both doing their best to silence the voice screaming about what a stupid idea this was. Turning a corner, they skidded to a stop amidst piles of scrap metal, clearly intended for use in the statue. Just in front of them, Gideon stood calmly/ arm behind his back, his smile widening as they came into sight. “Ah, my marshmalla, and Michael! I knew you two were here, but where’s Little Dipper? Too scared to come?”

MIkey glanced around warily. As far as he could tell Mabel and he had every advantage, but the way Gideon smirked set him on edge. Looked like it was time to do what he did best, lie through his teeth. “Sorry Dipper couldn’t make it, he’s busy hiding the deed somewhere safe.” He did his best to keep his pose calm and confident, even if Gideon saw through the words of the lie it would help him on edge, and that was exactly what they needed right now.

Gideon’s smile faltered for just a moment before he reached into his jacket. “Oh, Michael, Do you think I’m a fool? The deed to the Shack is right here.” Gideon held up the rolled sheet of paper triumphantly. HIs smile fell much more permanently as a blue glow surrounded the paper.

On the other end of the small clearing, Mikey smirked as he felt the amulet pulse in his hand. Snatching the deed out of the air as it flew out of Gideon’s hand, he smiled at the younger boy. “Just for the record, I do think you’re a fool.”

“Booyah!” Mabel cheered, bouncing with excitement. “Looks like we win, Gideon!”

Gideon’s face changed from a look of pure rage to a nasty sneer as he chuckled softly to himself. “Oh, Mabel, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Gideon’s quiet chuckle turned into a maniacal laugh as he pulled his arm from behind his back. The arm was covered in the other sleeve of the motion capture suit, and in its hand was a small remote control. The siblings jumped as, with a press of the button, two engines roared to life behind them. They watched in wide-eyed horror as a massive arm rose from the heaps of scrap around them and mimed Gideon’s movements. Mabel was the only one who could hear Mikey’s voice over the din of the engines and Gideons laughter. “Oh boy.”  
88888888888888888  
Dipper stared intently at the panel in front of him. He had seen panels like this before and had a vague idea of how to use one. Still, he was running off guesswork here, and that terrified him. Taking a steadying breath, Dipper reached for the largest button on the board. He tensed after pressing it, and let out a sigh of relief as a single monitor came to life in front of him. Now came the hard part. “PLEASE ENTER PASSWORD” was written in large letters on the monitor, and Dipper screwed his eyes as he tried to think through potential passwords. Knowing Gideon…

“WIDDLEGIDEON” appeared on the screen as he typed and disappeared just as quickly. “WELCOME, GIDEON” followed it, and Dipper held a small celebration in his head as he watched the monitors flicker to life. HIs jaw fell as revealed Gideon’s secret.

“Yes!” Dipper cheered as a grin split his face. This was exactly what they needed to expose Gideon. His celebration came to an abrupt stop as the sound of engines starting sounded through the walls. Creeping to the door and opening it just slightly, he watched as Gideon confronted his siblings with a giant robotic arm. And next to the one attacking them, was another laying idly on the ground. Turning to the sleeve on the workbench, Dipper smiled as a plan began to form.  
888888888888888888  
The arm came flying down, faster than either of the Pines had thought possible, directly at Mabel. Moving as quickly as he could, Mikey shoved her away, just in time to be snatched up in the massive hand himself. Mabel watched from the ground as her brother struggled to escape the mechanical grip and Gideon lifted him higher.  
“You see?” Gideon cried gleefully “You can’t defeat me, no one can!. Join me Mabel, and I’ll rule this town with you as my queen.”

“Never” Mabel screamed defiantly as she picked herself up off the ground.

Gideon smiled condescendingly as he shook his head slowly. “You’ll see things my way eventually.” He looked up at the robotic fist with a grin. “There might even be a place for you Michael, you were more competition than Stanford ever was.”

Mikey glared as he shook his head. “Me work for you? In your dreams you little…” He was cut off as Gideon tightened his grip with a cruel smirk and forced a choked scream from Mikey’s battered body. “You know,” Mikey choked out as he struggled to regain his breath. “maybe we can work something out.”

“I knew you’d come around.” Gideon said with a grin. “Mabel?”

Mabel looked desperately for a way out. They had been so close to winning, so close to getting their home back. She looked up and watched her brother struggle against the steel fist that held him. She hoped Dipper came to help soon… and as if summoned by her wish the second arm, unnoticed in the piles of scrap, rose from its position and then swiftly grabbed for the equally stunned Gideon.

Gideon only barely managed to escape by dropping to the ground and rolling away, swinging Mikey wildly as the robotic arm tried, and failed, to mimic his movements. “Let him go, Gideon!” Dipper yelled as he stalked toward the fallen fraud. 

“N...now, don’t come any closer! Any more funny business and I’ll crush him!” Gideon yelled as he regained his feet, eyeing the two, suddenly much more confident, Pines much more warily.

Mikey groaned as Gideon tightened his grip once again, and his siblings looked to him and then each other as they tried to think of a way through this standoff. Unknown to the others, MIkey’s groan had been just as much from disappointment as pain. He had been inches away from the glowing stone in his pocket. With it, he was sure he could get out from this death grip, and that was all of Gideon’s leverage gone. He just needed Gideon to loosen up, just a little, just for a second.

“Gideon,” Mikey wheezed as he strained against the metallic grip. “How do you think is going to go if you actually kill me?” Gideon didn’t reply, but the grimace that flashed across his face was enough answer for Mikey. “Look, we don’t know why you want the Shack, and frankly I don’t care. We just want our home back. We…” Mikey trailed off, scowling. “We could make a deal.”

Gideon narrowed his eyes at the stony faces of Dipper and Mabel before he turned to look up at their other sibling. “Well Michael, what exactly did you have in mind?”

Dipper and Mabel shared a concerned glance and shuffled their feet nervously. They didn’t like where this was going, making a deal with Gideon was the exact opposite of what they came here to do, but did they really have a choice? They looked up at their brother and he looked back. There was no slight shake of the head, no hidden message was sent or received, but they understood each other all the same. Mikey turned back to Gideon. “Just give us the deed. You can keep the journal, we’ll even let you look for whatever you think is hidden here. We just need the Shack back.”

Gideon narrowed his eyes, considering the offer. He turned to gauge the reaction of the other Pines, and as he did his grip loosened, almost imperceptibly but just enough. A strange green glow surrounded the robotic fist as Mikey wrapped his hand around the amulet, and the sound of grinding gears filled the air as he dropped to the ground.

“My amul…!” Gideon’s indigent scream was cut short as a grappling hook knocked the wind from his lungs and sent him to the ground.

Mikey was also left breathless as he hit the ground but he quickly picked himself up. Gideon hung in the air one of the robotic arms holding him by the collar. Underneath him lay two red books. Picking them both up, Mikey handed Journal 3 to Dipper and quickly looked over the other. Identical in most respects, except for the large two in the middle of the six-fingered hand. Michael smirked harshly as he stepped closer to the white-haired boy. “So, Gideon, what are you gonna do without your little book?”

Gideon paled as he looked down at his captors. “You won’t get away with this! I’ll get you, I swear it!”

Ignoring Gideon’s indignant ranting, the triplets were quite ready to run back to their grunkle and return his deed. Unfortunately, of a police siren and tires on gravel brought their plan to a stop. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland came running from the other side of the Shack, closely followed by a large crowd of townspeople, reporters, and Toby Determined. “Gideon!” Durland yelled as the two officers approached the suspended boy. “Oh, good heavens! What on earth happened here?”

 

“It was the Pines twins! They attacked me!”

Dipper and Mabel’s first instinct was to protest, but the words died in their throat when they realized Gideon wasn’t exactly wrong. A nervous look passed between them. The truth had never stopped Mikey though. “Officers, please. We were just horsing around, you know? Kids being kids.”

 

The disarming smile on Mikey’s face disappeared as Sheriff Blubs shook his head. “Sorry kids, but we trust Gideon. And nothing short of a miracle would ever change our…”

“Wait! Stop everything! I've got somethin' to say!” The frantic shouts could be heard from a familiar El Dorado that came to a stop by hitting the parked police car after narrowly avoiding the rest of the crowd. Stan climbed out of the car and rushed to stand beside his niblings and face the crowd. “You guys all think Gideon is so perfect and honest, ‘Oh! I could never tell a lie! I'm Gideon!’” He mocked.

 

“He's more honest than you!”

 

“Yeah! And he's psychic too!”

Stan scowled at the protests from the crowd and shouted to make himself heard. “No, he’s not! He’s been using these pins as hidden cameras to spy on everyone, and my hearing aid picked up the interference.” He tried to explain holding up the small pin.

A great collective scoff and rolling of the eyes came from the crowd. “I don’t suppose you have any proof, do you?” Blubbs asked mockingly.

“Well, actually…” Dipper interrupted, stepping in front of the sheriff with a broad grin. “If you’ll follow me, I think you’ll find all the evidence you need.”

A look passed between deputy and sheriff, broken as barely controlled snickers turned into belly laughs. The two men slapped knees and grasped sides, while the Pines glared, waiting for them to get control of themselves. “Oh, alright City Boy,” Blubbs said as he caught his breath, Durland still choking back laughter behind him. “Why don’t you show us this ‘evidence.’”

Dipper, refusing to dignify the sheriff with a response, marched to the door in the robot’s leg. The crowd followed closely behind, leaving Gideon to claw at the robotic grip holding him. When the crowd had gathered, Dipper swung the door open, bathing everyone the light of the screens. “So officers, is this enough evidence?” Dipper asked as the crowd stepped closer, a murmur of shock rolling through them. On every screen was a recording of some private moment of someone's life. From Lazy Susan cooking in the diner to Toby Determined in the hospital.

“Ha! Who's the fraud now?” Stan crowed gleefully as he crushed the little gideon pin on the ground. The crowds shock quickly turned to anger as they followed his example.

 

Gideon giggled nervously as the furious crowd approached him. “Gideon, we gave you our trust…” Durland said quietly, nearly drowned out by Manly Dan’s near roar next to him.

“You LIED to us!”

“Please, I... It's not what it looks like…” Gideon stuttered out as he renewed his struggle to free himself. “What are you gonna do with me?” He finally asked as it became abundantly clear that he was stuck.

“Tyler?” Durland as he turned to the teary-eyed enthusiasm enthusiast.

“Get 'im…” Tyler choked out, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Get 'im!”

Manly Dan grabbed the suspended child and with one harsh tug ripped the back off his suit and deposited him on the ground. “Lil' Gideon, you are under arrest for conspiracy, fraud, and breaking our hearts.” Blubbs said before turning to his partner. “Durland, the tiny handcuffs.”

 

Stan stepped forward, stopping the officers as they led Gideon to a patrol car. “Just one more thing.” He said as he reached for his rival, stopping when he heard Mikey clear his throat.

“We already have the deed, Grunkle Stan.” He said with a smirk, holding up the aforementioned document.

Stan let out a bark of laughter as he grabbed the deed and pulled the triplets into a one-armed hug. “Should’ve known you kids had things handled.”

“Here you have it.” Local reporter Sandra Jimenez announced as she stepped in front of the family. “Local hero Stanford Pines has just exposed Li'l Gideon as a fraud. Anything you have to say to the town, Stanford?”

There was only one thing that could be said. “The Mystery Shack is back, baby!”  
88888888888888888  
Only a few days had passed since reclaiming the Mystery Shack, and in that time the Pines had successfully settled back into their home. The roof had been repaired, the Mystery Shack was more popular than ever, and the triplets had talked long into the night about the secrets they’d been keeping. In the attic, Mabel was putting up the last of her posters while Dipper and Mikey relaxed on their beds at the end of a long day working at the Shack. “Hey, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel Greeted as their Grunkle peeked through the door.

“Uh, you kiddos settlin' back in okay?”

Mabel Jumped up from the bed. “Yep! All of my favorite moldy spots on the ceiling are still there! Even you, Daryl.”

“Hey, Grunkle Stan,”Dipper started slowly, sitting up in bed. “We’ve been talking, And I think there's something we should finally tell you.” Stan raised an eyebrow at the ominous words and sat down next to Dipper on the bed. Mikey and Mabel joined the pair, nodding their agreement. “This is a journal I found in the woods. It talks about all the crazy stuff that goes on in Gravity Falls.” Dipper explained as he handed Journal 3 to Stan.

“Gideon had this one and seemed obsessed with getting ours.” Mikey continued as he pulled Journal 2 from its hiding place and handed it to Stan. 

“We don't know what it means, or who wrote them. But, after all, we've been through, maybe you should finally know about it.” Dipper finished solemnly.

Stan silently flipped through the books, face expressionless, before closing them and turning to the kids.” I'm glad you showed me this, kids…” The moment ended when Stan let out a deep belly laugh and stood up. “Now I know where you've been getting it all from! Spookums and monsters. This spooky book has been filling your head with crazy conspiracies!”

“But it's all real!”

“Grunkle Stan, we’ve seen all sorts of stuff from the Journals.”

Stan chuckled and shook his head. “You gotta quit readin' this fantasy nonsense for your own good. Although some of these would make great attractions! Can't come up with this stuff! Mind if I borrow these?” Stan asked, walking out of the room without waiting for a response

 

“Wait, no! Grunkle Stan! I need it!” Dipper protested as Stan disappeared down the stairs.

“C’mon, Dipstick,” Mikey said, slinging an arm around his brother’s shoulder. “You did just fine without that book.”

“Yeah, you didn’t need the journal to find that evidence and beat Gideon, and you don’t need it now.”

“Whoa. Thanks, guys.” Dipper said with a small smile, before frowning and turning back to the door. “I still want them back though.”

“I'm sure we'll get them back. What would a boring old man like Stan want with those books anyway?” Mabel reassured him.

Before they could think on that any further, a cardboard box burst open and two streams of water soaked the triplets. “Soos-ed!” Soos yelled as he jumped out of the box and ran from the room. The triplets, dripping wet and laughing, followed him, all thoughts of the Journals forgotten for now.  
888888888888888888  
Later that night, Stan Pines walked through the dark of the gift shop. He stopped at the vending machine, into the shadows to ensure that he was alone. A code was punched into the pad, and Stan was gone down a set of stairs that came to an end in front of an elevator. Another code was entered and Stan descended ever deeper. Stan stepped out, into a space filled with the blinking lights and sound of computer terminals. Ignoring these, he continued forward, stopping at desk lit with a small lamp, and a picture of himself and the triplets they had taken on Family Fun Day. But stan didn’t stop to look at it either, as he pulled out the two journals the children had given him. “After all these years.” He said quietly as he pulled a third journal from a shelf on the desk. “Finally, I have them all.” Stan opened each Journal to a page showing some schematic and arranged the books so that the complete picture sat before him.

 

Constantly looking back to the Journals, Stan busies himself flipping switches, pulling levers, and pressing buttons, in a seemingly random order. With each action, the crackle of electricity or grinding of gears can be heard, and as he finishes his task he can see, in an empty clearing of the underground lab, a massive inverted triangle begin to light up. “It's working!” He yelled to himself, half in pride and half in shock as he ran to stand before the massive piece of technology.

Stan pushes a large lever that sits in front of the triangular structure, and it responds by fully awakening, symbols along its rim begin to glow, lightning crackles out from it, and in the center were a hole sits in its body a bright white light glows. “Here we go.” Stan says to himself, staring proudly into the light as he feels the wind blowing in form the strange portal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is all of what I already have written, hopefully, it won't be too long until I start posting Season 2. Until then, I hope you enjoy "Three's a Carm"

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter of "Three's A Charm" I have plans for this story to continue for a long time, so strap in.  
> 1-12-4 18-8-19-17 2-5-7-9-12-17 *-19-17-18 1-12-13-18-8-5-16 18-16-9-14-10-5-18 1-19


End file.
